Sesame Street Massacre
He sits on a rooftop, gazing down at all the passers-by. He sneers, knowing many of them are about to die. He begins to methodically load his riffle. As he is doing this, he thinks about the events that drove him to such an act…
It was a normal evening. He had run the bath water, perfectly warm with bubbles almost going over the edge of the tub. He lovingly placed the yellow rubber ducky in the water. Then he called the love of his life into the bathroom. "Ernie, the bath is ready. Won't you come join me", he said, coyly. The response he got was the same one he had gotten every night for the past two weeks. "Gee Bert, I'm really sleepy. I'll just take a shower in the morning."Infuriated, disappointed, and horny again, Bert angrily drains the tub and hops in the shower. A half an hour later, he gets into bed. He turns to Ernie, to say goodnight but finds him asleep. He sighs and rolls over and does the same. The next day however, would prove to be the last straw.
He was walking down the street on his way to Mr. Hooper's Grocery store. He passes by a small group of people gathered beneath the window of Maria's apartment. They were all huddled and whispering when he edged closer for the gossip. He gets close to Telly and asks him "What's going on?" Instantly the whole group goes quiet and stares at Bert. Some glance at the window then back at Bert fearfully. Others just stare with a shocked expression. "What?" He asks, suddenly self-conscious. He makes his way to the window. He lifts himself so that he can peek into the window. What he sees drives him over the edge. Inside are Ernie and Maria mid coitus. They are on the floor; Maria's legs are in the air with Ernie between them, plowing into her. They are moaning and screaming loudly. Bert lets go and turns away from the window, his face ashen. He walks away from the scene quietly. His head is down, as he heads for home. When he gets there, he heads straight for the bathroom. He is so disgusted he vomits. How could he, he thinks. He sits on the toilet, shaking. Slowly he looks around at nothing then he spots Ernie's beloved rubber ducky. He picks it up and starts to throw it at the mirror when a thought strikes him. Ernie has hurt him so many times. Ernie should pay. He lowers his arm and looks at the bath toy. Yes Ernie should pay. What is that Mister Ducky? The knife? In the kitchen? Yes, oh yes Ernie will pay, they will all pay. He sneers at his reflection while he slowly strokes the rubber ducky.
Hour's later Ernie returns home. The apartment is pitch black as he stumbles around to find a lamp. Light suddenly invades the room. Sitting in an armchair is Bert. On his lap rested rubber ducky and a knife."Hey Bert, watcha doing in the dark, buddy?" Ernie asked Bert nervously. He looked from the knife to Bert's face. "Hey, Bert?""I was going to Mr. Hooper's today, to pick up more of your favorite jam. Do you know what I got instead?" Bert said slowly, his thumb stroking the head of the rubber bath toy."Gee, um… No Bert, what did you get," he said slowly trying to maneuver his way back to the door."I got the shock of my life, is what I got Ernie. What could you possibly think that might have been? Hmm gee, could it have possibly been my watching you plow that fat old cow Maria. Could it have been my witnessing your utter betrayal? Maybe that was what it was, hmm Ernie. DON'T YOU THINK SO ERNIE." Bert raved at his lover, rising violently from the chair. He held the knife in one hand, psycho style. In the other was the rubber ducky. "WHY DID YOU DO IT ERNIE. WHY DID YOU DO IT…" he screamed and ran at Ernie, knife hand raised hi, poised to take its homicidal plunge. Ernie turned and attempted to reach the door. Bert's knife plunged deep into Ernie's back. "Nooooooooo…" he screamed as Bert stabbed him repeatedly. He twitched and writhed then was quiet. Bert continued to stab over and over long after the body lay still. Tears of pain and anguish fell down his batting and felt covered face. He wiped away the tears, cotton filling the crawled into a corner, and watched the body until sunup.
As the sun, rose Bert came to a number of conclusions. They all knew. Every one of those conniving assholes. Those false friends, they all betrayed him. They should all pay. This he thought as he sat rocking in the corner. He was still holding the rubber ducky. It was this symbol of his love for Ernie that spurred all these ideas of malice and hate. All these things he figured out inn the dark of his corner watching the dead body of his lover. He went to the closet and pulled out the riffle Ernie's used for hunting. He laughed as the rudder ducky said to Bert that now he would be the one doing the hunting. He should have been disturbed by the fact that this inanimate object started to speak to him, but he was not. He was simply mad with rage and sorrow… Bert thought of all this as he readied himself for the task at hand. He lay on his stomach, and pointed his weapon at those walking on the street below. The rubber ducky sat at his side, chanting "Kill, kill, kill them all". He smiled as he picks out his first target. When he saw her, his heart skipped a beat. It was Maria, walking jauntily down the street. Gleefully, he takes aim and pulls the trigger. Screams erupt as the ugly cunt fell dead, a gaping hole where her face used to be. Confident now, he takes aim again, his next target, Telly. He laughed when he took out Big Bird, then Snuffy. Oscar next then Grover, Mr. Hooper, and Cookie Monster. Then he saw Elmo trying to run for cover, he took aim and put a hole right through his stomach. He fell over and Bert muttered "never liked that little fucker anyway".By the time, he ran out of bullets, blood, felt, and cotton stuffing littered Sesame Street.
He stood and surveyed the damage below. He laughed maniacally as he watched. Some one pointed at him from the street as those who survived look up. Bert gets nervous now; he looks towards rubber ducky. His head begins to clear as what he has done sinks in. He looks around, horrified now."Oh, my God, what have I done." He whirls around, a caddy of police officers storm the roof and surround him. Bert backs all the way to the edge of the roof. He looks at the carnage below one more time. Tears fall down his face as he tips backward. 'We will be in hell together, Ernie' was his last thought as he slammed into the pavement below. Cotton stuffing oozed from his shattered felt head. The next day the headlines of newspapers read "Massacre on Sesame Street" and "All is not sunny on Sesame Street." That day, the world mourned for those who died, scandal, and accusation ran rampart. It was worse when Ernie's body was found three days later. From then on, Sesame Street was forever know as Sorrow Street, and Bert was a name that lived in infamy.