Yeah, hi. I'm writing fanfictions. Yay me. This one has an OC, get over yourself, it's still good. Yes, it's Miamay. Yes, I have another FF account. No, I'm not a loser. Yes, I have a life.

Hidan: She does, actually.

Thank you. Disclaimer?

I write for fun, not profit.

...

Chapter 1: Semi-Hardened Ink Is Fucking Blue!

Hidan rolled over and slammed a hand on his alarm clock. Groaning, he sat up and blinked the last of the sleep from his eyes.

"Damn… stupid deadlines, seriously." He grumbled, throwing his legs off the bed and standing, stretching and cracking his back. He took a step foreward and-

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK?"

"What was that, Hidan?" The voice of his best friend- though they didn't really act like it- Kakuzu sounded.

"DAMN YOU, MONEYBAGS! YOU LEFT YOUR JASHIN-DAMNED TACKS IN THE FLOOR AGAIN, SERIOUSLY!!"

"My bad."

"IT WILL BE YOUR BAD IN A SECOND!"

Cursing under his breath, he rubbed his sore foot and yanked on a pair of black jeans and hooked his silver stud belt around his waist and headed down stairs to confront his black haired roommate.

"Breakfast?" The man held out the pan of omlets. A peace offering. Well, he supposed he could let it go this once…

"Damn straight." He said, grabbing one and flipping it onto his plate.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Kakuzu spoke.

"So, how long until the deadline?"

"Eight weeks."

"Not very long."

"I know. I still have at least six chapters left to write and my writer's block has only gotten worse, seriously."

"Maybe you should take a little break. Go out for a while, just relax." Kakuzu suggested. "I heard that helps."

"I guess I'll try it, then." Hidan said, shrugging. "Couldn't hurt, seriously."

And that's how he found himself walked through the streets, looking around at the unfamiliar places. He frowned. He really needed to get out more. The only places he knew were Starbucks and the music store.

He went with Starbucks.

"Hey, it's our favorite customer, un!" Deidara called cheerfully. Hidan gave a small wave and inhaled the delightful scent of coffee beans and chocolate.

"My usual." He called, sitting at his corner booth.

"I'll have Miamay ring it up, un." Deidara replied.

"Who?"

"She's our new worker, yeah."

"Seriously?" He sat back. He knew she wouldn't last long, no matter how tough she was. No new employee had ever survived Sasori's cold stare, Tori's constant bitchiness, nor his need to insult and cuss out everyone and everything.

"Here ya go." A tired voice said, inturrupting his thoughts. His eyes traveled upwards slowely.

Woah. He thought in his head. He went from barely visible thighs (due to the table) to a gorgeous set of hips to a thin, flat stomach to a small-medium chest- Disporportionate, he thought, amused- to a slender neck to a pretty face. Her skin was a flawless alabaster, her hair, blacker than black and long, to the small of her back, with bangs that hung in eyes that were pupiless and bloodred with dark purple shadows haunting them. Her nose was- dare he say it- cute, and her lips, voluptuous and full, were curled into a smirk.

"If you're quite through undressing me with your eyes, fucking pervert, can you take your damned coffee?" She snapped out, and he was startled by her voice. It reminded him of a glacier- cold, yet beautiful.

"What the hell ever. And I'm not a fucking pervert, bitch." He snarled, grabbing his coffee. She cocked an eyebrow and turned away, her long black hair swishing in his face. He watched her walk away, feeling blessed by Jashin to get an eyeful of this. She wasn't beautiful, but she was cute. Almost sexy. But not beautiful.

"Miamay, that coffee's not going to make itself."

"I'm working on it!" She snapped, and Hidan nearly choked on his coffee. No one spoke to Sasori like that and got away alive- at least, not that he'd heard of.

Sasori's eyes widdened and he- laughed?

"Well, work on it faster." He said. Still chuckling, he walked around to the back.

Hidan's mouth dropped open and he rubbed his eyes.

"Did I wake up this morning?" He muttered. "The only explaination for this is a dream. No way could there be a cute girl with a badass attitude who can stand up to Sasori and I in the same hour."

"Talking to yourself, Hida-chan?" A cheery voice interrupted his thoughts. He blinked and there was Satori, sitting across from him.

"Fuck off, seriously."

"Ah, the sound of sweet love." She sighed, pretending to swoon at his words. "Get up on the wrong side of the bed today?"

"'Kuzu left his damn tacks on the fucking floor again."

"Ouch. Pleasant."

"Not really."

"So," She said, changing the subject. "How do you like Mia-chan?"

Mia-chan? What was wrong with the world? Was he the only sane being on planet Earth?

"You look bewildered. What's up?"

"The worlds messed up, seriously!"

"Huh?"

"This girl can't be real!"

"… You're losing me, Hida-chan."

"She's got a killer body and she can out-jerk Sasori, almost out-swear me and she's turned you into a female!" He said, gesturing at her outfit, which was a red and black miniskirt with a black t-shirt and black fingerless gloves. Satori frowned at him.

"I've always been a female. As for the Sasori thing, she's our cousin. And as for the out-swearing you, she's a Jashinist." Tori informed him. His eyes popped out- not literally, of course.

"Killer body, badass attitude, and she's a fucking Jashinist? What the FUCK, seriously?!?!?"

"Oookaaay… Hida-chan, you're creeping me out. I think you need more coffee, okay? Okay. I'll get it."

She scooted off the bench and walked to the coffee machine. He closed his eyes and waited.

Not more than thirty seconds later, he heard a soft thump.

"That was quick, seriously." He said, cracking an eye.

"Hmm. Really."

"WOAH! Where'd you come from?" He shouted, jumping a mile and hitting his knee on the table. While he rubbed his bruise, she smirked and rested her chin in her hand.

"So, you're the Notorious Hidan, Jashinist Expert and Swearing Extraordinaire." She purred in a voice like velvet. "I'm sure you already know my name."

"Yeah." Two could play the Name Game. "The Infamous Miamay, Master of Changing Attitudes and Female Jashinst Extraordinaire." He countered. She laughed and sat back, her eyes drifting shut.

"Don't you have to get back to work?"

"Nah-ope. Break."

"Fuckin' bitch gets all the damn luck." He swore under his breath.

"Love you too, koi." She said without opening her eyes.

"What are you, fucking bionic?" He snapped, annoyed with her already. She opened an eye and grinned a half-grin that made her seem almost, almost beautiful.

"Sorry, I'm not into albinos." She replied.

"Not into albinos? You are a fucking albino!"

"The hell you talking about?" she snapped, but the slight flush of her cheeks told him he was right.

"Red eyes and alabaster skin don't fucking belong to a normal person. And your hair has got to be fucking dyed, seriously. No one has hair the color of semihardened ink."

"Look, you stupid motherfucker," She snarled, standing and slamming her hands on the table and giving Hidan a nice view of her cleavage. "Semi-hardened ink has a Jashin-damned blue tint! Does my fucking hair look fucking blue to you, you fucking moron? My fucking hair is fucking natural, you fucking freak!" And she was gone.

He blinked in surprise. He hadn't really meant to piss her off. That seemed to happen a lot when he was talking to people. Kakuzu had told him one time that he was the male equivalent of a bitch because he always 'spoke his mind' and 'made females feel ugly' or some shit like that.

"Well, you did a good job of pissing Miamay off. She's just been given the day off. You get to see her in non-work clothes with all her piercings! Huzzah for you." Tori said unenthusiastically, plopping down across from him.

"I didn't mean to piss her off, seriously!"

"I know. She gets easily pissed off, though. Don't worry about it; she'll have forgotten about it in an hour."

On cue, there were footsteps and the ice-voice called, "Tor, you coming?"

"Hang up a minute," She called back. Hidan looked for the source of the ice-voice and nearly had a heart attack.

The girl he'd managed to piss off beyond all reason had changed from decent black dress pants, a black shirt, and the normal Starbucks apron to black skinnies with white hearts and red skulls scattered across them, a red long-sleeved T-shirt that had "I EAT SPOONS!" written across it, white graffiti converse with black and white checkered ankle socks, and an overcoat that reached mid-thigh.

He dared to look at her face and saw she now had a nose piercing, lip piercings, and five ear piercings. Her finishing touch was rather thick, yet very tidy, eyeliner.

"Well, bye, Hida-chan." Tori said, standing and grabbing her jacket.

"Yeah, see you later, Hida-chan." Miamay smirked and the two left the coffee shop.

He blinked.

"Uh, check please."