AN: Written for ask-mamaumbridge on a certain web site. Inspired by one of the most hilarious conversations I have ever read about Twilight. I tried to keep the writing style similar to Stephanie's, although it was quite hard lowering my skill level.
He could smell it, the strong scent of. . . it. Edward stealthily crept through the yard and silently jumped onto the window sill. The scent was stronger, intoxicating. Taking a deep whiff of the slightly fishy scent he crawled across the floor towards his prey, like giant, big. . . Mountain cat.
Finally he was kneeling before the bed, her bed. His Bella-boo-bear. With a ferocious snarl he jumped upon her, "YOUR BLOOD IS MINE!" he shouted gleefully, his cold, granite, icy, pale, granitey marble skin grazed her own warm, human skin.
Bella screamed in surprise and somehow fell out of bed and knocked her head against all four walls, the ceiling and the bathroom sink. She knew why he was here, what he was.
"Edward, how did you get here? Why are you here?" She looked at him in pure confusion, totally forgetting that she already knew the answers to her questions.
"Your period blood, I crave it. . . I need it to sustain my hunger." He grinned at her, his eyes were dark and fierce as he lowered his gaze to her womanly woman-ness called a vagina. Not that he had much experience with those in his 108 years of life. "I have come to be your tampon!" And he pounced upon the clumsy girl who was officially older than him but still around 80 years younger.