THE BURG WAY

By

Dimaris

Here I was standing in a long line around the deli counter at Giovichinnis Meat Market waiting to buy Sunday brunch cold cuts for the Plum household. My mother insisted. She, as always, was attending mass with Grandma Mazur. Plum is short for Plumerri. Ellis Island took care of the abbreviation some time back. Since Helen Mazur married Frank Plum, I am blessed with an interesting combination of genes. On the Italian side are Catholic guilt, required family gatherings and hot tempers. On the Hungarian side, or according to my grandmother the Gypsy side, are crazy hormones, fast metabolism, and quick vengeance. Oh, and lets not forget independence and stubbornness. No wonder Im a walking disaster. Can we say conflicted!

Spotting an empty chair near the cold meat case I dropped onto the seat with a sigh. Tired as I was from chasing Mr. Maglio through half the Burg, it would have been very unpleasant if I didnt obey my mothers wishes. The Burg is shorthand for Chambersburg, a well-defined, insular section of Trenton, New Jersey. I was born there and, according to my mother, had better live and die there.

Not only was I tired but, unfortunately and as usual, my clothes were covered with a smelly, recognizable substance. This can happen when you trip over a garbage bag filled with used kitty litter. Ugh! After my errand I was definitely going to need a shower again. I work as a bounty hunter aka bond enforcement agent aka skip tracer and my unorthodox method of catching skips has a major impact on the water supply. Pretty soon the landlord will start charging me a usage fee. The good news is after last nights crying jag my nose was so stuffed up I couldnt smell the odor. The bad news is everyone around me wasnt that lucky. Thats another reason I got out of line. It seemed kinder to the other customers.

Why was I crying? Lately Ive been doing a lot of that, especially after the Saturday night dinners at my parents house. Last night, though, was the worst. You see, Mom usually lectures me on proper Burg etiquette and the fact that I wont abide by it. Proper etiquette for a female is marrying after you graduate high school, settling down to keep a perfect home for your husband, and bearing more than one child. Ive already done the marriage part and it didnt end well. Hell, theyre still talking about it.

But last night she yelled at me at the dinner table about my job, my friends, my single status and improper behavior, ending with her declaring me unfit and an embarrassment as a daughter. She also said she wished I had never been born. The others sitting around the table listened to her rant but never came to my defense. To be honest, my Grandma looked sad, my father was tense and my sister and her family seemed just uncomfortable. Remembering the ugly scene, I sat in my chair with tears falling down my face. I hate crying in public. Hell, I hate crying in front of anyone; but I just couldnt help feeling the pain and hurt caused by her words.

Maria Giovichinni stood about a foot away from me asking if there was anything she could do. Then Leta Juniak came over to check on me, too. Maria and her family own the market; shes considered a pillar of propriety in the Burg. Letas husband, Joe, is the current Trenton Chief of Police and my grandmothers relation thirty or so times removed. As the story goes, one of Grandmas Hungarian ancestors got together with Joes Polish folks and joined the families. Did I mention the Burg was insular? Everyone is related to everybody else and they all think they have the right to know each others darkest secrets.

Trying to control my tears I thanked Maria and Leta for their concern but didnt want to burden them with my troubles. Thats code for please leave me alone to handle my own problems. Somehow, I didnt think my mother would be happy if I reported what happened last night to the two most respectable matrons in town. Alas, this is the Burg and secrets are not allowed.

Maria quietly asked, Stephanie, whats wrong? Are you hurt?

Leta added, Can your Uncle Joe help at all?

At that point I broke down and began to sob choking out No, no one can help with this one. Its a family thing. Oh shit, did I just say that? Talk about opening the chicken coop and inviting in the foxes. Rats!

Maria immediately patted my shoulder and Leta knelt in front of me dabbing my cheeks with a lovely linen hanky. Shes going to have to boil it in bleach to remove the stench. They both hustled me into an upstairs bathroom leaving me to shower. When finished, I found Maria had left a clean butchers smock for me to wear; she and Leta were waiting for me in a lounge area with the customary cake and coffee. Coffee cake serves as Burg chicken soup. Anything can be resolved with cake and coffee and any respectable housewife must have it on hand at a moments notice. Let the inquisition commence.

Maria began, Stephanie, what do you mean its a family thing? Are your parents okay? Did something happen to Grandma Mazur? Was there an accident?

All I could do was shake my head hoping against hope she would let it go. Of course, thats not going to happen.

Leta continued, Look, Steph, you know you can tell us anything and well work through the problem with you. After all, were family. Is somebody causing trouble for your family? What do Frank and Ellen say?

That last question was all it took for me to break down again and sob out, Thats the trouble. Mom said I was such a disappointment she wished Id never been born! The air in the room reminded me of an electrical storm as they hissed in fury. I begged them not to tell anyone and, most of all, not to tell my mother. Shed probably run me out of town. After all, her position in society was all she cared about. When emotions began to calm, the ladies asked me why Ellen would say such a thing to her child, surely I must have misunderstood. Sometime during the ordeal I surrendered and began to tell them about my relationship with my family going all the way back to my outrageous divorce. I explained Moms insistence on the marriage and how she said it was my fault for my husbands cheating ways; my resistance to marrying the local Italian stallion after he took my virginity in a pastry shop then ran for the hills; and my inability to settle down, learn to cook and have the requisite number of children. To put it mildly, the women were appalled.

You see, in the Italian Burg, family is everything and a mother stood by her child no matter what the sin. To talk to that child as my Mom had spoken to me was tantamount to a crime against nature. I decided to try to ease the situation by assuring them that Mom and the stallions mother were convinced my life would be ruined if I didnt marry him immediately. While I was at it I needed to ditch my job, my friends and my shabby apartment; but I just cant do that.

Maria offered to have one of her delivery guys take the cold cuts to my mother with her compliments. Then Leta insisted she drive me to my apartment to clean up and relax for the rest of the day. I really couldnt refuse their kindness. I desperately needed to be alone so I could prepare for the fallout my verbal diarrhea was sure to cause. Maybe it would be better to run away; thats worked before, albeit for a very short time.

At my place the first order of business was to cut off my phones, lock down the door and get back in the shower. Id stopped crying sometime during my confession so now I just wanted to sleep and deny the whole thing ever took place. Good luck with that, Stephanie. Id barely dozed off when there was loud pounding on my front door. Wonder if they would just go away. Right! Crawling out of bed I peeped through the little hole to see how bad this could be; looks like horrible hardly covers it. Standing there were two people, their faces way past angry and well into apopletic. Shit! It was my mother and the stallion. Oh, his name is Joe Morelli, a Trenton police detective. Guess I should have covered that before, but I try really hard not to think about him at all or his penchant for yelling at me in front of God and country. So, I crawled back in bed after engaging the floor bolt then locking the bedroom door.

It was time to call my black knight. I hated to bother him with crap like this but he was the only person who might be able to save me. Ranger and I had a lot of history but hed always been there for me no matter what and I knew this situation was beyond me. Turning on my cell phone and ignoring the zillion messages, I punched speed dial #1.

Ranger answered on the first ring with his customary Yo.

Ranger, I need your help. Can you come over right now?

Babe, whats going on and whats that noise?

Joe and my mother are yelling and pounding on my door making threats if I dont open it. Im very sorry to bother you with this, but I just cant take this anymore. Its been a really bad few days.

Im on my way. Heard about the Maglio takedown, Im proud of you, Steph.

Thanks, cause youre the only one. When you get here, Ill try to explain this mess. All I really want to do is run away but Im just too tired to do it.

Understand, Babe, Im just pulling into your parking lot. Ill take care of it. Hang in there.

Two minutes later the pounding stopped but the yelling turned into screaming. Even the elderly deaf tenants were probably calling the police. Once again its my damned fault. Please, Batman, make them all go away. And he did but I dont know how.

Minutes later the golden silence was slightly broken by Ranger entering my bedroom. For years I thought he was smoke, since no locks can deter him from entering anywhere. These days I think it must be part of Army Ranger Special Operatives training. He used to be one. Hell, maybe he still is. Who knows? His name is Ricardo Carlos Manoso and he now owns a security firm with a bunch of employees all buff males. Hes of Cuban heritage and his physical beauty is stunning. When he smiles, women are stunned on a regular basis. Am I immune? Nope. Believe me, its a challenge.

He sat on my bed, stroked my hair and asked me to tell him what happened. So I unloaded the whole ugly story. See, despite his threatening image Ive always trusted Ranger completely and never had cause to lose that trust. Hes helped me, saved me, protected me and held me when things go bad. Pulling me into his arms he held me and saved me again. Once more he made the bad people go away.

Babe, what do you want to do now? It looks like theyre never going to leave you alone until you make them. Remember, you gave them the power to hurt you; only you can take it back. What can I do to help?

Youre right but...I really hate to ask thiswould you go with me? I know I sound like a coward but Im not sure I have the strength to face them alone.

Any time you need me in any way, Ill always be there for you. Just tell me and Im there. Stephanie, you shouldnt have to do this all alone. Hell, theyre ganging up on you. Its time you had a gang of your own. Actually, that might be fun to watch, he said with a grin.

Id like to confront all my family with Joe present. What do you think?

I think its a good idea. It would be like ripping off a band-aid; its better done all at once.

Yeah, thats what Im thinking; but how do we go about it? Invite them all over to my parents house?

Looking pensive for a moment he said, Steph, what do you think about inviting them all to a restaurants private dining room? Theyll think its a party. That way its your turf, your control.

Now that might work. Batman, I like how you think sneaky. We both laughed. We had a plan and it might be a good one. Only time would tell.

Looking around Rossinis private room, everyone was in their place. Id even invited Maria Giovichinni and Leta Juniak. It seemed only right since they were there at the beginning. That way when this day was over the news would be reported correctly through the grapevine. Otherwise, my mother and Joe would alter the facts to their satisfaction. Not this time!

True to his word Ranger had brought my gang made up of his core team, Lester Santos, Bobby Brown and Tank. I dont know Tanks real name but since hes built like one it seems safer not to ask. Rangers men were positioned around the perimeter of the room looking grim-faced and ready.

Standing at the head of the table, I took a deep breath, glanced at Ranger for courage, and began. You were asked here so I can respond to the problems you have with how I live my life. They are:

I wont quit my job; I wont marry Joe; I wont become a Burg housewife; I wont marry or have children, at least not now; I wont abandon my friends, those being Lula, Connie, Mary Lou, Ranger and the Rangemen; I wont continue to attend Saturday night family meals; and Im sick and tired of my so-called friends betting on my life.

Those of you who are on board with that, I thank you. Those who arent, so be it. Im taking my life back. When this meeting is over, Im sure Maria and Leta will be kind enough to report the outcome to all interested parties. Do I make myself clear?

What you all have put me through over the past years has hurt; not the least of which is my mother telling me she wishes I was never born. Ellen, it can be arranged. From this moment on Im no longer your daughter. Dad, you and Grandma have always been there for me, but youve never stood up to my mother or protected me from her vicious rants. That said, I would still like you to be part of my family and my life.

Joe, if you continue to berate me in public or private, I will file harassment charges against you with the police. Ive had enough. Dont make me get a restraining order because I will. However you want to live your life is fine with me, but understand two things. One, I dont like you and two, we are not now nor will we ever be friends. So forget the wheedling, sexual innuendo and especially your disgusting boys missing me routine. Call me Cupcake again and youll miss your boys.

Thats all I have to say except not only will I continue to be a bounty hunter part time but Ill work for RangeMan as well. If you need to contact me, you know my cell number. You abuse that privilege and Ill change the number. Just so you understand fully, Im deadly serious and nothing and no one will change my mind. I was done.

Ranger stood, glared at each person in the room as he took my hand in his. Then he led me to his car and drove us to Marsillios for a celebration with my gang. Judging by the reactions of the patrons, the news had preceded me. Bless Maria and Leta.

Ranger was right. That was fun! For the first time in my life I felt free to be me.