A/N: Kyle POV of Liz just after Max reams her out in Baby It's You through Departure. Loyalist leanings. Lyrics are by The Wrecking.
About to Fall
She's waiting for someone to save her
Waiting for an angel looking for some hope
The streetlights that flicker over her head
Are making scary shadows
She wants to hurry home
I follow her slowly in my car, wanting to make sure she gets home safely, but not wanting to interrupt the deep reverie she's sunk into, eyes dark and distant and teeth latched firmly onto her bottom lip. I know the signs that she's upset, but too caught up in whatever she's thinking about to acknowledge her own emotions, a situation that's become all too frequent over the past year, if not two years, when I was too caught up in my resentment to pay attention.
Her shoulders are hunched, tight with tension, and she moves with none of her usual grace. When she's happy, carefree, she walks almost like she's dancing, but now she moves with efficient speed, steps hurried and gaze darting from side to side, peering into shadows as if she's looking for invisible enemies. Something that is sadly all too possible, and something I don't know if I can protect her from, not like he could.
I wish that I could chase away the darkness that surrounds her, consuming her her from the inside out. I wish that I could put the light back in her eyes that drew me to her in the first place, but she doesn't let me make her smile anymore. I thought things might change, for the better, when she asked me to help her, when we laid in her bed carefully not touching and I finally made her laugh again. But after that, things only got worse; the circles under her eyes deepened, the stress she was under only grew, and now, now that the worst has happened, I don't think that the girl I fell for three years ago will ever come back.
You got to think this over
Isn't everyone
Pretending they're alright
Isn't everyone
About to fall
My gut tells me that something more is going on, that something is lurking beneath the surface of the dramatic events of the past year, something that started before Alex's death, before she asked for my help; something that's bigger and darker than all of us and that wants to swallow us whole. It scares me because I don't think it's something that I, varsity wrestler, quarterback, and winner of the statewide junior rifle competition, can protect her from. I'm not even sure that Max Evans, growing more tarnished by the day, can or will protect her from it either.
I'm not sure she's the only one who needs protecting, or that the fallout of whatever's been happening since some bastard shot my once girlfriend, will be limited only to our small circle of enforced companionship. It's too big, too deep, for a dumb jock like me, but it bothers me more that it's sucked her in, the girl whose dreams have always been bigger and brighter than Roswell, New Mexico, who deserves the best future she can possibly imagine.
She needs my support, and she has it, has always had it, will always have it, no matter where her investigation leads, or who and what it pits me against, and all I can hope is that we (she) make it out alive, body and soul.
Isn't everyone
Playing beautiful tonight
Isn't everyone
About to fall
She stops suddenly, frozen in the middle of the sidewalk, eyes wide as she stares, and I follow the direction of her gaze towards the cemetery, heart sinking in my chest as I feel my own grief rise up, grief I know in no measure compares to hers, who has known and loved Alex far longer than I've considered him a friend. She swallows and I watch as she grits her teeth, fighting back the tears I've been waiting for her to let fall, her face ethereally beautiful even when laced with such vivid pain.
She takes one step forward, then another, until she's practically running and I'm forced to speed up the car or lose her as she crosses streets without glancing once for passing cars, making my pulse pound at the realization that it might not just be alien danger she needs protection from. No one hits her, no one sees her but me, and I finally let out the breath I've been holding when she reaches the Crashdown.
She stops and stares through the front doors and I wonder if she's remembering, as I am, the individual moments in time, all occurring in this very place, that led us all to this moment in time. She shakes her head as if to dislodge some persistent thought, and turns to walk down the side alley towards the ladder to her balcony. I debate with myself for a moment, not wanting to emulate the stalker behavior I'd adopted not so long ago, before getting out of my car and silently following; I would never forgive myself if she was hurt and I wasn't there to protect her.
She's breaking
With every word that he said
It came with such a sharp edge
So hard to fake a smile
I'm forced to crouch behind a dumpster when I see her still frame standing at the bottom of the ladder, face tilted upwards towards the light, a new brand of hurt and anger staining her face. I know that this time she's remembering him, and what he said to her, what led to me following her home because she looked so possessed, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
He had been vicious and needlessly cruel, and it had taken all of my self control not to slam my fist into his arrogant face. How dare he speak to her that way, after everything she's done for him, everything she's lost for him, especially now when her grief is still so raw. He's supposed to be her soul mate; can't he see how much pain she's in? How fragile she is under her stubborn façade? Or is he as clueless as I've always pettily imagined he was?
Her hand is trembling as she reaches up and pulls the ladder down, and I burn with the need to go to her, to wrap my arms around her, and give her the comfort I know no one has offered yet, although of everyone in the group, she's the one who needs it most, no matter how much she pretends otherwise. But I know that she would push me away, that she isn't yet to the breaking point, and that for now all I can do is watch and wait.
Oh but we're holding on
Just like there's nothing wrong
Oh even if we look so strong
We're all about to fall
I leave her once she's safely up the ladder, glad that Max is gone when I get back to my house. I ignore the soft noises I hear from Tess moving around her (my) room, and lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling until the sun comes up because I haven't been able to sleep since the night Alex died, my dreams vague and fragmented and terrifying. I watch for her in school, see that her face is a stubbornly emotionless as ever although the signs of strain, detectable only to someone who knows her, are growing stronger.
She's not the only one, every member of our group, from the still slightly hysterical Maria, to tear stained Isabel, to hulking and brooding Michael, are showing signs of fracturing, as are every glance and word exchanged between any of them, all of us close to shattering completely as the lines between us grow more defined by the moment.
To an outsider Alex might not have seemed integral, or even all that important, but in many quiet and unassuming ways, he was the glue that held the group together. He kept Maria calm, was the only one Liz was honest and serious with aside from Max, made Isabel smile, and was actually trusted by Michael, not an easy feat. It makes me wonder if Liz is right, if he was killed for just that reason, to divide and conquer, a thought that sends an unbidden chill down my spine when I can't find Liz.
Isn't everyone
Pretending they're alright
Isn't everyone
About to fall
Liz is fine, was just pursuing her investigation with a ruthlessness that worries me, especially since she hasn't told me what she's found, just that it's proof. So I end up spending time with Isabel, enacting some petty revenge on the big eared prick who's caused so much pain, and doing my best to make her smile, since Liz still isn't ready to break.
Then Max and Tess make their big announcement, and I finally learn what Liz found in Albuquerque and my heart breaks for her a little more as I see the look on her face, the devastation she quickly hides, and know that this is it, the group has finally fallen, and that whatever happens with their plan to leave, things will never be the same again. She brushes me off with a patently false smile and I watch her leave, while everyone else's eyes are on Tess, and once again pray that she survives.
I feel a lingering sense of wrongness all day, but do my best to ignore it, knowing there's nothing I can do now, not for anyone, but watch and wait. I go to Tess, tell her how she's become a part of the family, and the wrongness intensifies, creeping under my skin until I feel a little bit insane, but nothing happens and we talk and then it's back to waiting, anxiously, for the eye of the storm to pass.
Isn't everyone
Playing beautiful tonight
Isn't everyone
About to fall
I don't sleep again that night, and have a feeling that no one else does either. Tess and my father leave and I pace, back and forth back and forth in the room that no longer feels like mine until Liz and Maria show up, babbling about tapping and warping until the wrongness peaks and suddenly I remember, everything, and I almost vomit all over the carpet as I realize what she did, what she made me do.
Then we're running and driving and praying and Liz is finally breaking, is yelling at Maria desperately and everything's moving so fast that I can barely breath through the anger and grief. We get there, and it seems like it's too late, but then it's not, and all I can do is support Liz because I know that if I go in there, and see her, I'll do something I'll regret.
They all file out, except for the bitch and the asshole, and then the ground is shaking, the storm is breaking, and Max finally appears as all hell breaks out, instantly running towards Liz and wrapping his arms around her in what looks more like a possessive trap than comfort to me. Once it's over and the sky clears, he looks down at her, saying words that make the bile rise up in my throat again, acid burning as she doesn't slap him and step away like I wish she would.
"I have to save my son," he says, once again looking away from the girl who's given everything, once again expecting everything from everyone to clean up his mess, and I see a flicker in her beautiful, broken eyes that gives me hope.
Maybe this time, she'll walk away.
Maybe this time, I won't have to watch her fall.