Leonard's Mistake
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, and Penny were all sitting in a long, narrow room with seats and tables all across each side. All of them were secured with seat belts.
"Isn't it great that we all get to go on this trip?" Leonard told the group.
"Yeah," Raj said.
"Certainly," answered Penny.
"I'm excited," Howard added.
"The research facility we're going to will be intriguing," Sheldon stated.
A little bit later, Penny looked out a window and said, "The moon looks quite beautiful, doesn't it? I heard that people begin to go crazy when they're exposed to the full moon."
"Don't worry about it, Penny. That doesn't comply with my logic, so we will all be in a satisfactory condition."
"Look at me, everyone!" Howard shouted. He took off his seat belt and began floating around the room. He asked Leonard in a low voice, "Do you know what we can do in zero gravity?"
An annoyed Leonard responded with, "What?"
"We can play zero gravity tag!"
"Don't you notice anything peculiar with Howard's behavior?" Sheldon asked.
"He took off his seat belt!"
"That's the least of our concerns at this point in time. Do you notice that Howard's first impulse in zero gravity is to play the game of tag? Did it even catch your attention that we aren't under the influence of gravity?"
"We're in a spaceship headed for the moon."
Sheldon took a peak outside and saw Earth. "That clears up some things. However, this brings up an entirely new problem. None of us had sufficient training for space expeditions, especially not the girl who's occupation is a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory."
"But Leonard got us tickets," Penny told him.
"Yeah, the tickets were free," Leonard explained. "Isn't that good enough for you, Sheldon?"
"No, it is not," Sheldon responded. "No mentally healthy person would hand out free tickets to the moon all willy nilly."
"Maybe he was insane," Raj suggested.
"He must be."
Just then, Howard slowly fell to the ground.
"We're here!" Raj said to the others. The group headed through a glass tube that led to the moon's research facility. There was no floor built, as the spongy, yellow surface was visible even inside the building.
"That's strange," Sheldon commented. "The only time I heard Earth's natural satellite being composed of cheese was from my parents when I was five and I knew it was made up even back then."
Raj said. "Don't be silly! Of course the moon is made up of cheese!"
"I must be terminally ill and on my deathbed then. Why did my dying dream have to take logic and incinerate it into billions of tiny fragments that can never be recovered?"
"Come on Sheldon, let's just have fun," Penny said.
"How can I have fun on a giant ball of cheese that is trying to pass as Earth's moon?"
Raj told Sheldon, "Don't spoil the fun for us!"
Howard added, "Yeah, I want to pick up some babes before we leave."
"Well, since I have nothing better to do, I'll go with you all and point out anything else that doesn't follow reality as it should," Sheldon shrugged.
As the others proceeded further into the facility, Leonard told the others that he would catch up with them. He then stared at the surface entirely made up of cheese. "It's too bad I'm lactose intolerant, because the moon does looks tasty and I didn't eat all day," he said to himself. "What the heck! I'll just eat enough to satisfy my hunger, so that I don't stink up the place too much." Leonard took a chunk of cheese from the ground and ate it. After a moment, he found that his stomach didn't act up like it usually does with dairy products. Since he was still hungry, he ate more cheese. Soon, Leonard consumed the entire moon, only leaving the research facility and the spaceship intact.
Leonard's stomach was now rumbling as he floated in space. Maybe he shouldn't of eaten the moon. The next thing he knew, he farted at Earth and the planet exploded from the sheer force of the flatulence.
Sheldon then floated by and said, "If this delusion ever took account of the laws of physics at all, we would of both exploded by now and I wouldn't of had to witness the beautiful sight of you destroying our home planet by expelling your gas on it."
"What the heck is going on?" Leonard shrieked. "I somehow blew up Earth by farting on it!"
"The part where I stated that you destroying a planet with your own flatulence was a beautiful sight happened to be sarcasm."
Suddenly, Leonard found it difficult to breathe. His life was going to end soon...
Leonard woke up in a cold sweat and realized he just had a nightmare. He then saw that Sheldon was standing next to his bed. "Why are you here, Sheldon?"
Sheldon told him, "Look around you, Leonard."
Leonard did so and noticed an odd looking machine and the wires stuck on him. "What the heck is going on?"
"I was merely looking into your dreams with this machine I constructed."
"Well, you could of at least asked for permission."
"Sorry, didn't think of that. I managed to create a video of your dream."
"Why would you do that?"
"To better understand what goes on in your brain during REM sleep of course." Sheldon then popped a disk out of the strange machine and put it into his laptop which he brought with him. "Behold! Your dream." Leonard watched the movie on the laptop and saw that it really was his dream. Everything from him being on a spaceship, the moon being made of cheese, him eating the cheese, and him destroying the world by farting on it.
"Delete it. It's embarrassing!"
"How so? The elements depicted in your state of unconsciousness are not portrayed as they would be in reality. Aside from the abnormalities the me in your dream pointed out, there's the fact that everybody except for me was taking the entire situation casually, no research facilities have been situated on the moon as of today, you wouldn't of eaten the "moon" as you have only been deprived of food in no more than the full span of a day, it is impossible for any human being to eat that amount of food without becoming morbidly obese, let alone survive, and if you somehow didn't die yet, your body wouldn't of been able to withstand the force needed to destroy an entire planet and you would of exploded. The only thing in your dream that is relatively accurate is me, and even your dream didn't capture me one hundred percent properly. People don't explode in a vacuum, as their skin is strong enough to keep their organs inside them and I would of pointed out abnormalities much sooner if I was present in your dream. Nevertheless, I wouldn't mind somehow extracting Dream Sheldon from your dream and taking him under my wing and have him assist me in my studies. He was the only sane person in your dream state and his intelligence may improve if he wasn't stuck in such a flawed dream."
"Dreams. Don't. Have. To. Make. Sense! I bet that you have dreams that don't comply by mainstream logic as well."
Sheldon's face began freaking out. After a moment, he said, "That is none of your business."
"Just what I thought. Back on the subject of my dream, I don't want the possibility of someone getting a hold of that video and posting it on YouTube. Everybody would call me that guy who ate the moon and destroyed the world by farting on it!"
"I wouldn't. I would call you the guy dumb enough to disregard his lactose intolerance and eat a giant mass of cheese."
"Thanks! That makes me feel a whole lot better!"
"Are you saying that I should write down my research when I got a visual representation of your dream?"
"Yes. You are perfectly capable of doing that, aren't you?"
"I am. I guess that just means I'll have to show Howard and Raj your dream on paper instead of by video."
"Sure! I bet that I won't be humiliated, because my dream makes as much sense as a poorly written fan fiction!"
"Define fan fiction."
"Just ask Penny! I'm too tired to explain it anyways."
"I won't disrupt your sleep cycle anymore tonight."
Sheldon was just about to leave when Leonard told him, "You know, I might sleep better if wires weren't hooked up to my head and if you took that strange contraption out of my room."
"I can see why you would need me then. You clearly don't know how my Dream Visualizer functions anyways, so you might accidentally break it and feel guilt."
"Actually, I wouldn't feel guilty at all."
Sheldon unhooked the wires and took the strange machine out of the room. Once Leonard was sure he was gone, he told himself, "Maybe when I get back to sleep, I'll have a nice dream of me destroying that machine."
Once Sheldon put away the Dream Visualizer, he thought about what Leonard said. "Leonard compared his dream to a fan fiction. Maybe I can present my research as fan fiction, so that he won't get onto me about that. But first, I have to extract information about it from Penny who apparently knows about fan fiction and how it functions." Making sure to bring his laptop with him, he left his living quarters and went up to Penny's apartment. He repeatedly knocked on the and shouted her name until she opened it.
"What do you want this time?" Penny groaned.
"I want you to tell me the mechanisms of a fan fiction and the process of making one, because I would like to create a fan fiction myself. Leonard heavily implied that you knew."
"I didn't think of you as someone who writes fan fic, but I can teach you. I'm just about to publish one myself."
"You can make money off this fan fiction business?"
"Of course not! The characters I used in my stories aren't mine."
"Technically, you can sell stories characters you don't own for profit, but that would be illegal. I didn't know that you take copyrighted characters and make a fan fiction about it. What would the fan fiction community think of the implications?"
"That it was normal? Fan fictions are stories about characters that you don't know, made for entertainment."
"You could of just said so in the first place."
"Then why are you even here?"
"I want you to tell me the mechanisms of a fan fiction and-"
"I get it. You want to know how to write a fan fiction."
"Precisely."
"I can show you my Kingdom Hearts fan fiction."
"Alright." Penny led Sheldon to her laptop and she let him read her fan fiction. Once he was done, Sheldon stated, "Why are Sora and Riku a homosexual couple and why has Kairi who is supposed to be an embodiment of goodness suddenly become a crazy, jealous, homophobic female canine bent on ruining Sora's and Riku's relationship?"
"Because I think they would be a good couple and because I don't like her."
"So because you don't like somebody, you make them evil?"
"Yeah. If you don't like it, make a fan fic where she is a good guy."
"Maybe I will. You mentioned that you were about to publish it as well. May I see the process?"
"Of course." Penny accessed the fan fiction site she used on her laptop and signed in. Soon enough, two drag down boxes caught Sheldon's attention. One of them was labeled Character 1 and the other was labeled Character 2. Right after Penny chose Riku for the first box, Sheldon asked her, "Why is Riku character one? Hasn't some version of Sora been the protagonist in the majority of the Kingdom Hearts games?"
"Those two boxes represent pairings. I made Riku the seme, and Sora is going to be the uke, because he depends so much on his boyfriend."
"For your version of him, at least. Your Sora makes Bella Swan almost look like a perfectly functional person."
"For your information, I like Twilight."
"By Twilight, do you mean the purple unicorn, the time of day, or the books made by an overweight, middle-aged, narcissist, Mormon woman whose writing skills are severely lacking?"
"The books aren't that bad and Bella is actually a good role model."
"I read all four books and to my surprise, sarcasm, they were that bad. The worst days of my life have been reading those pages, most of them devoid of any plot relevance at all. If being whiny, overemotional, manipulative, being overdependent on abusive boyfriends to the extent that getting dumped by a douche bag who was obviously no good for her severely inhibits her everyday living, and hooking back up and marrying said person are all traits desirable for role models, then Bella Swan is the ultimate role model to grace the pages of literature."
"Look, do you want me to show you how to publish a fan fic or not?"
"I'll go and show myself how it is done better than you are capable of doing."
"If you must, then do it yourself."
Sheldon picked up his laptop and headed on his way out. He turned back to Penny and told her, "I'm going to find a franchise that has characters with the names of Sheldon and Leonard. That way, I can properly label my fan fiction about being me and Leonard. I will assume the role of character one or seme, because that appears to be a higher rank than uke which is character two and I am superior to Leonard and am the master of the apartment we live in."
"Gee, I didn't know you thought of Leonard in that way."
"You didn't? I thought that I made it obvious all that time."
"Why haven't you told him?"
"He already knows." With that, Sheldon left.
Back in his apartment, Sheldon pondered about what Penny had told him about fan fiction. He thought about what seme and uke meant, but he couldn't think of anything besides it being a miniature hierarchy of some sort. The seme obviously has a king-like role, while the uke plays the part of a lowly peasant. Sheldon didn't want it to be obvious that it was actual research about Leonard's abysmal dream, so he decided to write his observations from the third-person perspective and pass it off as a fan fiction in order to camouflage it. After typing down Leonard's dream, Sheldon decided that it would be a good idea to write about his interactions with him and Penny. He did so as well as write the following words. Sheldon created an account at the site Penny showed him, but he was disappointed that he would have to wait three days in order to publish his scientific research.
Three days later, Sheldon knew that he was able to publish his research and that everybody else would think that it was fan fiction. During one of those three days, he found a franchise that happened to have characters with the name of Sheldon and Leonard. This was the category his research will go under. He was going to submit his writings as Leonard's Mistake, because the fact that he, Sheldon wasn't responsible for Leonard eating a relatively cheap imitation of the moon would make the title irrelevant, further camouflaging his work as a bad fan fiction. Now, Sheldon is ready to submit the observations he made about Leonard's dream and subsequent events that are relevant to the dream and of writing fan fiction.