Pairing: Kakuzu/Ayame
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Challenge: Including "raining cats and dogs…" and "dead monkey"
Warning: Crack pairings and some OOC. Kind of unrealistic.
Note: Ayame's the daughter of Teuchi at the Ichiraku Ramen Bar.
-First solo fic and nervous as hell-
---
The first flecks of rain pelt down upon the little village, growing steadily harder as the sky darkens and the clouds grow longer.
Residents hurry about the marketplace with their arms over their heads, some heading home for shelter while others board up their stalls and hang swinging 'closed' signs above their produces. And soon, the air is thick with the scent of rain mingling with the usual smells left behind in the nearly deserted street – the last hasty footsteps fading away when the crack of thunder sounds in the distance.
Through it all, Kakuzu wonders whether he could somehow kill Hidan once and for all.
He is late, and already the winds are picking up speed as he draws his cloak tighter around himself for warmth, glaring down the flat of glistening concrete that remained stubbornly empty of his conceited partner.
Thunder booms overhead again, and a loud sigh escapes him accompanied by a wave of weariness that even the satisfying weight of his acquired bounty almost could not sate. The pitter-patter of water splashing against the ground wholly occupying his hearing now, and his already thin tolerance is becoming dangerously narrow.
Life, Kakuzu decides as he shuffled his feet impatiently underneath him, was very unfair. He would have fared much better with bounty money in a much more prosperous town that was stocked with wealthy people to steal from.
But Hidan had insisted earlier that he needed a sacrifice immediately, and this was the only village for miles around. Kakuzu once again curses the religious nin under his breath, and swears to himself that if there were any way to finish him off, he would not rest until he found it.
Pity he couldn't just leave Hidan here. He could catch up later – his wasted time could not.
But as chilled and soaked as he was, Kakuzu whole-heartedly agrees with himself that a few hours of peace were nothing to full months of nonstop bitching. Hidan was irritatingly touchy like that.
Kakuzu turns in the middle of his musings, feeling the faint flicker of a chakra presences probe into his senses. And he sighs again at the sight of Hidan finally making his way towards him, nearly groaning aloud at the pissed look that fills his face.
"What's wrong?" he asks wryly as Hidan approached him. "Couldn't find a girl?"
He could feel rather than see his partner pull a face at him when he deliberately fixates his attention on a fallen twig instead, watching it flow and spin down the stream of rain and out of his line of vision.
"No!" Hidan practically spits. "Someone fucking stole my umbrella!" As though to emphasize his anger, he kicks at a forming puddle in his path… only for it to spray its contents on the hem of his own cloak. Swearing loudly and looking quite alarming in his (Kakuzu is pleased to note) equally drenched state Hidan shouts his fury at the sky.
"And how did that happen? I would have thought that quite impossible with your rank and skills…" He feigns a false note of sympathy into his tone – of which did not go by completely unnoticed – more to mock him if anything else. He does not like Hidan in any way, and was sure that his partner felt the same way about him.
Kakuzu is rewarded by being instantly flipped off.
Hidan scowls fiercely, giving off a strong impression of an angry, half-drowned cat spitting in frustration. "Shit! Didn't I already tell you?" he snarls, clearly irritated with the lack of empathy. "I must've dropped it somewhere… which gives a perfect excuse for some fucker to pick it up and run away with it."
But Kakuzu just shrugs. "Not much of a loss, really."
Indeed, he was still perplexed that Hidan would go out in public with its bright… pink sheen at all. Personally, he wouldn't be caught dead with something girly as that – but then again, that was just him. He had always thought his partner was a bit messed up anyway…
But Hidan obviously begged to differ. He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes, as though irritated with Kakuzu's lack of proper reaction.
"I'm not leaving without it," he states sullenly. "So you can either find it, or buy me a new one." To make his point, he plops down on the ground, but seemed to regret it a moment later as he jumped up, grimacing at the water dripping the black cloth.
Meanwhile, Kakuzu stares at him in disbelief at his proposal, mortification and exasperation beginning to merge in his face as the light of his future fate dawned on him. Both were only too fully aware that he would be just as likely to spend money for Hidan's sake than chew his own fingers off.
"Can't you –?" he begins desperately.
"No."
"But –"
"No."
"Hidan…"
"I said no." Hidan pauses, and then adds, "I'm soaked, so I'll go book an inn further up. Come there when you find it."
Kakuzu thinks furiously for a loophole, uttering a low cry of aggravation when he could fine none; he gnashes back his molars, but whirls around and begins to walk away. And clearly feeling the stirrings of victory in his grasp, Hidan smirks and flaps a single hand back in the way he had come from, like the irate path of a bothersome fly.
"Hurry now!" Hidan calls mockingly after the retreating figure. "Have fun in the storm!"
It was just as well that Kakuzu didn't have a kunai in his possession, or Hidan might have found it driven through his forehead at that moment.
---
Two hours later, Kakuzu had combed through every inch of the town – only to come up with… nothing.
It actually didn't take as long as he would have thought it would; even in the blinding pelts of water, the very color of the umbrella would have stuck out like a sore thumb.
In fact, the missing nin probably would have enjoyed the walk around had it been a little sunnier. However, Kakuzu was beginning to suspect that Hidan had been right for once, and that someone had picked it up and taken it.
Although, he doubted that anyone in their right minds would even touch it, more less use it – unless it were a little girl. But he supposed that it was possible that someone had only used it to stay dry, and that the umbrella was now sitting snugly in a dumpster while he was out here in the middle of a thunderstorm.
Kakuzu sucks in his teeth as he looked up to watch lightening fork across the sky. Hidan was probably warm and dry at the inn right now, when he was going to catch hypothermia and die with all the stupid luck he possessed.
The image of his silver-haired partner taking a hot shower and then secured comfortably in a bed, is enough to make his teeth grind in poorly suppressed rage; Kakuzu lets loose some of his fury by punching a hole in the nearest wall.
"Stubborn jackass!" he mutters, appearing nothing short from completely murderous.
Seething, Kakuzu turns away with a blithely indifferent eye towards the bewildered family who gaped after the stranger who had holed a window to their living room, and starts walking again while kicking puddles in a very 'Hidan-like' fashion, imagining that each happened to his partner's big fat head that smashed nicely into bits under his feet.
Whereas perhaps a normal, less selfish being would have just purchased a brand new umbrella and been done with it, Kakuzu was, undoubtedly, as selfish as anyone could ever get. Merely the thought of his precious bills leaving him forever for the sake of him, made his all five of his hearts clutch with the utmost loathing.
In the distance, Kakuzu could make out the form of a person walking down the other way; and he fists his hands in anticipation as they approached.
He grins.
Good. Just what he needed. A good punching dummy to vent out some of his anger.
As he waits for the soon-to-be-victim to get close enough to pummel, Kakuzu realizes that she was female, the softer features standing out even in the darkened area. Dressed completely in white, she floats closer and closer like a blurry ghost, struggling with the howling wind that nearly tugged her pink umbrella out of her grip every so –
Wait.
Umbrella.
A pink umbrella.
Kakuzu stares incredulously at her with raised brows, too stunned to react at first. But then the ridiculously cheap pink cover and tiny hearts dangling from the edges fully convinces him and squeezes out any form of doubt from his mind with an understandable grimace.
He recognized that twisted heart-shaped handle, and the words 'love love love' looped around the canvas everywhere. How many times Hidan had drawn dumbfounded gazes from the passing once he had propped it up, Kakuzu doesn't know.
But Hidan had always seemed blissfully oblivious to the odd looks they received in its presence, or how his partner would often mysteriously disappear for hours at a time around the thing…
Or also how Kakuzu had a tendency to smack his head on the wall repeatedly if caught before escape, while Hidan strolled onwards cheerfully.
Sometimes, Hidan's dullness amazes even him.
Caught up on his musings, he had not noticed the girl come straight up to him, and he flinches when her face abruptly appears only a few inches away from his own.
She is gazing up at him with wide amber eyes, expression revealing only curiosity when others would have also flinched back with disgust at his outward, and non-too-attractive appearance (though, that didn't bother him much – he liked how he intimidated people from one glance). And to his astonishment, she smiles, showing two dimples on either side of pallid cheeks.
Surprising him even further, she then stretches her arm towards him, and suddenly Kakuzu feels less of the rain pounding off his person; her motions gentle and deliberately unthreatening with the manner of coaxing a wild animal to a cage.
What immediately attracts him to her at first is not her sweet smile, or even the sheen of auburn hair pulled into a casual ponytail.
It is the fact that she smells faintly of money.
His love for cash had heightened his senses so that he could feel its presence from a mile away. And he could smell it on her now; the coppery tang that remains on her fingers cast around the umbrella – and instantly, his eyes are drawn to the telltale money-belt that was strapped to her waist.
Before he can reach out and take it, however, she speaks.
"It's raining cats and dogs, isn't it?" She laughs, and the corners of her eyes crinkle with her amusement. "You're all wet…"
It is only because he is slightly shocked by the nonchalant way she was talking to him, and also by that serious understatement that he is not compelled to take her money right away.
He figures that he would have time to respond, steal, and gain back the umbrella in the next five minutes; there was no need to hurry. So he draws back a little to scrutinize her warily. She didn't even seem to notice his Akatsuki attire, and Kakuzu presumes that it's safe to talk to her… at least for a while.
"No shit," he grumbles. And she blinks, offended, but still smiling.
Hmm. Strange girl.
"What are you doing here all alone?" She glances at the steady downpour spraying perspiration at their feet despite the cover above them, brow furrowing in apparent concern.
Again, Kakuzu is put off by the amount of attention she was giving him – he would much rather her ignore him. But answered nonetheless, "I was looking for something."
She frowns at that almost thoughtfully, fixating her gaze towards him again. "It must be pretty important… whatever it is you're looking for. You must be freezing out here…"
He grunts in response, and adverted his own gaze to her money-belt; he was unused to such close inspection, and was not sure whether he liked it much. The most anyone had paid attention to him was when he was about to take their heart.
"You're not from around here are you? You don't look like it…"
He nods; idly, he puts her from his mind temporarily as he calculated how much cash she must have in there judging by the size of the case, with how much the blue cloth was bulging. He thought it must hold at least – oh – fifteen thousand ryo?
Not bad… not bad at all. Maybe she ran some kind of business…?
"I'm not either." He turns his attention back to her as she continued to chatter. "I'm from Konoha… My father and I run a ramen shop there, and I had to leave home to deliver an order. I was just heading back right now… but then this storm…" She trails off and ventures out an open palm to the weather, eyes hooding slightly as rain splashed against the exposed skin.
"Konoha?" he asks, interest perking from the money to her. He knew that the kyuubi resided there… and that the Leader was going to focus back on it sooner or later. It could be she had valuable information concerning him to take back.
"Yes… oh, are you from there too?" She sounds glad, relieved almost – apparently under the impression she was with a fellow Leaf resident. Kakuzu almost feels guilty about the flicker of welcome flitting across her face, but then quickly reminds himself that he never underwent guilt for anything. "I'm Ayame…"
It takes him a moment to register that she is waiting for him to tell her his name. "I'm Kakuzu," he offers, hesitating a bit. "…Do you know someone named Uzumaki Naruto? I'm – er – his uncle, you see."
He mentally winces as he remembers too late that the boy was supposed to be orphaned with no apparent family members. But she merely brightens up at once and launches into a chatter about how he was her father's best customer – causing Kakuzu to dearly regret even asking.
"Did you know that Naruto-kun can have ten bowls of ramen per meal?"
"Um…"
"I know! I think my stomach would explode if I had that much."
"Yeah… me too."
"What's your favorite kind of ramen?"
"…what's the cheapest?"
"Miso pork."
"Then, uh, yeah. Miso pork." He doesn't even admit that he's never tried ramen before, because she would surely then bombard him with more talking.
"That's Naruto-kun's favorite too! He also likes spicy pork. Do you like that as well?"
"…sure."
"How about just plain ramen?"
"…ok."
"Shrimp? Beef? Chicken? Personally, I'm not too fond of –"
And so on and so forth.
"I'm so glad Naruto-kun has a relative," she finishes at last by laughing lightly, slipping a dainty hand over her mouth to stifle her mirth while Kakuzu looks at her in disbelief. He concludes that she is either very misinformed or very dim-witted behind all that sunny exterior; and he also suspects that it is not the former.
Kakuzu makes up his mind right there that he had already wasted his time enough speaking with this worthless female, and that he should just take her umbrella and money before leaving.
He reaches for the handle to do just that when she asks another question that catches him off guard completely.
"Are you his uncle from his father's side… or his mothers?"
"Uh…" Kakuzu glances at the young woman, trying to figure out whether she was trying to trap him verbally. But her expression remains innocently curious, so he assumes that it's safe to answer. "…his father's."
"Were you the older brother, Kakuzu-san? Or younger?"
"…older."
"I see…"
Ayame bows her head, and for uncomfortable moment, Kakuzu thinks that she is crying. But then a faint snicker escapes her, replacing his uneasiness with bewilderment as she bursts out in peals of laugher.
Unused to such outbreaks of emotion, Kakuzu remains silent with a brow raised. Again spiting his luck that the one person who had picked up Hidan's umbrella had to be someone who was mentally unstable, he waits for her to finish laughing so she could explain what exactly he had said that was found so funny.
Despite Kakuzu's tested patience… he rather disliked being the object of amusement without knowing what why the hell he happened to be.
"You're old!" she says, and Kakuzu is rendered speechless. "Naruto-kun's father was already old himself when he was born… and if he was younger than you, then after sixteen years… you must be older Kakuzu-san – or, I mean, Kakuzu-ojiisan."
"Ojii…san? Grandpa?" he repeats faintly, eye twitching as Ayame bends over with giggles. "…the hell?"
The umbrella clatters as her hands go momentarily limp with her mirth, and his drying hair was instantly drenched in gallons of falling water once more. But Kakuzu finds that he doesn't mind, nor care about that just then.
"Hahahaha… old! Old! Old! Ojii-san!" She teases him good-naturedly. Her own feathery brown hair stuck to her neck like darkening seaweed, and her clothes dampen.
Irked by her playfulness, he stomps towards the fallen umbrella, and brings it up above himself. "Goodbye," he bites out without turning back. He is somewhat glad that he could finally return to Hidan – feeling tired and rather vexed with how his day had turned out.
"Ojiisan!"
He quickens his pace.
"Ojiisan! Wait!"
He ignores her. Foolish girl hadn't even noticed that he'd snatched her money belt in the middle of their question-and-answer conversation.
"Ojiisaaaaan!!"
Was she trying to irritate him on purpose?
"KAKUZU-OJIISAN…!"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" he yells over his shoulder, vein bulging. "Leave me alone!.
"…please wait! Please don't go yet. I didn't mean to upset you…" She sounds genuine, but Kakuzu keeps walking, not pausing even as he heard her distantly get back to her feet.
And then… and then Kakuzu isn't very sure what happened next.
One minute, he's up and getting ever closer to his escape. And the next he is flat on his face with bone-cracking weight on his back, and the faint prickle of rain washing over him once more.
"You - !" he wheezes, slightly winded by the unexpected tackle. "You bi-!"
But his curses are drowned out by her apologies; Ayame seemed mortified at the possibility that she had hurt another's feelings, and didn't stop to take a breath so he could get a single word in.
"I'm so sorry, Kakuzu-san! It was very insensitive of me to point out your age… you must be insecure about getting old!" she wails, and he snarls at her from underneath. "I know… papa doesn't like to admit that he's old as well. It's just that – I was really looking forward to going home today. And I don't think I can do that because of this horrid storm… I was gloomy about that, and anxious that it might continue until tomorrow… which is why I was behaving so tactlessly…"
Her voice undertakes a line of misery, and that hitches onto his mind as he rolls out away from her. Brushing himself off, Kakuzu doesn't know why he feels pity for the girl… though, he suspects that it has something to do with the pathetic note in her tone that softens him up a little bit.
Ayame was not a ninja. Or if she was one… she was very mediocre with all her time spent at the ramen stand mentioned.
Her tackle had been impressive, but he could tell with her gentle manner, flimsy posture, and how her hands wring out nervously as she chews at her bottom lip.
He sees the uncertainty in her naïve depths – sees the seclusion those non-shinobi are forced to partake in the era of ninja; and so he pities that she is missing out from the path that many choose, and realizes that she probably misses her home more than any other would… because that was all she could hold dear that didn't set her further away.
Kakuzu understands that in more ways than one. But his endurance is sorely tested when she opens her mouth.
"Ojiisan…"
"It's Kakuzu! Damnit!"
"Are you mad at me…?"
He takes a while to answer, but when he does, he is surprised to find that it is true. "…no."
She smiles. "Good. Thank you, Kakuzu-san."
"Yeah… ok."
After that, they talk. And Kakuzu suspects that the reason for Ayame's constant inquiries was to stall him from leaving her alone out there, as her questions began to range from his past, to his job, to his favorite animal.
"…why the fuck do you want to know that?" he asks, frowning.
"I just do. Mine's a kitten, by the way."
"..."
"Kakuzu-san…" She pouts.
"…"
"Ojii-"
"Fine! I like deer…" He wishes dearly for the earth to swallow him up as Ayame coos on and on about how cute that is – but doesn't have the heart to tell her that by admitting he liked deer… was his admitting he liked to eat venison (so he technically wasn't lying. Venison could be hunted, therefore, it was a cheap meal).
Still, as far as he was concerned, his true favorite animal was confidential.
Even to her.
Gradually, the sky lightens and the rain changes to a sprinkle. By then, Kakuzu is more than tired, ready to fall on the nearest bed and slumber for hours. From the way Ayame is yawning, he knows that she is too.
Gently, he suggests that they part ways to get some shut-eye, reminding her that she couldn't return to Konoha on the verge of unconsciousness. And very reluctantly, she agrees with him.
"I think I'm going to sleep all day, and try leaving tomorrow morning," she says, breaking off into another yawn. She hesitates, adding, "Are you going today?"
"…yeah." His eyes fall on the umbrella; his ticket out of there.
"Oh… I see. Then I guess we won't…" She trails off. And following his gaze up, Ayame smiles slightly and hands it to him, insisting that she didn't mind getting wet and that she had only found it on the ground somewhere anyway.
With a half-hearted wave, they say their goodbyes and part ways… but not before she gives him a quick embrace with her arms thrown around his neck crushingly.
But Kakuzu finds that he doesn't mind.
All the way to the inn Hidan had mentioned before, her hopeful "Maybe I'll see you in Konoha?" lingers in his ears, while her smell of flour and soap overpower the scent of money he had only smelt previously.
He thinks that it is a little odd he had just noticed that now. But doesn't question it in his mind.
---
"Well?" Hidan demands from the bed, as his sodden, if not slightly disheveled-looking partner stumbled through the door. "Did you find my umbrella?"
Kakuzu looks at him for a long time with an impassive expression on his face, the strap of a bright blue money-belt protruding from his pocket… then slowly holds up a pair of empty hands. "…no" he says at last. "No, I didn't."
"I'm not fucking leaving without it."
"…I know."
Hidan wonders absentmindedly why Kakuzu sounded about as lively as a dead monkey, or why regardless of that, there was a small bounce to his step as he disappeared into the bathroom for a shower.
But he is soon too busy lamenting over the loss of his good umbrella to wonder any longer.
And Kakuzu is quickly forgotten.
---
OWARI
My prediction: 0 reviews
Soi's prediction: 3 reviews (T.T) -stab at heart-
Thank you for reading! I have so many insecurities over this fic… but I hope you thought it was okay…