This took way longer to write than it should have as my muse and I are still trying to work out our differences.
This is a compilation of a few small scenes over the span of a few days. It jumps around a little but hopefully it's easy enough to follow. Takes place in season 4 preferably sooner rather than later.
Thanks SairsJ for casting an eye.
As always, I have no ownership in Rookie Blue, though I'm certainly invested in it.
The day is only half over and Sam already wants a drink; options are pretty limited at the Barn though and the iced green tea he threw in the fridge is just not going to cut it, hasn't cut it since… well since. So… coffee it is.
Pushing himself up from his desk, he pauses in the doorway, leans his shoulder against the jamb as he crosses one leg over the other and waits. Apparently he's not the only one in need of… something to get them through. He wonders a little if it might be for similar reasons.
He waits for another minute or two, lets the area… clear a little before he makes his way down the stairs. Oliver's on his own now; his partner abandoning him for parts unknown.
When Sam finally sidles up beside him, he claps the uniformed officer once hard on the back. "Hey Brother, you going to the Penny later?"
He has to hop back out of the way when Oliver jumps at the sound of his voice. His friend recovers quickly though. Clears his throat, passes Sam a cup, and then offers him a "Not tonight, Sammy. I uh… got something on the go tonight… maybe tomorrow, yeah tomorrow. Tonight…uh…"
He doesn't even get a chance to ask him why he's acting like a first day rookie before Oliver's looking over his shoulder and calling out. "McNally!" His eyes fall back on Sam just long enough to make it polite. "Sorry, Sammy, duty calls."
Sam blinks a few times in confusion and when he finally spins on his heel, the retreating figure and his elusive partner are already halfway out the back door. Oliver's got his hand on the small of McNally's back and for some unknown reason he's practically pushing her out the door.
Sam shakes his head before shifting back to the machine. He deftly fills the cup and then brings it to his lips, savoring a long, slow sample of the warm, welcome liquid. He huffs out a breath and takes another sip as he turns back for his office. It may not be the healthiest for him, but it didn't take long to want to stop denying himself what it was that he really wanted.
The day is finally coming to a close. Sam and Traci have been poring over files for most of the afternoon and Sam's sure she's as ready to call it a night as he is. When her phone starts jumping around (again), she plucks it off the side of the desk and grins at the screen before picking it up.
Sam lets out a loud breath that has her lifting a brow over at him. It's not like she gets a lot of calls, but today… his patience is just wearing a little thin is all. She's been getting calls and messages off and on all day and they're just a tad too… cryptic for his liking. More than once, he's considered pulling out the partner card… but he's pretty certain all this… hullabaloo has basically nothing to do with the job. And well, seeing as she's McNally's best friend, the two of them have been making a concerted effort these last few weeks to keep it strictly professional.
Still, he really does want to know what's going on… except he doesn't want her to know how much he… wants.
He drops his eyes down to the papers again, does what he can to look like they're holding his interest. He's pretty sure she knows he's listening though, chooses her words carefully like she's been doing all damn day.
"Can I bring anything?" She asks the caller right before a loud cackle bursts forth from her mouth. "I should have known," she concedes the second she catches her breath. She ends the call with a "we'll be there."
Sam keeps his eyes trained to the file in front of him, feigns nonchalance when he drawls, "big plans?"
Traci narrows her gaze a little at him but then grins big at his steadfast commitment to keep his own eyes to himself.
If he wants to play games…
"Yep," is all she gives him as she slides her chair aside and slips her jacket off the back and around her shoulders.
When he glares up at her, she simply chuckles.
Still… She's halfway out the door when she hesitates, throws him back a bone. "Birthday supper," she explains, looks at him with pointed brows, "…for a friend."
And then she's gone. Doesn't even stick around to catch the open mouthed stare she got in return.
Sam pushes the files out of the way and studies the calendar on his desk. There's even a circle around the date… now he remembers why.
Sam's still at the Barn, can't bring himself to… he's just not sure where his truck will end up if he gets in it right now.
So he's back in the kitchen…again, once more losing the fight against one of his preferred vices. He takes a large swallow and flashes his teeth hard and fast as he feels it burn all the way down.
He probably should have waited a little longer.
He's pulled out of his reverie by the echo of carefree voices as they make their way down the hall past the break room. Without thinking he steps back out of the line of the windows but also closer to the door as he waits for the excitement to pass. From what he can tell from the eager exchange, they're all headed over to Collins' place for supper… birthday supper… for a 'friend'.
He huffs out a loud breath that garners more than a few looks from the officers who've just come on duty and stopped by the lounge to satisfy their own cravings. The sulk he's got going has most of them taking the long way around to get to what they want.
When he lifts the cup to his mouth, he lets the rest of the bitterness slide over his tongue before he swallows hard. Of course it's at GI Joe's house. He shakes his head as he crushes the empty vessel in his own hand, tossing the remnants away more than a little roughly.
He strides through the doorway intent on the locker room, but not before he allows himself one more look back, watching as their happy little family gets further and further out of reach.
When Oliver shuffles in beside the rowdy group with a nod and a grin, his earlier anxiety starts to make more sense to Sam. He takes a deep breath and pulls himself away from the picture perfect scene that continues to play on a loop in his head, setting himself back on his chosen course.
Marlo's smiling face greets him as soon as he rounds the corner to the locker rooms. He's not sure if it's on purpose or if she's just in the right place at the right time. She takes a step closer to him when his gait stalls. "You going to the Penny?"
Sam shuffles around from foot to foot, tries to keep a safe distance while he figures out just what he might want.
In the end, he mumbles out a "yeah, meet you there," right before he ducks into the locker room. What else is he going to do? It's either that, or sit at home alone and… No, he doesn't want to go there.
Marlo's car is empty when he pulls into the Penny so he jumps out as soon as the truck's in park and jogs across the lot. He wants to catch her before she decides anything for him.
As he tugs open the door, two people almost fall right into him when they try to exit at the same time. He fights off a growl; it's nobody's fault really, just crappy timing. He plasters on what he hopes looks like an understanding smile.
But from the raised eyebrows he gets in return, he doubts he was very successful. So he mutters out a quick apology. For which bit he's not really sure, but he figures it's the least he can do.
When he looks up, he sees Marlo over at the bar and Liam is just making his way over. Thankfully, it's pretty quiet so he only has to weave his way through tables to get to her. He makes it there just in time to hear her ask for two draughts.
"Actually," Sam clears his throat when it comes out a little too hesitant. "Actually, could I get a scotch please, neat?"
Liam's already nodded and gone when Marlo looks sideways at him. "You, uh… everything okay?"
"What?" Sam feigns ignorance, though he knows full and well that they've always tended more towards the light stuff when they're together. "Oh, sure, yeah… just… it's been awhile and…" He stutters before he takes a moment to just breathe, emphasizes his next point with a little dimple, "everything's… great."
Marlo studies him for a few seconds. He's holding his ground though; years of practice being put to good use. When she finally nods, he does too, thankful he's not the only one content to let things slide.
"Where is everyone?" Marlo wonders as she scans the half empty room; even on a slow night it's generally busier than this.
Sam picks up the glass that was just placed in front of him, takes a good long look before he swallows it down and chases it with, "Not sure about anyone else but the rookies got something on the go from what I hear."
"Hmmm."
Sam keeps his eyes trained straight ahead; doesn't take a detective to know she's looking for something in all of that.
Doesn't take one to know he's got something to hide either.
There's little conversation over the next few minutes as they both try and get a handle on what's not being said here. The only thing they're really sharing at this particular moment is space and although Sam appears to be content with that, Marlo… is not.
Her drink is only half done but when she sees Sam gulp down the last of his, she asks him if he wants to get out of there.
He does but…
"I think I'll just head… out," he tells her, pushing himself back a little to get the room he needs to get his feet under him.
"Would you like some…?" The words cut off in her throat and her arm stalls in mid-air when she feels more than sees him tense up.
He tries to cover it up by taking a step forward, but the only one he's fooling is himself.
"You're sure you're okay? You're awfully quiet, even for you," she teases, hoping to lighten his mood up a little.
Sam makes an attempt at a smile but the closest he can muster is a thin line. "Yeah, I think I just need to be away from… everything for a while."
Marlo's pretty certain he's worked the last two weeks straight, hasn't taken a day off since… "You should take some time away, clear your head," she recommends, "it's been a little crazy lately… lots going on…" She rolls her eyes at herself; she's not usually this… "You know I could…"
She swallows down her words once again, forces them to take a different direction, on a path of less… resistance, "… recommend some place."
"I'll let you know," he assures her. He doesn't look back when he says it though; he's in too much of a hurry to get out.
"Sure," she agrees, with more than a hint of sarcasm coloring her tone. She won't be holding her breath.
Sam's got one foot on the bottom of the stairs when the door opens; he's still not sure if he's going up or down.
He's been to and from the building at least three times already, finally making it up a couple of steps this last go round. He's torn though; doesn't know if he's supposed to be talking himself into or out of seeing this through.
His back is turned to the door when he hears a cackle behind him. "Let me guess… you were just in the neighborhood and thought you'd stop by. No wait, noise complaint." She brings her finger to her chin, looks to the sky, pretending to mull it over for a couple of seconds. "Of course they don't usually send a detective for that." She sits herself down on the stoop, but not before she makes a point of looking up and down the street. "At least you didn't bring SWAT with you."
Sam ignores the jab and the saccharine sweet smile that comes along with it. "Let me guess… you were having way too much fun and all that happiness was a shock to your system so you had to make a break for it."
She gives him some eyebrow, wonders a little if he's ready to make a break.
"Sure, let's go with that," she agrees monotone. "So what is your excuse? Last I checked you weren't even on the invite list; you looking for a little happiness of your own? Life choices not quite what you expected them to be?"
The muscle in Sam's jaw jumps but he clamps it shut tight. At this moment, he's mostly just regretting the choice he made to come here tonight.
"That's what I thought," Gail practically brags taking his lack of denial as all the confirmation she needs. "Where is that woman of yours anyway?"
"Not with me," Sam states unnecessarily, and if there's some confusion in his head as to which woman he's talking about, that's his business… well except for the fact that it looks like Peck might be wondering the same thing.
He watches her nod, though he's not sure at what.
"He misses her," she confesses, so quiet he almost doesn't catch it; isn't quite sure he knows, or wants to know, who he or she is…
"What?"
She huffs out a soft breath, "Nick," she answers sadly, "he misses her. I can tell." Her smile is wistful. "She's been running with Traci a lot. I…we tried working out together but it's just not the right fit."
Sam can feel his heart start to pick up an unnatural rhythm and he purposefully drops down onto the steps beside her before his body has a chance to give him away. "I'm sure that's not...
Gail's shaking her head, is pretty certain she knows what he's going to say. "No…he watches her…" she reasons, takes a furtive glance over at her companion, "almost as much as you do."
Sam's eyes are wide as he continues to stare straight ahead, realizes that maybe he isn't as good at burying his feelings as he thought.
"His girlfriend doesn't appreciate it," she continues a little bitterly. "Bet yours doesn't either," she surmises. "And if she doesn't notice, well…" Gail figures that's her problem.
Over the next few minutes, everything is still… at least on the outside. The only noises that penetrate their little bubble are the muted echoes coming from behind the walls.
"There's probably pancakes left if you want some," Gail offers with a shrug of one shoulder.
Sam doesn't say anything, just raises an amused brow – not your normal fare for a birthday dinner party but then again Andy is far from normal.
"I know…" Gail rolls her eyes, huffs out a soft chuckle as she tries not to give it too much thought, "but they're…"
"Andy's favorite," Sam recalls, "I know."
Gail drops her eyes down to study her hands. "I think he's in love with her," she admits quietly, rubbing her thumb along her empty ring finger.
Sam's breath catches in his throat. "What?"
"Nick," she answers with more confidence, "I think he's in love with Andy."
Sam swallows hard, tries not to think about all the times he's seen them together since they've been back, definitely does not want to consider the six months when it was just them but… "Why are you still with him?"
Gail shrugs her shoulders once quick and answers with surprisingly little bite. "Why is Cruz still with you?"
Sam's mouth opens but he just can't get any words to come out.
"Let me help you out with that," Gail offers. "He keeps telling me things are great and that there's nothing between them."
Sam shakes his head at the familiarity of the words. "You believe him?" He rolls his eyes at himself; she's still there so she obviously must…
"That's the thing. I want to believe him," Gail concedes, "or maybe I just hope that he'll get over it. I don't know."
Sam rubs a hand along the back of his neck, can feel the sweat starting to collect on his skin. "Is she…" He clears his throat, readies himself to try again.
But Gail decides to put him out of his misery; well at least she doesn't make him finish the question. "I think she loves him."
She's been staring straight ahead while they talk; they both have. It's just easier that way. So she feels more than sees him deflate when all of the air escapes from his lungs.
"But I don't think she's in love with him," she corrects quickly, "it's just…I don't know if he really believes the crap he's spewing or not." She finally turns to look at the man beside her. "Do you?"
Sam pulls his head back, blinks a few times in disbelief. "Do I believe him?" How the hell is he supposed to know what Army boy is thinking?
Gail rolls her eyes, stops herself just short of telling him to try and keep up… and she thought she was emotionally retarded. "Do you really believe it's over with you and Andy?"
Sam's eyes dart over to Gail, an unmistakeable frown marring his face. "It's not the same," he grumbles right before he looks away again.
"I know; I just…" She takes a deep breath. "If you think you can get past it and move on with SWAT maybe…" She closes her eyes for just a second. "But then that would leave Andy free and…" Her head drops over to rest against the railing. "God I hate this."
Sam and Gail both jump up off the step the second they hear the door opening behind them. When they turn, all they can see is the back side of a ponytail. Their wide eyes blink a couple of times at each other, both hoping that the other might take some kind of lead here.
It's not like they were doing anything wrong, but then why do they feel like they've been caught red handed?
Maybe it's the expression on Andy's face when she finally gets a good look. "Gail…I…" Her eyes land over on Sam and her mouth drops open. "Oh."
Gail watches the two of them stare at each other; they are completely oblivious to her and anything else going on around them. She shakes her head and takes a step towards the door. "I think I'm going to go in," she announces to neither one in particular.
Andy jumps a little at the sound of her voice, pulls her eyes away from Sam. "I'll come with you," she stutters, fumbling a hand out towards Gail's arm.
Her friend skips ahead a couple of steps though, gets herself just out of reach. "Nope… someone's got to keep Swarek company out here," she orders, flashes that faux sweet smile at him again. "He wasn't invited so he doesn't get to come in."
Andy frowns at the blonde before taking a deep breath and turning back towards Sam. She really doesn't think she's ready to be alone out here with him, but she doesn't want to just walk away either. "You can come in if you want," she offers, tipping her chin towards the building.
Sam shakes his head. "No, I shouldn't have come."
"Why did you then?" She wonders as Gail slips through the doorway undetected.
Sam flashes a quick dimple at her. "Happy Birthday," he bids sheepishly.
A faint smile tugs on Andy's lips as she looks down. "You remembered?"
"Actually I …there's been a lot…" Sam huffs out a frustrated breath, really does not like the fact that he didn't, hates even more that he has to admit it to her. "You circled it on my calendar a while back, I didn't really…there's…"
The smile is still on her face when she looks up at him, but there's no doubt that it's having a hard time staying there. And her eyes, Sam hates the sadness that he's put there once again.
In typical McNally fashion though, she tries to make him feel better, knows he's probably beating himself up. "It's fine Sam; there's really no reason for you to remember."
"Andy," he breathes out.
Her breath hitches at the tone in his voice, that soft, caring… she shakes her head and takes a step back. "It's fine, Sam."
He leans back against the railing, doesn't want to let her go just yet, searches his brain for something… anything to keep the conversation going. "So... pancakes?"
Andy huffs out a soft chuckle. "Yeah."
He looks over at her and grins back a little; he's taking it as a good sign that she hasn't walked away yet. He opens his mouth, wants to ask if Army Boy thought about the…
"With chocolate chips…" she adds before he gets the chance. "Semi-sweet."
Sam nods, knows she prefers the milk chocolate ones. He would have used the milk chocolate; there's nothing semi about Andy at all. He wonders if the guy was at least smart enough to get the rest of the toppings right. Sam still has a spray can of the real whipped cream in his fridge door; he's pretty sure it's out-dated but he just can't…
"…and Cool Whip," she continues, mostly just for something to say since he doesn't seem able to contribute.
They both jump a little when the door swings open beside them.
"Hey, we can't have cake without the birthday girl," Traci announces before she's even looked up.
She kicks herself a little when she spots Sam and he promptly announces that he should get going, waving off their invitation to come inside by assuring them he has something that really needs doing.
Everyone's already gathered around the table when the two women make their way inside; the candles are even lit.
Oliver pulls out the chair in front of the cake and ushers Andy into it. "Come on McNally, time to make a wish."
A flash of silver catches her eye as it speeds past the window. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as she thinks about what she wants more than anything.
The knock on the door startles her. No one's been buzzed in and she really isn't expecting anyone.
When she opens it up, it's even more of a surprise. "I thought you needed to be away..."
"I changed my mind," he announces with a steely sort of determination.
She nods, more to herself than to him.
She steps aside so he can make his way through. When he gets past, she closes the door behind him. But there's no need to lock it.
He doesn't plan on staying long… never has.
Gail opens the door to the Penny and scans her way around the room. When she finds what she's looking for, she steps to the edge of the counter and gives Liam her order. She points her finger over to the far side of the bar to let him know where she'll be.
At his nod, she makes her way over and slides onto the seat right next to Cruz. "We need to talk."
"Not really into all the touchy feel stuff Peck… especially now," Marlo mutters under her breath.
"Oh no?" Gail feigns surprise but neither woman is buying it.
"No."
Gail takes a leisurely sip of the drink that was just delivered, lets her eyes make their way around the room again. Andy is deep in conversation with Traci, who more than likely had to be dragged there. Still it's good to see her out.
Nick is sitting at the table with them. Even from across the bar, Gail can see that he's watching Andy over the rim of his glass.
When the door opens up, her gaze is instantly drawn over. She watches as Sam takes the seat beside Oliver; he must have been expecting him because he immediately slides an extra glass over to his friend and launches into a tale.
Gail shakes her head. Oliver's hands are waving around in some sort of re-enactment, but Sam is too busy searching the bar for Andy.
"You know he's in love with her," Marlo drawls out before she takes a sip of what looks to Gail like whiskey.
Gail snorts a little at the first personal thing she's ever heard the woman say. "Thought you weren't into the touchy feely stuff."
"Just… making an observation," Marlo maintains in that detached tone she uses more often than not.
Gail grins into her glass; she was making this too easy. "Which one?"
Marlo turns to the blond, her eyes narrowed. "What?"
"You said he's in love with her," Gail repeats with as much innocence as she can muster. "Just wondering who you mean."
Marlo can't stop her eyes from rolling as she turns back to her drink; she knows the woman's supposed to be blond but… "Your boyfriend," she scoffs tipping her chin towards the man in question.
Well…one of them anyway. "So's yours," Gail counters.
Marlo huffs out a disbelieving breath. She heard this one had balls, but this is the first time she's experienced it up close and personal. She chuckles a little at the irony. "Swarek's never really been the boyfriend type."
Gail actually laughs full out. "That's the part you're denying?"
Marlo shrugs a shoulder before grinning big back at the blonde. "What else is there?"
Gail lifts her glass, tips her chin at Marlo's, urging her to do the same before she clears her throat, starts in on what sounds like a dramatic recitation: "It's better to have loved and lost… oh, who am I kidding," she breaks off, "It's his loss. Good riddance, I say. I'm a catch, a great catch, and if he can't see that…" She turns to the brunette and lifts her drink higher. "Men Suck."
Marlo clinks their two glasses together. "Here's to never letting them leave a mark."
Gail's boisterous agreement garners attention from all corners of the bar. Andy's about to ask Nick what that's all about, when Liam strolls over with a full drink and sets it in front of her.
She looks first at the glass and then up at the bartender. She's about to tell him that she didn't order anything, but he beats her to the punch, points an identifying finger over towards the bar.
She peeks around him and spots Oliver grinning wildly at her. She has no idea what brought this on but she's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when it's Oliver; it's not often he springs for drinks. She picks up the glass and smiles her thanks as she tips it towards him.
Oliver shakes his head and her brow furrows until he lifts a pointy finger towards his drinking companion.
Her mouth drops open in surprise as she lets her gaze drift over to Sam. When he tips his scotch back at her in acknowledgement, her wide eyes bounce from him to Marlo and then back again trying to make sense of the distance between them.
She sets the glass back down on the table in front of her; stares at it like it might have all the answers she's looking for.
Sam's hand stalls mid-air; he taps his fingers against the tumbler as he waits for her to decide whether or not she'll be joining him. It takes everything he has to just sit and wait, especially when Collins reaches across the table to slide the drink away from her.
His breath hitches in his throat when she pushes Nick's hand away and shakes her head. She's still thinking.
It takes her a few more seconds, but then she picks up the drink; Sam's heart is swooped up right along with it.
Her eyes meet his across the room as she brings it up to her lips to take a sip…
…and a chance.