Faster than the Devil

Squalo was kicked back in the desk in a fairly empty room, legs propped on the desk and the chair tilted back on two legs, dangerously so. The teacher had long since left the room, grumbling about not wanting to deal with flunky delinquents. This left Squalo alone with two other nameless flunkies, wondering how Dino managed to get off the hook. The blond was just as guilty as Squalo for the fiasco on the football field.

Actually, it had been Dino himself to kick the ball into the much-larger kid's face. Damn Cavallone had a bleeding heart, he had to get involved even though it was very clear that the freshman girl was two seconds away from tearing the aforementioned larger "bully's" throat out with professionally manicured nails. More like fucking claws, bitch had to have them filed to a point, he swore.

But, no, Dino had to get involved. And when Dino got involved, Squalo ended up involved. And when Squalo got involved, things never ended well. As it always happened, the offended party took to lumbering toward the usually clumsy and very, very scrawny blond. Sure, Dino was more than capable of handling himself. He was a student of Reborn, after all. But, he was a clumsy work in progress, not even close to enough to yet be called a diamond in the rough. He was so far away from rough he was more like…

Loose gravel or something like that.

And even if Dino wasn't a dumb klutzy mess, this was school. And school was a strictly no weapons whatsoever zone even if your family has influence of questionable origin. And, as such, Dino didn't have his whip, which was really about the only thing he was even remotely proficient at that wasn't getting into trouble.

Dino was a magnet for trouble. Even if he wasn't looking for it, he found it. Especially when he wasn't looking for it.

Anyway, back to the reason Squalo was in detention and Dino wasn't.

The kid's face that Dino had slammed a round black-and-white ball into happened to be a senior. Dino and Squalo were juniors. Well, some people still thought Dino was a sophomore, given how scrawny the blond was, but Squalo digressed. This senior was maybe twice the size of scrawny little Dino. And not just in height. Bastard must have been one of the steroid-drowning sports buffs.

Moving on.

Dino, the dumbass, was staring up defiantly at this huge (ugly) senior waiting for the first punch. Dino, despite the dumbass-ness that he was, knew better than to throw the first punch. That was a surefire way to get in trouble.

In fact, the fucking moron was apt to take the beating so it looked like he was getting beaten to a pulp over a silly, pointless gym-class accident. Fuck no. Squalo wasn't going to put up with that shit because he was the one that was going to have to put up with Dino writhing and squirming and squawking over peroxide and bandages. Fucking wimp.

So, in a bid to avoid Dino wailing over disinfectant and Band-Aids, Squalo stepped into the situation before Dino stepped backwards and broke is fucking neck. He would have liked to say that it prevented a brawl but given that Squalo himself was usually more apt to talk with his fists…

It became a brawl.

And it was all Dino's fault.

Because he was some sappy moron thinking he was saving some freshman from a senior. Asshole.

Why was he friends with Dino again? Seriously. Dumbass was always doing shit like this. Read: getting him into detention and not getting any punishment himself.

Fucker knew exactly how to turn up that stupid dumb golden-retriever-charm. Moron. Dumb blond golden smile. Seriously, how did such a clumsy moron pull off such blatant brain washing?

Which brings us back to the current situation of Squalo being stuck in detention with some moron that apparently got caught with ferret in his pants, and some goth-looking chick that apparently hacked into the school computers in an attempt to change her grades. Not that Squalo had paid any particular attention. Actually, the ferret was just plain stupid. Who the fuck smuggles a fucking rodent into high school in their fucking pants?

People were fucking weird.

And where the fuck was that teacher anyway? Should've been back by now. Lousy educator, supposed to be supervising the ~bad~ kids. And he wasn't exactly keen on being left alone with a moron and his creepy ferret.

It wasn't like he had anything better to do, and if it weren't for ferret-boy, he'd probably be taking a well-deserved nap after such a dumb brawl earlier, but if the teacher didn't fucking come back soon, he was leaving. The ferret-boy was seriously starting to freak him the fuck out – he could hear the kid making these bizarre chittering noises like he was trying to talk to a dumb furry rodent. Squalo sincerely wished the stupid animal would claw ferret-boy's face off.

He was getting out of here.

The silver haired delinquent was gladly distracted by the bushes rustling by the classroom window. And the satisfactory sound of a familiar voice going "ow," "ouch," or any variation thereof. Yes, Dino. Get all scratched up in the bushes. Bleed a little. Please.

Sure enough, a head of sloppy blond hair popped up in view of the window, smiling disarmingly at Squalo. Squalo just rolled his eyes and got up from the desk as Dino finagled the window open for him to get out.

"I can trade places with you, if you want, Squ." God damn that smile.

"Fuck that, there's a kid in there that apparently likes having a ferret in his pants." Squalo climbed out the window and kicked it shut behind him.

Dino scrunched his face up. "Ew."

He straightened up and padded out of the bushes and away from campus. "Oh, hey, Squ—"

"Stop calling me that, dumbass."

"Right. Of course. Anyways, Squ, let's go grab something to eat. On me, since I got you into detention again." Dino smiled again, always that stupid fucking dog-smile. Fucker knew that practically no one in existence could resist that stupid golden retriever look. "Drinks are on me, too."

"Of course they fucking are."

At the request of a friend. uvu; Also I have no explanations for the title whatsoever. Just another drabble that I had far too much fun writing.