This is my first slash, inspired by the many beautiful tales on here involving Jasper and Edward. Hopefully I'll be able to bring something new and exciting to the incredibly impressive base already started. I've been toying with this idea for forever and couldn't wait to get it all down. There might be some errors because of my excitement, so let me know if you spot any. I hope you enjoy it... Let me know what you think!

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VALENCIA

… The story of how I grew the fuck up and fell in love with Jasper Whitlock

I never noticed Jasper Whitlock until my little sister Alice brought him home with her one day.

"Guys, this is Jasper," she announced. My brother Emmett and I stared at the tall, quiet figure still hovering by the front door. Jasper blushed a little under our attention. "He moved here a few weeks ago," Alice added, smiling and bouncing on her heels.

Emmett nodded first. "Nice to meet you, man."

Jasper nodded back and then his deep eyes moved to me. His face was stoic and he hadn't even spoken yet, but suddenly his presence overwhelmed me. I wondered why I never noticed him at school before. Forks was pretty small and I definitely should have noticed a new kid, especially someone like Jasper. Then again, I'd been pretty occupied with college applications and Bella.

My thoughts instantly snapped back to Jasper when he licked his lips. Never, and I mean never, had I felt a warm rush of lust over something a guy did. Until then. His tongue was small and pink and the little bit of saliva coated onto his bottom lip glinted in the fading afternoon sunlight.

Alice cleared her throat and glared at me because of my rude silence and I snapped out of whatever the fuck happened to me. "Me, too."

"Um," Jasper began, rubbing the back of his neck uneasily, "we've actually met. Well, kind of."

The three of us stared at him, waiting for him to explain. His cheeks reddened even more and his anxiety was obvious. For some disturbing reason, I found his behavior endearing.

"We… uh, have a class together."

That was interesting. "Which?"

His eyes met mine again, this time with more confidence. "Spanish."

Our superficial conversation shouldn't have felt so… thrilling to me, nor should I have felt like responding to the silent yet enthralling pull in his dark eyes… But I couldn't remember the last time I had been so interested in a person, especially within a minute of meeting them. Nor could I ever remember feeling entranced by someone's eyes, let alone a guy's. I started panicking, wondering what the hell was wrong with me that I was imagining this whole bullshit thing, and desperately wanted to look away. The fire in Jasper's eyes, however, that promised something so much more different than the mundane life I'd become used to was too irresistible.

"Oh, wow," Alice laughed, causing Jasper to look away. "Edward's so freaking unobservant. You probably sit right next to him."

Jasper rubbed his chest and laughed nervously. A strange warm drifted down my chest, into my belly, and straight into my cock. Fuck.

"Well, it's been fun but Jasper and I have some studying to do." Alice took Jasper's arm and pulled him to the stairs.

I waited for Emmett to do his typical "overprotective brother" routine and insist Alice keep the door open but he just shrugged and plopped down to watch ESPN.

I joined him and we sat in silence for a few minutes before I couldn't take it anymore.

"Do you think I should make sure they're not… you know?"

Emmett looked over at me incredulously before sputtering out in laughter. "Dude, he's as queer as they come," he finally chuckled, shaking his head.

"What?" I felt like ice was running through my veins.

"He's gay," Emmett stated plainly. "You didn't pick up on it?"

"No," I whispered, staring dumbly at the TV.

Emmett laughed again and patted my back. "Don't worry. It doesn't seem like Alice realizes yet, either."

A game was on and Emmett's attention was quickly captured, while I on the other hand sat and completely freaked out in my head.

If Jasper was gay, and I got turned on just by seeing him lick his lips and rub his chest, what the fuck did that make me?

-

Jasper came over a few more times that week to study and I made sure I was always as far away as I could possibly be. Sometimes I went out because just the sound of his laughter from Alice's room would drive me wild. In Spanish I'd smile weakly at him and then stare at my desk until the bell rang.

Despite barely interacting with him, I felt this crazy yearning to talk to him, to find out his middle name, to know him. I'd never felt this way about anyone, not even Bella.

Bella had begun to suspect something was up. My kisses were hurried and inattentive now. I was distracted whenever we hung out and moodier than usual. She took it all like a saint, making me feel even guiltier. I knew what the problem was—or who, rather: Jasper.

At night when I couldn't sleep, I played over the image of his wet lips. I thought about the day he bent down to pick up a piece of paper in the kitchen and his shirt rode up on his back, exposing a huge tattoo of a snake. I imagined his strong, calloused hands caressing my chest, rubbing my neck. Most of all I fantasized about the voice he rarely used, warm and low and husky in my ear.

These simple things never failed to get me hard, and as much as I tried not to think about them, or him, it all popped into my head the first chance it got. After a week of this, I couldn't take it anymore. I touched myself thinking of Jasper's face, of his eyes, of his incessantly jean-clad legs. And when I came, I realized I was crying and the shame kept me up the whole night.

But it didn't stop me.

It got easier after that first night, but only because I refused to let myself think about what it meant. I was horny and sexually frustrated, and thoughts of Jasper got me off. That was it. I thought if I gave into my lust in the darkness of my room with just me and my panting as company, it would be easier when I saw him in daylight. Unfortunately I was wrong.

Every time I saw him in Spanish or trailing after Alice in our house, the urge to talk to him grew stronger. I couldn't understand it. I wasn't gay. Thoughts of dick and other guys' cum and fucking testicles did not get me hard. But when I pictured Jasper, it was all I could do to not tell him I wanted to swallow him whole.

I knew things couldn't go on this way. He seemed to pop up wherever I was. He'd started trying to make conversation with me, too. Everyone picked up on my tension whenever he was around and began connecting the dots.

One day Alice barged into my room just after I'd thrown some jeans on.

"Jesus, do you ever fucking knock?"

"Ugh, whatever. Why do you hate Jasper?"

I froze. "What?"

Alice rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Don't play stupid with me, asshole. Everyone knows you don't like him. Even Jasper."

My mouth dropped. I guess I hadn't been all that discreet, but fuck.

"Uh…"

"Spill," Alice demanded, closing my door and leaning against it.

"I don't know what you mean," I muttered unconvincingly. Alice snorted.

"Whatever. He's coming with me to Newton's party tonight, so be nice."

She turned and slammed the door behind her. The blood rushed from my face and my heart pounded.

This wouldn't be good.

-

I purposely arrived a little late, avoiding the ride over with Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Bella. That would have been way too awkward.

When I got there, Bella was sitting uncomfortably on the sofa next to Alice who was chewing Jasper's ear off. As I walked across the room, he spotted me and I could have sworn his eyes lit up.

"Edward!" Bella sprang up and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Where've you been?"

I rubbed her back a little and forced a smile, all too aware of Jasper's eyes focused on me. "Sorry I was late," I evaded, kissing her lips a little to distract her. The trick worked and she sagged into my chest.

I heard Alice mumble something to Jasper and then they both stood and walked off together. I stepped back from Bella to get a better look and saw them climbing the stairs.

What the fuck?

Bella giggled next to me and wrapped her hand around my arm. "Alice is getting lucky, finally."

My head turned sharply. "What?"

"Alice and Jasper," Bella said, as though that explained everything.

"But… I thought Jasper was gay," I said weakly.

Bella grinned and shook her head. "What? Where'd you hear that?"

"How long have they been going out?" I asked, praying to God my voice didn't sound as weak to Bella as it did to me.

She shrugged. "I don't think it's serious… yet. I just know she really likes him."

I felt like I was going to be sick. I must have looked like it, too, because Bella lifted her hand to my forehead. "You don't look so great, Edward."

"Yeah," I said numbly, taking a step away from her. "I think I have to go home. Do you need a ride?"

She shook her head and watched as I walked away as fast as I could.

-

I lay in bed for a long time that night, imagining Jasper letting loose and showing some kind of emotion for once and hating that it would be with Alice and not me. I felt so disgusting for thinking that way but I couldn't help it. I wanted him and I didn't know what the hell to do about it.

So I decided to do nothing.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up to a light but constant tapping noise on my window. At first I thought it was raining, but when I looked up I saw a big pebble ricochet off the glass.

I slipped out of bed and hesitantly made my way over to the window. Jasper stood in the grass, his face hidden in shadows. He stopped throwing rocks when he spotted me and then gestured with his arms that I come down.

Like an idiot I threw on some sweatpants and met him downstairs. He was leaning against the pool house when I found him, looking like a drunken mess.

"Have you been drinking?" I asked quietly when I found my voice.

He laughed humorlessly. "Let's go in," he said instead of answering, gesturing behind him with his head.

I got the key from its hiding place and motioned that he go in first. He stalked determinedly inside, spinning on his heel to face me when I came in.

"Why don't you like me? Tell me," he demanded, his eyes burning and focused like a predator… like a snake.

I took a few steps back so that I was leaning against the wall and crossed my arms. Shrugging with a nonchalance I most definitely didn't feel, I said, "I like you."

"You avoid me," he accused.

I sighed and dragged my hands through my hair. He watched the gesture, seemingly fascinated. His reaction distracted me for a minute and then I realized we were in the dark, alone. All of my work had been for nothing.

"What do you want from me?"

His eyes flashed at my words and he moved closer to me. The ache I felt around him deepened and all I wanted in that moment was him.

But it was impossible, because that would mean I was gay. And I wasn't gay.

He reached out his hand and I held my breath because I knew he was going to touch me. Despite my previous thoughts, I wanted him to. Hesitantly but tenderly he stroked my cheek. I bit my lip to stop myself from sighing or moaning or something else equally as embarrassing.

"Whatever you can give," he told me softly.

Then he did something I never could have expected. He leaned over with no hesitation and kissed me. My gut reaction was to fight him so I pushed at his arms and groaned beneath his lips, but that only seemed to excite him further… and me, as well. My hips rose up with my exertion, meeting his. My hard cock rubbed against his and I moaned into his mouth, letting my tongue swipe out to wet his lips like I'd been dying to do since the very first day I saw him.

Jasper was thrilled with my reaction and thrust his body towards me as he grunted in pleasure. The growling in his chest vibrated against my nipples and I realized I was whimpering beneath him. I'd never been more turned on in my entire life.

He pulled away and ran a shaking hand through my hair and down my neck, finally resting it on my damp collarbone. "Touch me," he begged. He nudged my nose with his and kissed me gently. "I need to know this is real."

"I never…"

"I know," he nodded, his eyes meeting mine in the darkness. "Me either."

"But—"

"It's you, Edward. I want you."

I initiated the kiss then, never wanting it to stop but knowing it was too good to last. It was the most sensationally heartbreaking moment of my life.

Suddenly Jasper was gone and I was thrusting my hips into emptiness. I saw quick movements in the shadows and heard panting and grunts. Once my brain started working again, I hurried over to the light switch and gasped at the sight of Emmett kicking Jasper in the stomach.

"What the hell are you doing?" I cried out but he ignored me.

"I knew you were a fag!" he screamed. "I didn't think you'd fucking try to force my brother, though." He picked Jasper up by his beautiful hair. "Apologize!"

I wanted to defend him. I wanted to take him into my arms again and get back to the moment where everything was Jasper and his beautiful lips again. But his broken eyes drifted up to mine so hopefully and I knew it couldn't be. Emmett was with us, and there were just too many obstacles. I would never be ready and that would never be good enough for someone like Jasper. I tried to convince myself that in denying him now, I was saving us both a lot of trouble.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I knew he wasn't apologizing for kissing me. He looked sick, but not because of Emmett's beating. It was because he had to look at me, to look into my eyes and see that I was too scared… that I wasn't worth it. No, he wasn't "sorry" about kissing me. He looked sorry he even knew my name.

Emmett let go of him with a push and told him to leave. Jasper left quietly, leaving no evidence he was ever there except my swollen lips and Emmett's bloody knuckles.

--

I wish I could say I came to my senses the next morning, or over the next few days, or maybe the next week. But I didn't.

Before the incident I'd already perfected ignoring Jasper's presence. Now he ignored me right back. Alice never spoke to me about what happened that night but I knew he must have told her something because she barely talked with me at all. Every now and then I'd catch her staring at him with pity and glaring at me, but for the most part she ignored me too. I started hanging out more with Bella again and whatever suspicions she might have had vanished, or she pretended not to be curious, at least. Emmett kept his distance. I think that despite his actions that night, he knew I had been consenting, or at least suspected it. I didn't know what to say to him and it seemed he was at a loss, as well. So we just let it be.

So many times I wanted to apologize to Jasper or explain what happened or how much of a fuck up I was. Other times I was pissed at him for making me want him so badly. Most of the time I just missed him, which was strange considering I hardly knew him.

And yet I knew the exact length of his dick, I knew what it felt like pressed up against me, and I knew what he tasted like. I knew what it felt like to have his heart beat against mine, or his breath rasp against my ear.

At night, when I was once again alone in my bed and replaying memories of moans in the dark, I wondered if maybe that was all I needed to know.

--

Two months later I walked into school and rumors were going around that Jasper was in the hospital. He'd gotten into a fight over the weekend, but no one knew why or with whom. My gut reaction was to turn around and run to the hospital, to apologize and tell him that I really cared for him. But I spotted Emmett down the hallway, his eyes already one me, and I was reminded of why I couldn't. Emmett wouldn't be the only one who'd react badly if they knew how much I wanted to be Jasper's… whatever. What would my parents think? Bella? I had too much to lose.

So I went to class, never really listening to anything the teachers said. I tried to smile during lunch so Bella wouldn't know anything was wrong, but her concerned glances told me I had failed. Alice was texting frantically on her phone, to Jasper I imagined. I hadn't realized I was staring at her until she met my eyes. For once, hatred and animosity didn't glow in them. Instead she almost looked like she pitied me. I knew then that Alice knew everything, and I was a moron to ever suspect she didn't.

After lunch, I only had Spanish to get through, but being as Jasper's desk was achingly empty, the class felt interminable. Once the bell rang signaling the end of the day, I sped home and plopped down on my bed. I intended on staring at my ceiling and brooding away the rest of the day.

Alice, however, stomped into my room and hopped on my bed.

"What are you doing, Edward?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, not meeting her eyes.

"You belong at the hospital."

I looked at her, then. "Why? Jasper and I were never friends."

"He told me how he felt about you that night," Alice said, cutting to the chase. "I made a move on him, even though I already knew he wasn't interested. He told me he liked you. That night… I saw you, Edward. I saw the two of you kissing. I heard a noise outside, so I came out to see. A few seconds later I heard Emmett come out. I saw everything."

My eyes had shut at some point during her recollection of the evening I would never forget. In my mind I played over that night, reveling in the feeling of Jasper's smooth skin… his puffy lips… his strong hands.

"It's not too late."

My eyes popped open at that. "Not too late for what?"

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm not gay, Alice."

She shrugged. "Maybe not. But you and Jasper feel something for one another, and at the very least you should apologize to him, and be there for him when he needs you."

"Emmett—"

"Is ignorant, and will have to get over it. Otherwise I'll kick his ass."

"Mom and Dad?"

Alice snorted. "They probably wouldn't be surprised."

"Bella—"

"Would probably be relieved that it's not her. She thinks you've totally lost interest in her now. She keeps trying to get me to go with her to get her whole snatch waxed because she wants to freshen things up."

I shook my head. "It'll kill her."

"She's stronger than you think." Alice brushed her hair from her face and stood up. "In the end, it's your choice, Edward. Just know that whatever you choose, you're still my brother and I'll always love you, no matter how much of an asshole you are."

She started to walk out and then paused, her eyes glowing softly. "Just think Edward… What you will lose versus what you will gain." And then she was gone, leaving me alone in my dark bedroom.

--

It only took me about another minute to stand up and decide to act like a man for probably the first time. I grabbed my keys and hurriedly pushed my sneakers on, already trying to think of what I could say to Jasper to ever get him to forgive me.

I was a few steps away from the front door before Emmett's voice stopped me.

"Where ya goin', Ed?"

He had a half-eaten sandwich in his hand and a confused look on his face, but his eyes told me he knew exactly where I was going.

"To the hospital. To see Jasper." I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "That night, Emmett… That night, Jasper wasn't taking advantage of me. He kissed me and I liked it. I like him, but I've been too much of a shit to admit it." His mouth opened to speak but I held up a hand. "It doesn't matter what you think, so don't bother."

Without waiting for a reaction, I ran through the door and into my car.

--

When I got to the hospital, I started to second guess myself. What if his parents were there? What if he had someone throw me out before I got more than a few words out? What if he was too hurt to talk to me, both physically and emotionally?

I walked in, anyway, coming to terms with the fact that Jasper was worth all of that.

He was already looking towards the door, almost like he expected me. He looked terrible. A bandage stuck out underneath his eye, too white against his beautifully tanned skin. His eyes looked red, as though he'd been crying, and the once lusterous blue seemed faded. Exhaustion was written all over his body, and I knew that this was probably the worst time for me to do this, but I had to. I wanted—needed—to be there for him, to be whatever he needed me to be.

Neither of us said a word as I made my way over to the empty seat next to his bed, but our eyes never drifted from each other's. I waited for him to curse at me or to tell me to get the fuck out, or worse, to cry; but he didn't do any of those things. Instead he sat there calmly and watched as I sheepishly sat.

We sat quietly for a few minutes, he now playing with the plastic-looking hospital in front of him while I crossed and uncrossed my ankles repeatedly. I knew that I should speak first, I knew that I had to apologize, but I didn't know how to. I was such a fuck up, such a piece of shit… I allowed him to take the brunt of Emmett's fear, to slink around the halls and cringe ashamedly if I was too near him, and never once did I ever comfort him. I could only hope it wasn't too late.

"Jasper," I finally whispered, my voice sounding rocky and foreign. His blue eyes snapped up, concerned and wary. "How do I start this? What do I say—"

"You don't have to say anything," he interrupted quietly. "You don't owe me anything."

"But I do. I'm such a—"

"Please," he cut in again, his voice desperate and crushed. "I can't. Not right now. I can't deal with your misplaced guilt." His cut up hands pushed away the tray and he lowered his bed, a clear sign for me to leave.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"I'm sorry," I said firmly. "Sorry for so many things, Jasper, but most importantly for not being there for you… for being too much of a coward to acknowledge that I wanted just as much as you wanted that night… that kissing you and touching you and tasting you had been the most amazing sensations of my life." Jasper's face was now turned to the window, and I wasn't even sure if he was listening. "I'm sorry for not stopping Emmett, for not telling you how much I cared for you. I'm sorry for not being ready… for being too scared. We didn't even know each other—we still don't—and yet I feel closer to you than anyone else. I've never felt that before. I have spent so long alone with my thoughts. You threatened that." I shook my head. "I think I could love you… could have loved you. If I don't already." He slowly looked at me, a storm of emotion on his face. "It sounds crazy, I know," I said with a wry, sad smile. "But I'm not sorry that I met you. I'm not sorry I kissed you. I'm not sorry that I want to beg you to let me back into your life in some capacity." I looked at the floor, scuff-marked and cracked. "I don't deserve your touch or your forgiveness or your friendship. I don't even deserve you listening to me now. But I'm not sorry for wanting those things." My eyes met his. "I never could be. Ever."

I stood slowly, praying to God he'd stop me; that he'd tell me to stay. But he said nothing. He just watched me with those eyes, those eyes I dreamt about nearly every night.

"You made me find out so much about myself, Jasper. So much." I felt something drifting across my cheek. I realized I was crying. "Thank you."

-

Bella was sitting on my stoop when I got home. Her eyes were red and watery, and the guilt that had been nesting in my chest and stomach for months finally exploded. I had to stop for a moment in the driveway to catch my breath. I was such a monster.

I scanned her expression for a clue as to what she was thinking, but per usual she was incredibly unreadable.

"Can we talk?" she asked softly.

I nodded and sat next to her. The sky was sunny for once. Typical that it would be a beautiful day while I dealt with all the dramas of a teenager. Except I didn't feel like a teenager anymore, and the girl sitting next to me had suddenly morphed into a woman. She looked fierce and hurt, and I could tell I was about to deal with yet another difficult situation. And how I deserved it.

"You've been acting really strange for awhile, and I guess I'm wondering why that is. I keep asking and you keep deflecting… but I know it's something. I see you, Edward." I met her eyes. They were stony and determined, and more than a little sad. "At least I see a little of the part you hide. But I guess that's not enough… right? You shouldn't settle, Edward, and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve."

"You shouldn't," I whispered. "I don't deserve you."

Her hand touched mine and I looked up, surprised at the gesture. "Edward, stop hiding and being afraid." Tears started dripping from her eyes but she didn't stop to wipe them. "I know there's someone else, or at least the possibility or dream of someone else, and there's nothing I can do at this point to make you love me. I know that now. I've tried to change your mind, but I don't think it would be worth it." She smiled sadly. "You can't choose who you love. And the SATs are coming up soon and I really can't deal with all the drama. Can we act 18 for a bit and just relax?" We both chuckled half-heartedly, almost too heartbroken to make even that effort.

She stood up shakily and looked down at me with a beautiful smile. "I love you, Edward. I hope you want to stay friends because I seriously need you in my life."

I stood, too, and pulled her to me. My lips reached hers and we shared the saddest but one of the most beautiful kisses of my life.

"I love you, too. Thank you, Bella."

Her arms squeezed me before she took a step back. "You're going to be all right," she promised as she walked backwards to her car. "And don't give up. Jasper will come around." She smirked and turned to get into her car.

I stared after her until the sky darkened with night.

-

A week after I visited Jasper things changed dramatically, and yet somehow stayed mostly the same. I know that doesn't make any sense, but let me explain.

First of all, I told my parents about Jasper. They reacted as I expected they would: Mom avoided the topic at all costs and my father stopped talking to me. My mother acted mostly the same to me after I told her, questioning if maybe it was a phase and if I was really "that way" as she put it. She was as supportive as she could be, but I knew she was disappointed. My dad, on the other hand, only talked to me through general statements like "The trash needs to be taken out" during dinner to no one in particular, but since it was always my chore I knew he was talking to me.

It hurt me that I had obviously hurt my parents, but I felt a lot better after getting it off my chest. I knew they needed time, that it was a huge adjustment. I knew that better than anyone else. Still, I was almost positive they'd come around and accept me the best way they could, just as they'd been doing all the years of my life.

I hadn't spoken to Emmett since that last blow-out, and it seemed like he was avoiding me. I stayed away, taking the same approach as I had with my parents. He needed time.

The best was that Alice and I had grown closer than before. She supported me and encouraged me, and sometimes her enthusiasm was a bit much. She spouted questions like "Are you totally gay or are you bi?" and "Are you going to start dating now? There's this gorgeous guy in my economics class…"

Her questions and my mother's hopeful ponderings had been on my mind, too. Was I gay? Or was it just Jasper?

I looked at girls again and thought some were very attractive, but felt no real spark. Then again, I wasn't really interested in any guys, either. It was pretty clear to me that what I almost had with Jasper had been something special, something that couldn't be pinned down and analyzed and titled with some stupid label.

The biggest change was that I had let go of some (but certainly not all) the guilt I harbored over Jasper and Bella. Alice urged me to do it, telling me that I had to let go and move on. I had done my apologies, learned my lessons, and now it was time to apply them. It helped that Bella still talked to me and was just as friendly to me as when we were together. Sadness still lingered in her face, but I repeated my mantra that time would heal all.

It had to.

-

Two weeks after I visited Jasper, Alice flew into my room.

"Jasper is being released from the hospital tomorrow!" Her smile was big and bright. "Isn't that wonderful?"

My heart started pounding and my eyes shut involuntarily. "Yes." Yes, it was.

"Maybe you could—"

"It's over, Al. He doesn't want me. I don't deserve him. Remember?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Get over it."

An hour later the phone rang.

"Edward, it's for you!" my mother called.

I ran downstairs and took the phone, noticing my mother's strange expression. She looked worried, but she also appeared to be a bit amused. "It's a boy. That's exciting, right?"

It would be if it were Jasper, but I knew it was probably a friend.

"Mom, I still have guy friends…"

She shrugged. "Play it cool. If you like him a lot, don't let him—"

"I'm not Alice, Mom," I had to interrupt, holding my hand over the phone.

Mom grinned playfully. "No. But it's the same idea. Good luck, honey."

I held the phone to my ear and realized I was smiling, too, when I said "Hello?"

"We need to talk."

Jasper's voice was heavy and slow. He sounded tired.

"Visiting hours are only for another hour. Can you come now?"

I breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. "Yes."

He hung up without another word.

-

It was pretty much pitch black by the time I got to the hospital. The nurse at the desk told me I only had twenty minutes before visiting was over.

Jasper was already waiting for me when I walked in, just like the last time.

"You're such a fucking asshole," he said with a smile. This starter didn't sound like the rest of our interaction would go well for me. "You treated me like shit and acted like you didn't want what I gave you when our brother caught us." His sarcastic smile faded and his jaw clenched. "I fucking hated you for that. I never, ever thought another guy was hot. Ever. Then I saw you in Spanish class and got so hard I couldn't even remember my name when the teacher asked. You made me an idiot."

He took a sip of water and then looked at me with a frighteningly neutral expression.

"You want to know what hurt the worst, Edward? It's a tie between the memory of your face when I was on the floor, bleeding and crying after you didn't stick up for me, and the memory of your silence afterwards. I half-expected you to come seek me out and apologize. I fantasized we'd be in Spanish and you'd make some sort of declaration, like out of some fucking ridiculous teen movie." He laughed dryly. "What a joke. I'm so pathetic."

His blue eyes burned mine. "But I was still braver than you. I was as straight as they came and yet I sought you out and kissed you and wanted you and I wasn't apologetic about it." He took a deep breath. "But you were brave when you came to me and told me sincerely what you felt. These past few weeks I tried to put myself in your shoes, to see the situation from your eyes. I think I understand why you did what you did, but that doesn't mean I don't hate you for it." I flinched but he continued. "I want to hate you. I should. But the truth is… I think I could love you, too." He smiled at me… a real smile. "If I don't already."

I was stunned and confused. Was I dreaming? Was he saying what I thought he was saying? He repeated the words I used before… He actually remembered them and said them back to me.

"Are you… How could you forgive me?"

He smiled. "I have no fucking clue. If I wasn't attached to this shit I'd probably get up and kick your ass." His smile grew wicked. "And then I'd probably kiss the fuck out of you."

"Do you… I mean is this..."

"We can try," he said seriously, his eyes blazing. "I want to. I want to believe everything you said. Everyone deserves a second chance. It's just going to take time."

I smiled at his words. "Thank you."

"I get the hell out of here tomorrow at 9am. I told my parents I have a friend picking me up… You interested?" He smirked, knowing damn well I'd agree.

I nodded and sat in the chair for the remaining ten minutes we had. He told me more explicitly that he forgave me, and he talked about his hopes we could be something real one day. He jokingly emphasized the fact we were kids, and to top off the rest of the unknowns and frightening new crap teenagers always have to deal with, we had to deal with the especially tough situation of being gay.

We talked a lot in those ten minutes, more than I'd talked with anyone else in my life. I knew, as sure as I knew my family would come around, that Jasper and I would figure it all out someday. Together.

The nurse let me stay for another ten, but she threw me out after that. I smiled at Jasper as I purposely collected my stuff as slow as possible. He laughed at me when the nurse started yelling at me.

Before I left I paused at the door and turned around. Jasper's eyes glittered beneath the lighting as he stared at me. Hope and undeserved love were written all over his face, and I just wanted to run back and kiss him. Instead I asked him a question, a lead-in to all I'd ask him tomorrow.

"Jasper… What's your middle name?"

The nurse huffed impatiently next to me and rolled her eyes.

Jasper gave me a confused smile. "Hale."

I nodded. "See you tomorrow."

But I love you, Jasper Hale Whitlock is what I really said in my mind.

-

When I got home Emmett was shooting hoops in the driveway, ignoring me per usual. It still stung, but I walked passed him and headed for the door.

The ball suddenly appeared next to me, bouncing a few feet away. I ran and got it and awkwardly brought it back to Emmett. He took it without looking at me and started dribbling again. I internally sighed and walked back towards the house, remembering that he just needed time.

"You wanna play one-on-one?" Emmett's voice boomed from behind me. I spun around and he was still nonchalantly bouncing the basketball. "If I win you gotta do the dishes for me tomorrow night."

I stared at him for a moment, waiting to see if this was some kind of trick. I suddenly wondered if this whole day had been a dream—Jasper's forgiveness and tentative promise to try having some semblance of a relationship with me and Emmett actually talking to me. Panic swelled within me. That would just be too cruel.

Emmett must've noticed my panic attack but misinterpreted the cause because he said, "If you don't want to it's okay."

"I'll play," I murmured unthinkingly, the words falling out reflexively after the years we'd played this game. "If I win you have to take the trash out for a week."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. A week?" Emmett sputtered. "A day is more like it."

"Five days."

"Whoa, no way. Two."

"Three."

"Deal." It took him a moment but he realized what I did, just like I'd done all the other times. He threw the ball at me hard and fought a smirk. "You little shit."

In his own way, Emmett was apologizing. I had to take what I could get for now.

I started dribbling and got the first shot. It was late and I was tired and I'd had to deal with a shitload of drama someone my age shouldn't have had to… But I was still here and my brother, my best friend, was starting to come around.

Yes, I thought as we played. All everyone needs is time. Just be patient.

I took another shot and the ball fell in effortlessly. I laughed euphorically as Emmett cursed more and more and grew even more aggressive. I marveled at how the world as you knew it could completely shatter, and yet there were ways to find your way back. We interacted as we had months ago, and though there was still an unspoken and unrecognized tension, I felt so optimistic. Life, and Jasper, always gave you a second chance.

Maybe I was gay. Maybe I wasn't. The point was I was still me, the same Edward who sucked at dribbling but always made the basket, and Emmett was still the same douche bag who cursed and cheated and got away with it because he was so fucking loveable and hilarious.

At that moment I didn't really know what the future held. Jasper could do a complete 180 tomorrow and tell me he never wanted to see me again. My parents might never look at me the same way, and our relationship might always stay strained. I might never find a connection as deep and as life-altering as the one I might have had with Jasper.

But just then at that moment, as the wind danced around us and the moon watched, everything felt possible with time.

.