Today is a very big day.
He repeats this over and over in his head for no reason other than to scare himself. You know, to impress upon his subconscious the importance of this very big day.
She's done this before, but he hasn't. Oh he's come close, very close, but it just never happened the way it was supposed to.
He just cannot do anything stupid today.
So here he is now, at the back of the church surrounded by gravestones and grass and flowers clearly hiding and just trying to breathe.
"You'll talk yourself into a tizzy and the next thing you know you'll be running away and you will regret that decision everyday for the rest of your life," a voice rang out from behind him.
He turned around and saw a man in a grey suit with bright blue eyes and blond hair swishing about in the wind.
"I'm sorry, what were saying?" He peered curiously at the man.
"You were talking out loud actually, sounded like you're trying to scare yourself from going through with the wedding," the man said.
The man is not one of the guests of the wedding; at least that is what he thinks. Unless he is and old friend of Mary's that he has not met in the past few months of their engagement. There has been a barrage of people he has been forced to introduce himself to especially since many will not be present in this happiest of occasions.
But he seemed vaguely familiar.
"I'm not trying to scare myself. Just trying to make sure that I don't… cock things up," he replied.
"Telling yourself that this is the most important day is taking all the other very important days that are to come. You will cock things up the more you tell yourself to not cock things up," the man said.
"I take it you've gone through this before?"
"Yes, many years ago. Almost didn't make it to this point too, for exactly that reason. Told myself this was the most important thing, then another thing was important, but forgot along the way that getting to live with her finally was the most important thing."
The church bells suddenly chimed breaking the two men from their reverie.
"Well, it seems that you don't have much time to relax now. Just remember, this is another day, it's tomorrow and the rest of your lives that are the most important of all," the man said.
He walked away to the church and turned to look for the man again but it seems he's been lost in the crowd of people making their way inside.
Small gatherings still feel like an invading army when they are all late.
He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. Banishing from his thoughts the importance of today and focusing on tomorrow, waking up beside Mary and starting their lives as husband and wife. Finally.
The ceremony goes smoothly. She smiled beatifically at him and he is sure his heart was visible just from his smile.
They made their way back to Downton to greet all their guests. The blond man never showed up.
"Charles, what's wrong?" Mary asked as they made their way upstairs to change for their honeymoon trip. A honeymoon trip, but first seeing her room inside for a change.
"Nothing," he said smiling.
Then he noticed a picture sitting on Mary's vanity next to a small toy dog.
He reverently touches the frame, looks up at Mary whose face was trying to decide between crying with joy and nervousness.
And he understands.
Tonight, tomorrow and every single day after this are very big days.