The Winter Soldier

by Dustfingers-Angel

Amanda joins Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff on a one off mission and ends up being dragged into the situation with the Winter Soldier and HYDRA. During the interrogation of a HYDRA agent, Amanda finds out that she's a main target of HYDRA. The story picks up after they discover that Fury is alive. Part of my Amanda West series. Disclaimer: i don't own marvel

1. Chapter 1

The panic attacks started after New York. They scared me, left me shaking and miserable and alone. Never in my life had I felt so weak. The only consolation I had was that during an attack I couldn't use any magic – so I couldn't accidentally hurt anyone… again. I would wake up in the middle of the night, or break down at the mention of a word, or when I was alone and all the memories came flooding back, it would happen. I had never felt so weak until New York.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I stood with Tasha, Steve and Sam around Fury's bedside. He was alive – and that was the best news I'd heard since we'd got Phil back. We discussed our plan of action and shared the limited knowledge we had of 'The Winter Soldier'.

"Well," Fury said, "You are three of my best – after New York I have complete faith that you can finish this. Just stick together – do you hear me, West?"

… my best… New York… There was an uncomfortable twist inside my chest of guilt and shame, the affects of bad memories crushing me slightly; I nodded, "Yes Sir"

"Good, I'm not having Barton or any of your team on my tail for letting you dive head first into another suicide mission"

I looked at the floor. It had not been a suicide mission... but I knew why they thought that it was. The way I'd told Steve that I 'needed to get to Loki', then had fallen out of the sky minutes later a bloody mess. No-one else understood Fury's emphasis on my other team members, but I knew he was talking about Phil and how angry he would be if Fury let me get myself hurt... again. I knew Fury was trying to make light of my injuries from New York like I normally would, but I hadn't gotten to that place yet. Coming out of the coma and getting back into field work had taken far longer than I'd wanted; it was a slow, exhausting process that had left me fully aware of my own mortality. It was hateful.

I took a second to swallow and briefly close my eyes; breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth slowly, trying to keep my heart rate down… my eyes opened again. I looked up at Tasha with a deep sigh. She discreetly signed to me the question, 'are you okay?'

I nodded subtly and signed back, 'I will be'.

'Okay.' Tasha steered the conversation far away for me and New York while I quietly took deep breaths. I was almost perfectly calm again when Fury said;

"Well, West, you are the most experienced agent on this team – they'll be relying on you, you're in charge here – no screw ups, alright?"

I stiffened and tried to smile; I nodded my head robotically and twisted my ring on my finger. They'll be relying on you…I didn't want to be relied on. I clenched my fists again and again until my nails started to cut into my palms. You're in charge here…I couldn't deal with being in charge. I felt my breathing become harsh and my body started to rock with each breath. No screw ups…I couldn't cope with the responsibility that was being heaped onto me. As my breaths became shorter the trembling began. It all happened in a total of nineteen seconds. I gulped, pulling my long sleeves down over my cut palms "I need a second" I gasped harshly as I turned and rushed out of the room.