Author's Note: Decided to take a break from Odd Couples and do something Christmas-y. Ever thought how most people confuse a holly with a mistletoe? Strange...

"Why are you making me do this?"

"Because I can. I'm your boss."

"It's ridiculous. Besides, you don't even celebrate Christmas."

"Well, yes, but someone's going to nag me about not getting into that holiday spirit."

"No one's going to nag you, House."

"Shut up and just do it."

"Fine, fine. You know, this mistletoe really is nice. Who are you planning to kiss under it?"

"Nobody. The whole thing about kissing under the mistletoe is preposterous bull."

"You're not going to tell me, huh? Is it Cuddy?"

"No."

"It's not? Oh wait, you're lying. C'mon, I can keep a secret, you know I can."

"Yes, because Australians can be trusted. You still sleep with your kangaroo doll."

"How did you--nevermind that! You're not going to tell me, but I can tell it's Cuddy. You wanna kiss her."

"Oh my god, that was such a brilliant comeback that I almost took it seriously. Now, hurry it up."

"Be patient. There, I'm finished. So…how 'bout a small kiss for putting that up?"

"Yeah, right. Kiss this!"

"Ouch! Hey, that hurt! Hmm? A patient file? Wha--she's had seven seizures for the last five months? Well, House, you know how much I love you but I love a seizing patient more."

"So the blonde whore was a cover-up? Never thought you'd be so devious, Skippy. Now, get out and take care of that seizing patient."

"See you, House."

"Whatever."

"Hey, House, are we still going bow--oh, what's this? A holly? That's quite pleasant."

"You like it?"

"Yeah, but…what are you planning?"

"I'm not planning anything."

"Yes, you are."

"What makes you say such horrible things on a great, wintery day? You won't be on Santa's nice list with that attitude, you know."

"Oh, quit it, House. I know you're planning something. But, I just don't know what."

"You're stupid, you know that?"

"I guess you won't be on Santa's nice list either."

"But I'm not usually the martyr."

"You're the brilliant cripple that enjoys hurting others."

"Emotionally, not physically."

"You have done that to some people in the past, you know."

"Really? I don't remember. Oh wait, that's right. Well, let's not tell Santa about that."

"You're so intolerable."

"And yet, you stick around with me."

"Because I'm afraid you might not survive all alone. Humans need interaction. Isolation will just make things worse."

"Oh shut up, Wilson. You're getting annoying again."

"Ignoring that statement, are we still up for bowling?"

"Yep. Was that all you wanted to ask me?"

"Yeah, because you might have other plans. You may never know."

"…"

"Are you having a House moment? Because I'm sick and ti--"

"You really need to shut up."

"Wha…you--you…why'd you do that?!"

"It's not a holly, you moron. Look, it's a mistletoe."

"You set me up."

"Did I?"

"You knew that I would come to you for some crazy reason and you would make a move and k-ki--I can't even say it! Are you drunk? High? Both? We need to get you to Cuddy!"

"You're really that astonished? Thought you'd handle it more…maturely."

"I was caught by surprise! You kissed me! My God, House! You've gone insane!"

"Or you're just overreacting."

"I am not overreacting!"

"God, you do need to shut up. Maybe I should tape your mouth next since the whole kissing thing didn't work. Damn."

"Or you just need to start thinking sane for once!"

"Now, that wouldn't be fun, besides, you're only attracted to me because you feel sorry for me. About how brilliant I am yet my misery is equal to that brilliance."

"You're not making any sense now."

"Or your mind is just too blank from what had happened a few seconds ago."

"House…shut up."

"Says the guy that won't shut up about his best friend kissing him."

"That's the past. That should've been dismissed quickly but apparently, you're not letting go of it."

"Because you're not."

"I am!"

"Yeah, sure, your anger says it all."

"I think it's your turn to shut up now."

"Oh? What are you going to do? Tape my mouth shut? Because you're just stealing that from me."

"No."

"Then wha--"

"No, I'm not that mean. How about a kiss? Let's just say that it's…payback."

"So, you did enjoy it."

"I know you did. You wouldn't let go of my arm."

"That's just me. I always knew you were gay. That's why you're always at my side."

"I still can't believe you did that."

"I can. I did it. Though, your little 'payback' made me think 'he wants more.' You do, don't you?"

"Quit it."

"Yeah, start walking away. Make the cripple feel bad. But remember, you're gonna come runnin' back to me."

"Merry Christmas, House. Oh, yeah, do me a favor? Shut up for the rest of the day."

"Don't expect it."

"You idiot."