I never expected this. It was all so sudden. Being killed before realizing that I'd lived. Being alive before realizing I deserved to die. I should have. With them. What is this life, anyways? Is it just for satisfaction of being alive and not accepting defeat? Just a while ago before it happened; that was when I accepted death. But it will never come to me, will it? Or it will strike me in my sleep, calmly and painlessly. It will gently caress me in my dreams and quickly turn on me, being everything I'd never wished it would be. I detest the very fact that I, myself, will suffer a nonbelligerent ending. It only seems so that I may even experience such a thing as an end to my life. I refuse to believe I am even "living" at present. The horrible existence of the being I call "myself" is not a life, nor deserving to label itself as one. I desire pain and punishment. I desire torture and hatred towards myself. But the strongest true pain I feel, or ever will, is simply being alive. I believe, myself, that I deserve a fate worse than death. But it will never be graced upon me, for he will forever stay by my side. And I, Ciel Phantomhive, both detest and necessitate that.
It is, of course, my destiny.
Hii! Sorry this chapter was short! :((( I'll be continuing this one more often than the others, cuz the other ones are on my computer (which is pretty much broken atm). Sooo, I'll get back to you soon! ;) Goodbye, my wonderful sheep.