Prolouge

It had been 5 years since she had left to go soul searching on some distant part of the globe, 5 years since she had given up on them. He had laid his heart out on the table, practically begged her to come back home, to stay with him; but she said no. She gave up, and let him get on that god forsaken plane.

There isn't a day gone by where he doesn't regret that decision, he's played through the moment a million times in his head, constantly berating himself for not trying that little bit harder, for letting her slip through his fingers.

But she was always a free spirit, never shackled to one place or person, she was never his, he could never claim her to be his own, and yet, he couldn't help but feel so damn betrayed.

Anthony DiNozzo angrily ran his fingers through his long overgrown hair as he stared through the open doorway at the ghost that had decided to waltz back into his life.

"Are you going to invite me in?" She asked,

Begrudging Tony shuffled aside revealing the mess that was his apartment. Empty liquor bottles lay strewn across the carpet. Cabinets lay on their sides, their contents spilling across the floor. Broken glass was strewn everywhere, glinting menacingly in the harsh artificial light. The 50" flat screen, something which before had been DiNozzo's pride and joy was broken beyond repair, leaning haphazardly against the wall, a number of impact smashes distorting the screen, cracks spread their way across like eerie spider webs, the spacing of the impacts left little doubt that it was fists which had done the damage.

"What are you doing here Ziva?" Tony asked slowly

And it was now for the first time that Ziva studied the man in front of her. The Tony she had left 5 years ago was long gone, and she could barely recognise the man now. Tony's hair was long and greasy, and an unkempt beard marked his face. DiNozzo's shoulders were slumped and his eyes, which were set in sunken sockets stared solemnly downwards, the spark and love of life which had once filled them had long gone.

Ziva felt herself choke up, how could she of abandoned this man? She reached her hand out to place it on his chest and she felt as if she had been stabbed when Tony physically retracted away from her touch.

"I… I came to help." She said slowly

"And what if I don't want it?!" Tony spat harshly, making eye contact with her for the first time and Ziva drew in breath forcefully when she saw the anger and guilt which swirled in his green orbs.

"I know what happened Tony…" Ziva started

"No!" Tony shouted, interrupting violently "You know nothing of what happened, because you weren't here! You walked away and left us, you left me! And you don't get to waltz back in here pretending like nothing has happened, as if it hasn't been 5 years since I last saw you or heard from you! So no, you don't get to play Florence Nightingale now and come to help me, because it's too late Ziva. You left, and you never came back, despite how much I needed you. So you can't help me Ziva, because I'm well past the point of being saved, or even caring if I am." Tony said, breathing heavily and left looking physically exhausted from his outburst.

"I know you're angry Tony…" Ziva took a deep breath "And I know I have been selfish, I put my feelings before yours and I'm sorry I cut you out of my life. But I'm here now, for as long as you need me."

Tony chuckled humourlessly "Oh darling, I seriously doubt that." And with that he walked across the floor, not caring about his bare feet on the broken glass, as he walked over to the table, grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took a good hard swig before turning back to face his ex-partner.

Ziva decided to ignore that comment, "You need to stop blaming yourself Tony, it's not your fault she's gone…"

"SARAH!" Tony all but screamed "Her name was Sarah! And it's my fault that's she's dead!"

"Not from what I've heard Tony, the only person who thinks that you did anything wrong is you Tony." Ziva said softly, once again reaching out to touch him. He didn't resist this time and Ziva felt her heart skip a beat when her hand came into contact with his chest. She watched silently as tears streamed down Tony's face.

"Why are you here Ziva?" Tony asked again

"Because you need me." Ziva said softly, gently wiping a lock of his hair away from his eyes before caressing his temple "And I know I haven't been there in the past, but I'm here now. And I promise you Tony, I am not going to leave you."

"Why?" The question seemed so painful for him, as it choked out of his torn lips that Ziva nearly broke down into tears herself.

"Because I love you." She said simply

And that seemed to break Tony, he broke down into uncontrollable sobs, no longer able to support his own weight he sank to the floor, rocking back and forth, his body physically shaking with grief.

"I don't deserve your love, he sobbed out, his voice cracking "Not after what I've done."

Ziva took his face and cradled it in her hands, moving her thumbs make and forth in a soothing pattern. She felt lost and hopeless, she had abandoned him, she had cut him off from her life without ever looking back, for the fear that she would have come running straight back. She had been fleeing from her emotions for half of decade, and as a consequence she had had no idea that Tony had been going through the toughest part of his life alone.

She had been so wrapped up in her emotions and self-pity that she had never really thought to consider things from his point of view. Tony had lost every woman he had grown to care about, and had either had them forcefully ripped away from him, in the cases of his mother, Kate and Jenny. Or they had abandoned him; much like Wendy, EJ and of course her. And yet he still got up and put his bruised and scarred heart back on the firing line, and that made him the strongest and bravest person that Ziva knew.

But finally life had broken him, it had put him in the way of incomprehensible adversity and left to watch him crumble under the burden. Gibbs, McGee and Abby, too wrapped up in their own issues were too busy to see through Tony's already cracked façade, and by the time the mask had all but slipped away it was too late.

Ziva held the frail and broken man in her arms, rocking back and forth and whispering soothing words in his ear, and she wasn't sure if Tony was right, and it was really too late to save him.

This is my new story, and will be contain multiple chapters, unfortunately the updates will be very irregularly spaced as I will be going away sailing on Friday.

Anyway, please review!