At home with the enemy
As the sun set over the fortress of Barad Dur in the fiery land of Mordor, Sauron sat sorrowfully by an open window, his chin on his knees.
"Why can't I have my ring back? I made that ring, I want it back! Why won't those idiots give it back, dead boy?"
"Sir, I imagine that they are a little worried about the prospect of being killed or enslaved by you. And I would very much appreciate it if you would stop calling me "dead boy," muttered the ringwraith irritably.
"Hey, if you didn't want to work for me, you shouldn't have taken that ring, you greedy little pig!" Sauron was renowned for his kindness towards his servants.
"You never said that I would have to work for you, let alone remain a disembodied wraith for eternity!"
Sauron sighed exasperatedly.
"Do you expect me to tell you everything? Anyway, do you want me to fire you?!"
"I would like that very much, sir" the wraith hissed.
"Oh…well, you're not fired. So there!" Sauron stuck out his tongue and turned towards a nearby orc.
"I don't like you much," he pointed at the orc. "Come here."
The orc stumbled over to Sauron. Sauron poked it with a stick.
"You are very odd looking creatures. Why do I employ you again?"
"Err...well...maybe it's cause we look scary and cause you are the enemy of everythin' else..."
The orc soon realised that it had made a fatal mistake.
"I hate you! Why do you have to be so mean?!" Sauron hit the orc very hard on the head. It's head fell on the floor and rolled out of the door.
"Sir, I do realise that you employ a lot of orcs but it really does seem a bit of a waste to just, well, kill them," reasoned the ringwraith.
"Oh shut up dead boy! The only reason you're still alive…"
"I'm NOT alive!"
"..Is that I only have nine of you to choose from!"
The ringwraith raised a black eyebrow under his oversized black hood.
"You're only acting like this because you're parents spoiled you as a child."
Sauron immediately jumped up and shouted,
"I was not spoiled!"
"Oh, come on, it stands to reason. You were an only child and you're parents gave you everything you wanted so now you have turned into a childish, power-hungry tyrant."
"WAAAAAH!" yelled Sauron. "I am not childish!"
"Ah, whatever." The ringwraith picked up a skateboard and skated away (the evil-looking horses had the day off).
"I wish they could find a more appropriate mode of transportation!" said the wraith to himself.
"DEAD BOY!" Sauron's voice echoed through the hall. "GO AND KILL THOSE FELLOWSHIP CREEPS AND GET MY RING BACK!!!"
"Oh dear" the wraith sighed.
As the sun set over the fortress of Barad Dur in the fiery land of Mordor, Sauron sat sorrowfully by an open window, his chin on his knees.
"Why can't I have my ring back? I made that ring, I want it back! Why won't those idiots give it back, dead boy?"
"Sir, I imagine that they are a little worried about the prospect of being killed or enslaved by you. And I would very much appreciate it if you would stop calling me "dead boy," muttered the ringwraith irritably.
"Hey, if you didn't want to work for me, you shouldn't have taken that ring, you greedy little pig!" Sauron was renowned for his kindness towards his servants.
"You never said that I would have to work for you, let alone remain a disembodied wraith for eternity!"
Sauron sighed exasperatedly.
"Do you expect me to tell you everything? Anyway, do you want me to fire you?!"
"I would like that very much, sir" the wraith hissed.
"Oh…well, you're not fired. So there!" Sauron stuck out his tongue and turned towards a nearby orc.
"I don't like you much," he pointed at the orc. "Come here."
The orc stumbled over to Sauron. Sauron poked it with a stick.
"You are very odd looking creatures. Why do I employ you again?"
"Err...well...maybe it's cause we look scary and cause you are the enemy of everythin' else..."
The orc soon realised that it had made a fatal mistake.
"I hate you! Why do you have to be so mean?!" Sauron hit the orc very hard on the head. It's head fell on the floor and rolled out of the door.
"Sir, I do realise that you employ a lot of orcs but it really does seem a bit of a waste to just, well, kill them," reasoned the ringwraith.
"Oh shut up dead boy! The only reason you're still alive…"
"I'm NOT alive!"
"..Is that I only have nine of you to choose from!"
The ringwraith raised a black eyebrow under his oversized black hood.
"You're only acting like this because you're parents spoiled you as a child."
Sauron immediately jumped up and shouted,
"I was not spoiled!"
"Oh, come on, it stands to reason. You were an only child and you're parents gave you everything you wanted so now you have turned into a childish, power-hungry tyrant."
"WAAAAAH!" yelled Sauron. "I am not childish!"
"Ah, whatever." The ringwraith picked up a skateboard and skated away (the evil-looking horses had the day off).
"I wish they could find a more appropriate mode of transportation!" said the wraith to himself.
"DEAD BOY!" Sauron's voice echoed through the hall. "GO AND KILL THOSE FELLOWSHIP CREEPS AND GET MY RING BACK!!!"
"Oh dear" the wraith sighed.