Scars Will Heal In Time
Merton Dingle sipped his coffee, staring out the window at the grey sky. He jumped when he heard the bedroom door open. Footsteps sounded. He slipped back into a more relaxed state, scared expression replaced by a neutral one.
Nathan's fingertips caressed Merton's pale cheek, and Merton leant into the touch slightly.
"Your coffee's on the stove, Nathan," Merton said.
"You're up early, huh?" Nathan took hold of the mug's handle, taking his seat at the table across from Merton in the spotless kitchen.
"I couldn't sleep." Merton shrugged with a shy smile. He hesitantly held out his hand. "Hey, can I see the—"
"Business section. Yeah." Nathan placed it in his hands. Merton sighed contentedly and began to read. It was a good morning.
Merton pushed himself up, taking his cup to the sink and rinsing it out before he tore the first page off of the magnetic notepad. "I'm going to the store today. Is there anything you'd like to add to the list?" He stood at Nathan's side until Nathan reached the end of his article.
"Let me see it," he said, leaning over to look at it. "Mm. Maybe a couple new razors."
Merton immediately went to the drawer near the sink to grab a pen, adding Nathan's suggestion to the list. "Okay." He folded the list precisely, carefully, and put it in his pocket.
Nathan stifled a yawn and went to the fridge to do a quick inventory. "Maybe orange juice." He ruffled Merton's hair. "I've got to head out. Have to get there early this week."
Merton nodded. After hurriedly adding orange juice underneath his last addition of razors, he re-pocketed the slip of paper, and then leaned in so Nathan could peck him on the lips. "Good luck with the new boss."
"Good luck with that scene," he said in reply. Then he left.
Merton slid a couple crumpled and still-damp tissues from his pocket and tossed them in the trash, a little disgusted with himself. On some nights he would fall into this depression he preferred not to think about.
Add it up, all the times you've had enough
Waterworks and endless, sleepless nights
He scrubbed the untouched counters a little more before feeling up to the shopping trip. He put on his black coat and got into the hearse.
When he was getting some shredded cheese, he was startled to find a small body latch onto his leg. He looked down, calming himself just as he'd done earlier that morning. He gently peeled the boy off of him, picking him up.
"Where's that mom of yours, huh?" he asked, leaving his cart in the aisle as he searched. She was a couple aisles away, picking out some bread.
"Lose something?" Merton quipped.
Lori looked over, smiling. "Hey, Merton." She reached for her son. "Sorry about that. He's a handful. Which reminds me. Weren't you going to babysit for me sometime?"
"I thought it was Tommy's turn."
"Tommy's babysat like three times already, Merton."
"Yeah," Cole chimed in. "Your turn."
Merton ruffled his hair a little. "Okay, okay. How can I resist?"
"Great." She sat him down in the back of the cart. "Well, I'll bring him over Wednesday afternoon."
"Wait, bring him over? No."
"No?"
"I mean, he's, uh, used to your house. And mine's not baby proof."
"I'm not a baby!"
"He's almost four. He'll be fine."
"Heh heh heh. Stay there for a minute," he said to Cole, pulling the boy's mother aside. "Lori, I can't have him messing anything up. It's crucial that the house stays absolutely spotless."
"Why?" she asked, a little suspicious.
"Oh...Well, we have company coming over."
"You're good at cleaning, and I'm sure Nathan would help you. And when are you going to have Tim and me over for dinner, huh?"
"How about never?"
"Merton! Is this about high school?" She put her hands on her hips and he knew he was in trouble.
"No. No, Lori, I swear it isn't. I'll have you over. It counts as two babysitting freebies, though. Then I'll be even with Tommy."
She thought about it for a minute, then agreed. "Okay, deal. I feel like I barely even know Nathan."
"Yeah, Tommy too. Maybe I'll kill two vampires with one stake."
"I think he'd like that. He's been kind of lonely, you know."
"I know. Poor guy."
"Yeah. I gotta get going before Cole gets restless. See you around, Merton."
"Bye, Lori."
She watched him head back out to the cheese aisle, a slight frown on her face. Merton seemed nervous anytime she talked about his place. It was kind of weird.
Truth was, Merton was nervous to let anyone get to know Nathan. They'd only been together for a couple months, but that had been enough for Becky. When the family met Nathan, she had asked him if he thought Nathan loved him, just one on one. He told her of course he did. She said she wasn't so sure. He told her she didn't know what she was talking about and to get out. She'd made up some excuse and kissed their parents goodbye.
He loved Becky, but sometimes she didn't understand things. She just didn't understand. Nathan was great for him.
Hold it back. When the time comes to attack
You'll be ready; They'll say "you were right"
He just knew that, one day, Becky would see that Nathan did love him. But until then, he didn't want anyone else to get close enough. Becky was so smart. Lori was smart too. Tommy he wasn't so worried about, to be honest.
And they'll be coming back to see
Everything that I've seen
Because even though Nathan was a little...controlling, he could be great. He frequently bought Merton nice things without ever being asked. So it made him feel a little guilty sometimes. That was his fault, not Nathan's.
There was that time he was really sick, too, and Nathan had sat up with him, just holding him. He wasn't incapable of love or anything. He loved Merton!
They're gonna get it. Got it? Go!
'Cause you're gonna show that you're gonna go
All the way, all the way
You've gotta take it if you wanna make it
All the way, all the way
You want it, you need it
You won't be defeated
No, you won't
Well, most everyone else didn't matter that much. What was important was that Nathan knew Merton could take it. He'd been warned by an ex of Nathan's before—how cliché. He'd thought that sort of thing only happened in teen dramas.
He knew the ex was just upset over the break-up. He would have been too. Nathan just had high expectations, and Merton could meet those expectations. Most of the time.
There were times he didn't, though. But no one's perfect, not even the illustrious Merton J. Dingle.
He was a screw up when it came to romance. He knew that. And this whole boyfriend thing was still pretty new to him too.
Can't you see it's in motion?
But they were going places. They would be together for a long time. They had something special. Just because Becky didn't understand it and just because Nathan's ex was jealous didn't mean anything. In fact, both were probably indications they were doing something right!
Offer blood and devotion
Scars will heal in time
Of course, sometimes he had his doubts. It was becoming increasingly hard to please Nathan. He'd forgotten what his body looked like when it was all perfectly pale. Now it was always a little discolored, somewhere. Hey, it was the price of love!
He was still learning. So the training method was a little harsh, he was learning, wasn't he? And Nathan was just as good at comforting as he was at getting his point across.
Well, sometimes he didn't even need a fist to put Merton in his place. Those were the times that really shook Merton up.
The dinner with Tommy and Lori and Tim went well, but Merton was too nervous to appreciate just how well it had gone until they were all gone.
"What did you think of them?" Merton asked in the dark of the room, pressed up against Nathan.
"They're okay." A shrug. "Go to sleep."
"I'll be right back," Merton promised. He slipped out of the bedroom and padded across the hallway to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.
He touched his cheek lightly. It was still a little red from when Nathan had smacked him in front of Cole. To his knowledge, the boy had never told Lori. Otherwise, he was sure she would have said something. That was good, because it didn't mean anything.
It wasn't like there weren't aggressive guys all over the place. Heck, it was practically in the male code of conduct. He understood. Nathan liked the house clean, after all, and Cole had had his way with the kitchen and, well, an entire wall of the living room.
Merton had been holding ice to his cheek when Lori came in to pick up Cole, chuckling as he explained it was just an accident from when he and Cole had been playing outside. He'd tripped.
It wasn't until she was gone, thank god, that Nathan started yelling and started...punishing. Nathan wasn't stupid. Almost 4 or not, a kid was a kid. This was Merton's fault.
Merton had curled up on the ground, regretting his actions with each throb of his side. He had to force himself to get up and start scrubbing. He kept cleaning all night.
He rubbed at the mark on his cheek, feeling it twinge. There was something about some of the pain that had become therapeutic. It was a poetic thought, and a true one.
He slid his shirt off after carefully unbuttoning it, letting the silky material slide down his arms and onto the spotless white tile. He felt his side with a very ginger touch, frowning slightly. The bruisings required of him by Nathan in moments of mental lapse were anything but attractive.
Sometimes he hated Nathan for the things he did, for how unpredictable he was. At least his friends were none the wiser. They liked him, in fact. They seemed to like him!
Merton pulled away from the mirror slightly, staring at his own face again. Nathan didn't like his friends, though.
Nathan had never liked his friends. He'd been very jealous of them at first. Merton had stopped hanging around them all that much, contributing his lack of social availability to his old job as a writer for a TV program called Shallow Heights—which he thought was a good name, actually. It was a shallow show. But, hey, it was a start.
Of course, Shallow Heights had been canceled, and now he was looking to score a big break with, well, anything he'd written. He wasn't making money. He was indebted to his aggressive—intense, he reminded himself—boyfriend.
He had never felt so torn. On the one hand, he'd never felt so loved. On the other hand, he felt both unworthy and also like he was being...smothered.
He lifted the mirror from the wall above the sink. It was a small, oval mirror like he imagined the evil queen in Snow White might have used to find out who was the fairest. He sat down on the closed lid of the toilet, looking at himself.
He hated what he saw nowadays. It made him unaccountably angry. It made him want to break something. Nathan had beaten him to breaking himself.
He took the mirror into the kitchen and grabbed the manual can opener, whacking at the mirror until it cracked and chipped and the pieces glinted in the glaring light of the kitchen light fixture. He panted, breathing hard, dropping the can opener back onto the counter as they continued to shine, free.
An odd sense of calm washed over him as he looked at what he'd accomplished. He stared at the mess for a long time before finally starting to pick up the pieces. His fingers were getting cut as he threw the tiny shards away, but he just picked any lingering pieces out and washed his hands, heading back upstairs. He'd left the rest of the ruined mirror in its frame on the counter as he made his way back to the bedroom in the pitch dark. He didn't have the heart to pick it up just yet.
Nathan's arms felt good, his body solid behind Merton as he pulled him close. "What were you up to?"
Merton didn't answer, he just pressed back a little more, giving a contented sigh.
Smashing glass
Just to get past a cardiac
The next morning, he regretted not having thrown the rest of the mirror away.
"Merton." Nathan shook him. "Merton, what is this?" He held up the mirror.
Merton blinked sleep from his eyes. "Oh. Yeah." It even sounded dumb to him, but he couldn't think of anything else to say that wasn't a lie. "Sorry," he added quietly.
"Unbelievable. You have absolutely no respect for my stuff."
The harder that they come
The harder they will be falling down
"Nathan—"
"Get up." He gripped Merton's arm very tightly, yanking him up. Merton bit his lip on a sound of protest, gently attempting to pry the fingers from his bare arm.
"I'm sorry."
"Well, you will be."
"Nathan," he tried again.
He was hauled to his feet. "When you start bringing in money again, maybe we'll talk. But you owe me. Everything here belongs to me."
"I know," he sighed. "I know, I just got frustrated."
"Do you know how frustrating you are?"
"Um...very?"
"Funny." He dropped the mirror onto the bed, some remaining shards trickling down onto the covers, and gave Merton a shove.
Merton cried out, clutching his aching side with one hand, the other carefully helping him back up into a half-seated position, rubbing his knee. His knee felt like it hadn't had a good meeting with the floor.
Nathan scoffed, grabbing the mirror again and throwing it at Merton. It caught him on the knee he had up, the one he seemed to have hurt. Now he knew it was hurt. He stared down at the hardwood floor, waiting for Nathan to do something more.
Nathan started to walk off, and he made a noise of protest, getting up on his knees, gasping as he did. "No, wait!"
Crawling back to see
Down on shattered knee
Nathan slammed the door to the bedroom. Merton raised himself to his good leg a little unsteadily and curled up on the bed in defeat.
Lori and Tim came to visit him that day, unannounced, and it was Tim who checked the bedroom. "Dingle?" He screwed his face up in a mixture of confusion and concern.
Merton sat up, sighing. "Oh, it's just you," he said. "Get me my shirt. It's on the ground."
Tim held out the shirt, taking in the sight of him. "He's not a good guy, Nathan, is he?"
"Yes he is," Merton said firmly.
Tim paused. "He's not," he added a little more quietly.
"I don't care what you think, as long as you don't tell Lori."
"I need to tell Lori."
"Don't." Merton got up defiantly, shakily, before collapsing. Tim rushed over, helping him up.
"You need help," he pointed out.
"It's not broken or anything. It's just...tender."
"He beats you up."
"Oh, like you used to?"
"You know this is different."
"Yeah," Merton said softly. "He does it because he loves me."
They're gonna get it. Got it? Go!
'Cause you're gonna show that you're gonna go
All the way, all the way
You've gotta take it if you wanna make it
All the way, all the way
You want it, you need it
You won't be defeated
No, you won't
Tim made a face. He helped Merton to the living room where Lori got on his case about not being more careful when he was walking around in the morning and why he wasn't dressed yet because it was past noon already.
"He's sick today, Lori." Tim handed Merton some Aspirin and a glass of water.
"I guess we'll just make plans for some other time, then, huh? 'Robo Jockey' is coming out Friday, you know."
"Yeah, I know. Sounds good. See you around."
"Well can't we stay just a little while?"
"He needs his rest," Tim said firmly. "I'm not catching whatever he has."
"Do you mean whatever made him sick or some other aspect of his Mertonosity?" she teased.
All your life
They cut you down to size
Everything in time...
"Ha ha. Later, Lori," he said, smiling a little when she pecked him on the cheek.
"Later, Merton."
"I'll be right out," Tim said to Lori, watching as she left.
Merton looked away.
"I thought you were supposed to be smart."
"I am smart."
"Yeah right. If you're with someone who hurts you, you don't stay with them. That's Common Sense 100."
"101."
"Whatever. You stay here and my son's not coming over anymore. Not with him around. I can't believe you let that dork anywhere near my son!"
"HE LOVES ME!" Merton shouted, and Tim stared at him.
"He'll kill you."
Merton gripped the glass in his hand more tightly as he listened to the sounds of Tim leaving.
And what goes around
Always comes around
"Merton, we have to talk," Becky's voice sounded on the answering machine. "If even Tim knows, everyone knows."
And what goes around
Always comes around
"Merton, let me in."
He sat still, motionless as Lori beat on the door. She finally resorted to picking the lock. She lifted up his dark shirt, biting her lip at what she saw. He looked away.
"Oh Merton..."
"Go away, Lori."
And what goes around
Always comes around
"Is it true?" Tommy's voice asked.
Merton paused, not knowing if he should answer. Minutes passed like that.
"Merton?"
"I'm still here."
"Merton, talk to me."
Merton hung up.
And what goes around
Always comes around
"Nathan?"
"You're not supposed to call me at work."
"We have to talk. I need to ask you about something."
"It can wait until I get home."
Merton heard Nathan hung up, but he didn't close his phone for a good while.
"What is it? How's the knee?"
"It's okay. Nathan...why do you treat me...like you treat me?" He sighed, leaning against the arm of the couch, closing his eyes. "Why do you...you know."
"It's not that weird. I mean, underneath it all, you know you're my Merton, right?" He sat next to him, pulling him closer.
"Yeah," Merton said, "Yeah, I know that. I don't know why I lost track of that. I'm sorry."
You want it, you need it
You won't be defeated
No, you won't
"It's okay." Lips that spoke lies pressed a kiss to a slightly-marked cheek.