A/N: So I started this in April and lost all the inspiration for it after the finale so this is what came out instead. I thought I'd at least finish it. This takes place before the Finale just after Serena sees Nate and Jenny almost kiss. Please let me know what you guys think cause I haven't got a clue what to think of this one.
Thanks and enjoy!
xoxo
She should have known it would never work. The two of them, blue-eyed beauties, both with a tendency to mess around. She was surprised it didn't happen before now. She didn't blame him really. She had given him every reason to mistrust her, every reason to go and cheat. She was just too prideful for her own good, and it had cost her. That was all there was to it.
xoxo
He didn't know how this had happened. One second he's happy in love with Serena and the next he's left alone, on a couch with Jenny Humphrey, who in his opinion looks like a raccoon, and Serena is storming out of the apartment in a hurry. He tries to get up off the couch, move to stop her, but he can't seem to feel his legs, put one if front of the other. And that's when he realizes; Jenny Humphrey drugged him, and his girlfriend thinks he's been cheating on her for months. How is he going to fix this?
xoxo
Their first encounter is only a day after the whole ordeal. He makes his way onto the couch, the one that started this whole thing in the first place, Eleanor's couch. He knows she's home and Dorota has promised to go and get her for him. She walks down the stairs slowly, not knowing who is there for her. She walks into the living room to see him, staring back at her, the Serena he was used to know in his old Saint Jude's T-shirt. Words escape him as he just continues to stare even after seeing her lips move to form words.
"What?" he asks her.
"I said what are you doing here Nate?" Serena asks in a voice that seems to be completely unaffected. But he can see the storm in her eyes that's slowly brewing and it pains him to know that he's the cause.
He hears the words, "I just wanted to talk," and recognizes his own voice.
"I don't know what we have to talk about," she says coolly, attempting to pull the hem of his old T-shirt down below the middle of her thighs. His eyes followed the length of her legs and she shifted uncomfortably. He moves his eyes to meet hers.
"Well I just think that you don't know the whole story from yesterday… and I think you should cause it might change some things."
"Nate it won't change anything. It was bound to happen, and if it hadn't been you, it would have been me. Like you said, why should you trust me?"
He looked into her eyes trying to read them, but they were downcast on her hands, which she was knotting into one another.
"But Serena I—"
"Listen I think it's best that we take a break anyway, sort things out with ourselves. As far as I'm concerned we just both need to be there for Blair. We don't have to see each other, talk to each other. I know how complicated those things can be." He sat there speechless on the couch as she got up and went back to the start of the staircase. "You're welcome to stay for as long as you want, help yourself to the breakfast on the table. See you around Nate." And with that she went back up the stairs.
xoxo
"That's crazy, you and Serena are perfect for one another."
"Not according to her. She didn't even get mad Blair; she didn't say anything to betray her emotions. She just put up a wall and wouldn't let me in."
"That's Serena for you. She'd rather not deal with emotions."
"But even with Dan, he told me that when she thought Georgina and him had been together she went ballistic. But when it's Jenny, someone who she thinks has been interested in me for so long, how could she not even get mad?"
"I don't know Nate, but that's the other thing. I mean I wouldn't put much past Jenny but I have to imagine why she would go as far as to drug you. I know that she had a drug dealer boyfriend but seriously? How could she think this was okay? I was Queen and even I wasn't this bad."
Nate froze hearing those words and knowing what he would have to tell her next. "Well she says she it wasn't only her idea. That someone approached her and she thought it would be a win-win situation for her."
"That's despicable, who else would try to break you and Serena up?"
Nate thought back to his conversation with Jenny.
xoxo
As Serena left in a hurry Nate confronted Jenny, extremely groggy. "What did you give me?"
"Nothing, Nate we were having such good time before Serena showed up. Just kiss me like you were going to."
"Jenny I may be drugged right now but I won't touch you. How could you drug me and set it up so that Serena would see it?"
"Nate I just—"
"No, you know what, " he said, starting to feel his legs again, "All I have ever been is nice to you, I've helped you out when you've needed me, including recently, and yet you feel the need to mess up my life, to mess with Serena, to just interfere and ruin my life. So why Jenny? Why are you interfering? What could cause you to do this? Is it because you like me? Cause if that's the case you need to understand there is nothing between us and when I'm nice to you it's because I feel bad for you. Why Jenny? Why would you cause there to be distrust in my relationship? Why are you ruining my life?"
"Because Chuck said he wanted his friend back after his break-up with Blair and I thought we could finally get together if you and Serena were spilt up. So he came up with the plan to drug you and have Serena walk in on us. You were always so nice Nate."
"So you're saying I brought this onto myself?" he said, practically screaming at her. "That because I was so nice to you, you decided to break up my relationship? I expect Chuck to be twisted and do something like this, because this is his way of screaming out for help. But you? You know what's right and wrong Jenny and you did it anyway because it would benefit you."
"Nate I'm sorry. I just wasn't-"
"Thinking Jenny, you weren't thinking. Not at all," He said finally regaining feeling in his legs. He pushed his way off of the couch and looked down at her. "I'm sorry if it hurts you Jenny, but I can't be your friend anymore."
She started to plea, begging him to listen but the sight of her made him sick and he walked away out of his own house and out of her sight.
xoxo
Serena had no one to talk to. She had considered Blair an option until she saw Nate coming out of her place and she just couldn't bare to tell her best friend the whole horrible story when her opinion had already been tainted by Nate. She cursed herself silently, knowing that Nate didn't want Blair on his side but was simply in need of someone to talk to. Yet why she thought, why couldn't he talk to Chuck?
She decided that since Blair was out of the way, and her and Nate were not going to have a heart to heart, that Chuck was her only option. She dreaded the smug look on his face as he disciplined her on the ways of life and love.
"There is no true love and happily ever after Serena." He could already see his lips twisting out those words, hear the drawl in his voice and he told her the sad reality of his life, without Blair.
Maybe they could mourn their losses together, their lost loves that had made them better if only for a few months. She could see the humor in his eyes at that suggestion; almost see the look of disgust he would feel at her for admitting weakness.
Still she though, he was her brother, in every sense of the word. He would help her through it. That thought brought her all the way to his hotel where she stood in the lobby for twenty minutes trying to muster up the courage to go back to the room where she had ended it with Nate. Finally she stepped into the elevator and waited up the long trip. She closed her eyes, hoping her stomach would subside with a little encouragement. She bit her lips to the point of bleeding. Finally she heard the bell sound.
She stepped out and stopped. She couldn't move past the elevator as it all came rushing back to her. Nate; Jenny; the couch; the almost kiss. She slumped down and slid to the floor against the wall. With the loud plop Chuck was at her side and attempting to subside her tears.
"Serena what's wrong?" he asked, fear in his voice. She couldn't speak; only incoherent thoughts came out of her mouth. He picked her up and carried to the couch, about to put her down when she began to get hysterical. He stopped frozen and decided his room would be better. He sat her up on his bed and shut the door.
"I'm Sorry" she stumbled over her words attempting to make sense. "I just needed someone to talk to. My life is falling apart. I'm sure you know. I broke up with Nate. Blair and him are buddies now, and worst of all Jenny Humphrey is the reason for this whole mess."
Chuck stopped from his pacing. "You and Nate actually broke up?"
Tears cam to her eyes as she said," Yes and I know you don't believe in love and you know what, you're right Chuck. Love makes you weak, and vulnerable and jealous. It turns you into the type of person who can't forgive or who is too forgiving. It turns sensible people into crazy people. I'm tired of trying, tired of not being good enough."
"Serena who are we talking about right now? Nate? You know he worships the ground you walk on. He loves you. Nothing and no one could change that."
"Jenny Humphrey can. She and Nate were getting pretty cozy a few nights ago, right on the couch outside. Not to mention my own father doesn't even want to know me. Am I that bad of a person? Really am I?"
"Serena, Nate's lucky to have you and I know he wouldn't cheat on you for all of the Victoria Secret models in the world. You have to trust him."
"I can't Chuck, not after what I saw."
"Maybe…" Chuck started cautiously, "Maybe what you saw wasn't what it looked like." He stopped looking to her face for a reaction. Her eyes looked hopeful as she urged him to continue. " Maybe…" he continued, "Maybe you have to let your senses go completely and give yourself a chance to be with a guy who deserves you; because if there is anyone who will treat you right it's Nate. I'd bet my life on it. You may be hurt now, but if you can crack that shell that you've put up long enough to let him in then you'll see the truth."
She sat on his bed for a few minutes just thinking to herself before finally embracing him in a hug and holding him tight. He lifted his hands up, uncomfortable and then rested them on her back. He whispered, "I'm sorry," almost so low she couldn't hear him. But as she pulled away it registered. She went to ask him, "For what?" but before the words could leave her mouth Nate stormed into the room.
He looked pissed and after seeing the sight in front of him, his face got worse.
"What are you doing here?" he asked Serena rudely. "Did Chuck invite you?" His voice was laced with acid and venom as he said those words to her, accusingly.
"Excuse me?" she answered back, stonily. "Are you questioning me visiting my brother now? I'm sorry Nate I guess you're the one who has to worry about unfaithfulness, not me. Cause I've cheated on you so many times before right?"
"Well are you cheating on me now?"
"I'm not going to dignify that with a response." She shot back. "But even if I was "with" Chuck it wouldn't be your business because YOU cheated on ME."
He could hear the anger in her voice, see he tears forming in her eyes and he backed down, knowing he was over-reacting. She looked to the door, blocked by his body and rushed towards it, pushing him to the side as she ran to catch the elevator.
He moved to go to her and was stopped by Chuck who held him back. He shrugged Chuck's arm off of his shoulder and delivered a punch to Chuck's jaw.
"What the hell Bass? Why did you have Jenny Humphrey drug me?"
Chuck stood quietly in front of him, waiting for Nate to hit him again. When no punches came he looked to his friend's eyes. "I was selfish; self-absorbed. I thought that if Blair and I broke up that you and Serena were bound to. I was trying to save you more heartbreak."
Nate sat down on Chuck's bed, hands in his hands. "By breaking something that wasn't broken?"
"I figured out my mistake Nate, I tried to make amends. I got Serena to give you another chance. But then you had to walk in here all high and mighty and you scared her off again. She's probably halfway to Europe again man."
Nate sighed. "What do I do Chuck? I miss her so much it hurts. But she doesn't trust me. It's always been our problem."
"You just have to be there for her Nate. Just be there, jut keep being there. She's afraid you're going to leave her like her dad left her."
Nate looked at him and nodded, knowing he was right. The girl he loved more than life itself was damaged.
xoxo
Serena ran out of the Empire crying her eyes out. She felt so sick she ran to the nearest trashcan and threw up. She couldn't stop getting sick as thought of the night continued to flash through her head. It had only been a week since the break-up and she didn't know how much more of the pain she could take. "Anyone but Nate", she used to tell herself. "You'll be safe with anyone but Nate. With Nate, you have something to lose."
She was in love with him, always would be and she couldn't shake those feelings. But she couldn't believe that he would ever accuse her of being with Chuck. Did he think for a second about Blair? How could he think she could do something that would hurt her friend so much? He wasn't thinking clearly. He was just jealous, but of what she had no idea.
She pulled the strap of her Gucci bag back onto her shoulder and started to walk home. Her tears slid down her face blurring her vision as she struggled to put one foot in front of the other. She stopped in a random ally to use the building to prop herself up. Struggling with her emotions she didn't realize the events in front of her and at the sound of a gunshot she was startled.
She pushed off the building and made a dash for the street but was pulled by her shirt and thrown back into the ally. She tried to get up but was kicked in the stomach.
"You think you saw something bitch?"
"I didn't see anything, I swear," he said gasping for air as tears rolled down her cheeks. She clutched her stomach feeling a sharp pain in her stomach. This only made the thugs angrier as they kicked her repeatedly in the stomach and in the face. One kick hit her in the face and her head crashed onto the street.
She drifted in and out of consciousness as the thug whispered, "That's what I thought."
xoxo
She couldn't remember anything after that.
She woke up to silence. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling tiles, taking in the beep of a heart monitor and the chaos of a hospital outside her room. Her thoughts immediately went to the ally and then to Nate. Her eyes dashed to the seats by the windows but they were empty and the room showed no sign of human contact. She attempted to get up and a pain shot through her. She looked to the source, her stomach and saw that it was taped up. She began to panic and her monitor's went off. Doctors rushed in only to see her in distress and appeased her.
Lily came in with all her stateliness and was followed by Dan as they both took a hand and sat next to her on the bed. She looked to them confused as the doctor began to speak. She listened as he explained that she had suffered trauma to the head and gastro-intestinal region. He continued by telling her that she had pulled through a 5-day coma and seemed to be responding to stimuli well. She smiled and thanked him but Dan gripped her hand even more. She looked at him again as she heard the doctor say a word she didn't expect to hear.
"I'm sorry what?"
"I'm very sorry for your loss Miss Van Der Woodsen, but you suffered a miscarriage. Your baby is gone."
"My—"
"Baby. Serena you were a month pregnant," her mother finished.
Dan imputed, "Didn't you know?"
Tears began to fill her eyes as she looked to the doctor who confirmed with the nod of his head. She released the tears as they headed down in freefall and could not make them stop.
The doctor exited the room with Dan following him as Lily held her daughter in her hands and rocked her back and forth.
"Mom," she started through her gasps, "Mom where is Nate?"
"He's not hear honey."
"But the baby, the baby was his. Doesn't he know what happened?"
Her mother faltered. "Serena, he doesn't know about the baby."
"Why didn't someone tell him? He needs to know, his baby, our baby, it's gone." She continued to cry, her breathing messed up and hiccupping at random moments.
"Serena," Lily faltered, "Serena he hasn't been by."
Serena got out of her mother's grasp and looked at her in disbelief. "What do you mean he hasn't been by? He loves me! Of course he would come to make sure I was okay. He sat by my bed to make sure I was okay when we weren't even together. You must be wrong. You have to be wrong!" she said, becoming even more hysterical.
"Sweetie, you are broken up. Nate didn't come by."
"Mom I still love him and he didn't even come to see me? He's already moved on and forgotten about me?"
"Serena," Lily sighed, "I—"
"You know mom, I'm sorry thank you for being here. But I'd much rather be alone right now."
"Serena—"
"Please mom, just this once, do this for me."
xoxo
Serena had ended up staying the hospital for two more days, most of which she spent alone. Once she got home she stayed in her room and only allowed Blair to come in.
About a week after she was back she heard a knock on her door. "GO AWAY!" she yelled.
"Serena, it's me," she froze, "Nate."
Serena was silent. "Serena? Can I come in?"
She refused to answer. He hadn't cared about her last week, what made this any different? She had been mourning the loss of their baby for a week and he didn't even have to decency to go to the hospital and find out about the baby.
She pushed the door open by nudging his shoulder and took her room in. It was a mess like always but the girl he saw before him curled up in bed, was a bigger mess than she normally was.
"Serena…" he started.
"I don't have anything to say to you Nate."
"Please, I just need to know that you're okay."
"What this week is suddenly different from last week? Save your breath Nate."
"What are you talking about?" he asked frustrated.
"You couldn't come to visit me in the hospital but now I'm suddenly important? Please Nate, just leave and go hang out with Jenny Humphrey or your latest conquest," she said with a tremble and tears in her eyes.
He stared at her before opening his mouth to say something. She beat him to it. "Please, please, just go."
His eyes pleaded with her to listen but she remained unmoved and he slowly turned and left her room.
As soon as the door closed she broke out into tears and continued to cry until she fell asleep.
xoxo
The next day Blair went into her room and woke her up bright and early. "Rise and shine S. Today is a new day, one which you need to get some sun in."
"Blair, I can't okay."
"S, get over him already. You're too good for him anyway."
"He didn't even come and visit me Blair. He moved on so quickly that he didn't even care enough to know that I was pregnant, that WE had lost a baby."
"Wait, he didn't even come and visit you?"
"No," she said slowly breaking down as her friend held her head in her hands. After an hour Serena fell back asleep and Blair left like a woman on a mission.
xoxo
"Nathaniel Archibald, get you ass out of bed," she yelled as she walked past Chuck in the kitchen and into Nate's room. She pulled the covers off of his legs and he jumped from bed.
"What's your problem Blair?" he asked as he followed her back out into the living room.
"You. You are my problem Nate. How dare you."
"How dare I what?"
"How dare you not go and visit her in the hospital. How dare you not care! She is crushed because of what happened and you don't even care enough to know!"
"What happened Blair?" he asked yelling.
"She was pregnant you moron. Pregnant like with a baby and everything. And she lost the baby when she got attacked."
Nate stared at her not hearing her words. He sat down slowly on the couch and stared at the ground. Chuck came in and sat down next to him patting him on the back.
"Don't' you dare comfort him. He didn't give a damn so far, why should this make any difference."
"Blair, don't talk about things you don't know about."
"Of course you're going to defend him. I guess it's true what they say. You are who you your friends are. Congratulations Nate, your in the leagues of scum with Chuck Bass," she finished before walking out of the apartment and slamming the door.
"Chuck," Nate said vulnerably."
"I know."
xoxo
Serena had been cooped up in her room for nine days. It was a new record, far more than her break-up records, or daddy-issues records. She just rubbed her stomach and thought of what the baby would look like, the perfect combination of Nate and her, and cried. A knock came on her door.
"Come in!" she hollered.
Chuck entered the room looking very somber. He had been there to visit a few times and each time he was sickened by what he saw, the bruises on Serena's face had not completely healed.
"What's up bro?" she asked, attempting to sound cheerful.
"I have some stuff to tell you that you need to know Serena."
"What are you talking about Chuck? Listen if this is about Nate you can save it—"
"Trust me, you'll want to know."
She nodded and he continued. "Nate didn't cheat on you with Jenny, she drugged him."
"Chuck—"
"Serena just let me say what I need to say. She drugged him. I know that because it was my idea." She looked at him with horror. "I had just broken up with Blair and was in a bad place. I needed a friend and I wanted to save you both from this moment. She I played on your insecurities and I knew that he wouldn't cheat on you willingly so I had her drug him so that it looked like he had cheated. When Nate told me you guys broke up and I saw how devastated he was I couldn't believe what I had done. But by then it was too late. You had already seen what I wanted you to see."
"That doesn't change everything Chuck. He didn't even come to see me at the hospital! If he still loved me what's his excuse? If I'd even believe a word that you said."
"Whether you believe me or not this part is true so listen up. He did come to the hospital."
"No he didn't! My mom told me he didn't."
"Humphrey didn't let him in to see you."
"What? Chuck seriously Dan has only been supportive of me, why would he not let Nate in?"
"Exactly S. He's been your shoulder to cry on, he's the one who replaced Nate. Nate went up to see you after I told him. I went with him but I stopped to ask a nurse something. I got onto your floor and Humphrey had punched Nate, and Nate was sprawled on the floor listening to Humphrey threaten him and tell him that it was his fault you were in the hospital in the first place and that he better not come near you. Nate got up anyway and went to push past him when he called security to remove Nate. He went back home nursing a black eye, which is still healing, and Humphrey ended up comforting you, and putting lies into your head."
"Chuck… I"
"Believe it or not Serena, I do love you and what I am saying to you is true. You and Nate are made for each other and you shouldn't be apart because of my selfishness. If you don't believe me then ask Humphrey yourself or go look at Nate, and this time really look at him, not like the first time when you didn't really look at his face. Then you'll believe me."
She stayed silent.
"Either way Nate's at our penthouse torn up because he just found out you were pregnant from Blair who basically chewed his ass out. He's a mess and I don't know how to help him."
He started toward the door.
"And Serena, I am so sorry for everything."
xoxo
She heard a knock on her door as Dan walked in and sat on her bed, placing a kiss to her forehead. She noticed that they had gotten much closer in that week and he did have a lot to gain from the lie Chuck was accusing him of. After a few minutes of small talk and silence she said, "You know what makes me so pissed?"
"What?" he asked with a smile.
"People who lie to me."
His face got a shade lighter. "What do you mean?"
"Well it's just that Nate and Chuck swear to me up and down that I've got this the wrong way and that they both came to visit me in the hospital. But my mom says that they didn't and I just don't see her lying about it. But why would they lie about it?"
"I thought you said you weren't talking to Nate…"
"Well Chuck said on his behalf."
"Like you can ever believe Chuck," he said and she noticed him start to wipe his palms off on his pants. She was making him sweat.
"Still, did you see them there? At the hospital I mean…"
He looked at her and said, "No, I never saw them," but there was something in his eyes that told her he was lying as she pulled her had back as slapped him on his face. He looked at her in disbelief.
"You're an asshole," she said as she pushed off the bed covers and moved to the door.
"Serena, I thought- I love you Serena."
She turned around and looked at him on her bed. She thought for a split second and then responded back, "Well I love Nate. And it doesn't look like that will be changing anytime soon."
And she turned on her heel and left the room sprinting to the elevator.
xoxo
She rushed out of the elevator and onto the street not caring as camera phones took pictures of her make-up-less face and flannel pajama pants in the month of May. She raced down the street and continued on running until she got to the Empire, red-faced with windblown blonde hair.
She entered the hotel and security was about to remove the "freak" when they realized it was her. She pushed past them and entered the service elevator. She reached the twentieth floor, and then put in the four number combination to open the elevator to the penthouse. The doors opened and she found Nate exactly where Chuck had said he was in the morning.
He sat on the couch, staring at the floor, the little cracks in the hardwood floor. She rushed to him and sat at his feet.
"Nate," she said as he continued to ignore her. "Nate!" she said, lifting up his face so his eyes could meet his gaze. She searched his eyes for any sign of recognition and saw pain, regret, guilt, and loss written on his face.
"Nate, please don't ignore me. Listen, I had this whole thing completely wrong. And I've made a mess out of things but…" she tried desperately to get him to listen to her.
"No, you were right."
She looked at him, surprised that he had been listening. "No I was so completely wrong."
"I didn't care enough to get into that hospital and find out. You've been dealing with this… with this for a week and I had no idea, and I just chalked it up to fear or that you had fallen out of love with me, but it was so much more. And I had no idea."
"You couldn't have known. I didn't even know."
"The point is that I wasn't there when you needed me. Maybe you were smart to leave me. All I can do is hurt you."
"Nate, despite what I thought because I was hurt you didn't cheat on me! You never did and you did come and visit me. All of my hurt, all of my pain wasn't because of you, it was because of other people. But yours…" she started as she put her hand on his face and guided his face to her view. She noticed the mostly yellow look of a black eye and all her answers were confirmed. "Your pain was because of me, and my lack of faith in our love," she finished sadly.
He looked at her with a sad gaze and asked softly, "Do you ever wonder what the baby would have looked like? Whether it's room would be pink or blue? Or whether it'd have your nose and my eyes but still your smile?" he asked shakily.
She had tears in her eyes to match his as she smiled a watery smile and answer, "Every minute."
He let his tears roll down his face and bowed his head. She clutched his leg as they both cried together. He continued to shake as she hiccupped and they couldn't contain their sadness.
He whispered, "I'm sorry," after he had picked her up and placed her next to him on the couch, holding her close as they mourned together.
"What are you sorry for?" she asked him, once they had controlled themselves a little bit.
"It's my fault."
She looked at him with confusion. "What is?"
"Serena, we lost the baby because of me."
"Nate you're talking crazy. This isn't your fault."
"You ran out of THIS apartment after I said horrible things to you. You ran out onto the street and stumbled into that ally and got attacked. That's on me."
She looked shocked by his accusation. He was ready to take all the blame, when she and he both knew who had caused this miscarriage. She pushed herself off of his body and leaned far away from him to make sure he was listening.
She took a deep breath before saying, "Nate, we both made mistakes. I didn't believe what you were telling me, and you got hurt and lashed out. But we didn't cause our baby to..." she paused," to leave us." She shuddered. "The only person we can blame is the son of a bitch who attacked me, who kicked me in my stomach repeatedly, who hit my head against the street and made me go unconscious. That asshole is why we lost our baby." She started hyperventilating and he pulled her close and rocked back and forth as they cried together hoping that together, they could eventually heal.
xoxo
In the year that followed their miscarriage, Serena and Nate only became stronger together. The Humphrey's of the world had little to say once they had emerged from the Empire the day after their reunion. They had taken things slow and eased back into their relationship and within a few short months had felt like they were unbreakable once more. They had rallied Chuck and Blair back together after months apart if only for their sanity as a couple. Dan had gone on to be the emotion-filled writer he was supposed to be and little Jenny got a modeling job she just couldn't turn down in Paris. Life had been good to them as of late. Eric was happy with his new boyfriend and with Chuck and Blair back together the focus was off of them to be the perfect couple. They could just be Serena and Nate, not the Golden Couple, or the It girl and the Jock, or that UES couple.
They had decided to live together and with a ring on her finger and the key to his heart Serena was pretty sure that she was the only woman in Nate's life, other than he soon to be mother in law.
While the loss of their baby had been hard for them, they had gotten through it and resolved that everything, even the worst of the worst, happened for a reason. They decided they would wait to have kids, until a miracle decided to come to them, and that's when they'd be ready.
But today was especially hard because this was the one-year anniversary of their baby's miscarriage. Nate was waiting for Serena, who had gone to the bathroom in the master bedroom. She had been in there for a long time and Nate was worried. He knocked on the door as she opened it. He pulled his hand back.
"Is everything okay S?"
She nodded feebly as she tried to come up with the words to speak. He noticed her hand clutching a white stick and he moved his eyes to look into hers. His eyes widened, as if asking her to tell him what happened. She lifted it to his gaze and his eyes widened even more as he saw two lines on the stick.
"Are you…?"
"I took three tests Nate."
"So you are…"
"We're pregnant Natie. We are going to have a baby!"
He gently lifted her up in his arms and spun her around in a circle. "We're going to have a baby!"
She and he laughed and giggled as he picked her up again and brought her to the bed kissing her lips, and face, and neck happily. "Serena, we are going to be parents."
"I know Natie!"
He kissed her again and they lay together talking about their plans until they fell asleep in each other's arms.
Serena woke up after one in the morning and looked up at a very asleep Nate.
"Natie, I could never admit this to you if you were awake, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that this new baby is going to make us forget about our first miracle. And I don't want to forget."
She continued to look at him, wondering if he heard but his breathing remained even.
She went back to sleep.
He had of course heard her while he was "sleeping". He tried to come up with the perfect words to say to her while he held her in his arms in the early morning light. She shifted and he chuckled to himself as she snuggled her face into his chest even more and wrapped her leg around his. She woke up from his shaking chest and looked at him bleary-eyed.
He looked down. "Sorry I woke you up."
"What were you doing you anyway?"
He stared into her ever-blue eyes and said very softly, "Serena, I just want you to know that even though we have this new little adventure, that we won't ever forget about our first baby. I know I won't and I know you won't."
She stared at him, "How can you be so sure Natie?"
"Because this baby in your stomach," he started, gently tickling her stomach, "is the same as our first baby. It's you and it's me. And with a little help from the powers that be, our baby will finally come into our lives."
She looked up at me and it's like everything I said really was the perfect thing to say. But instead of telling me that she just snuggled up to me and said sighing, "It's our miracle baby and our second chance to be parents."
I smiled down at her a laughed, "And man do we know how to live and love through all of our second chances."
xoxo
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