"No amount of money is worth this," Naesala muttered, arms crossed.
It wasn't that Leanne was fussing over him like a hatchling. It wasn't that King Phoenicis was in the same building as him, nor that what he was about to do broke half a dozen of Ashera's commandments.
It was that he was wearing a dress.
More accurately, it was that he was wearing a wedding dress.
"I think the dress looks lovely on you," Leanne chirped, fiddling with the pins on his gown. "And you know you're not getting paid at all for this!"
"Then why, Leanne, am I wearing a dress?" Naesala asked crossly. "I'm not a woman!"
"You're in a dress because they don't make any wedding dresses in Sanaki's size," Leanne reminded him.
Ah. That was why.
"…And why am I marrying a midget?" he asked.
"She's not a midget! She's…" Leanne trailed off.
"…less than half my height." Naesala sighed. "Honestly. Isn't she, what, twenty-two now?"
"It's not her fault she's, err, vertically challenged," the heron chided gently. "Besides, short people are supposed to live longer."
Naesala sighed again. "And why am I marrying her in the first place? She's arrogant, spoiled, immature…"
"A really, really good kisser," Leanne added, "or so you've told me."
"But besides that-"
"Look," Leanne interrupted crossly, "the wedding'll only last a few hours, you'll have a nice dinner and no one'll mind at Tibarn for being jealous of you, and then you have your wedding night."
"That still doesn't explain why-"
"Wedding. Night." She let that sink in for a few moments.
"…Oh."
Leanne shook her head ruefully. "You're a pervert, Naesala."
"I am not!" he snapped.
"So why are you here?"
"…Wedding night?"
"Thought so." She pulled at Naesala's veil experimentally. "I don't see why you're so upset about this."
"I'm wearing a dress the size of a whale," Naesala replied with a snort. "Why wouldn't I be upset?"
"Look, at least Sanaki probably won't get bored during the wedding…?" Leanne asked hopefully.
Naesala shuddered. Sanaki was difficult enough to deal with when she was entertained, but when she was bored…
The last time, she'd ordered Naesala to start stripping. It had not ended well.
"…If that's what it takes to keep her occupied…" Naesala finally muttered.
Leanne giggled. "Well, now that I'm sure you're not going to leave her at the altar, I think I'll go see how Sanaki's doing." She stepped outside the room, then turned. "Oh, Naesala?"
"Yes…?"
"Since you're the one wearing the dress and all… Are you going to be Sanaki's wife?"
No amount of money was worth this. Then again, Naesala wasn't doing this for money.