Obviously if you are taking the time to read this you must possess the same disturbing mind that I do, or perhaps you are seeking to satisfy a morbid curiosity that is likely to get you killed one day. Maybe it's none of the above, and you've just so happened to unfortunately click on this story; now you must bear the consequence for your carelessness and be traumatized for life.
Perhaps I'm being a tad too morbid, but I will honestly say that after going through my last story I cannot help but wince a little (hence why I deleted it). The writing was so careless due to a heavy load of stress that life is always generous enough to bestow upon me. This is my evidence to you all on Fanfiction that I am capable of writing stories of a serious nature.
On another note, Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite novels, and although I am extremely satisfied with the happy ending Elizabeth and achieved, I wanted to address one of the characters that did not receive a happy ending. One of the romances Jane Austen presents us with is the type most women in this century were forced to endure; marrying men they felt no affection for in order to secure a comfortable home, and prevent the scorn of being an old maid. You can imagine the character I'm referring to. It is none other than poor Charlotte Lucas.
My sympathy for her led me to invision a scene that Jane Austen was kind enough to not dwell upon. With no disrespect for Austen's work I wanted to write this piece in the hopes that others felt the same way about Charlotte.
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The cold water from the wash basin numbed my face as it cascaded down my cheeks like silent tears. My frail body trembled as I reached for the soft, white cloth nearby and wiped away any evidence of wetness. The melancholy girl behind the glass somberly stared back at me; cursing me for placing her in this insufferable position.
"Are you out of your senses to have accepted this man? What an irate sense of mind you must possess to have willingly attached yourself to him!"
"There was no other way..."
My pale hands supported me against the wooden counter-top as I sought to catch my breath. I could feel a sudden faintness taking over me, and I willed myself to remain conscious lest I desired to spend my wedding night on the hardwood floor. Wedding night! Oh, how those words sent such a chill down my spine! With the knowledge that I would have to offer myself to such an impudent and repulsive man I could scarcely keep my wits about me.
"There is still time to free yourself from this horrid bond. Flee from the vows of marriage you do not seek to honor!"
"But what dark future shall await me if I do not submit to him? Is the reputation of my family to be thus polluted by my cowardliness?"
In the farthest depths of my being I could foresee the distraught faces of my beloved Mama and Papa as they were forced to carry the shame of association to an undesirable daughter. Of my own affliction I could not subject them to such scorn and ridicule. The Lucas family would not be tainted and made a mockery of by their flesh and blood. But was my virtue to be sacrificed for the sake of reputation?
"So you are resolved then. God help you..."
"There is no God...he has forsaken me."
I crossed through the threshold, the white material of my nightgown flowing behind me like the ghost of my former self. My face was a perfect mask; frozen in submission. The perfect wife.
The room was plain and unappealing, with chipped light pink wallpaper decorated with mocking white roses. The white curtains were slightly torn, and had since been pulled back to reveal the light of the full moon. My eyes focused on the moon, my one source of light in an otherwise dark room.
The fool I had attached myself to sat upon the neatly made bed, one leg crossed over the other. His fumbling fingers tapped the bed spread impatiently, as if he was a hungry animal waiting for his meal. My faintness nearly overtook me the moment his beady eyes set their sights on me.
"There you are, my dear!" He exclaimed as he crossed the room to meet me. My body shivered in protest as his hand came to rest upon my shoulder. "I understand how one's wedding night can be overwhelming, but fear not my dear! For the as the good book tells us, "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love." I am such informed on such matters, and I will be sure to guide your fragile mind with my expertise."
I related to the doe more than he could ever fathom. But I was meek and afraid, not full of undying love. It was strange for me to be contemplating love at the moment, for I had never sought after it. I had only asked for a man of a favorable stature to offer me his hand; was this not what I sought? My heart felt strangely cold and empty, and deep within I knew I would never be able to fill this void with the love I needed. This was the fate of a woman, and as his wife I would have to perform my duties to him.
"Now my precious, I believe it is time we retire for the evening, do you not think so?" His eyebrows lurched towards the bed, and I nodded numbly as I allowed him to take my hand and lead me to my demise. This would be the final resting place of the last piece of me that had been known as Charlotte Lucas.
With a sudden halt he turned to face me. For a fleeting moment I hoped he had sensed my fear, and out of the goodness of his heart he would not make me submit to him. Not tonight. Not until I had the courage. But to expect such a kindness from a man like him was a fool's way of thinking.
"Oh! You will have to forgive me, my most beloved Charlotte!" He squeezed my hand in an attempt at affection, but instead he had unknowingly squeezed it so hard that it cried out to me in pain. "I believe it is tradition for a husband to carry his newly beloved wife to the place where they will pour their souls into each other. So if you do not mind dear..."
It was not as if he was looking for me to agree; in his mind I was his property bent on obeying his every command. Awkwardly he attempted to loop his arms around my petite frame; struggling for several moments to find the correct position. When he finally succeeded in that, he then gave a tired huff as he attempted to remove my feet from the ground. For a mere moment I found myself airborne, but it took only another few moments for the both of us to topple to the floor in a heap.
He brushed me off of him as if I were a pesky fly. I lay there on the ground simply staring up at him as he rose to his feet. After he had groomed himself he then looked down upon me. "I am afraid you are not quite ready for such a passionate display of affection," He concluded all by himself. "Or perhaps we will need to lighten your meals."
He chuckled softly, and I helped myself to my feet. I was stoically silent as my husband led the way to our marital bed. I retreated to the darkest corner of my mind as he clumsily began to remove my nightdress and undergarments, and I closed my eyes to the world once he had succeeded in removing his own.
"Why must you shut your eyes, my dear?" My body trembled as his warm breath tickled my ear. "Are you so caught up in your desirous passion for me?"
I forbade myself to feel a thing, and I lay there numbly as he caressed my bare skin. I did not feel his lips descend upon mine. I did not feel his hands on my body. I did not feel him enter me; making us one as he merged himself within me. I would not dwell on the pain as my most sacred area experienced the physical side of love for the first time; shedding its red innocence for him.
I burrowed my body beneath the covers; eager to hide myself from his vulture eyes. I suppressed a cry as he wrapped his long arms about my waist; clutching me to him possessively. "Oh, Charlotte! Your shy, virginal antics make my love for you grow all the more!" His face burrowed into my dark locks; sniffing my hair. "Your maidenly scent is intoxicating! But forgive me for saying this, my dear, but when it comes to love making I believe you will need to learn a tad more from me. But do not let this revelation depress you my love, for the wonderful Lady Catherine de Bourgh has shown me how to embrace the helpless masses, and soon you will be making love like a proper wife!"
With a kiss on the cheek he bid me good night, and when his snoring resounded in my ear I knew he had fallen asleep. He would not see the tears I shed that night for the fate I had resigned myself too; only the frowning face of the moon could witness my misfortune and spare me its pity. I silently prayed to the God that had since forsaken me to spare my dear friend Lizzy from such a fate; to allow her to find the happiness in marriage she so believes in. I closed my eyes to the world, saying goodbye to the face of the moon, and thus embracing my duty as a woman.