'He's not coming back, Pepper.' Obediah told her. 'It's best if we make the necessary preparations and announce the funeral.' He was mourning, but it didn't sound like he was mourning from his heart. It sounded forced, almost as if he was faking it. It was like he was throwing Tony to the side without batting an eye. She didn't though.
No.
Pepper didn't give up on Tony. She still had faith that he was going to come back home. Deep down in her heart, she knew... she knew he was still out there, struggling to get home.
After Rhodey called her, telling her about Tony's kidnapping in Afghanistan, she felt numb. She didn't know how to react at first. She first felt empty, then that emptiness turned into sadness, and that sadness turned into continuous streams of tears. She thought the tears would never stop.
She still worked, despite Tony's absence. Obediah made sure the company didn't stop just for the disappearance of the CEO. She never stopped wondering whether or not Tony was going to come home. After her first night of sleep, she thought his kidnapping was a dream. She thought she'd wake up, get ready for work, drive to Tony's mansion, walk down to his workshop, turn down his music, hear him sternly tell her specifically not to, and then tell him the day's to-do list. Every day when she woke up, she would check her phone. She wanted to see a missed call, or a text message, from him. She wanted to believe that he was okay, that he was home.
But the call, or text, never came. Hours turned into days, and days turned into months.
'What am I doing?' Pepper asked herself one night. 'I'm mourning over my boss like he's... like he's more than just my boss... but he is, isn't he? In his drunken state, he told you about the night his parents died, the terrible relationship he had with his father, the love he had for his mother, the butler that passed away and was his last remaining family... He told you all of these things, and he remembered the next morning. He trusted you.' She looked down at her Blackberry that sat in front of her feet. The screen was dark, as it had been for the past hour. She hoped in that darkness was a little light. A light that told her everything she wanted to hear – his voice.
Some nights, after a terrible day at work, she'd call his cell phone. She'd listen to his voice in the voicemail – his smooth, husky voice – and leave him a message. At first she left messages about her day and how much she hated it. This only lasted for a few days. After hearing his voice from his voicemail countless times, she broke down. She cried during one of the messages and said how much she missed him, how much she wished he would just come home already.
She sat on top of her bed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. 'He's never coming home,' She told herself, hugging her legs to her chest. She frowned as her face scrunched up. She tried so hard to fight back the tears. 'He's gone. He's not coming back.'
Pepper gasped loudly as she abruptly sprung up from her slumber. She panted and silently cried to herself. Her body broke out in a cold sweat in the midst of the nightmare. She didn't know tears had rolled down her cheeks until she felt the drops land on her shirt. She looked down at her shirt before wiping her hand across her cheeks. She tried to rid herself of the tears, but they ceased to stop. She sniffed and cursed under her breath when she felt her nose stuff up.
She couldn't stop thinking about the nightmare. Obediah's words haunted her.
He's not coming back, Pepper.
Pepper let out a quiet sob and tried to calm herself down. It was only a nightmare, she told herself. Just a nightmare... right? She saw the light blue glow of the digital clock that sat on the nightstand beside her and checked the time. 3:41 AM, she sighed to herself. Great.
When she finally calmed down, the tears stopped. As she wiped away what remained of them, she quietly spoke to the one person that could currently help her.
"JARVIS?"
"Yes, Miss Potts?" His voice was always reassuring.
"Call Tony, please." She wondered if JARVIS could hear her silent pleas behind her request.
"I'm sorry. Mr. Stark is busy and has requested that all communication cease momentarily."
The AI's words felt like daggers, piercing her heart from all directions.
"Is—Is he... Is he okay?" She choked out, worried that he was hurt, or in trouble. She could feel her heartbeat increase by the second. The fear of losing Tony always did that.
"He is fine, Miss Potts. Is it urgent? Would you like me to override his request?"
Pepper sighed. "It's fine." She lied. "How long has he been on this mission?"
A second passed. To her, it was a second too much. "One week, three days, and eleven hours, approximately."
"Approximately..." She quietly repeated. She clutched the fabric of the t-shirt she was wearing, just above her heart, and squeezed as hard as she could. She couldn't remember how long she's had the nightmare. She thought they'd never return after Tony came home from Afghanistan, but they did. They reappeared after he told her he was dying. They reappeared again after the attack in New York. She thought they'd stop again, after she met his teammates, the Avengers, and after Killian, but they didn't.
Every mission, every night he was away from her, she'd have the same nightmare: the nightmare of him not returning, the nightmare of losing him, the nightmare of never seeing him again.
"Do you request anything else, Miss Potts?" JARVIS' voice snapped her out of her thoughts.
She turned to the empty spot on the bed beside her and let her hand graze over his soft pillow case. Her grip loosened on her t-shirt—his t-shirt. She always wore one of his t-shirts to bed. She could smell him. His scent was reassuring to her, and it felt like home.
"No, JARVIS, but thank you." She dipped her feet back under the sheets, hoping she'd be able to fall back asleep. She didn't sleep just on her side that night. She let her body slowly dip towards his side. She clutched at his pillow and held it against her chest. As her nostrils filled with his scent, she fell back asleep.
'He is dead, Pepper!' Obediah yelled. 'Why won't you accept that?!'
'I can't accept that.' Pepper spat back. 'You know he is out there! If this is your way of mourning—'
'I did my mourning, Potts.' He growled. 'It's been almost three months. He is gone. It was his time. He is never coming back. The company will not fall because Tony Stark did.' Pepper merely stared at him, shaking with anger. That's when Obediah took a step back and sighed. He regained his composure before he spoke again. This time, he put his hand on her shoulder. 'Listen, Pepper. I'm sorry, but we have to call it. It's...' He spoke calmly. '...It's the right thing to do.'
Pepper jolted up again, gasping for air and sobbing quietly. She couldn't breathe. The nightmares—they were beginning to be too much for her.
"Pepper?" She heard a familiar voice. "Honey?" She heard it again. She looked up and saw Tony. He was standing at the threshold. Small cuts were strewn across his face, and bruises were littered all over his body, or at least what she could see. It looked like he had just gotten back from the mission.
He quickly came up next to her filled with worry and dread. He knew the symptoms all to easily, after all, he's had nightmares for months before, and he still had them. He sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped his arm around her, hoping to help calm her down.
She covered her face and desperately wiped at the tears. She didn't want to cry in front of him, she didn't want him to see the tears that ran down her face, and she didn't want to look vulnerable in front of him. Her body, again, broke out in a cold sweat.
"Fine." She managed to choke out. "I'm fine." She leaned into his arms and shook her head.
She was not fine. She was never 'fine' after Afghanistan.
She buried her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his him, seeking his comfort and the reassurance his presence gave her. She was in emotional pain, and it hurt more than anything she's ever experienced. Her heart ached for him.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her, quietly shushing her. "It's okay. I'm here." He whispered, hoping to calm her down. "I'm right here." He pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head and slowly rubbed her shoulders, giving her as much comfort as he could.
It took her a few minutes to settle down. Afterwards, Tony went into the bathroom to grab a glass of water for her. He sat down in front of her and watched her a take a few sips.
"Nightmares?" He asked worriedly.
She looked like hell. Her eyes were red and puffy, and it looked like she hadn't gotten a decent night of rest in weeks.
She placed the glass of water in front of the digital clock on her nightstand. 7:51 AM. She looked back at him and quietly nodded.
Tony sighed and carefully watched her body language. "Want to talk about it?"
She shook her head and finally spoke. "No."
He frowned and scooted closer to her. "It's helps to talk about it. I mean, you were the one that said we're in a relationship, and relationships strive off of communication. So..." He pressed his lips together. "... We should talk about everything... even if everything includes periods and..." He furrowed his eyebrows, remembering her talk to him about her periods. "... all that good woman stuff."
She briefly smiled at his words. She remembered their conversation on periods—well, it wasn't exactly a conversation. It was more like a one-sided conversation, where she ranted and Tony painfully listened.
He always knew how to make her smile.
"Obediah." She started out. The name struck Tony like a knife. He hated that name. "Every single time you're away from me, on a mission or just in general, I keep seeing him in my nightmares." Tony listened intently and in horror. She has had these nightmares for how long, and she didn't tell him? "I keep hearing him... telling me that you're not coming back." She did her best to fight the tears that threatened to, once again, roll down her cheeks. "And then I'm reliving those long three months of your absence, and it's always the same thing... it hurts. Every single time, it hurts."
Tony's eyes slowly drifted away from her in sorrow. He knew how she felt, how much pain the nightmares were causing her, and how they wouldn't stop, no matter how hard she tried. He felt horrible. He never wanted her to experience that kind of pain.
"You're not alone, Pepper." He told her with sympathy. "I may not know the extent of how horrible it feels, but I know what it's like, and it's awful." He climbed on top of the bed and laid down beside her, letting the headboard support his back. Pepper leaned into his chest, rest her hand on his thigh, and felt his arm wrap around her shoulder. He hugged her close to him and kept her there. He didn't want her to feel like she had to face the nightmares alone. He promised her, as she drifted off to sleep again, that she would never be alone.
That week, Tony tried to help her suppress the nightmares. Even though Bruce wasn't that kind of doctor, he did manage to help Tony a bit during their 'therapy' session after the whole 'The Mandarin' ordeal. He told her to understand the nightmare and why it's happening, he told her to not eat before falling asleep, he told her to try and relax before going to bed, and he told her to try to think of happy thoughts. He told her not to think about the nightmares, but instead focus on what made her happy.
"You could always focus on me." He joked with a smirk. Pepper playfully hit him.
His techniques worked. The nightmares weren't as heavy, in fact, they were much lighter, and sometimes, they cease to happen. Her first full night of rest while Tony was away on a mission felt amazing, and the ones to come held the same feeling. They continued for a months, and at that point, she thought the nightmares were gone...
...Until Ultron happened.