"Hey everyone! This guy discriminates against the poor!" Gale exclaimed, whirling around and holding her hand up to grab the attention of bystanders.
"Hey, wait!" the shopkeeper said hurriedly, panicking. "I'll give you the discount, just... keep your mouth shut, okay?"
Gale smirked satisfactorily. "Awesome." she said blandly, approaching the island counter once more. She leaned her elbow on it, shifting her weight to one hip. From beside her, Garrus chuckled darkly, Grunt laughed approvingly, and Jacob pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing inwardly.
This was the fourth shopkeeper they'd hit. Jacob had no idea "shore leave" meant "fucking shit up on the Citadel" to Shepard. Whatever made her relax, he supposed. He crossed his arms over his chest while Gale punched in the requisition orders for new ignition sinks. Once she finished, she turned around with a satisfied smile. She walked to the threshold, tilting her head slightly to the side thoughtfully, wondering what she was going to screw up next.
"We should really be heading back-" Jacob started, but he was cut off.
"Nah." She used her pointer finger to hitch her sunglasses further up to cover her eyes. She hated the paparazzi, and though the sunglasses did nothing to obscure her distinct features, it made her feel cool. Jacob didn't understand her, but damned if she wasn't amusing.
A little human girl holding a fuzzy hamster in her small hands passed by, her mother at her side. Please don't see, Jacob begged God. Please don't let her see.
And of course, Gale saw. "I want one of those." she said, staring at the hamster with pure fascination in her eyes. Damn it, Jacob thought. Shepard had blatantly ordered The Illusive Man to get fish, and she wouldn't shut up about it until he reluctantly obliged. Three days later, they held a funeral (complete with suits, tinted sunglasses, and the world's smallest violin) for each and every one of the poor sea creatures.
Basically, everything Shepard touched, died. Jacob didn't know exactly what to think of that, considering the two of them were romantically entwined, but he liked taking risks. She turned around to face him, snatching his attention. "Get me one of those." she ordered.
How could he say no, when she was standing there with those silly freckles and soft curves and... He shook his head to himself, forcing himself out of his trance. "What are they?" asked Grunt, his gruff voice sticking out among the quiet chatter.
"I don't know, but I want one." Gale replied.
"They're hamsters," Jacob supplied helpfully, "Are you sure you want one, Gale? The last pets you had died after three days."
"Well, they were intent on dying," she argued. "This one's different. I want one." She stuffed her hands into her jacket's pockets stubbornly, staring at Jacob expectantly.
He sighed, defeated. "Fine. Come on."
She grinned, her gold canines showing. Jacob felt a smile rise to his lips despite himself, and he walked past her towards the transit station. He opened the door to a skycar, but just when he was about to get in, Gale gripped his forearm to stop him. "I wanna drive." she said, shoving him aside and climbing into the driver's seat before he could stop her.
Garrus beat Jacob to protesting. "Shepard, need I remind you of the Mako?"
"Oh, please, that was just to fuck with you because you get car sick easily. Get in." Gale gestured towards the backseat, intent on getting her way.
Garrus visibly gulped before clambering into the backseat, followed by a ready and eager Grunt. Jacob hesitated, contemplating whether he should just stay behind, but in the end, Gale won. She always did. He stepped into the passenger's seat and sat down, then closed the door. He held onto the car door tightly, bracing himself for a wild ride.
To put it shortly, the ride went smoothly. At first, anyway. It wasn't until the landing that Gale got impatient, and when she got impatient, things exploded. They always did. The skycar flew towards the landing pad at top speed, crashing into two more skycars and evoking a mild explosion. Smoke was billowing from the dash and a small fire was ignited, but apart from a few scrapes and bruises, everyone was relatively unharmed.
Gale hit her nose on the steering wheel from the inertia, blood trickling down her nose when she straightened back up. She turned her head to look at a glaring Jacob, the biggest shit-eating grin on her bloody lips. "Awesome." she complimented herself.
Jacob looked over his shoulder to make sure everyone else was alright. Grunt was laughing merrily. "Let's do it again!" he exclaimed joyously.
Garrus's eyes were wide with terror and his hand had a death-grip on the emergency handlebar. He was frozen. "I. Hate. Vehicles." he seethed, almost shaking.
Gale clapped him on the shoulder, still grinning. "There's more where that came from." She went to open the door, but the entire thing fell off as soon as her hand touched it. She stared at it blankly. "Oops." With that, she shrugged and got out of her seat.
Jacob clenched his jaw but jumped out of the car, immediately conspiring a million excuses for the C-Sec officers as to why his girlfriend was batshit crazy. He started following behind Grunt and Gale, but halted when he realized they were missing someone. He turned around and saw Garrus still frozen in his seat. "Alright, someone save the turian." he quipped.
She turned around with an irritable sigh. "Garrus, let's go."
"No." he protested firmly.
"Garrus."
"I don't wanna."
"Garrus."
Jacob sighed, then marched over to the skycar and over to Garrus's seat. "Grunt, come here." he ordered. The krogan shrugged at Gale before joining Jacob's side. "Garrus, you have three seconds to get out before we carry you." He felt like a scolding parent. He scowled at himself.
"You can't make me." Garrus insisted, still staring at the seat in front of him.
Jacob exchanged a nod with Grunt, then the krogan lifted Garrus out of the seat and hoisted him over his shoulder. "Let's go, turian bad boy." teased Grunt, heaving a deep breath.
"Ugh." Garrus used his hands to push himself off of Grunt, then walked on his own back to an impatiently waiting Gale.
She pulled a sucker out of her pocket, unwrapping it then putting it in her mouth. She looked over her shoulder and sure enough, a unit of C-Sec officers headed by Bailey were on their way over to them. "Shepard, this is the third skycar you've blown up." he scolded once he reached them.
She took the sucker out of her mouth long enough to reply. "So I'm not good at parallel parking. What of it?"
"Somebody is going to get killed." Bailey retorted, a tired look in his eyes.
Gale wasn't one for handling problems in a diplomatic way. She smiled mockingly at him, then activated her Omni-tool and sent a sum of five-thousand credits to his. "Does that cover it?"
He gave her a confused look, but once he saw the price ringed up on his own Omni-tool, he nodded with a sigh. "Next time, have your friends drive."
"Grunt?" Gale looked over her shoulder at the krogan, who had a mischievous grin on his lips.
"No, not Grunt." Jacob intervened quickly.
She rolled her eyes in response. Bailey looked between them, then nodded once more to himself. "Right then. Continue on with your business. Taka, take care of the car." he ordered.
She brushed past him, her party in tow. Once she laid eyes on the pet shop, her pace sped up with excitement. That poor animal, Jacob thought. They reached the pet shop in due time, and while Gale browsed through the hamsters, Jacob pulled up his Omni-tool to check how many credits he had. Five-hundred.
The next paycheck from Cerberus couldn't come fast enough. "Jacob!" Gale called.
He perked up and joined her side, then she pointed to the hamster she wanted. From the looks of it, it was a winter white dwarf hamster, but that wasn't what grabbed his attention. This one was biting all of the other hamsters in the cage and scaring them away. "Are you sure? It looks like a bully." he said dubiously.
"I know. I want it."
Of course you do, he thought, chuckling to himself. He waved over an employee, and they were soon on their way. Gale ditched the hamster's carrier box as soon as it was handed it to her. She placed the creature on her shoulder instead, looking more satisfied than when she exploded the skycar.
From behind them, Jacob could hear Grunt giggling madly. He spun around to see what the krogan was giggling about, catching sight of four hamsters scurrying over Grunt's body. Jacob gave him a disapproving look. "Did you steal those?"
"No! I did those little humans a favor." Grunt protested defensibly. His stubborn frown turned into a smile as he picked up one of the hamsters and tickled its ear. "I named this one Shepard. And this one. And these two."
"You named them all Shepard?" Garrus inquired in disbelief.
"To honor my battlemaster." Grunt clarified.
Gale was nodding approvingly. "I like their names." She hitched her sunglasses back into place, then put her hands back into her pockets while the hamster on her shoulder nestled into the crook of her neck.
Jacob exchanged a look with Garrus. Those two were often the ones that had to suffer Gale and Grunt's shenanigans, and they were also the ones always bailing them out of jail. That didn't look so good on Garrus, who happened to be an ex C-Sec officer. Still, this wasn't the first time Jacob and he had exchanged this look.
"And what are you naming yours?" Garrus asked Gale.
A devious smirk rose to her lips. "Mako."
"You wouldn't."
"Already did."
Garrus gave her a begrudging look, but dropped it. "Where are we going next?" he asked with a heavy sigh.
She pursed her lips to the side thoughtfully. Then, she looked back up at Garrus with a mischievous look in her eye that meant trouble. She pressed the comm button on her jacket, paging Cortez. "Did those Cortana 57 heat sinks come in yet?"