It was, once again, a normal day for Skweeker, Twiggy, and myself. The three of us had decided to spend our day at the mall.
Of course, as it will all through everyone's life, Nature called and I had to go spend a penny. Since we girls generally travel in herds (as do guys, we have discovered - not that's it's a bad thing), Twiggy and Skweeker accompanied me to the restroom.
As I flushed the toilet, something strange happened. A black, swirling vortex appeared in the toilet bowl. Opening the door to the stall, I called for my two friends to come and have a look.
Skweeker looked down into the potty. "Man, Monkey, what did you eat?!"
Looking a bit alarmed, Twiggy asked, "You're not going to jump in that too, are you? Last time you led us into a hole, we landed in 1899 with the newsies."
"And psychotic ones at that," Skweeker added.
"You know, Twiggy, I wasn't considering jumping in," I began, "but since you gave me the idea..."
"Oh, no, Monkey. No," the two muttered as I stood, placing one foot on each side of the toilet seat.
"Cowabunga!" I yelled, jumping down into the vortex.
Instead of plunging straight down this time, I twisted and turned quickly. I'm surprised I didn't get motion sick or something. Eventually, I fell through the bottom of the vortex, landing exceptionally hard on a metal table in a dark room.
Wincing, I looked around. There were straps for arms, legs, and a head on the table I was on. Beakers, flasks, and tubes of strange, glowing liquids lined the shelves. It reminded me of one of those mad scientist or Frankenstein movies.
I sat up and groaned. There was Weasel from "Newsies". I didn't know if I could take the insanity.
Weasel walked with a limp and had a hunchback. "Hello...girlie!" he said to me in a raspy, nasal voice. I made a face at him.
"Call me Weagor," he said. Curiously, it rhymed with "Igor". "Dr. Snyderstein will be here any minute!"
"Who?" I asked.
Before he could answer, Skweeker fell through the vortex and landed on Weagor. "Luckily," she said, "this time I landed on a fat man. I'm just glad he doesn't have a crutch. What is THAT?!"
I looked to where she was pointing. Crutchy was lying on a table...or at least it looked like Crutchy. His bad leg had been replaced with...a crutch! He had bolts sticking out of his neck and stitches around his forehead.
"That," Weagor answered, "is Dr. Snyderstein's Monster!"
"Wahh!" Twiggy yelled, falling down through the bottom of the vortex. She landed on Weagor and got up quickly.
Just then, a door at the top of a stairwell flew open and evil laughter was heard. "I am Dr. Snyderstein!!!" came the scream. It was, as I had suspected, the warden-turned-mad scientist Snyder, er, Snyderstein. He was wearing a long white lab coat, big black rubber gloves, and black-rimmed glasses.
"Girls, witness the wonders of my creation!" he screamed, taking hold of a lever and pulling it down. Blots of electricity shot around the room, concentrating themselves on the bolts in Crutchy's neck. He stuck his arms out and sat up.
"IT'S ALIVE!!!" Dr. Snyderstein howled, laughing maniacally. "MY CREATION IS ALIVE!!!"
The first thing that came out of Crutchy's mouth was, "Heya, fellas, how ya doin'? Huh? Huh?" He then turned to see Skweeker, Twiggy, and I. "GOILS! T'ree goils! Youse them goils that landed on me!" he exlaimed, pointing at Skweeker and Twiggy.
"Yes, and those three will be my next experiments!!!" Dr. Snyderstein yelled.
"Not if I can help it!" Twiggy exclaimed, picking up a flask and chunking it at the professor. It hit him square in the forehead, and he sprawled out on the ground.
"Nice shot," I said as we ran up the stairs and found our way out of the building.
Upon our exit, we realized that we were back in 1899. The main thing that lead to this realization was the fact that Kid Blink came up to us. "Hey goils!"
"Hey...Blink," the three of us greeted him.
"Well, I can't stay and talk. I'm hiding Arthur."
"Why?" Twiggy asked.
"Someone made him mad," was his reply as he started running down the street in no particular direction.
"Well, that's scary," I muttered.
"Let's go to Brooklyn," Skweeker said. "I wanna mess with Scrawny."
In agreement, Twiggy and I followed Skweeker down the street in the direction of the Brooklyn Bridge. I spotted Skittery standing by a wall, counting bricks.
"Nine hundred ninety-eight..."
"Hey Skit! Long time no see!" I yelled at him.
"You messed me up!" he yelled. "One, two, three, four..."
Somewhere along the way, Mush and Racetrack caught up with us. "Hey, when'd youse get here?" Mush asked.
"Just now," Skweeker answered.
"Monkey made us jump into a toilet," Twiggy added.
Both Race and Mush gave me a weird look. "That's just gross, Monkey," Race said.
"We're going to Brooklyn," Twiggy said. "Do you wanna come with us?"
"We would, but we just got woid from Jacky Boy that there's a meeting of the Worshippers of the O Sacred Cowboy at the lodging house tonight and we have to go," Race answered.
"The Worshippers of the O Sacred WHAT?!" I exclaimed.
"Cowboy," Mush answerecd.
"You mean there's a shrine to Jack?" Skweeker asked.
"Yeah...all the Manhattan newsies gotta go or else we'll get kicked outta the territory," Race said.
"That's weird," Twiggy said. "Let's go see!"
We followed Mush and Race to the lodging house on Duane Street. As we walked through the front doors, we heard a low hum.
"What's that?" I asked in a whisper.
"The newsies upstairs. They've started ceremonies already," Mush said, with a look of fear in his eyes.
We ascended the stairs and made our way to the bunkroom. Peering through the doorway, we saw one of the weirdest things we'd ever seen in our lives.
Jack stood, surrounded by newsies. They were in circles around him, bowing like Muslims in a mosque to Jack. He stood there proclaiming, "I AM THE COWBOY! I AM YOUR LEADER! BOW TO ME!!!"
The newsies started going, "Ohhhhh," and bowing to Jack some more. Skweeker, Twiggy, and I burst out laughing, mocking the boys in the room. Suddenly, all chanting and bowing stopped. Jack came over to us in a fury.
"Who dares interrupt the ceremonies for the O Sacred Cowboy?!" he roared.
We laughed even harder, and he just stood there. "'O Sacred' my rear!" I laughed.
Jack still stood there, a look of utter disbelief on his face. "You disrespect the Cowboy! For that, you will pay the ultimate price!"
"What's that, having to be in a room with you for an hour?" Skweeker asked him.
"Well...I haven't quite got that figured out yet," Jack said. "But when I do, it'll be bad!"
"You're so full of yourself! I'm surprised your head fits through the front door of Tibby's," Twiggy mocked.
Having no cut-downs to use, Jack just stood there.
"Oh, go re-read your copy of 'Western Jim'," I told him, rolling my eyes.
"Come on, let's go to Brooklyn!" Skweeker said.
In agreement, me, Twiggy, Race, and Mush left the lodge and headed toward the Brooklyn Bridge. On the way, we heard a voice.
"Hey guys! Wait up!"
We turned to see Davey, white as a sheet. "I-I-I-I-I think something's following me," he stuttered in fear.
"Nothing's following you, Dave," Mush tried to reassure him.
"B-b-but I heard...footsteps!" he wailed.
"Dave...this is New York City. Of COURSE you're gonna hear footsteps!" Race said.
"Well...just let me come to Brooklyn with you guys!" he begged.
We decided to let Davey tag along with us. As we crossed the bridge, Spot Conlon came into a view.
"What's up, Scrawny?!" Skweeker yelled toward him as we approached.
"NOOO!" he wailed, dropping to his knees, and then flat on his face. He started beating the ground with his fists. "Why? Why? Why?"
We stifled laughter as some of Spot's "goons" came up to us, trying to appear menacing. Truthfully, they were just as scrawny, if not more so, than Spot himself. We laughed hysterically when they put on their best "war faces".
"Well, Nature calls," Davey mumbled, running inside the Brooklyn lodging house to use the lavatory. A few minutes later, he came running out, screaming in horror. As we tried to ask him what was wrong, he dove between two crates and huddled up, whimpering.
Our question was answered for us when a Brooklyn newsy came out of the lodging house holding a chipmunk.
"What is THIS thing?!" the boy asked us, holding it up. "It flew outta tha toilet onto Davey's face."
We burst out laughing. "That's a chipmunk!" I laughed, taking it from the boy and making sure not to drop it. "I guess the way home is in the Brooklyn lodge," I said.
"No," Twiggy said. "I am NOT jumping into a turn-of-the-century toilet! That's just not gonna happen!"
"Do you wanna get home or not?" I asked.
"I do," Skweeker said. "These psycho newsies are scaring me."
"Okay, fine," Twiggy said.
"Guys, hold on," I said, grinning evilly. I snuck over behind the two crates that Davey was huddled between. "BOOGA!" I yelled.
"WAHHHH!" he screamed, starting to cry hysterically. "They're after me! They're out to get me!"
"Who's out to get ya, Dave?" Specs asked him. Specs?!
Apparently, some of the Manhattan newsies had decided to come to Brooklyn for poker night.
"THEM!" Davey wailed, pointing upward. "From the sky!"
"Oy," Skweeker said.
"Davey is definately looney," I added.
"Hey! That pink elephant is gone!" Specs exclaimed, pointing to Skweeker. "Now there's a green penguin sitting on your shoulder."
I looked down at the chipmunk in my hands and got a mean idea. "Hey Boots, think fast!" I yelled, throwing the chipmunk at him. It hit Boots, he screamed, and started running around in circles. I started laughing hysterically.
Denton came walking up. "Hey Denton!" all the guys yelled.
"Well, it's Denty!" Twiggy yelled.
Denton's head snapped around and one of his eyes started twitching. "Don't...call...me...D-D-D-D-..."
"Denty?" I finished for him.
"NOOO!" he yelled. Picking up some rope, he tied one end around his feet and one end around a post on the pier. He jumped downward head-first and dipped his head into the East River.
"Why is he doing that?" Twiggy asked.
"Whenever someone calls him 'Denty', he dips his head into the East River repeatedly until he can't hang upside-down no more," Mush answered.
"That's just strange," Skweeker said.
"Well, we should go," I began, "because I, for one, have had enough insanity to last me a lifetime. Let's go jump into that toilet now."
"What?!" the boys asked, alarmed.
"Don't worry about it," Skweeker answered as the three of us entered the Brooklyn lodging house. We found our way to the toilet. As before, the swirling black vortex appeared and I climbed up onto the seat and jumped in.
I landed with a thud in a dark, smelly room. I looked around and realized that it was an outhouse.
"Oh, nasty," I choked, opening the door and crawling out. Twiggy and Skweeker soon joined me. We were close to the mall where we had been before.
"Heya!"
We turned around to see Race and Mush.
"What are you two doing here?" I asked, alarmed.
"We can't take no more insanity," Race answered.
"Yeah. We're sick of all those people," Mush added.
"Okay, first we jumped in a hole and landed in 1899 with a bunch of looney newsies. Then, after we got back, we jumped into a TOILET and landed BACK in 1899. Then, we jumped into ANOTHER toilet and landed back at home, but two newsies from 1899 are here with us now," Twiggy said.
"All right, well, I'm going to get counseling," Skweeker announced.
"Me, too," Twiggy and I agreed.
Mush and Race both looked confused. "What's counseling?"