Disclaimer- I do not own anything.

Song- 18th Floor Balcony by Blue October

I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?

The day had been a long one. Filled with angst and desperation. The silence and emotion could have pierced the darkest soul, and I noticed that it had. It opened me completely.

The quiet apartment. The empty bed. Everything here just felt so incomplete, because you weren't here anymore.

Each second of this passing day was not filled with the voice of the priest, or the sorrow of the town. It was filled with the memories that we had created, memories that I would never forget. Nor would I ever want to.

I imagined it was the previous day, just waking up in the security of your arms. I felt your soft lips trail down my throat. The confession of your love whispered in my ear. Your sweet caresses that always sent a tear to my eye. I remember our drive to work, the phone-call that told you information that you had been anxious to hear about. I just wish everything had gone differently.

It hurts to think about the day previous, the day you left. But there was no use to go into the land of denial. For when I made my way back into the world, it was all just the same.

So I laid in our bed and closed my eyes.

Only to see your smiling face.

My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything

From the scene around me I felt as if we were in our own little corner of heaven. A small room, on a glorious bed, and I'm starring straight into your chocolate brown eyes. A subtle breeze brushed into the room from an open balcony door, only to send your hair to touch my cheek. Making everything seem as if it was completely real.

Your smile. Had it really only been two days since I had last seen it? When you opened my office door to tell me you were on your way to catch a fugitive and to remind me of the dinner plans that we had made that night. How could I forget? I was the one who created them. An important occasion had occurred. But I guess now you'll never know.

Or will you?

Your sad smile answered that question for me as you rested a soft hand at the base of my stomach, where a new heart was beginning to beat. A combination of you and I.

And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony
We're both flying away

The extreme comfort that I felt in your arms was enough. You had altered your position so that now your head was resting on the tiny mound that was already beginning to grow. I continually brushed my fingers through your hair, each touch committed to memory. I never wanted this moment to end. I didn't want to have to go back to the place where the was no more you and me. But each passing moment was less time that I would be with you.

You seemed to have the same idea in mind. Your hands constantly traced the outline of my body and your eyes never left mine. I was afraid to look away, afraid that you would be gone when I looked back. You promised me that you would never leave, but how come it felt as if it would be like looking through a one sided window? Like one at the police station, where a group of detectives would be watching an interrogation and the suspect had no way of seeing what was going on.

You said that if I looked hard enough, I would always be able to find you. In the dancing shadow of a flame on the wall. On the smile of the precious child when it enters the world. In the reflection of the diamond nestled on the thin white gold band that was hidden in his desk drawer, waiting to be set upon my finger. I might not be able to see you, touch you, but you would always be there watching over me, of us.

So we talked about moms and dads
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me

We talked about the places you have seen, and about the people you had been reunited with. Like your grandmother that helped raise you in Miami during your troubled youth and the army buddies that had died during combat that you had never truly forgotten.

We talked about what our parents had been like during our childhood. Drawing up a combined picture of what we thought was the perfect parent. About the money and the property that I would receive in your Will. It was more then enough to have us live in luxury without us working a day.

You told me that you wanted our son to inherit Rangeman when he became old enough. How he should join the army for a few years for basic training. You thought that he should at least have the basic skills to get him going on the right track to being an apprehensive agent. You were so certain that it was going to be a boy. I was secretly wishing that it was too.

And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...

I stood in the center of the room, twirling around and rejoicing in the feeling of being carefree once again. You watched me with obvious amusement that was written all over your face. You didn't dare hide your feelings for this moment. Who knew if it was going to be our last.

I raised my arms to you, beckoning you to come over and embrace me in the way that always made me feel as if we were alone in the world. But as you made your way over the wind picked up and I felt weightless. Soaring threw the air, out the balcony door.

I grabbed the railing and screamed for you to come and help me. You sadly walked over and placed your hands over mine, wiping away some of the tears that were falling down my cheek. I knew that the moment wasn't going to last forever, but I didn't think it would end so soon.

I tell you that I love you and always will. You remind me that you'll always be there. You tell me that you don't want me to weep over this ending, that it was just a new beginning. You were certain that we would be together again. And that's what I will always hold on to.

You leaned forward and brushed your lips over mine. Our last kiss. Till next time.

I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony
We're both flying away

My eyes remained closed. I was afraid of what I would see when I opened them. You whispered my name trying to wake me up. I rose to a sitting position before slowly opening them. I was back in our room, the sun was shining through the open window that I didn't recall opening. My eyes scanned the room until they rested upon the full length mirror on the door to the closet. And there you were.

You smiled before fading away, back in the wind. That's how I would get through this lonely time span. It will be like the long months that you were gone on government missions to a third world country, with no communication. I only could believe that you would make it back safely home.

And I'll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
Till I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
And when I do I'll keep you in my dreams

Now whenever I go to sleep. I picture you and your reactions as I explain to you how my day went. I tell you about our friends and the latest burg gossip. And I picture our last kiss.

Sometimes I miss you so much I can't help but shed a tear or two. But then I go to sleep and dream of you. Dream about what our baby will look like, what traits he or she will have that are mine and what are yours.

As I watch my stomach grow, the feeling of you watching becomes stronger and I can't wait until the baby is out and I can finally have the piece of you that will fill the empty space that you had left. That isn't to only say for me. The merry men are just as excited as I am. Having a mini Ranger running around the office building was exactly what they needed now that your gone. And I know I won't have to raise it alone, that I will always have help.

I knew if from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony

The appointment was long and I was anxious to know the sex of our child. Lester had joined me for support and because he wanted to be the first of the men to know what it was. I watched his eyes search the screen as the nurse trailed the sonogram over the bulge. And then the nurse finally said congratulations, that it was a boy.

Lester jumped for joy and instantly pulled out his cell phone to call the control room. A smile lit up my face and only got bigger when I looked at the screen and saw your reflection looking back at me, smiling.

I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
And your head is on my stomach
No, we're not going to sleep

So this was my new beginning, the next chapter to my story. And the angst and desperation that I had felt when you first left, was replaced by the newfound joy that now bundled in my arms. You had never truly left, cause here you are. A part of you was sleeping comfortably, part was locked in my heart, and the last piece was on the balcony of the room, watching over us.

Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, we're both
Flying away