Original Summary: Kagura's right back at ya with another message. Alcohol. And, to help her, Naraku. Drunk enough to kill something. Bewarned, involves drunk driving, rants, no bladder control.
It'sa me, Alena, back with another version of the "Public service anouncement" series. This week(as stated many times); Alcohol. Why you shouldn't go around drunk. You seemed to like the first two versions with smack, I decided to try and break my writing block with this. Like last time, lines between the dashes are actions.
P.S: The first two of the series, a public service announcement, and Kagura's public service announcement is on my profile, in no particular order, so go crazy reading.
Disclaimer: No owning Inuyasha. This "public service announcement series" That I own. Inuyasha? No.
Another public service announcement:
Another addition to the fine; public service announcements! This time, alcohol.
Another fascinating, treacherous, and dangerous substance that could possibly get yourself landed in rehab! ...or dead! So, without further ado, heeeeere's Kagura!
-Audience applauds-
Kagura: Yeah, yeah. Why am I here yet again?
-silence, someone coughs-
Someone off-stage: Uhhh... Kagura, remember... public service announcement?
Kagura: No... not really.
Someone off-stage: Making the world a better place by warning people not to drink alcohol at dangerous amounts?
Kagura: Nope. Not ringing a bell.
Someone off-stage: Listen Kagura, we almost killed ourselves to pump Naraku with enough alcohol to kill a horse. Don't tell me you for--
Kagura: Ohhh, oh, now I remember. -laughs- Of course.
Audience: -still silent-
Someone in the audience: Throw Naraku off a cliff again!
Kagura: Don't be absurd. That is very cruel and unusual. -waits a couple seconds- I'll do it sometime later. Now's not the time.
-resumes quiet-
-Someone pushes some drunken hobo on-stage, but then you realize that that drunken hobo is Naraku. Naraku's hair is all greasy and his eyes are bloodshot. He falls to the ground, gets up, and pees himself-
Someone in the audience: Eww... who is that drunken hobo?
Kagura: That's Naraku, hon.
That same person in the audience: ...Ewww, a drunken hobo.
Kagura: My thoughts exactly. Now, even though I think this is totally awesome, this is a problem because Naraku no longer has bladder control. He's wet himself about 15 times in the past thirty minutes.
People in the audience: Ewww...
Kagura: Yes. My thoughts exactly. Anyway, liquor is very dangerous. It can cause massive brain problems because it destroys brain cells.
Audience: -all eyes on Naraku, some disgusted, some concerned. Several are laughing.-
Kagura: We don't have to worry about this poor bastard, he doesn't have any brain cells. You'd think that he was this great and powerful evil warlord with all this great tricks up his sleeves, but he just gets ideas from Hakudoshi. Hakudoshi is a moron who is so loyal to Naraku that he doesn't care that he is blatantly getting ripped off. Their ALL morons... -continues grumbling about how she has to work for complete idiots-
Audience: ...
Director off-stage: Kagura? Kagura! Focus!
Kagura: It's not FAIR, DAMMIT!
Someone from off-stage: -clocks her with a small rock-
Kagura: OW! What the hell? Oh, sorry, getting off topic. Anyways, alcohol causes huge problems because they loosen hand-eye coordination, memory, and, if you have enough of it, can cause you to have something called fatty liver, which will, in time, kill you slowly and painfully.
Someone in audience: Boo!
Kagura: Oh? Are you telling me you yourself are a drinker? You don't believe that it destroys hand-eye coordination? Why do you think that its illegal to drink and drive? You want proof? I'll give you proof.
-TV comes out of nowhere, turns on, gains connection, and color picture come on-
-Naraku, looking dead, in a car seat-
Audience: GASP!
Kagura: There ya see- wait a minute, they didn't even start yet. -Pulls out this microphone thing, smacks the TV and shouts;- WAKE UP DAMMIT!
-Naraku jerks awake, then clutches his head in agony-
Kagura: Oh boy, hes got a hangover. Quick, someone spray him with more whiskey. He's getting over it.
-a hose appears next to Naraku. Naraku squints at it. All of a sudden, it forces itself in Naraku's mouth, thrashing shakes camera, and liquid splashes all over it-
Naraku: -looks dead again-
Kagura: Oh come on, did you guys drown him? -shouts into speaker- DON'T MAKE ME SMACK YOU!
-Naraku jerks up, but falls unconscious by going limp and his head falls on the wheel, the car honks for a good 3 minutes before someone over there shakes him awake again-
Kagura: Naraku, drive.
Naraku: -obeys, and stamps on the gas, speeding into oblivion. Cameraguy huffs to attempt to catch up with him. His driving is wavy and, two seconds later smashes into a tree.-
Cameraman: -looks into driver window to look at Naraku-
Naraku: -looking dead-
Kagura: Alright, now, even though that was hilarious, who put that tree there?
-silence-
Kagura: So he actually ran into that on his own will? HA! -turns to audience- So you see, you could end up dead from drunkenness. Everything in moderation alright? One glass a day, but no fewer then three or something, I forget what they told me. Anyways, friends don't let friends go drunk, or... was it, drive drunk? Either way, both lead to painful results. I let Naraku do that, because, well, I just don't like him. And nor have I ever, so shut your mouth.
Some guy in the audience: -closes mouth-
Audience: -claps as show... thing finishes-
Kagura: There. I did it. Now, are you gonna call me back here anytime soon?
Producer guy: Maybe.
Kagura: Damn. -takes out feather thing from her hair and flies away-
--------
On the video-thing(which by the way is still on): -Naraku is passed out in the dirt, some people run over and spray him with a fire extinguisher-
Naraku: -doesn't move-
Guy #1: Hey, ya know I heard that if you spray someone with a fire extinguisher long enough, you could suffocate them.
Guy #2: That's a load of bull.
-both look at Naraku uneasily-
-run away-
Yays! I completed it! If I ever just so happen to do another one, what should I do? Something about speeding? Overdosing? I know those ideas are stupid, I have no idea what to do next. Submit any thoughts in reviews or something. Live long and strong!
As always,
Alena Rio