Too much pain for me to handle
author notes: Okay get your tissues out this is Clark's thoughts when his mother lost her baby and his father yelled at him.
Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville!
Clark walked up behind his father. He saw his mother in a hospital bed. Jonathan was staring in at Martha as if he looked away she'd be gone.
Clark broke the silence " How is she?" he asked with genuine concern for his mother and unborn sibling.
Jonathan's gaze still was focused on the image of his wife.
" Doctors don't know anything yet" he said in a monotone voice.
" What did you do Clark?" Jonathan asked as he turned to see his son.
Clark thought for a moment about it. " I stole Lionel's kryptonite key. I put it in the ship"
Jonathan was shocked and asked " Why did you do that?"
Clark felt guilty. " Dad, I lied about the voice, It told me I had to leave by noon" he said. " I didn't have a choice,dad"
Clark took in a breath and continued to talk. " I had to destroy the ship" he finished.
Jonathan strained to hear his son. He couldn't believe that his son had lied to him.
" Why didn't you tell us?" Jonathan questioned.
Clark had a hard time with choosing words. " I knew you wouldn't agree with what I did" Clark explained.
Clark finally blurted out the words of truth. " Dad I didn't want it to take me away from you" Clark cried.
Finally all out of words, all he could mutter was " I'm so sorry for what I did" he said. Clark meant every single syllable of his words.
Jonathan's fury was blinding him. He had to let out what he was feeling.
" Your actions have consequences, Clark" Jonathan said.
" Didn't your mother and I teach you that?" Jonathan asked in pure anger that his son had forgotten everything he and Martha taught him.
" Yes but--" he said and was cut off by his father's voice.
" There's no time for excuses, Clark, It's too late" Jonathan said as he lost his cool.
" You didn't think this thing through" he said.
" You had no idea what was gonna happen and now... Now your mother... is lying in a hospital bed" Jonathan said in a raised tone of voice, tears were in his eyes.
The doctor came out to inform him of Martha and the baby's conditions.
" Mr. Kent" The doctor announced.
Jonathan stepped forward and said " How is my wife?"
" She has a mild concussion, but she'll be fine" the doctor replied.
A half relief was relieved on Jonathan but there was one thing he was worried about.
" And how is our baby?" Jonathan asked with tears in his eyes.
" I'm sorry" the doctor said in a soft yet loud enough voice so that Clark could hear.
Jonathan stood there in shock and started going into Martha's hospital room.
" Dad" Clark said.
His father walked away, ignoring him.
This hurt Clark deeply as he saw the shadow of his father convulse in sobs.
On his way home Clark had an array of disturbing thoughts.
When he got home he went down to what remained of the cellar.
" This hurts so bad" Clark said as he sat down in the corner of what remained of his cellar and started to sob.
Lana came by and saw Clark in the corner of the cellar.
" Clark are you okay? What happened" Lana asked in a concerned tone.
Clark didn't move from his spot. The questions Lana asked brought back the stinging memorys. Clark sobbed harder.
Lana saw Clark huddled in the corner of the cellar. His head was burried in his knees and his back was shaking violently. His ears were red.
Lana slowly walked down towards Clark.
As she got closer she heard him crying.
' Why is he crying?' Lana thought.
Lana had never seen anyone this upset before.
Clark was very close to hyperventilation.
Lana knelt next to him. " Clark your about to hyperventilate you need to take deep breathes" Lana instructed him.
This was not working. " Clark look at me" Lana said in gentle tone of voice.
Clark looked at her with tears falling down his face. His ears were red with shame. Clark noticed he was having a very difficult time breathing.
Lana analyzed him. His eyes were puffy and red which meant he would've been crying for quite some time. He wasn't hurt physically so Lana knew almost immidiatly this had to be an emotional issue.
Lana gently embraced him and softly pushed his head on her collar bone.
Clark returned the embrace, gently squeezing her.
Lana had always thought that he was some kind of superman that didn't have any emotions that contained of being this upset, She always thought that he never cried but she was wrong.
Lana saw this handsome young man in her arms crying.
Lana gently shushed him and told him to take deep breathes.
He had his face on the crook of her collar bone, letting the tears of his grief and his fathers hateful words slide off his cheek.
END
We pretty much know what happens at the end. You better read because I wrote this thing during a thunderstorm and risked losing power and electricity!
R&R no flames.