Title: House Rules

Summary: "There are certain things you must know in order to survive as a foreigner in this great country, Wombat..." It was Chase's interview with House and he felt the need to go over the rules of survival in a new country with the innocent duckling...one day at a time.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warnings: Uhh...odd humor, swearing, yaoi, graphic smut, groping, field trips, drinking, etc.

Side Note: Following chapters will be longer.

Rule One: What's Mine Is Mine

"So, Down Under," House began as he tossed his ball between his hands and leaned back in his chair, smirking at the way the blonde's eyebrow rose at the name. "Let's skip right to the fun part of this interview. Are you legal?"

"I'm twenty-six, so I'm of age, yes," the Australian quipped as he watched House. "I also have all of my paperwork so I can legally work in the States. They're attached to my resume."

"Ooh, Wombat's got wit," the Diagnostician countered, glad that he had finally found someone that showed the promise of being willing to go head-to-head with him in verbal sparring. "How long have you been in the United States of Awesome?"

"One fortnight," the Intensivist answered, making the world renown Diagnostician wince.

"Fortnight? My God. It shows, Crocodile Dundee."

Blinking innocently as a slight frown graced the young doctor's delicate features, the blonde felt compelled to ask, "It does?"

"No American would ever say the word "fortnight." Well, maybe Wilson when he's feeling particularly gay." Grinning at the confusion that was plainly visible on the blonde face, House rose from his chair with the help of his cane, setting his ball onto his desk before limping around the large piece of furniture. Hobbling over to the door, the brunette looked back at the young man that was still sitting in the chair, watching him carefully. "Well? Come on; you've got to pass Jimmy's tests as well." He watched as the Australian rose from the chair before walking over to the door, holding it open for the older doctor. "Well, what do you know? Chivalry isn't dead," he mocked before limping out of the door and into the hallway, hearing the soft footsteps of the interviewee behind him as he led him over to Wilson's office.

Opening the door without even bothering to knock, House strolled right into the office and plopped down on the sofa before waving the blonde into the room. "House," Wilson muttered without even looking up from the paperwork he was finishing. "To what do I owe this displeasure?"

"I'm showing off my new pet," House said with embellished cheer as he made a sweeping gesture towards Chase. "Can I keep him? He's already house broken!"

"If he's not, he will be soon," the Oncologist added dryly.

"Oh, good one, Jimmy!" House laughed as he watched his friend put down his pen before looking over at Chase, giving House a look afterward. "What?"

Looking over at Chase once more, the brunette smiled comfortingly as he spoke, "Please excuse us for a moment." Turning to fix his brown eyes on his friend, Wilson jerked his head towards the balcony, "House."

"Jimmy," the Diagnostician mocked, a smirk spread out across his face.

"Can we have a word?"

"I think we already are having quite a few," House quipped, grinning at the slight smile that graced the baby-faced blonde standing by the doorway before he looked back at his friend. Heaving a sigh at the disapproving look that he was given from the Oncologist, the crippled doctor rose to his feet carefully using his cane before winking at the young doctor that he was certain would be working for him immediately. "Be right back; the grownups need to talk." Sure, he was insinuating that the blonde was not an adult, but to be fair he probably got carded every time that he stepped into a bar. Limping over to the balcony, the brunette did not miss the smile that his longtime friend threw in Chase's direction before following him out onto said balcony, making sure that the glass doors were closed behind him.

"Have you lost your mind?" Wilson hissed softly, trying to keep the Intensivist from overhearing the conversation.

Raising an eyebrow, the doctor could not help but grin widely, not completely sure about what the Jewish doctor was complaining about. Was it the fact that he was planning on hiring someone who looked like he had barely finished high school? Maybe the fact that he was currently showing the blonde around the hospital like he was prize that he had just won? Or the fact that Wilson probably thought that he was only hiring the Down Under delight because he was trying to get back at Cuddy for doubling his clinic hours. "Depends," he answered vaguely as his grin remained firmly planted on his face. "Some would gladly argue that I had lost my mind a long time ago or never even had one."

"Where did you find this kid; at a playground?" Wilson asked in exasperation, completely ignoring his friends earlier answer. "He doesn't even look old enough to practice medicine!"

"He's legal," House countered with a grin as he watched his friend's disgusted reaction.

"I'm being serious, House."

"So am I; Cuddy made me interview him because, get this, his daddy's Rowan Chase. The best part is: the kid doesn't even know that he called me."

"House, no."

"I think I'm going to hire him; granted, the kid's a bit of a people-pleaser but he's got some bite to him. Unlike the quitters, Blondie can take my jabs and dish some back out."

"So that's your requirement? If someone can tolerate you irritability, they get to work with you?"

"Basically. But have you seen his-"

"No, House. No. There's no way Cuddy will let you hire him just because you want to turn some rich kid into your prodigy!"

"Please," the older doctor dismissed before grinning, "he's already a prodigy. I can make him a better one, though. He's only been in the country from two weeks; poor kid has no idea what he's getting into."

"House. No. You can't even entertain the thought of taking him under your wing. Just... Please let this opportunity go."

"You know I can't do that; think of all the things he doesn't know about!" Ending the conversation with that, House reached over and flung open the door to the balcony, limping into the room. "Rule one, Wombat: My toys are not public property so keep your grubby little paws off of them. Jimmy counts as one of my toys." Ignoring the indignant sputter that he got in return from his friend, the Diagnostician kept his eyes on the confused blonde that just blinked and nodded. "Good. Follow me, we have some paperwork to fill out and rules to go over."

Nodding once more, the young doctor looked over at Wilson and smiled softly, "Goodbye."

"Good luck," Wilson offered as he smiled back, returning to his seat once they had left his office. "...We're all going to need it."

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