"Spencer, I need to talk to you in my office."
Spencer had been expecting something like this for a while. He knew his performance was slipping, he knew that he looked like hell, he knew that everyone knew something was up, and
finally, he knew that Hotch would ask.
"Spencer, I need to know what's going on with you." It wasn't a question, it was an order. Reid
stood awkwardly near Hotch's desk, he swallowed.
"Hotch, its really none of your business, unless it affects my performance."
"It has, it does, and I'm asking you now tell me."
Then Hotch touched Reid on the shoulder, "Tell me. You need to tell someone. Let me help you."
Reid flinched. In all the time he'd known Hotchner, Hotch had only ever held him once, in the cemetery in Georgia. He was about to do it again, not so different this time.
But for Aaron Hotchner this is so differnt. Aaron was someone that he wasn't in Georgia, he knew how it felt to be badly damaged, he knew how it felt to be alone, and he was now single. He knew what he felt went beyond empathy, but he knew that Spenser needed to be held.
Somehow the silence wasn't awkward. Reid gave up and lent into Aaron's arms, the place where he had wanted to be since Georgia, the place where he couldn't be, the place where he wouldn't let himself be.
"I can't tell you." Reid's face remaining buried in Hotch's shoulder, so the "can't" doesn't come out quite as sincere as it might. He curls his fingers into Hotch's suit. He shouldn't be doing this. He couldn't do it anyway, it wouldn't be right.
Reid is breathing too hard. Hotch can't decide if its fear, or anticipation, or if Reid really is that sick. Hotch touches his lips against Reid's sweater covered shoulder and lays a series of tentative, careful, thoughtful kisses down.
Reid moans slightly. "I can't do this, I shouldn't do this, we shouldn't." The moan ruins the
authenticity of his statement.
"Tell me Spencer, you can tell me." This time Aaron kisses his neck, just using his teeth,
just running up to his ear.
"I," pause, "You can't take the risk."
"Risk of what? Knowing?" Aaron's kisses travel along Spenser's face, his forehead, his
eyebrows. Spenser still clings, but he turns his face up, his shoulders still hunched. Aaron kisses his mouth.
The years of saying no to this, no to himself, no to wanting, loving Aaron are about to crumble; and they can't. "No, you know what no means, please."
"Tell me Spencer."
Reid closes his eyes. His throat tightens. "We can't."
"Please, Spencer."
"I'm HIV positive."
"I know, they told me after Georgia."
"Hotch, we can't."
Aaron was tired, of waiting, of negotiating, of wanting to be loved.
"Spencer, tell me the truth."
Spencer nods, still shy, still hiding, then closes his eyes, this is the only piece of truth he has to give right now "I love you."