Sniper awoke with a start. He stepped out of bed, careful not to slip on his "collection" of jars that lay haphazardly around the floor. He put on his yellow-tinted aviators, vest, hat, and began brewing a cup of coffee in his plastic coffee maker. Decaf, always decaf. As he listened to the sputter of the machine and liquid bubbles, his sleeve made him frown. It shouldn't be fluorescent red. Not like he preferred blue, but perhaps they could have made the red less bright. His train of thought was interrupted by a commanding voice. "MISSION BEGINS IN 30 SECONDS." Sniper grabbed his rifle, swinging it over his shoulder. He yanked the coffee machine's cord out of the wall, picked out his favorite mug, and sprinted across the battlefield with the brewer in one hand, mug in the other, and rifle bumping his thigh every time he took a step.
Not far away, a BLU Soldier observed. Using hand signals that nobody understood, he called the rest of the BLUs over. Pyro lifted his flamethrower, but Spy pressed it back towards the ground. Rubbing his chin and shaking his head, Soldier pointed at the stumbling RED Sniper, "See, men. This is why you shouldn't sleep late."
"So we don't look like some sorta koala-huggin' fag?" A voice piped up in the group.
"Ey! I swear oi'll bash your head in!"
"Gentlemen, please. I thought it was common knowledge that Sniper is homosexual."
"And you! You snail-eating sack of sh-"
"WRRRTCH YHHHR LLNNGGHHG!"
"Aw geez, you shut up! You're only good for cookin an Spy checking!"
"YOU PATHETIC MAGGOTS WOULDN'T KNOW GOOD INSULTS IF IT CRAWLED UP YOUR-"
POW!
Amidst the squabble, the BLUs had failed to notice a red dot that had found a nice home on Scout's forehead. He now lay on the floor in a puddle of blood with a hole right between his eyes. All eight BLUs looked up and saw the RED Sniper, safely in his nest. He showed them the '#1 SNIPER' mug, took a sip, and gave them the middle finger.