Captain Janeway sank down in her chair in her ready room and fingered her cup of coffee. Normally, she would be enjoying lunch with her First Officer. But that hadn't been the case for some time now.
As their journey grew longer and their distance from home became a permanent fixture in everyone's minds, human and other natures had taken their course as the crew began to pair off. They were unwilling to have their personal lives and intimate needs sacrificed just because their captain had sentenced them to a lifetime away from home. That was her burden alone to bear and so she did.
Janeway sighed as she looked down at her untouched sandwich. She missed their talks. Commander Chakotay had grown more and more distant over the past several weeks and she knew why. A blonde woman who he was making sure acclimated herself quite well into their crew. It was a First Officer's ultimate duty: crew discipline and morale.
Janeway had rescued Seven from the Borg and had the Doctor give her back her human appearance. She was quite stunning and younger. She was also intelligent and strong and seemed to have only one lesser quality: social skills and interpersonal interactions which the Commander was probably having a very good time developing with her. Her chime sounded and she immediately dismissed her jealous thoughts.
"Come."
Chakotay walked in with a padd and said, "Bad timing?"
"For what?"
He held up his device. "Crew personnel reports. You requested them at the last staff meeting."
"I know what I requested, Commander."
Chakotay bit his lip as he gave her a confused look.
"Sit down." She indicated the chair across from her desk and watched him plant himself in it.
"Captain?"
Janeway smiled. At least he still knew exactly who she was. She'd make sure he didn't forget it. "Who's first on the list?"
"Did you want to start from top down or bottom up in ranks?"
Janeway smirked. "Does it matter, Commander?"
Chakotay held her gaze for a minute before he laid the padd down on her desk. "I suppose it doesn't. Would you rather lead this discussion or should we talk about what's really bothering you?"
She took a deep breath and a quick sip of her coffee. Her cup rattled as she placed it down and pushed it away. "If you can't be professional, Commander, perhaps we should table this to another time."
"Funny. I was just about to say the same thing to you."
Her head snapped up and she gave him a deadly glare. "Excuse me, Commander? Just who do you think you're talking to?"
"I'm trying to talk to my Captain but she can't seem to put whatever personal issues she's having aside to do that."
Janeway shook with anger. "Get out! Commander, you are hereby relieved of duty until further notice."
Chakotay matched her irritation and leaned forward. "For what?" Her silence was golden and a realization struck him. "Oh, I see. This is because I dared to look at another woman."
The Captain jumped up and pointed to the door. "Out! Or I will have Tuvok and his security team escort you out and it won't be back to your quarters!"
As if on cue, the override chime sounded and Tuvok appeared. He looked between the two and said, "Please excuse the interruption, Captain, but is everything okay?"
She put her hand against her forehead and took a deep breath. "Everything is fine, Tuvok. Thank you. That's all."
Tuvok stared at Chakotay. "Are you leaving as well, Commander?"
Chakotay kept his eyes on the captain. "No, Tuvok. The Captain and I have something to discuss. You have the bridge."
"Captain?"
Janeway glared again at Chakotay and saw his eyes plead with hers. It caught her by surprise. They used to be able to speak with one another just like that. Without a word. Communicating their thoughts to each other freely. They had developed it when they were first stranded here in the Delta Quadrant and it had strengthened to a true unmistakable bond during their time on New Earth. She felt those old feelings she thought she had left there stir again. It was nice to have them back if only for the moment.
"Captain?" Tuvok prompted.
"It's okay, Tuvok. The Commander and I do have some things to discuss. Please don't disturb us again."
"As you wish." Tuvok stepped back and watched the ready room door close. He glanced at the helm as he walked to the captain's chair and gave Mr. Paris a disapproving nod as Tom said, "Must be some lover's quarrel."
Back inside, Chakotay rose from his seat. "Kathryn."
"Don't call me that." She dusted her hands on her uniform and sat back down. She looked up with an expectant look until he got the hint and also settled back down in his chair.
"What do you want to know?" Chakotay asked. "Am I sleeping with her? No. Am I dating her?" He looked closely at her blue eyes as they widened in anticipation of his answer. He couldn't help but to look away before he said, "Yes."
Janeway's breath caught. "Oh, I see. Commander, it's none of my business who you date as long as it doesn't disrupt the operations of this ship."
"Bull." Her mouth dropped as he added, "You're jealous."
A surge of anger went through her. "I am not…"
"You're jealous, Kathryn. You don't want me yet no one else can have me? Is that the game we're playing now?"
"I don't play games, Commander."
Chakotay sat back and chuckled. "You play, Kathryn. You play."
"Oh really? How am I playing a game?"
Chakotay grinned and put his dimples on full display. "If you want to date me, Kathryn, all you have to do is ask. The spirits know I've been waiting for it long enough."
Kathryn couldn't help a small laugh. "You want me to ask you out?"
"Oh I'm sorry. What century is this again?"
"Don't be flippant, Commander," she warned. "You think a Captain should consort with her First Officer? Maybe that was okay on your ship. Not on mine."
"Consort? What exactly is that? Maybe we should try it in case we do like it."
Kathryn sighed in frustration as she shook her head. She stared out the window and watched her ship soar through space.
Chakotay watched her get lost in the stars for a few moments until he said, "What do you want from me, Kathryn? Do you want me to be alone like you? Is this a misery loves company request?"
Kathryn smarted from his words. "I'm not miserable," she said quietly. "And you're free to be with whoever you choose. I'm sorry I made you feel any differently."
"I want to be with you."
She turned her eyes to his again and he saw a tear gathering there that she was desperately trying not to fall.
"I want to be with you," he repeated. "but you won't have me. And I don't understand why."
"I can't," she answered. "I can't do it. You know I can't do it." She swiped at the stray tear. "I'm very sorry, Commander. I usually get this stuff out during our…" She quickly grabbed the padd and said, "I'm very sorry. It won't happen again. Now, where were we?"
Chakotay grabbed her arm and took the padd out of her hand. He slowly shook his head and leaned forward again.
As his face grew close to hers, she whispered, "Please, don't."
"I have too," he whispered back. "I love you."
Feelings that had been buried underneath burst forth as his lips touched hers. He coaxed her to relax and welcome their first intense passionate moments of their newly displayed love. Finally, he pulled away and said, "Come with me. Come be with me."
Kathryn shook her head as her lips and other body parts tingled. "I can't. If it doesn't work…"
"Then I'll leave the ship."
"What?" She shook her head again. "Absolutely not! I need you. This crew needs you."
"I need you more."
Kathryn sniffed. "If we were home, Chakotay, would you still feel the same? Would you still want me and only me? Or am I just…"
"Convenient? Job security?" Chakotay finished. "You're anything but convenient and I'm pretty sure I already have that job security since we are short-handed as it is."
"You know what I'm asking and I deserve a real answer."
He sighed. "Yes, you do." He picked up her hand and said, "Kathryn, I never even dreamed of settling down and raising a family back in the Alpha Quadrant. I was angry and ready for a fight. But you changed all that."
"You mean the Caretaker changed all of that."
He shook his head and rubbed her fingers. "No, I mean you changed all of that. Like I told you before, you and only you are what brought this angry warrior peace."
Kathryn smiled and her eyes filled with tears again. "Chakotay, we can't. We just can't."
Chakotay took another deep breath and patted her hand before letting it fall to the desk. "If that's your decision, I'll respect it. But, I have to be honest, Kathryn. I like being at peace. I like having someone to care about. Someone who is important to me. I want that person to be you and I want to raise a family together. But if you're telling me that will never happen, then I have to see if I can find it with someone else. And frankly, Captain, it's unprofessional for you to treat me like this when I try to do so."
Kathryn's emotions went from the yearning she felt when he mentioned raising a family with her to a cool disappointment when he told her, quite frankly, to back off. He was right. She had no right to police his personal life if she had made the decision to not be in it. She swallowed the lump in her throat and said, "I understand. My apologies, Commander. It won't happen again."
Chakotay's face fell. "So that's your decision. You don't want to be with me?"
"If I'm honest with myself, yes, more than anything. But I can't choose you over the 150 other lives I am responsible for here. And, if you find your peace with someone else aboard this ship…then I, then, I won't interfere."
Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "You're going to watch me fall in love and raise a family with someone else aboard Voyager?"
Kathryn took a shaky breath and busied herself with her desk. "Commander, we're done."
Chakotay jumped and ran around her desk. Dipping her back, he grabbed her in a tight embrace and kissed her once again. His hands wandered down her uniform and she allowed him to feel the ins and outs and curves of her body until finally she pulled away to catch her breath.
"Change your mind yet?" he asked.
Kathryn straightened and smoothed her uniform. "No. I, um, I hope you and…whoever you choose are very happy together."
Chakotay stepped back. "You're kidding me."
Kathryn shook her head. "No, Chakotay, I'm not. However, I feel I must warn you that I will assign that person to warp coil toothbrush duty for the remainder of the trip and she will lead most, if not all, first encounter away missions."
Chakotay grinned. "The most dangerous type of away mission."
Kathryn shrugged. "Someone's got to do it. Let's face it. Odds are you and I won't make it home. At some point, we'll be hurt or worse. It's better the crew step up now and gain some experience."
"In other words, you're going to make this person's life so difficult, I'll have no choice but to be alone."
"I'm afraid it comes under the heading of Captain's prerogative."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
Chakotay leaned over her with his body. "Kathryn?"
"That's Captain."
He put his face to hers and said, "Captain Kathryn, shut up and kiss me."
Kathryn wound her arms around his neck and whispered, "Undress me, first."
