"The girl you want me to be...is just a memory."

x-x-x

Terra tapped her pencil against her notebook and sighed. She had been studying for her biology test for over an hour, and her brain was fried. She wasn't very good at biology; all that stuff about DNA and RNA made her head spin. Luckily she had all week to study, and a break sounded absolutely amazing.

She rolled off her bed and onto her feet, yanking on a pair of worn combat boots and shrugging on a jacket before trotting out of her room. Terra closed the door with a quiet thud, being careful not to disturb her foster parents.

She'd been living with her foster parents for a couple of months so far, and things were going pretty well. They were nice to her, though perhaps not overly doting. Still, Terra didn't really blame them, she was a teenager after all. She was a little too old to think about them as her parents, regardless of remembering her biological parents or not.

Snatching the spare key and a handful of spending bills, Terra slipped out into Jump City, locking the door behind her. It was a cool spring day, the ground damp after a refreshing April shower. Terra breathed in the smell of the rain, the sweet smell tingling in her nose. She loved the smell of rain; the way it made the earth smell fresher put a spring in her step.

Jump City bustled with activity. People milled about the streets; business men and women trotted to bus stops as they left work, children rode bikes and skateboards down the sidewalks, vendors dodged in front of civilians in an attempt to sell their wares. It was chaotic, but it was home.

Terra dodged pedestrians left and right as she made her way towards the boardwalk. There were many great shops located there, and the girl loved to sit by the beach and listen to the waves crashing against the shore. Plus, she could dig her hands and feet into the sand, a pastime she enjoyed immensely.

She paused at an intersection, waiting for the crosswalk light to change.

"Extra, extra, read all about it!" a vendor shouted behind her. "Teen Titans capture Dr. Light!"

Terra cringed. She darted out into the street the moment the crosswalk light turned.

It wasn't that she didn't like the Titans. She did. How could she not? They were superheroes. They all had awesome superpowers and kept the city safe. No, she liked the Teen Titans alright.

She just...didn't really want to be around them. Or think about them.

Flashes of the Titan called Beast Boy standing in her empty school hallway pleading with her flitted across her mind. Terra shook her head and kept walking, the asphalt pressing up against her feet.

The Titans and her had a bad history.

A breeze ruffled her hair, blowing the blonde strands in her face. Terra pushed it behind her ears and pressed on. Her thoughts drifted to her biology test, and how much more she had to go over. Ugh. Dumb biology. She was looking forward to getting out of that class and taking geology. Now that was a class that would be fun.

Terra had always been interested in the earth. The rocks called to her, and being in contact with the soil was oddly comforting. It was steadfast, solid, never moving, and always there. She could depend on the rock and sediment, so much more than people.

The salty tang of the ocean breeze filled her senses, bringing a smile to Terra's face. She hopped a little as she walked towards the pier, eager to mingle around the tourists and locals in the many shops that lined the area.

One shop in particular caught her attention, and she dodged inside. It was a comic book shop, filled with picturesque books and a plethora of artwork. Terra slipped over to the shelves and browsed, picking up anything of interest. It was a quiet little shop, only a few people milling about here and there.

"Dude look! It's the new Spider Man comic!"

Terra cast a glance over her shoulder at a pair of guys filing through the sale bin. One of them held up a book with a man in a red suit plastered on the cover, clearly a superhero story.

Great.

The guy's friend laughed. "Who cares? We already have real superheroes in the city bro, why read about a fake one?"

"Yeah, 'cuz the Teen Titans are so interesting."

Terra flinched. She threw a cautious glance at the door, contemplating on making her escape. She didn't want to think about the Titans, let alone hear about them. But the teens began speaking again, delaying any chance of escape.

"Uh, dude, one of 'em's a robot, one can shapeshift, one used to work for Batman, and both girls are fucking hot! Not to mention they can kick our butts."

"Whatever, bro. I'm so gonna get this."

The guys wandered off towards the register, and Terra took her leave. Maybe a comic book store was a bad place to go. After all, despite there being an entire league of super humans, most comic books were filled with fictional heroes much like the real-life ones.

A wistful sigh slipped past her lips. She never seemed to be able to escape the Titans.

"You're my friend, you're a Teen Titan!"

Terra gazed out at sea. The water flowed gently, lapping against the pier quietly. Gulls fluttered about, squawking as they flapped in the wind. It was a beautiful sight, one she gazed at almost daily.

It was peaceful. Tranquil.

Happy.

Terra sighed. She lurched away from the comic book shop, wandering aimlessly along the wooden pier. Another shop caught her attention; a little trinket shop. She stepped inside, met by the tinkling of bells and the musty smell of used clothes and sale items. The sales clerk greeted her with a quiet 'hello', before continuing to stock the shelves behind the cash wrap.

This was one of Terra's favorite places to shop.

It was quiet and welcoming, much like the earth. Terra wandered further inside, inspecting racks of clothes and shelves of old books. There was something rather fascinating about used items; each thing had its own little story about where it was from and what it had seen. She picked up a little statuette of a dog with intricately carved shaggy fur. It's face was painted into a smile, with a pink tongue lolling out of its jaws. She giggled at the sight.

"You're a silly dog, aren'tcha?"

The smile faded from her lips, and she gently placed it back onto the shelf.

Terra didn't have very many friends. After all, making friends wasn't very easy. She found herself mistrusting people, unsure of whether or not they held ulterior motives. She didn't mind though, she got on just fine by herself. And it wasn't like she didn't have people to talk to; she talked to quite a few classmates at school.

She just wasn't very close to any of them. She wasn't close to anyone really.

"Why can't things just go back to the way they were? You were so happy then!"

Terra looked about as she roamed farther into the little shop. Nothing seemed to really grab her interest, everything was just the same old junk. Interesting junk, but not interesting enough.

Her gaze flicked to the wall, where a few newer items hung. They were the cheaply made accessories that people bought who didn't want to spend twenty buck on a comb, hanging in a little section in the back corner, as though the owner was ashamed to carry such items in the thrift store. But Terra didn't mind. Sometimes she found something neat in that little corner, like rhinestone bobby pins, or a nice little bracelet.

This time, a pack of silver butterfly clips caught her attention. Terra gasped. Despite the fact they were cheaply made, the clips were beautiful. They had a butterfly on one end that contained a variety of rhinestones embedded in the wings. Without a moment's hesitation, Terra swiped the pack from the display and made her way to the counter.

"Just these today?" the clerk asked cheerily. Terra nodded quietly, watching in silence as the friendly woman keyed in the price.

"Okay, that'll be two-fifty."

Terra handed the lady her money and silently took the clips, waving a goodbye as she walked out the door. She didn't really know why she was drawn so much to the butterfly hair clips. In a way, they were like a link to a past she barely remembered, involving a stint with the superhero group the Teen Titans, as well as a near romance with a certain green changeling.

"Maybe you don't remember, but I do!"

It wasn't a lie, per-say. She didn't remember, at least not at first. She'd awoken in a cave, alone and freezing cold, surrounded by the earth. It took all her strength and willpower to work her way up to the surface, feeling her way there with her hands along the bare rocky walls. She couldn't remember her name, where she was from, or how the hell she'd gotten there. The best she could tell, someone had abandoned here in a cave.

The first few weeks were rough. She wore nothing but this strange armor that had done nothing to keep out the nighttime chill. She'd slept in alleyways, often in boxes if she was lucky. Since Terra'd had no money, food consisted of scraps scavenged from the dumpster.

It was one of the colder nights when an older lady had seen her hopping out of a dumpster and kindly directed her to the local soup kitchen. The volunteers there had provided a nice warm meal and a place to sleep, before calling the foster care system. Within weeks, Terra had been placed with her current foster family and had been enrolled in school. By that time, she'd come up with the name 'Terra' for herself, one of the few fragmented memories she could recall.

She still didn't remember much. A detail here, a thought there. She knew she had been a Titan, that much she could say for certain now. She remembered brief moments of her time with the heroes; eating pizza, laughing, joking, fighting crime. Terra sometimes found herself missing this part of herself; the hero she'd been. But she wasn't niave, she remembered bits of her betrayal too.

Finding Slade. Accepting his offer. Hurting her friends.

Terra shook her head, banishing the thoughts. No, that wasn't her anymore. Now, She was Tara Markov, the girl who went to a private school and loved geology and had only a few distant friends.

And she was perfectly fine with that.

Terra walked to the end of the pier. She clutched the packet of hair clips, contemplating on whether or not she should wear them. A breeze whipped through her hair, casting it wildly about her face. With a sigh, Terra tucked a few loose strands behind her ears, and struggled to open the pack. A horrifically familiar bought of laughter caught her attention, and Terra froze.

"Aw c'mon, Rae! I know you want to!"

Terra whipped around, her gaze landing on a familiar pair of teenagers. Fear squeezed her stomach, and Terra dove behind a clump of people in utter desperation. She didn't want a repeat of last time.

"I can assure you Beast Boy, I don't." Raven deadpanned, her voice carrying over the clamour around them. Terra peered cautiously through the crowd to see the empath's annoyed expression that she directed at Beast Boy, who's arm draped around her shoulders as he pleaded with her.

"Please Raven!" he whined. "I promise I won't make you do it again if you hate it!"

Terra noticed with a start that both heroes were dressed...normally. Sure, everyone still recognized them, what with Beast Boy being green and all, but the most people around them did was wave or offer a handshake. Otherwise the civilians left the two well enough alone.

The crowd she hid behind was rapidly moving, risking her being seen. Terra's gaze landed on a shop with a display out front, which she gratefully ducked behind. She watched silently as Beast Boy began dragging a reluctant Raven towards the carnival side of the pier, which had just opened a few days prior. It was a seasonal affair, mainly opened in the summer.

Before she could really think about what she was doing, Terra found herself following after them.

Brief memories flashed through her mind as she trailed into the little theme park. Fragments of hanging out there with random groups of kids filled her mind, mostly after she'd surfaced from the forgotten cave.

The bumper cars caught her gaze, and flashes of her and Beast Boy riding them flitted through her memory. She remembered having fun. The most fun she'd had in a long, long time.

"Beast Boy, you're my definition of fun."

Terra found herself standing near the Ferris Wheel. Raven and Beast Boy were in line only a few feet in front of her, completely unaware of her existence. They chatted casually, Beast Boy making jokes and Raven snapping sarcastically back, all while his arm was wrapped around her shoulders and she leaned into him. It was a strange sight to behold, that was for sure. And yet, she found she couldn't tear herself away.

Maybe she just wanted closure. Maybe she wanted to make sure he...they...were happy, that they'd moved on.

Either way, she stayed rooted in place, listening to their gentle banter.

"This is stupid."

"No it's not. I'll have you know, this is the most romantic ride in Jump City!"

"Yay me."

"C'mon Rae, don't be like that. You know you're having fun."

"Hmm."

Images of her and Beast Boy riding that very same ride floated to her mind. A ghost of a smile flitted across her features at the memories, so sweet and happy they were. They were dashed a moment later by the thoughts of her treachery, as patchy and incomplete as they were.

"You don't belong here, Terra."

Tears blurred her vision, and she turned away.

He was wrong.

Terra slipped back into the crowd and away from Beast Boy and Raven. She walked quickly, head down and arms clutching herself protectively. Perhaps she was running away, but she didn't care.

She had a test to study for anyway.

Her shoes scuffed the wooden planks as she made her way back towards land. Terra kept her gaze on them, in fear that should she glance up, the tears would drip down her face. Besides, she liked her shoes. They were nice.

Her shoulder connected with something solid, and Terra yelped and she stumbled backwards.

"Watch where you're going!" the man she'd ran into yelled, before stomping away. Her gaze caught sight of the packet of hair clips she'd bought earlier, laying on the ground. She bent over and picked them up, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

No, Beast Boy was wrong. The place she didn't belong was with him, as a Titan. She'd had that chance, and she'd blown it. Now she had a second chance at life, and she was going to do it right.

Terra tore open the pack and delicately removed a hair clip. She gently clipped back her hair, a small smile playing on her lips.

She wasn't a hero. That ship had sailed already. No, now she was just Tara.

And that was perfectly okay.

Author's Note:

Hey! Here's another little oneshot that wouldn't leave my head. I wanted to practice another character's perspective, and I actually do like Terra. She'd a fascinating character with a rather tragic story, and I wanted to explore that a tad bit. Anyway, any support is appreciated!

Thanks,

-vixensheart