This is a fic for the alternate roleplay timeline! This is the timeline where Squall and Seifer and the others never left the Orphanage, and are still there when they're around sixteen. In my head, Squall is fondly called fetishboy and Seifer is beachboy.

Please don't bite me if it's crap. I haven't written anything using fetishboy's voice before. Oh yeah - and don't bite me if you disagree about the way Squall turned out in this 'what if' world.

Points to note: Squall is anorexic. Squall is also an angsty little gothboy who rather likes eyeliner, but that's not too important.

I have always regretted drifting away from Seifer. Well, pushing him away, really. I've always loved him, but, when Ellone left... I knew that Seifer would leave me one day. I guess I wanted to keep the memory of his friendship in my heart without spoiling it by the pain of losing him.

That was stupid, since I carried the pain of pushing him away and the hurt he received then with me.

I regret it because I could have missed out on this. His hands are warm on my always cool skin, and I can tell he's counting my ribs. I regret ever pushing him away because maybe I wouldn't be like this. Maybe I'd still act like I used to - apart from being a little more grown up. There's a little pang of regret somewhere in me for the losses. The loss of Seifer's warmth against my back, some nights when neither of us could sleep. We were little children, but I think... I know we loved each other, as only little children can.

And maybe if I hadn't pushed him away, I'd never have stopped eating, never become thinner, weaker. I know that he thinks he could snap me in two with just a little effort. Maybe he could.

I regret pushing him away because the love for him stayed with me. Bringing me full circle to here, where he lays beside me, his skin warm against mine, driving away the chill of the years I spent cold and lonely.

I regret that I never got to be close to him as he grew up. I regret that what I did made him push me for attention. Who knows what that could have turned into under the wrong circumstances?

I regret what I did, but I'm glad we're here now. He sits up and leans over me, pressing his lips against mine, warm and comforting. Telling me not to regret anymore.

He still thinks I think too much. Maybe I shouldn't be regretting it... after all, who knows what would have happened if things had happened any other way?