Another Anniversary
Summary: Kanan knows something is up when he feels Ezra's depression through their bond. The depression is stronger than it has been in a while. So being the good master he is, he goes to sort this out. (Post Season 2)
Kanan sat in his room meditating, reaching out into the Force to feel everything that was going on around him. Over the past several months he's gotten used to using the Force 'see' his way around. With the Force he managed to place where all members of the crew were. Hera was in the engine room, tuning up the engine probably, Sabine was in the common room, maybe painting, and Zeb's somewhat muted signature was coming from his cabin, so Kanan knew he was sleeping. When Kanan located Ezra in the nose gun however he was shocked. He could feel waves of sadness and depression rolling off the boy.
Yes, Kanan knew the boy has had bouts of depression ever since they returned from that fateful mission where they lost Ahsoka and Kanan lost his sight, but the teen had been relatively okay for the past month or so. What could have possibly triggered this round though?
Kanan got to his feet to go venture out to find his Padawan, after all, it was a
Master's duty to make sure that his Padawan was alright, physically and mentally. He quickly and carefully made his way towards the nose gun, where he knew Ezra was.
"Hey kid." Kanan said softly, trying not to startle the teen.
"Oh, hey Kanan." Ezra said. His voice was slightly broken, like he had been crying, or was close too.
"Looking at something?" Kanan asked. He still liked to know what was going on around him that the Force couldn't let him see.
"Yeah," Ezra admitted.
"Outside or on the projector?" Kanan asked.
"Projector." Ezra responded. Kanan could tell by the shift in vocal location that Ezra had turned back around, probably to look at the screen.
"May I ask?" Kanan asked.
Ezra remained silent for a while, before sighing. "It's the picture of me with my parents."
"The one with you on your mother's back?" Kanan asked.
"Yeah," Ezra answered. "It's really the only one I have."
Kanan approached closer and gently set his hands on Ezra's shoulders.
"Any particular reason why you are feeling particularly down today?" Kanan asked softly.
"It was a year ago." Ezra started. "It was a year ago I had the vision of my parents and we went to Lothal. It was a year ago that we talked to Ryder and he told us, told me, that my parents had died in the prison escape." Ezra was chocking on his words by the end, trying to hold back his sobs.
"There's no need to hold back your sobs Ezra." Kanan soothed. "Go on, cry all you need to."
Soon enough the nose gun was soon filled with the sound of the teens sobs, and the Force with his sadness. Kanan walked to the side of the seat and knelt down, pulling the teen into a much needed hug.
"You aren't alone this time kid." Kanan said. "We're all here for you when you need us."
Ezra's sobs slowly died down. "Look at me, I'm sixteen years old and crying about my parents."
"It's perfectly natural to cry about the loss of your parents Ezra, no matter how old you are." Kanan soothed, running his hand gently through the boy's hair. It had gotten quite long over the months he's been blind.
"But I mean, they've been gone for nine years, shouldn't I be over it by now?" Ezra asked.
"Kid, my master has been gone for sixteen years and not a day goes by that I don't miss her." Kanan replied.
"Maybe if I hadn't put out that transmission, they would still be alive." Ezra muttered.
"Maybe, but a lot of people would still be enslaved by the Empire. You were the spark of the rebellion Ezra. That transmission, made all this possible." Kanan said, motioning out the window to what he thought was the rebel base.
Ezra let out a slightly laugh, "The base is behind us Kanan."
"Oops." Kanan laughed. "But you get my meaning."
"Yeah I guess." Ezra said.
"Come on, let's get you a warm drink." Kanan offered.
"Alright," Ezra replied. Kanan could feel the teen following him as he made his way towards the common room. While he was talking with Ezra, Sabine must have finished and moved to her room, for she was not in the room when they arrived.
Kana made two mugs of hot chocolate, before joining Ezra in the booth.
"Thanks," Ezra said.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while.
"Does it ever get any easier?" Ezra asked.
"Does what ever get any easier?" Kanan asked.
"Dealing with the pain?" Ezra asked.
Kanan paused for a moment, thinking over his answer carefully. "No, but over the years, you meet people who can help you with it."
"Like how I met you guys." Ezra said.
"Exactly." Kanan smiled.
They continued to sit in comfortable silence, nursing their hot chocolate.
"Thanks Kanan." Ezra finally said.
"For what?" Kanan asked.
"For just being here for me." Ezra replied.
"It's my job kid." Kanan smiled.
Ezra leaned into Kanan, who placed an arm around his Padawan.
"You know, I once heard that the ones who love us, never really leave us." Kanan said. "You can always find them here." He placed his free hand on what he thought was Ezra's chest.
Ezra gave another light laugh before moving the hand up several inches to properly hover over his heart, "I think you mean here."
"Yeah," Kanan said. "Plus, your parents will always be a part of you, and all around you. They are one with the Force after all."
"There is no death. Only the Force." Ezra quoted.
"Precisely my young Padawan." Kanan said.
"Kanan, do you think, if I meditate really hard, I could feel them?" Ezra asked.
"I'm not sure Ezra." Kanan said. "The Force works in mysterious ways."
Ezra sighed, and leaned his head on Kanan's shoulder.
"You up for a little training?" Kanan asked.
"I think I'd rather stay like this for a while longer." Ezra said. "Your presence is soothing."
And Kanan knew Ezra was speaking the truth. Ezra's signature felt lighter than it had felt in months, close to how it was before Malachor. Still not as light as it had been in Ezra's height of training, but it still gave Kanan hope. His Padawan was finally recovering from all the emotional weight that had been placed on him. He stated running his fingers through Ezra's hair again, as he felt the boy slowly drift off towards slumber.
"Night kid," Kanan whispered.
"Night master," Ezra muttered as he fell asleep.
In loving memory of my father, appropriate, as it is the 12th anniversary of his death. ( December 1956 to May 4, 2004)
Or in other words a sad story for you because I am sad.
