Request: Rosalina puts on a cosmic circus, with all sorts of spectacular acts

Consider it done... half-assedly. (Just kidding, I'm a serious half-assed writer. That means I write half-assed stuff seriously. That means... uh... eh.)

Bowser flies through space nonchalantly, bored out of his mind.

Around him there were only rocks, rocks, more rocks, some rocks, other rocks, cool rocks, amazing rocks, lame rocks, and basically just rocks.

There was pretty much nothing else.

But then the lizard... reptilian thing noticed something that didn't seem like a rock, faraway. He scratched his head and air-swam there, if that was even a thing.

As he neared what seemed to be an odd sort of space house spaceship thing, he suddenly heard the sound of... uh... magic.

You know those twinkly noises from magical beings when they fly around? Yeah.

This can't get anymore ridiculous, Bowser thought.

Then a woman in light blue dress flew out the spaceship towards him.

This just got hella ridiculous, Bowser thought.

Somehow, the woman looked a bit like Peach, but seemed to be quite different.

"Welcome, good sir. What brings you here?" she asks.

The king of Koopas scratched his head. "Err... just... floating around, plotting my next kidnapping, I guess."

Suddenly, she gasps. "Kidnapping? That sounds evil. Are you evil, by chance?"

Bowser grins. "Evil? Lady, you don't know half of it! I'm a..." he says, but stops when he notices her glaring at him and felt magic in the air. Hostile magic. "...uh, did I say kidnapping? I meant I'm planning what to do when my napping kid wakes up."

The woman's expressions softened, surprised. "Oh. Good sir, you have kids too? What a surprise, I do too!"

"You do?" the giant Koopa asked. Not that I really care, but whatever.

She nods and smiles. "In fact, me and my children have been thinking about starting a traveling circus act. Would you care to observe us and, perhaps, provide some advice?"

"Circus acts? I don't got no time for that!" Bowser exclaimed. Then he rubbed his chin. Then again, I don't have any plans for kidnapping Peach right now. "...well, actually I guess I have some time."

The woman smiles and flies back into her spaceship... thing. Then she reappears with several... floating... star... things.

"What the he-" Bowser paused when the woman glared at him. "...what are those?"

"These are my children, the Lumas!" the woman exclaimed. "Oh, by the way, I'm known as Rosalina. Nice to meet you, um..."

"Bowser," the Koopa replied. "I'm the king of the Koopa race."

"Oh, how nice! A king!" Rosalina claps her hand. "All the more reason to make sure you enjoy our performance!" She and her excited Lumas quickly flew around in circles, preparing something. Then they stopped short in front of Bowser and smiled. "Alright, King Bowser! Please enjoy our show!"

Bowser clapped, hoping it'd be worth his time.

"First will be the classic disappearing trick!" Rosalina said and covered a Luma with a huge sheet. Then she muttered something, probably fake magical chants, and then the Luma suddenly flashed with light. Then, Rosalina lifted the sheets.

The Luma was... still there.

"...uh?" Bowser voiced.

Rosalina blinked. "Uh... give me a second." She hunched over. "Child, um, like I told you... you're supposed to teleport somewhere else..."

"O-oh... right. Sorry, mama..." the Luma whispered.

"Ahaha, let's, um, do that again!" she said and covered the Luma again. More chanting, more flashing, and finally the Luma seemed to have disappeared.

"...whoop de doo," Bowser muttered under his breath and clapped out of consideration.

"Thank you, thank you! Now, next I will juggle up to ten Lumas in front of you!" Rosalina said.

Bowser was still unamused. I already know they can fly, what's this lady high on?

After several seconds, Rosalina notices him staring unamusedly, but doesn't realize he was unamused. "D-do you think I should add more?" she asked.

"Uh, sure. Go for it."

It then became twenty Lumas being 'juggled'.

Bowser still didn't point out that they were obviously flying around, since he didn't want to be rude.

Finally, Rosalina pretended she was tired and bowed. "Thank you." He clapped again out of consideration. "And now, for the, um, final trick... I'll show you a beast I, uh, tamed and have it jump through this ring of fire!"

The Lumas form a ring.

Bowser blinked. "...fire?"

"Fire's dangerous, so I'm making up for it using my children."

Bowser nodded slowly. "Sure. ...wait, isn't it dangerous to have a beast go near your chi-"

"Let out the beast!" Rosalina exclaimed.

Some passage opened from her weird spaceship thing, and a giant dinosaur similar to a piranha plant crawled out.

"What is that!?" Bowser asked.

"It's a Dino Piranha," Rosalina answered. "And I shall have it jump through my fiery hoop of Lumas!"

The Dino Piranha roared. It prepared to jump towards the ring, but then it stopped running and spat a fireball through the ring. The Lumas screamed in surprise, and began flying everywhere in a paninc.

"C-children, calm down! Please, it's just-"

The Dino Piranha then roared again and began swinging its tail wildly. Then, spotting Bowser as a giant piece of yellow meat, the Dino Piranha howled and leaped towards the Koopa king.

Bowser simply kicked it up, causing it spiral towards nowhere in particular in space, eventually disappearing.

"Oh, King Bowser, you have saved us! I am grateful very much for your help!" Rosalina said as she flew to him, her Lumas cheering for him.

He stared at the woman, unamused.

"...s-so, uh... how was it...?" Rosalina asked.

Bowser raised an eyebrow. "...it was spectacular."

"R-really!?" the woman shouts, a smile breaking onto her face.

"Yeah. Spectacularly disastrous!" he said. She frowned. "I want my money back."

Rosalina frowned more. "But... you didn't pay..."

"Exactly. I'm a busy king, and I need compensation for this... sorry to be rude, but it was a terrible performance."

Feeling really bad, Rosalina looked around. "Umm... uh... I-I'm sorry, King Bowser, I'll make it up to you. Let's see, um..." She then quickly flew back into her spaceship thing. Then she came out whilst using magical power to bring several stars. "H-here are the, um, Power Stars and the seven Grand Stars... they grant lots of power and, uh, I'm sure they're important enough to compensate for your time...?"

The Koopa scratched his head. "Uh... sure." The hell? Did she just give me something extremely important? He took the stars from her, then smiled. "...thanks, lady. I'll be going now." I just thought of an amazing plan...

Rosalina bowed politely and watched as Bowser flew away. She sighed. "Well, that was a mess."

"...M-mama, that was..."

"Hm?" Rosalina looked at one of her Lumas. Then she frowned. "...wait a second..."

"...so what-a happened?" Mario asked.

Rosalina scratched her head. "Well... um... uh..." She fidgeted with her fingers, then forced a smile. "A... a giant, uh, Koopa king... attacked us and stole our power source...?"

"Drats... it's-a Bowser, isn't it...?" Mario muttered to himself.

The cosmos princess sighed with relief. Better not tell them the truth...

Meanwhile, nearby Lumas gave her incredulous looks.