This takes place 3 years after Blood of Olympus, and Leo never met Calypso.

It's hard to breathe.

I, Leo Valdez, love all of my friends dearly. Yes, including – no, especially Nico. We became very close on Argo II, and our friendship blossomed as time went by. Heck, Nico and I eventually became the best of bros, which surprised the others. A lot. But hey, not even a man could resist Leo-the-Ladies-Man! Plus, when I was with Nico, I didn't feel like the odd man out. Well, that's not completely true. I did still feel left out, on the fact that everyone else was in a relationship and rarely talked to me unless it was to fix something or complain about my awesome puns – but I felt as though Nico and I both shared that same burden of loneliness. Our relationship, if I dare say, is…

Brotastic.

But besides the moments with Nico, I didn't exactly feel, ah, content with my life. Waking up past noon, getting lunch with my half brothers and sisters, kidnapping Nico to my workshop and working on Fergus until Nico dragged me to dinner and socialized for a bit, and then tinkering/fixing or creating things until my body made me crash. Usually, at around five or six in the morning. All in all, it was a very simple schedule that I followed like a script, which I loved. It was a pattern, just like configuring numbers and pieces to fit one another. Not many people knew, besides obviously Nico, that I like to count primarily my steps when I feel anxious or overwhelmed, to be able to calm down. I also says Dios Mio! when I'm pretty distressed, and tends to listen to music hella loud when I'm stressed. It's a miracle that my ears are still functioning perfectly well. At least, that's what Nico tells me a lot. But then again, Nico is very sensitive to sound, probably due to him rarely using headphones.

Ah schist. I had a point in all of this…

Oh yeah! How silly of me to forget about my daily feeling of utter unimportance to the world and society, to the point that I question why I was born and contemplate death on multiple occasions. I honestly still regret why I actually dared to use the physician's cure on myself.

There were better people who had died in the war.

I was a bothersome waste of space anyways.

But of course I would never even think about any of this because I was always a smiling, awesome bundle of bad puns! Always trying my best to crack bad jokes. Always over talking and annoying people around me. Always making a fool out of myself to crack a smile. Always being a failure. Always being there for my friends. Always getting excited but seeing how I would bore others. Always having a goofy smile or smirk on my face. Always feeling unwanted. Always being the first to help when something was broken. Always being used when others needed to vent their own feelings.

Always. Always.

Al-fucking-ways.

Unfortunately, the stress and feeling left feeling like the only thing I could do was resort back to my freshman high school days, where I first started to choke myself with a belt. How the mighty fall, right? I came across the idea when an asshole from school got me into a choke hold and held me so tightly that made me start to see the darkness of unconsciousness, before he suddenly let me go. The peacefulness of almost falling into nothingness and the rush afterwards was exhilarating, and I desperately yearned for the same feeling again. Thus, I tried a rope – that almost went hella bad if I didn't have my fire to save me. Whoops. Then I tried regular pieces of clothing – that time, it just ripped. At least it wasn't my favorite shirt. I tried an array of other things until my awesomeness thought of a belt. Duh, it was so simple. I, obviously, took out the little prong so it wouldn't get stuck on the belt and choke me to death. I wanted the adrenaline rush, not literal death. It went fine for a couple of months, though I had to wear turtle necks quite a few times – until one of my foster parents walked into my room in the middle of my little… 'session.' Cue ten seconds of silence before she screeched and ripped the belt away from me, called 911, and I was whisked away to a psychiatric ward for about a week or two. Right afterwards, I was escorted to Wilderness School where I met Piper and Jason.

However, this time I had been doing it for almost 2 and a half years, starting almost right after the war with Gaea, and was able to cleverly hide it. Usually turtle necks, scarves, or old oil would do the trick; and, if someone were to ask how I got the bruises I'd automatically lie and say I was clumsy. People would usually eat that up. Though, not too long ago, I also started cutting my thighs, mostly out of morbid curiosity. But as it turn out, it felt strangely… good. I kept doing it, but I didn't do it often. Mostly because I actually had to take care of the cuts, and was scared to get an infection with all the things I work with. Soon after, Mr. D started to stare at me weirdly, but I shrugged it off. I knew he wouldn't say anything, unless if it were for his benefit, which I highly doubt my well being is for anyone.

I hated what I would do a few minutes after I'd do it, both with the belt and cutting, yet I never did anything to change the situation. On multiple occasions, Nico had asked, Piper asked twice, if I was feeling okay or if anything was wrong, but I would always brush it off and never say how I truly felt because I felt like he was burden on his friends. But for the record, I did try many times to confess to Nico, but the words never fully came out. Only teary eyed stares that I would, one way or another, manage to convert the situation into a joke and swiftly waved Nico off.

Nico didn't buy it, and soon visited my workshop a few days later with Will Solace, one of the best healers in Camp Half-Blood.

I raised my brow. I knew Nico and Will were pretty infatuated with each other, thanks to Piper pointing out the chemistry between them, Hazel stating how Nico would allow Will close contact, and Nico's own confession, to moi, of his fascination towards Will. But for them to both waltz into my workshop? Together!? That was just so unlike Nico! Unless…

I gasped dramatically, placing a hand over my heart. "Son novios!?"

Will gave me a confused look, while Nico blushed furiously. I smirked, glad to know that my Spanish lessons for Nico seemed to be paying off. Though, I suck at Italian. Severely.

"No, bastardo! Gods, Leo!" Nico screeched, blushing furiously.

I grinned, wiggling my eyebrows.

Nico glared and punched in the stomach, and not lightly. I inhaled sharply, and threw myself dramatically at Nico.

"Ghwahh!" I groaned, spectacularly. "Nico, you have killed me! Et tu, bro? Will! Tell my children… ugh… that I love them… Goodbye world!"

Instantly, I let myself go slack and put all my weight on Nico. Will giggled, as did I, as we watched Nico grumble, cursing and trying his best to get me off of him. It wasn't that hard for him anyways, since I was only about half an inch taller than him. Proud five foot seven baby!

When he did push me off, I giggled and asked, "So, broski, may I help you and sunshine here? Leo's Mechanic Shop is open! And free for couples." I gave an overreacted wink towards them.

Nico looked as though he was about to say something, but Will put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a serious stare. Confused, I tilted my head and gawked at their silent conversation. I waited patiently until I heard Nico sigh, and face me seriously. I quickly lost my smile. This was so not going to be good.

"Leo," Nico started. "I came here, with Will, because I'm worried about you and I feel like Will is the best one for the job. I talked with, uh, the 'gang' as you call it and we all agreed on the fact tha–"

"Whoaaaa, hold it. Where the hell is this coming from? And what do you mean that you talked to the gang, which is actually the Awesome-Bro-Group, but that's not the point of this and I am slowly losing my track of mind so please stop my mindless rambling because I am really confused… What exactly is going on?"

Will cleared his throat. "Well, Nico here seems to have some concern over your well being. To be more specific, about your… self-harming."

I froze, but quickly plastered on a fake smile.

Because he shouldn't know… that.

I laugh, nervously. "Me? Do that? As if guys don't you know me?"

"Leo," Will said softly, "Nico told me that he…"

Nico finished his thought process with, "I've seen you cutting, Leo. You can't hide it anymore."

And at that moment my brain short-circuited. Because not only did my best friend know of what I've done, but he also brought Will and the whole fucking gang in to this. Jason, Piper, Frank, Hazel, Annabeth, and Percy. Holy shit. Holy shit. They could not know. They did not know, nope, nope, nope – Leo, get your shit together. Of course they fucking know. And dear gods, they probably hate me so fucking much. I'm annoying to them, so annoying, and know they probably think I'm an attention seeker and loser. Oh gods. I felt my eyes start to sting and water, and it became hard to swallow. My arms began to shake and my breathing became ragged. I could feel Nico grabbing me and trying to calm me down, but I was too far gone at that point. My worst fear had become a reality. And dios mio, I was so fucking scared. Oh my gods. Everyone won't talk to me anymore. I mean, we barley talk now as it was but I enjoyed their company on the rare occasions we all had time to get together but Nico. No, no, no, Nico would be disgusted with me. Nico would leave. My only rock in this world, oh how scary it is to say the truth, would be gone. Holy shit. Would Chiron and Mr. D send me to another psychiatric ward? Permanently!? Fuck. …Is that why Mr. D was staring at me this whole time? Was he the one who tipped Nico off into finding me during my little session!? Fuck. Fuck.

Suddenly, I felt warm hands gently cup my face. I jerked my face up and was met with Nico's teary and concerned eyes. His soothing words, most likely in Italian, were finally able to meet my ears and slowly, but surely, calmed me down. He then wrapped me in a gently hug, and tenderly began to rock me back and forth as I continued to hyperventilate. I could see that Will had his hand placed over my back, working some of his voodoo magic to stop my little attack. Anxiety or panic? Not sure, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes. I just wanted to disappear at that moment. I didn't want to see Nico's worried face, and Will's calm, but pity filled look.

I just wanted to disappear.

After a few minutes, or maybe hours, and when my breathing returned to normal, Nico hugged me fiercely. I tensed, for just a moment, before tentatively returning the hug just as strong. It was quiet until Nico spoke up, in a broken and sad voice.

"Leo, please let me see what you've done to yourself. So we could help you… Ok?"

Now, I'd like to say that the awesome, hot, and cool moi kept it nice and chill, spilling the whole freaking truth in a dignified manner.

But I can't say that.

Instead, their stares filled with reassurance and acceptance broke the dam and I bawled loudly onto Nico, spilling all of my secrets that I kept under wraps from my friends for years. All that I've done, all of my insecurities, everything. The whole time, Nico just reassured me and rocked me back and forth, while Will tapped the floor with his finger, allowing me to count and calm. And at the end of it, my nose was stuffy and I was so tired. Out of all the times I've cried, I had never been as emotionally drained. I tiredly looked at Will and Nico and I could tell that they were the same, although Will had enough control to get us some tea that was supposed to help people calm down. Which, surprisingly, did happen after about two hours give or take.

Welp. There went my dignity. Oh wait – that crap disappeared when Nico and Will coaxed me into taking off my pants to attend to the few recent cuts. Good thing too, because it turns out that a few were infected! Oops. Although, it took another break down and promise of cake for me to allow them to do that. I felt so vulnerable and naked, yet… I felt better. It was only scarcely, but better was better.

Right?

Eventually, after a couple more talks and break downs the following weeks, I finally had the courage to allow Nico and Will to tell Chiron what had been going on. Though at first, Chiron brushed it off, not truly believing what he was hearing; however, Nico managed to make him open his eyes and see the truth. Which he did after he got a good and true look at me. Ah, how the awesome Leo had been reduced into an un-cool Leo. Literally. My fire had become dim after the war, and gods was Nico pissed when I told him that.

(I told him I thought he was going to kill me, but I'd be okay. He was consufused, so i told him, "You can only kill my if you kill me with a spear. That way, you can have soul ownership of me in the afterlife as long as it gets you from you grim state of dis-spear."

He punched me and claimed my shitty pun didn't even make sense. Psh. The great Leo always makes sense! ... But i had to agree, not my best work. Ugh.)

It took more time to convince him to allow the three of us to go get me checked out in a mortal hospital, but we managed after a few days of nagging. A few trips to the same doctor, and a few therapy sessions later, I was officially diagnosed with depression and was put on some decently strong medication. It made me feel slightly weird at first, but in time it did its job and helped me feel more like myself again. I was also supposed to meet with a therapist once a week for the foreseeable future, and was invited to go to a group therapy session with other young adults. To be honest, I did not want to go to the group therapy. Normal therapy was already awkward as hell, but Nico convinced me to go. Well, more like it turned out that Nico also went to the same group therapy because of his anxiety, though he stopped since he had been getting better but started again for moral support. I mean, I knew he had it but I didn't realize that he took medication for it and went to therapy.

'Tis a small world!

Months following all of this, I relapsed a few times. Not as badly as how I used to do things, but still enough to harm myself. Nico would always help me through it though, as did 'Da Gang.' I tried not to think about things that I had done, and instead tried to think more of the future. My friends, my creations, the ladies that love and adore me. It helped a lot. I guess my therapist does have some use after all. And thus far, I felt more alive than I had in a long time. I could finally give a genuine smile, and all of my friends have been supporting and helping me. We've had more get togethers and everyone had included me, as often as they could, in their conversations and outings. We all celebrated my 19th birthday, which was one of the best days of my life! You know, minus Percabeth, those darn lovebirds, getting engaged. Finally. Things seriously seemed to be looking up, much more than they had in years.

Yeah, yeah. I get it. The journey to recovery won't be easy and blah blah blah – trust me. I know. It doesn't take a genius, though I am one, to know it. But, I am getting better. Yes, I relapse sometimes. Yes, I break down sometimes. Yes, I take many steps forward, and then a couple back… But, I am doing more recovery than relapsing. I am getting help, and I am doing my best to enjoy my life.

I am, at last, able to control my life. The cruel and horrid thing I always thought I had no control over seemed so tame now. It felt like I had found the missing screws of a machine and fixed it up to work for me. Good thing too.

I got tired of running. And I, at last, had enough courage to fight back.

It's great to breathe.

Not entirely satisfied with this, but I really wanted to write a little something for Leo. - Also, I'm kinda stuck in my other story, thanks to moi reading the whole Heroes of Olympus series in a week. No regrets though. (✿╹◡╹)