Only Mostly Dead
It was later than Hermione was comfortable admitting when she recalled no one had gone after Snape. The giddiness and heartbreak that had overwhelmed her with the climactic end of the war was no excuse, she knew that. She should have known better. She wanted to be a Healer; her first thought ought to have been the safety and healing of the injured. And with all that blood, and Nagini's venom to boot… she could only hope that she wasn't too late.
Hermione took time only to quickly inform Ron of her direction before running off across the grounds to the Whomping Willow. She could rely on him to tell Harry once he managed to pry himself away from Ginny. Immobilizing the whipping branches of the tree, prodding the knot at its base, and sliding down into the hewn underground passage to Hogsmeade, Hermione's thoughts raced through every Healing spell that could possibly help Snape. She couldn't, wouldn't allow herself to think of him as dead. Deceased. Dearly Departed. No, D words in general were best left out of consideration. How, oh, how could she have just left him there to die? She should have recalled the passage from Magical Memory about the wandless, voluntary release of select recollections. Taking an immense toll upon the donor…momentary consciousness immediately after, followed by a deep, trance-like sleep, not unlike the effects of the Drought of Living Death…in extreme cases, requiring months of recooperation…at the very least, close observation with regular doses of Pepper Up Potion…left in no cases unattended…
And why had she not even thought to stem the bleeding? It was enough to kill a normal man, but Severus Snape was far from ordinary. She could just imagine his mockery of her, his harsh, cutting reprimand for her lack of thought. Really, Miss Granger…how very Muggle of you. I suppose there's no wood, either? And they call you the brightest witch of your age. Ha.
"No," Hermione breathed with relief. She let out a shaky, stuttered laugh, brushed her hair out of her eyes, and said, "He's only mostly dead."
Disclaimer: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Snape, Ginny, the Whomping Willow, and the closing line of dialogue all have (at least) one thing in common: None of them belong to me.
Author's Note: I don't actually recall when or how I dreamed up this little drabble, but I found it highly amusing. Princess Bride and Harry Potter crossovers are best left in the hands of the slightly more (or less) sane. If it made you laugh, let me know. If I made you frown and scratch your head, well, at least it's a reaction! Please, do review.