Most days I tried to keep the darkness at bay but there were other days that it took hold of me, creeping in on my mind like a black smoke, impenetrable by even the brightest of lights. On those days there was nothing I found comfort in, no hand to ease my suffering, no kind words whispered in my ear. I road it out, sometimes it was a few hours, maybe a day or two, after it pasted my life went on as if nothing had happened. No one noticed, and that was just fine with me. I hadn't asked anyone to care. There was one person that I let in, my father, even though he was half way across the country. In my darkest of hours he was the one that I looked to, I didn't ask for his comfort, he just knew to give it. Others had tried but to no avail. We didn't speak often my father and me, so I'm sure he was surprised when I called him that day and asked to go and stay with him.
It was just after Christmas, I didn't want to live in this place anymore, it held nothing for me, no good memories, not even a person I would miss. Since he and my mother had separated I had lived with her, I didn't ask for many things so he complied with my request without so much as a breath of a question.
So on this day, I arrived in the town of Forks. My arrival was met with a downpour, most people thought rain to be an inconvenience I on the other had felt most at home in the rain. It had a rather magical way of wiping clean the past, no matter how dirty. I hadn't given my father very much notice of my arrival; this is how I now found myself sitting in the back of a cab driving to my father's house.
My father, Charlie Swan he was a policeman. He was strong, he had a very quiet way about him he didn't speak often but when he did, everyone listened. The authority rang out in his voice, affecting those around him as if he somehow held all the answers. I knew well that he in fact didn't have every answer to every problem, I first learned this at the ripe old age of six when my mother walked out, I had few memories of that day but I heard the story enough times to know what had happened. My mother said she couldn't stand the small town life; she had gotten pregnant at 18 and married my father just out of high school. Her parents didn't support her which wasn't all too uncommon for small town people, Charlie being the man he was promised her a life of love. He would work every day to give her the life she wanted, he couldn't give her grand expensive things but he could give her all the love he had in his heart. It seemed though, that this wasn't enough for her. In her mind she just fell out of love, but I couldn't be sure she ever had really loved him because to love someone is to give them a piece of you and a woman like my mother didn't know how to give. Charlie gave all of himself to her with no question and when she left she ripped him in two. She never did see the pain she caused him; this was her big flaw she couldn't see what was inside other people.
The cab driver stopped at the house that I hadn't seen in so many years, it hadn't changed from what I could see. I stepped out into the rain and retrieved my bag with the help of the cab driver and trekked up the steps toward my childhood home. I reached up to retrieve the key I knew Charlie had hidden there for me. It was only 3 p.m. on a Sunday so I knew Charlie would be at the station. I went straight up to my old room to set down my bag. From what I could see my room hadn't changed too much, the bed in the corner, a window facing the backyard, a nightstand, and nothing on the walls. It was plain, clean, simple, and that was ok with me I didn't want complicated or extravagant. I was like my father that way. I went to my bed and sat just quietly for a minute; I looked out the window and watched as the rain fell down around the little house. I didn't know what would come of my life in the following months but I did know that here, in this town, in this house it would be better.
I decided I wouldn't bother unpacking just yet; instead I went to explore my new house. Charlie's room was right down the hall from mine, the door was open slightly I could see an unmade bed but other than that it was fairly well kept. Our shared bathroom was right by the stairs that lead down to the living room and kitchen. There wasn't much in the way of decoration upstairs but as I went down I noticed the fireplace mantle held pictures of me from when I was a baby to my sophomore picture. I didn't like taking pictures anymore; they were a bit too revealing for my taste. My memories of the past few years were crisp enough without photographic proof. The furniture in Charlie's living room was well worn but not tattered. The whole room and I warm feeling, very inviting, definitely not what I expected from a bachelor. The kitchen was another story all together; the fridge was sparse to say the least. Some moldy cheese, leftover pizza, and a six pack. I would have to go shopping later; it seemed that Charlie was much like Renee in the kitchen, clueless. My mother and I survived on takeout Chinese food and TV dinners until I was old enough to reach the stove and make us real food. I was certainly no expert chef but I could hold my own in the kitchen, I had yet to give anyone food poising. I moved into the dining room and found a small table with all matching chairs, another surprise. There were no placemats and water stains from glasses being set down without a coaster, not much of a surprise. There was a large window in the dining room that looked out to the front yard and a porch that wrapped around half the house to the backyard. This was one thing I did really like; it was covered by the overhang from the roof and a nice swing in front.
I stepped out onto the porch and walked around to the back, it was still raining but I stayed relatively dry. The air was cold and the wind from the rain whipped at my skin, I hugged my arms around myself but I didn't feel like going back inside to get a jacket. I looked out to the backyard, there was no fence, and the back of the house was right against the forest. I searched out in the forest, for what I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure how long I stood there but once I heard a car pull up I walked back around to the front and saw my father's police cruiser pull into the empty driveway. I watched my father get out of his car, pulling his jacket up around his neck to try and shield from the rain. You would think after living here from so long he would know to carry an umbrella but apparently not. He was in full uniform, gun and all. I had seen him just six months ago but he seemed to have aged quite a bit, he was only 37, he would turn 38 in March just two month away. He had managed to keep a full head of brown hair, and an equally as brown mustache. He was fit for a small town cop; all the pizza and beer must be getting burned off somehow. He ran from his car and up the steps onto the porch before looking up, when he did his face revealed his surprise; it wasn't everyday someone snuck up on him.
"Bella, darn I was trying to get home before you got here. Have you been here long?" he walked towards me and looked me over as if he was trying to assess what sort of damage might have happened in his absence.
"I haven't been here long, and I'm fine dad." I guess he thought his searching would go unnoticed.
"I never said you weren't," he tried to play dumb and that was fine with me, we both knew the truth. He stepped forward and pulled me into a hug, not something he normally did my father was many things but a hugger he was not. I wrapped my arms around him anyway; he was warm despite the chill in the air and just being out in the rain.
"Are you hungry? We could go grab some food at the diner." He suggested as he pulled out of our hug.
"Well unless you want to fill up on beer then I'd say it's our only option," he laughed as he held open the door for me.
"Been snooping already? Let me go put away some things and then we can leave." He meant his gun, not sure why he didn't want to just come out and say it.
The drive to the diner was short and fairly quiet, I liked that about Charlie, and he didn't feel the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. He did ask the normal questions, how my flight was, did I have any trouble finding a cab, normal dad stuff. The diner was called Sue's it was right in between Forks and a neighboring Native American reservation.
We pulled into a spot and made a run for the door, the rain had lightened up a bit but it was still coming down. The diner was warm and bright with a very mom and pop feel to it, Charlie lead me to a booth in the back. He sat facing the diner as if he was keep watch, the cop in him coming out I suppose. For a Sunday night it wasn't very busy but that was to be expected in small town America. I was looking over the menu when a woman walked up, she was a little older than Charlie, early forties maybe she had a sweet smile and very kind eyes.
"Hey Charlie, this must be the infamous Bella." She smiled at us both.
"Hi Sue, this is Bella. Bella this is Sue, she lives on the reservation." This was clear from the lovely russet color of her skin.
"It's nice to meet you." I reached out and shook her hand; she had a very gentle touch I could just tell she was a mother.
"How are Harry and the kids?" Charlie asked and they chatted for a few minutes, I didn't pay too much attention instead I looked out the window at the ever present rain, it was dark now and the moon was hidden by clouds.
Our dinner was pleasant, I asked questions about work and he asked if I was nervous about school tomorrow. It was the middle of senior year, an odd time to be starting a new school but that didn't matter to me. I wasn't scared of a few high schoolers, my course load would be light I had taken a lot of advanced placement classes at my old school so I was ahead of the game and most of the current students.
The drive home was quick and painless; I excused myself to my room to unpack while Charlie grabbed a beer and watched Sports Center. I didn't bring many things with me, mostly clothes and other essentials in my luggage that I brought with me and I had shipped just one box. Physical things held very little value to me after the past few years I had. I arranged my clothes in the closet and dresser, I wasn't really into fashion but I didn't dress like a slob either. I guess I put enough energy into my appearance to look presentable but nothing more. I made quick work of unpacking and was soon getting ready for bed; tomorrow was my first day of my last year in high school. The next six months would pass by, with any hope, quickly and then high school would be over and the next chapter would start, I didn't know where that would lead, but anywhere was better than backwards.