A/N: I'm bored. I decided to write this little fic. Blah blah blah.
DISCLAIMER TIME: I don't own Glee.
Wow. Short author's note….
Enjoy this fic…I guess….whatevers…. :P
"Blaine….sweetie….why are you chewing on my arm?" Kurt asks. He looks at his boyfriend suspiciously.
"YOU NEED SALT!" Blaine exclaims. He then pulls a salt shaker out of his pocket. He begins to sprinkle salt on Kurt's arm.
"Are you um….are you trying to eat me?"
"Of course not!" Blaine becomes defensive. He then takes out a stick of butter and a knife. He spreads the butter on Kurt's arm.
Kurt is very confused. "Why are you spreading butter on my arm?"
"IT'S MOISTURIZER!"
"Blaine, it's butter."
"Nooooooo! It's butter flavored moisturizer!" He takes grated parmesan cheese out. He sprinkles it on Kurt's arm.
Kurt pulls his arm away.
"No!" Blaine cries. "You ruined the balance of butter, cheese and salt!"
"What are you doing!"
"Moisturizing you arm."
"Blaine Warbler, tell me what you're doing to me?" He gives Blaine the stare.
"I have a confession."
"What?"
"I enjoy eating people."
"What?"
"It's like my drug." Blaine explains, "People are always like "Oh…doodlee doodlee doo! I'm not going to get eaten by a dapper young fellow today!" And then I eat them and it's like…haha…they're wrong."
"So are you trying to eat me?"
"Pretty much." Blaine nods. "You're like super delicious and it's lunch time, anyways."
"Thanks….I think?" Then Kurt tells the cannibal, "But you're not going to eat me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to cut off your head with a chainsaw if you try."
"Where are you going to get a chainsaw?"
"The chainsaw store."
"What if I eat you before you get to the chainsaw store?"
"I'll knife you."
"What if the knife is broken?"
"But the knife's not broken."
"But what if it was?"
"It's not."
"But I'm hungry!" Blaine whines. "Please, let me eat you!"
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Because I said so."
Blaine pouts.
"Stop it."
Blaine continues to pout.
"Go eat the mailman….just stop pouting…."
"But I want to eat you!"
Kurt groans and rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't feel like being eaten. Okay?"
"Okay." Blaine looks sad. "Can I go eat Finn?"
"Sure."
5 minutes later:
"KUUUUUUUUUURT!" Finn yells, running into the room. Blaine is sprinkling salt on his arm.
Kurt looks up from his magazine. "Yes?"
"Your boyfriend is trying to eat me!"
"Oh. I said he could."
Blaine is gnawing on Finn's arm.
Finn goes wide eyed. "WHY?"
"So he wouldn't eat me." He flips a magazine page.
Blaine then tells Finn, "Did you expect a dapper young fellow to eat you today?"
"No….."
"Awesome." He continues gnawing.
Finn walks out of the room, Blaine still trying to eat him. "I hate my life…" He groans.
A/N: it's over. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Wanna punch it in the face?
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