"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot?

The world forgetting by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

Each prayer accepted,

Each wish resigned."

-Charlie Kaufman

I blinked the tears from my eyes as I sped down the street away from the city dump. A box of her stuff dumped out in the backseat as I drove over a speed bump, I cursed under my breath but I couldn't slow down. I should know better than to speed in the rain, but I can't really bring myself to care right now. I bit back another sob that threatened to leave my mouth. It's been three months, you'd think I'd be over it by now. But today...I don't...I just... The tears started pouring out in full force, I wanted to scream. My heart ached so much, how could she just kiss him right in front of me? Did I really mean so little to her? Who was he even? My car screeched to halt at a stop light, the radio played the CD she bought me in the background.

The thought of it makes my stomach turn,

Envisioning him sliding off your shirt

And when he climbs on top,

Do you see my face and wish that it would stop?

I sucked in a shallow breath as I let the lyrics sink in. The pain was too much, it was suffocating me. I smashed my fist into the radio, the CD skipped. I ignored the pain in my hand and then continued to beat up my car, violently punching the steering wheel. I just needed to hit something.

"How could you?!" I sobbed out. I screamed and then started banging my head on the steering wheel instead of my fist. I tried desperately not to think about him with his lips on my girl, but the thought kept replaying over and over again in my mind. A few cars started honking behind me, I had half a mind to ignore them but I knew I needed to get home. I drug my eyes back up so that they looked at the road, and squinted so that I could concentrate. The song was still playing; mocking me so I threw the CD out of the window as I continued to drive down the road. I started to turn on to my street and panic snuck in. I can't...I can't go back there just to be alone another night. I puffed out an exaggerated breath. God, when did I get so pathetic? When you started to fall for her, idiot.

"Tori...look at what you've done to me." I whimpered, resting my head on the steering wheel and letting out a pitiful squeak. A tap on my window caused me to almost jump out of my skin.

"Jade...are you coming in?" Cat asked, her red hair sticking to her face curtesy of the rain. I just stared blankly at her, when did I get to Cat's? I thought I was on my street... Cat blinked at me, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Jade...you know you live in the apartment building across the street right? You said you wanted to come hang out with Robbie and I today..." Cat explained slowly, as if I were a child. I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, smudging my eyeliner. I sniffled and looked up at Cat.

"How could she?" I whimpered, busting into sobs once again.

"Jade..." Cat said, her voice so soft. My door opened and her arms were around me in an instant. Before I knew it I was in the Shapiro house, sitting at their dining table with a steaming mug of coffee in my hands. Robbie kept shooting me sympathetic looks while Cat sat across from me listening to me rant about Tori.

"I went to go make things right, y'know? Valentine's Day is coming up and I wanted to fix things...I went to Virtuoso's to apologize to her, but she acted like she had no idea who I was," I paused to take a sip of coffee and just so happened to catch the look Robbie was giving Cat. It was one of those knowing looks people gave each other when they knew something others didn't, I couldn't help but feel like I was on the outside of an inside joke or something. I quirked an eyebrow but said nothing of it.

"On top of that, some random jackass kissed her right in front of me like he's been a huge part of her life-"

"Wait what? You didn't hurt him did you, Jade?" Cat asked interrupting me. I smirked and casually shrugged my shoulders.

"He might find the breaks from his car missing, and all of the windows knocked out. But there were no physical injuries..." I said with a sigh. Cat looked at me with a disappointed expression but I simply shrugged. I swirled the brown liquid in my cup in contemplative thought.

"I finally got around to gathering up all her stuff today...after that little incident this morning, I was actually on my way to the dump. But I just couldn't do it, y'know? I spent four years of my life with her, you can't just throw that away...I don't understand how she could...she's Tori...she's emotional, sensitive, sweet Tori. She was mine-" I choked off with a sob. Pushing my coffee away, I dropped my head on the table and let the tears fall.

"Fuck it, I can't take this anymore." I heard Robbie say abruptly, then I heard shuffling and a drawer being opened and slammed shut.

"Robbie, don't. It's not our business-"

"You're right, it's not our business. It's Jade's, it's her life. She has a right to know!" He hissed, interrupting Cat. I heard Cat scoff before I'm assuming she stormed off. I felt something jab the side of my ear, so I lifted my head up to glare at the former ventriloquist until he shoved a piece of paper in my face. I glanced at it for a second before my eyes snapped back to him.

"What is this?" I asked. He just waved it more frantically in front of my face, his eyes flicking pointedly from me to the paper. I huffed and then pricked the paper from his hand. My eyes slowly read each line carefully, I blinked twice before rereading to make sure I didn't read wrong.

Dear Catarina and Robert Shapiro,

Victoria Vega has had Jadelyn West erased from her memory. Please never mention their relationship to her again.

Thank You.

My eyebrows rose and I shifted my gaze to Robbie.

"Is this some kind of fucking joke?" I hissed at him. He faltered a little shaking his head frantically.

"No, Jade, I swear they have an address at the bottom." He said, turning on his heel and following after his wife.

The next morning found me stood outside a small law firm looking place. I glared down at the paper in my hands, then back up at the small building with LACUNA INC. on the top window. I fixed my beanie, then angrily clutched the collar of my jacket before stomping through the door. Walking into the small firm, I looked around. Some of the tension melted away from my body, due to the heat in the place. I noticed first hand that this place, although small, looked at least a little professional. There was a small waiting room with crying patrons holding boxes filled with stuff in their laps. The woman at the reception desk hadn't even noticed me as she was to busy jabbering away on the phone. She was a husky woman with skin the color of milk chocolate and an intimidating face. Her desk was messy, paperwork strewn all over it. The paperwork had food and coffee stains on them, it made me scrunch my nose a little. Vega was always one to try new things, no matter how bizarre or unsanitary. I squared my shoulders then approached the desk, paper in my hand felt like it weighed more than me.

"I'm Jade West, I have an appointment with Mr..."

"Sikowitz." The receptionist offered, looking up at me for a second with eyes that seemed to cut through my soul. She tilted her chin up to me then thrusted a clipboard with a paper stained with mustard on it in my direction.

"Fill this out, and he'll be with you in a moment." She said. I made a disgusted face at her.

"Look, lady-"

"Helen." She corrected, not even bothering to look up at me as her fingers flew furiously across her keyboard. I bit down a growl.

"Look, Helen, I don't need to fill out any stupid paperwork. I just want to talk to the freakin' leader of this operation." I said giving her my famous Jade West glare, should've been enough to make her pee her too tight pants. Her eyes cut to me once more, her jaw clenching.

"Look, young lady-"

"Jade." I snarled with a hint of mockery. Helen rolled her eyes.

"Look, Jade, if you want to see Dr. Sikowitz then you'll have to fill out the paperwork like everyone else or you can just take your sorry behind home." Helen said, shoving the clipboard in my hands. We stood there glaring at each for a few moments before I let out a growl of frustration and snatched the clipboard from her. I stomped over to an empty chair, plopping down next to a woman who was snotting all over the place. I sneered at her than happened to glance over at Helen who was shooting me a smug smile. I flipped her off in response.

The questions were all dumb and useless but I filled them out anyway, just so that I could throw the clipboard at Helen when I was done. It took forever for Dr. What's-His-Face to see me. People came and went, hours ticked by, which upset me because there weren't that many people in that place and I'm pretty sure Helen was doing it on purpose. She disappeared to the back for a moment and then returned with a sickly sweet smile on her face.

"Dr. Sikowitz will see you know." She said, nodding her head toward the back.

"Finally." I hissed, jumping to my feet and stretching quickly. I shot Helen a fierce glare as I passed her, but she simply smiled at me. To make matters worse she insisted on escorting me to the Doctor's little office, that I was perfectly capable of finding on my own. Some black kid with dreads and a white lab coat bumped into me in the hallway. He gave me a sheepish smile, that I returned with a glare. I wasn't in the mood for anyone's shit today. I pushed passed him and made my way into the office. A homeless looking man sat behind a metal desk. He had balding hair that was just short of turning gray, his clothes looked tattered and dirty, the most peculiar thing about him though was that his just drinking out of a coconut. Like it was the most normal thing in the world. He smiled at me once he noticed my presence, quickly he put his coconut down and straightened up.

"Hi, Miss..."

"West, Jade West." I growled at him. His smile seemed to drop a bit at my tone.

"...Alright, Miss West, what can I do for you?" He asked. I stormed up to his desk, he leaned back frowning. Glaring into his soul, I shoved the paper that Robbie gave me into his face.

"Explain to me what the fuck this shit is!" I snarled at him. His eyes broke away from mine to look at the paper. His eyes widened as he gently took it from me. After awhile he set it down on his desk with a sigh.

"I am sorry, Miss West, you were not supposed to see this." He said, just barely looking at me. I crossed my arms over my chest and flipped my hair out of my face.

"It's not real, right? It's all just a joke? Because there's no way in he-"

"It's very real, Miss West, I assure you." He said, sighing again.

"Miss West, our files are confidential so I can't really show you any evidence but it was pretty evident that Miss Vega was not happy and she wanted to move on...We provide that possibility." He explained gently, looking at me with these sympathetic eyes. I nodded numbly, before standing abruptly. I ran my hands down my face and let out a long sigh. She wasn't happy? I mean, I know I wasn't the greatest person in the world but I gave her all I had. Was it so serious that she had to erase me from her memory completely? Seemed as so.

"Miss West, will you be alright?" Sikowitz asked standing up. I merely looked at him, before walking like a zombie out of his office.

It was dark out by the time I finally made it home. With shaky hands, I managed to fit the key in the hole. The door hit the wall with a loud thud, I kicked it shut behind me. I trudged to my bed and then dropped down on to it. I brought my pillow up to face and hugged it. The loud sobs echoed around my apartment, I cried until I fell asleep. The next morning when I woke up my head hurt and my throat was dry and sore. At work I was on autopilot, whenever someone talked to me I merely offered an incoherent mumble in response. The drive home was met with a haunting silence, I refused to turn on the radio. Stopped at a stoplight; halfway home, I made a split second decision and rushed to LACUNA. My brakes screeched loudly as my car jerked to a stop in front of the firm. Quickly I exited my car, and sprinted passed Helen. I wrenched out of her grasp as she tried to stop me.

"Miss West!" She exclaimed, chasing after me as I ran down the hall to Dr. Sikowitz's office. I nearly knocked over a crying woman as she and the doctor were just exiting the office. Helen grabbed my shirt and roughly yanked me away from the two.

"Sir, I am so sorry. She just pushed right past me." Helen started explaining, her breath panting out in short breaths.

"I want it done right away! If she doesn't have to suffer through this then neither do I!" I yelled at Sikowitz. He looked taken aback for a second, his eyes shifting back and forth between Helen and I.

"You, young lady, need to leave before I call the police-"

"No, that's quite alright, Helen." Sikowitz said.

"But, sir-"

"Why don't you take care of Mrs. Wu, goodbye Mrs. Wu." Sikowitz said handing the elderly woman off to Helen. Helen nodded obediently, but shot me a glare nonetheless.

"Miss West, would you like to come in and sit down?" Sikowitz asked, outstretching his arm and pointing to inside of his office.

"I want her erased from my memory." I murmured. He put a gentle hand on my shoulder, pulling me into his office and shutting the door.

"I know, I know. But there are a few things that have to happen first-"

"I'll do it, whatever it takes." I said, my voice shaking. Sikowitz nodded a small smile crossing his face.

"It's nothing too serious, Miss West. You just need to collect everything that reminds you of Victoria. We'll use these items to create a map of Victoria in your brain, okay?" Sikowitz asked. I nodded eagerly waiting to hear more.

"And from there we'll use the map to erase her from your memory. All the while, you'll be asleep in your own bed. And when you wake up in the morning, you won't know that Victoria Vega ever existed."

Since I already had a lot of her stuff in a box in my car, there wasn't that much left in my house that reminded me of her. Sikowitz words from earlier that day remained in my mind as I shifted through my entire apartment.

"We'll need photos, gifts, clothing, CDs she may have bought you, diary entries-"

"I'm not some stupid little fuckboi that keeps diaries laying around in my apartment." I had interrupted him, giving him a threatening glare.

"Urm, yes...well, anything that reminds you of her, we'll need. You'll want to empty your home, and your life of Victoria." He said seriously.

I opened a drawer in dresser and picked up the small scrapbook that Tori had made me when we first started dating. I flipped through the pages and felt my heart clench in my chest. All of the pictures brought back old memories, good memories of us being happy together. The way we smiled and looked at each other in the pictures, you would've never thought... I let out a broken sigh and then slammed the scrapbook close.

'She erased me first, obviously our relationship meant nothing to her.' I thought to myself before shoving all the remaining items in the box.

I carried the very full box into the firm, Helen told me to take a seat once she saw me. I grumbled to myself as I plopped down in between a busty blonde and a bitchy looking brunette. The blonde shot me a flirty smile, which I curtly ignored.

"How're you doing today, Miss West?" Helen asked from her desk, in a sugary tone that seemed forced.

"Well, my ex girlfriend erased me from her memory and now I'm doing it so that I don't have to go through the pain of missing someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about me, so I'd say I'm pretty fucking peachy." I told her in an overly happy voice. She rolled her eyes and put on a tight smile.

"Good to know you're doing great." She said dryly.

"Eat a dick." I responded. Sikowitz appeared shortly after Helen and I's little banter. He put a hand on her shoulder and then called my name, giving me a light smile. I rose to my feet and followed right behind him back to his office. I set the box on his desk and then backed away from it. He glanced at me every so often as he looked through it.

"Is this all?" He asked. I fidgeted slightly.

"Uh, not quite..." I said. I hesitated before reaching into my back pocket, my hand wrapped around the small black box. It was fuzzy and soft, and weighed like a brick in my hand. I opened it, the beautiful diamond sparkled dazzlingly at me. My finger traced it softly, my mind drifting back to what could have been. I tilted it back some getting one last look at the engraving: Tori And Jade West, always all ways

I let out a long sigh before slowly reaching out and placing it on top of the pile in the box. My fingers lingered on it for a few seconds, but eventually I let go.

"I never got the chance to...she left before I could." I cleared my throat and turned my face away from the box to look at Sikowitz, my breathing was all messed up because I was trying really hard to keep from crying. The doctor looked at me with sad eyes but let a small smile cross his face.

"Alright, let's begin."

He escorted me through the tight hallway, speaking quietly every so often. We came to a stop at a plain looking door. It swung open to reveal the black kid from the other day. He adjusted his glasses and plucked the joint from his mouth to blow out some smoke. Sikowitz shot him a disappointed look, and the boy straightened up.

"This is André Harris, he's one of our best neuro-engineers and he'll be handling your case tonight." Sikowitz said, coughing slightly either from the smoke or embarrassment I didn't know. I looked at André who grinned at me.

"Sup." He said simply, extending his hand to me. I looked at the two men skeptically. Sikowitz gave me a comforting smile.

"Don't worry, you'll be in good hands." He said, putting his hands on my shoulders and then leading me away from André.

"My name is Jadelyn West, and I'm here to erase Victoria Vega from my memory." I said into the tape recorder, glancing up at Sikowitz.

"Why don't you tell me about Miss Vega? Where did you meet her?" His soft voice asked.

"In a coffee shop in Montauk. I heading out and she was going in, she wasn't looking where she was going. She bumped into me, spilled my cup all over my shirt. Vega was always such a klutz." I smiled fondly at the memory.

"She apologized a lot, I don't think I'd ever heard anyone say sorry so many times in one sentence. She even offered to buy me a brand new cup of coff-"

There was a sudden loud noise right next to me, causing me to jump and trail off. My head snapped in the direction of the noise, a man not much younger than me looked up at me with a sheepish smile as he quickly tried to gather up the things he had dropped. I noticed that it was the box of Tori's stuff and I trained a glare on the man. Although awkward he was kind of attractive, short jet black hair and bright blue eyes. Kinda reminded me of myself.

"Be careful with that stuff." I hissed at him. He scared too easily, he was practically trembling as he stared back up at me.

"Ryder!" Sikowitz hissed. The man jumped and stood up, the box and all of its contents back in his shaky hands. He nodded dumbly then hastily made a break for the door. There was something familiar about that man, I just couldn't place my finger on it. Sikowitz let out another sigh, I swear fifty percent of this man's vocabulary consists of sighs. The rest of the time there was spent with Sikowitz telling me a bunch of doctor words that I didn't know the meaning of, then the pot head put a bunch of Tori's things in front of me and asked me to focus on the memory they brought up. After I was done there, I stopped off at a drug store and picked up some pills that Sikowitz said would help me sleep. I walked through the lobby doors of my apartment building, stopping by my mailbox. One of my creepy neighbors, Burf, stopped by and tried to strike up a conversation.

"Hiya, Jade." He said cheerfully. I glanced sideways at him as I picked up my mail.

"Valentine's Day is coming up, Sinjin and I might just stay in. Are you planning anything for Tori?" He asked. I sucked in a breath and tried to ignore the pain in my chest.

"No." I grounded out through clenched teeth. He balked as if I hit him, which seemed tempting.

"You haven't made any reservations or anything?" He asked, his eyebrows reaching his hairline. I let out a slow ragged breath.

"I'm going to bed now, Burf. Tell your creepy boyfriend to stay out of my mailbox." I grumbled, shoving the lock of Sinjin's hair he left me in Burf's face. The tanned man jumped slightly and gingerly took it from me. He swallowed and offered a hesitant smile. I glared at him one last time before stalking down the hall to my apartment. Tiredly, I threw open the door. I left behind a trail of my clothes, choosing to just sleep in my underwear. With a pill and a glass of water in my hands, I sat down on my bed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was it, no more thoughts of Tori Vega plaguing my mind. I popped the pill into my mouth the water quickly following. Opening my eyes, I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding in. I blinked a few times but I didn't feel any different. But then my eyelids started to feel heavy, and I could barely keep my head up. Before I knew it, my back hit my bed and I slipped into unconsciousness.

(A/N: Sup, guys. This is just a little something to help me get back into Jori, I've been a little out of it lately.

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, or Spotless Mind by Dayseeker.)