Canned Heat

~unicornguts

"I would like to crush you!"

Dib blinks and turns the page of his "Mysterious Mysteries" magazine before looking up, realizing that the words were meant for him. Zim was on top of the lunch table and staring at Dib with an odd look in his fake-lenses.

"...What?" Dib inquires, eyebrow raised. He looks down and sees that Zim just happens to be standing in his mashed potatoes.

"I. Would. Like. To. Crush. You." Zim says again, despite his words there were no signs of malice in his voice. It seemed more like an offer then a statement. Dib eyes him weirdly.

"Uh...No..? Now get off my tray!" Dib snaps, using the magazine to shoo Zim away as if he were a fly about to land in his soup. Zim frowns, obviously disappointed, he was sure Dib would understand what he meant.

Zim gets off the lunch table reluctantly, leaving the room and mashed potato soaked footprints behind him.

Back in class, Dib was so freaked out by Zim's words in the cafeteria that he just decided to ignore him for today. Zim didn't approve of this idea at all, deciding he would just take the empty seat behind Dib and pester him into submission.

Dib's not paying attention.

Zim smirks deviously, leans forward on the desk a bit as his hand snakes forward and grabs onto Dib's vulnerable appendage. Dib's reaction to this was turning 6 different shades of red and letting out an incredibly girly shriek. Zim finds this hilarious, his wicked cackling is hardly heard over Dib's heavy panting.

"What!...You!.." Dib stammers, cheeks going back to soft pink as he rubs his abused backside. Zim has stopped laughing, instead looking at Dib with false innocence and angelic confusion.

"Something wrong Diblet?" Zim coos mockingly, batting his eyes for effect. Dib flails his arms and shakes his head rapidly, to embarrassed to properly insult Zim. With his back against the chalk board and the rest of the class laughing at him, Dib felt like withering away.

"I-I hate you!" Dib screams face growing a deeper shade of red as he pointed an accusing finger at Zim. Zim simply looked amused at this, he watches Dib race out of the classroom.

Dib had the misfortune of running out just a few seconds before the final bell, he noticed when Zim scattered to catch up to him. He probably would have made it home in time if he had noticed the garbage can.

A banana peel, an apple core, and a shoehorn scattered across the sidewalk along with other things. Dib rubs his head with a groan, luckily he hadn't gotten anything gross on him...Dib looks up to see two familiar blue eyes staring at him.

He screamed for the second time today.

"W-What do you want Zim! Leave me alone!" Dib hisses, flailing his arms to express frustration. Zim stares with bored contemplation.

"I just wanted to exchange a few words Dib-human." Zim says casually and Dib stares at him, dumbfounded.

"Well! What! What is it!" Dib seethes.

"You didn't seem to comprehend what I was saying during..."

Dib twitches.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRUSH ME ZIM."

"STUPID HUMAN, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

Dib looks as though he could breathe fire while Zim coughed and took a minute to ponder what he would say.

"I...Love...You." Zim says slowly, looking as if he wasn't sure that's how you said it. "Or...uh...wait..no. That's it, basically."

He lets out a weak, nervous laugh and Dib's eyes are so huge they look as if they might pop right out of his head. He couldn't believe it, Zim's wacky behavior was just a way of confessing...so-called "love". Dib could feel his face heating up, he couldn't really imagine being with Zim that way...But it didn't sound so awful.

"Uh...Zim..." Dib started, scratching the back of his head and looking down.

"SILENCE!" Zim screeches suddenly and Dib jumps, "Now! I demand a...uh...How do you call it? Um, face smooshing!"

Zim clasps his hands together and rubs, a demonstration. Dib smiles a little and lets his hand skate along Zim's jaw until their lips met. Zim looks satisfied, a look of adoration in his eyes.

"Can I lay eggs in your stomach?"