Title: Chasing Normal
Author: Steph
Category: Romance/Drama
Pairings: Syd/Vaughn
Spoilers: Season 1, "Almost Thirty Years", Season 2/3 general plot stuff, Season Four, "Tuesday" and plot point from the last couple of episodes.
Rating: PG
Archive: Sure, just let me know where.
Disclaimer: Alias and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of
a love for the show and no infringement is intended.
Summary: At the train station, Sydney and Vaughn have a discussion about their future.
Note: Hey guys! Back to my S/V stuff. This is just a little post-ep for "Tuesday". I needed a conversation, so here it is. Very short. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. Thanks!
Steph
Chasing Normal: Part 1/1
Sydney and Vaughn drew curious stares from passersby as they continued to dance in the train station, but they were aware of no one but each other.
Vaughn pulled Sydney closer, as they swayed back and forth.
"I thought I was going to lose you all over again," he whispered, his breath tickling her skin.
Sydney shook her head and then put it on his shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You can't know that. No one can," he replied.
Vaughn stopped moving and Sydney picked her head up. She looked into his eyes, which were still clouded with worry and tears held back. He took her hand in his and led her back to the bench. They sat down next to each other, hands still entwined. Vaughn moved his gaze down, unable to meet her eyes.
"I sat in APO today, listening to how scared you were, watching Marshall pull you out of that grave and seeing you not move. I've never felt more helpless or been more scared in my life, Sydney."
Sydney brought her hand up to his cheek and caressed it softly. He lifted his eyes and met hers. "I'm fine. I'm right here with you now."
He shook his head. "And you were seconds away from not being here." Vaughn swallowed hard. "Sydney, I know what it's like to live without you. It almost killed me the first time. I don't think I could do it again."
"You won't have to."
Vaughn sighed heavily. "Our jobs are dangerous. We put our lives at risk everyday. This wasn't the first close call and it won't be the last."
"This is what we chose, Vaughn. This is our life."
Vaughn shook his head sharply. "But it doesn't have to be." He paused and then took a deep breath. "Marry me, Sydney."
Sydney's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. It took her a few moments to recover. She shook her head. "Vaughn-..."
"I know we said we'd take it slow, but I've wanted to ask you that question for over three years now, Syd." He smiled and shrugged, "I know this isn't Santa Barbara and there's no crooked neck giraffe in sight, but it's the best I can do." His smile slowly faded and his expression again grew serious. "We can leave this life behind, Sydney. We can start fresh. We can get jobs as professors. We can start a family." He waved his hand in the direction of the commuters. "We can be these people. Normal people going to their normal jobs."
A smile pulled at Sydney's lip at the thought. "You really want to leave APO?"
He nodded. "I've left the CIA before. I taught French."
Sydney nodded. "But were you happy?"
Vaughn moved his eyes to the ground. "My happiness had nothing to do with teaching." He moved his eyes back up to hers. "I can go anywhere, I can do anything, as long as I'm with you. Being with you, Syd. That's what my happiness depends on. I realized that a long time ago."
Sydney squeezed her eyes shut. "I can't, Vaughn."
Vaughn's jaw tightened. "Why not? Is this because of your father? Or Nadia? Syd, you can still see them. We don't have to leave to start over."
Sydney shook her head. "No, this is about me. There was a time when my goal was to eventually leave the CIA. I was always working toward it. I was waiting for the day when I could live a normal life. Then, one day, I stopped thinking about leaving the CIA. At some point, this life became what I wanted...not what I wanted to escape."
Vaughn lowered his head. "So what does that mean? If we get married and start a family, you'll stay with APO? You'll stay in the field?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do," Vaughn replied. "My father was always away because of his job and then it killed him. At least, I always thought it did, who knows now. The point is I lived most of my childhood without my father because of this job. You're no different. You thought your mother died and your father was never home. You were raised by a nanny. We both know what it feels like to grow up without your parents. Is that what you want for our children? That life?"
A tear slid down Sydney's cheek. "No, it's not. It's just that...this is the only life I've ever known. This is all I've ever done. Even with the risks, I love it, I do. It gives me a rush and it fills me with a sense of purpose. I guess I'm just afraid of losing all of that."
Vaughn met her eyes. "I guess that's where we're different then. I'm just afraid of losing you."
Sydney placed her hand over Vaughn's. "I just need some time. I want to get to where you are. I want to be able to just walk away. I want to be able to leave this life behind. I just need time."
Vaughn smiled, but it was bittersweet. "Unfortunately, time's never been on our side, Syd. It almost ran out for you today. And it'll happen again. We never know when we might run out of time."
A tear slid down Sydney's cheek and Vaughn wiped it away with his thumb. He smiled wistfully, "As I held you in my arms while we danced, I looked into your eyes, Sydney. I could see everything. I could see our first dance as husband and wife at our wedding. I could see us dancing at our children's weddings and at our fiftieth anniversary party. I can see it all in your eyes, Sydney. I can feel it when I hold you in my arms. We can have that life. That dance can be the first of many."
Sydney swallowed hard. "It sounds wonderful."
"It would be."
She squeezed his hand in hers and spoke softly. "I know you're already at that place. I know you could leave this life behind right now and never look back. I want to get there, too. I just need you to wait for me."
Vaughn smiled and pulled her closer, bringing his lips to her in a gentle kiss. When he pulled back, he whispered, "I'll always be right here waiting."
Sydney smiled and said, "I know," before bringing her lips to his again.
She then put her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.
"I love you," he whispered, so softly she almost thought she imagined it.
"I love you, too," she replied, as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent.
"Let's stay here for a while, okay," he said. "I like it here."
"So do I," Sydney responded.
She then turned around in his arms and lay back against him. Vaughn wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.
"I didn't think I was going to make it out of there," she admitted softly. "I remember thinking that your voice was going to be the last thing I heard. I closed my eyes and all I saw was your face. I felt like I was slipping away from you. I'm not usually one to pray, but I did in that moment. I asked for this. To feel your arms around me just one more time. I guess my prayers were answered."
Vaughn swallowed against the lump in his throat and pulled her closer against him.
They stayed like that for hours...until most of the normal people had come back from their normal jobs. And they imagined what it would be like to be one of them someday.
THE END
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. :)
Steph