A/N: So I wanted to write an angsty one-shot where Sam gets all the appreciation he deserves. It's kind of a "love you to death and make you cry a lot, Sam" fic, so let me know what you think! I'm not used to writing Sam's perspective, but I hope it's clear enough!
Sam snuck through Purgatory with little difficulty and slipped into Hell. The tortured screams that rose to meet him carried enough force to halt his progress momentarily. For a long moment, he almost turned and ran, but then he thought of Dean. "C'mon, Sam," he muttered. "If you fail, he's going to have to do it."
Just thinking of his brother being forced back into Hell got him moving forward. He had to find a deserving soul and raise them from Hell somehow, and despite his bravado, he had no idea where to start.
He crept along the dank, eerily lit passages, searching for a familiar face or a righteous soul until an unexpected sight stopped him in his tracks.
Two cells, side by side, were the object of his attention. Bobby was in one, and the shock of seeing Bobby in Hell would normally have staggered him, but today he only gave it a fleeting thought.
He reached for the bars of the other cell as if in a trance, staring at the lone occupant.
"Sam?" Bobby's voice distracted him momentarily, and it caught her attention too. She looked up through her long blonde hair in confusion.
"Sam?" She echoed in a choked whisper.
Sam felt his lower lip tremble. It should have been an impossible decision between the man who became his father and, well, the only woman he could ever truly love. But his decision was already made.
"I'll be back for you, Bobby," he whispered hoarsely. "I promise. We'll get you out, but-" his voice trailed off.
Bobby nodded gruffly. "I understand, boy. You do whatever you need to."
Sam nodded, mesmerized. The woman walked toward him, her expression broken. He stood, frozen, as she tentatively cradled his face in her hand. "Sam?" she asked again, emotion cracking her voice. "Sam, baby, you're real?"
Large tears were rolling down both faces continuously as Sam leaned into the touch he'd missed so much.
Bobby cleared his throat suspiciously. "Look, Sam, this is nice and all, but you need to break her out, right?"
Sam hurried to do so without taking his eyes off of her for more than a second at a time. Moments later, she was cradled in his arms, choking back sobs. He tenderly hushed her, kissing her hair in awe. "I promise, Bobby," he reiterated chokingly, sparing the man a parting glance.
Bobby didn't know if the tears in his eyes were disappointed or sentimental as he watched his boy, and his only ticket out, walk away. "If anyone deserves it, though," he admitted to himself, settling in for another round of torture. Deep inside, he knew that Sam would never be back. A fat tear spilled over his cheek. "You take good care of her, ya idjit," he murmured.
Sam hesitated before pulling her into purgatory. "I can trap your soul now so you don't get hurt," he offered, preparing to open his arm, but she laid a hand over it.
"No, Sam. I can fight, and I'm not looking away from you a second before I have to," she insisted, and Sam couldn't refuse.
He nodded and pointed jerkily. "We need to go this way."
For the most part, the monsters left them alone as if respecting the sanctity of the occasion. The two companions walked with hands clasped, not sure what to say. How do you start a conversation after so long apart?
Eventually, she tightened her hold on his hand. He glanced over at her, and she gave him a dewy smile.
"What?" he asked.
"I think you grew taller," she teased sadly.
He smiled back. "I do that a lot, you know."
She nodded and they walked on, until, "What about your brother? Is he alright?"
Sam remembered the events from the last time he'd seen her (alive) with a pang. "Yes, he's fine. A little overprotective and a lot cheesy, but he's fine."
She nodded wistfully. "That's good. I missed you, baby."
Sam sniffed conspicuously. "I missed you more," he promised.
She sniffled. "I'm so sorry," she apologized, but he cut her off firmly.
"No. This was never your fault. Don't even think about apologizing!" The air was fraught with the tension brought on by too many years of painful separation as each person tried to move past the circumstances.
She shook her head sadly. "You've changed so much, Sammy! What happened?"
He hung his head and spoke in a low monotone. "It's the life. I had to change. Sweet little boys with law degrees just don't survive."
"Sam?" She questioned him sharply. "What happened?"
He folded her to his chest in lieu of a response.
"That bad?" she questioned in concern.
He let out a shaky breath. "It's been so hard without you," he admitted, burying his face in her hair. "Maybe if you'd stayed, I could have been different. I could have been better," he tacked on before releasing her abruptly and decapitating a vampire. She was looking at his strangely now.
"What?"
"Oh," she giggled briefly at being caught before turning serious. "I was just thinking that as much as I wish I could have stayed, I wouldn't want you any other way. I don't want you to be any different." She stepped forward and cupped his face again, realizing that he was never going to just believe that. "Sammy," she almost crooned in a broken tone, running her fingers soothingly over his cheeks. He looked so fragile, so vulnerable, so weak. "Sammy, you're not broken," she whispered, the loving words flowing out of her mouth and running over the cracks in his composure, easing them open. "You aren't hated. You aren't worthless. You're perfect, Sammy. You're beautiful and strong, and I can't tell you how proud I am of you." Sam was shaking with the effort of holding back a flood of tears, but she kept going, holding his closer. "And I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to tell you this all along, but just know that now I'm never going to stop."
Sam shook his head violently, trying to step back. "But you- you can't- you-" he choked out, "you can't stay. You have to go to your heaven."
She pulled him closer. "Don't think for a moment that my heaven is not with you, Sam Winchester! Don't you ever think that!"
Sam sank onto the ground and shook as the tears finally overcame him. Floods of shame and insufficiency rolled down his cheeks as her words replayed in his mind.
When he got control of himself, he looked up and found her watching him tenderly, her dress spattered in blood.
"Wha- what?" He gestured at the blood incoherently.
She shook her head and ran her fingers through his hair soothingly. "Just another vamp, sweetie. Nothing I couldn't handle."
He smiled for the first time in what felt like forever as he stood back up. "I love you."
"I love you more," she countered, reaching for his hand.
"Not possible," he informed her tenderly.
They walked in comfortable silence through the endless forest until they could feel the portal.
"Sam." She gently pulled him to a stop.
He shook his head wordlessly.
"Sam, it's time," she argued. "You know I don't have a body up there anymore. If we're going to say goodbye, it has to be now!"
He shuddered at the prospect, then froze. "No, there's another way. Look," he placed his hands on either side of her arms, "I love you. I know I'll have to say goodbye, but not here. Please, just give me a little longer," he begged.
She nodded slowly, reaching up to touch his face one more time as he absorbed her spirit and stepped through the portal, praying with all his might.
Dean met him as the light disappeared, and he collapsed against his brother for a long moment until Cas showed up.
"Sammy?" Dean asked, worried. "You good? We need to release that soul before Crowley shows up."
Sam stepped back. "Not yet. Cas? Ready?"
The angel nodded and screwed his eyes shut as Sam pressed the knife to his arm. "I wanted you to meet the soul I rescued," he said through clenched teeth as the wisps of soul spilled into the air. "She's going to be watching over us."
The soul, in its entirety, mixed with what must have been Cas's grace, swirling until it adopted a familiar form.
Dean gasped in shock and turned to Sam, who smiled back with wet eyes.
"How did I do? Does she deserve it enough?" he asked, not questioning the answer at all.
Dean trembled and looked back at the form that was watching them both tenderly.
"It's time for me to go, boys," she whispered in an achingly familiar voice. Dean tried to speak, tried to keep her there, but his voice refused to cooperate.
Sam nodded at her tearfully, and both men watched as her spirit floated up into the sky before it was engulfed in a blue light.
Sam looked at Dean with some trepidation. "Was that alright? I know it wasn't the plan, and it was unexpected, but I needed to see her again. I needed you to see her again."
Dean crushed him into a hug before he could finish.
"Of course it's alright, Sammy. I'm glad she's safe now, for your sake at least," he choked out. The brothers held onto each other for a long time, not wanting to lose this, but they had to go back eventually.
Dean patched his baby brother up more tenderly than he had in a long time, and the tone was decidedly subdued until both brothers went to sleep.
In his dream, Dean was back in that clearing, facing that all-too-familiar blonde, but this time was different. This time it was just them, and he could speak, but he didn't know where to start.
"You know I didn't just do it for Sammy," she assured him with a smile. "I'm watching over you too, Dean. I love you."
And finally, he found the words to speak his heart.
"I love you too, Mom."