Before the worst, before we mend. Before our hearts decide it's time to love again. Before too late, before too long. Lets try to take it back before it all went wrong.
The smell of her still lingered on my sheets. A smell that made me reminisce; a smell that reminded me of both happy and sad times. I daydreamed often of that smell returning. Day after day it began to fade, reminding me she wasn't coming back. It was done. Complete.
Tori POV:
I hadn't spoken to her since that night. You know, that dreaded night where you get told 'it isn't you, it's me'? The infamous line that basically tells you: it's over. To be honest, I hadn't really spoken to anyone. Andre was getting worried, but I assured him I was fine and was just processing 'life things'. No one knew about our relationship. It was something between two souls, something that was cherished. I hoped to tell someone soon though, but I promised her I wouldn't. I was standing at my locker when I smelt that all familiar scent. It was her: Jade West.
Something was off about tonight. Jade seemed withdrawn, as if she was preoccupied with her thoughts. The couple laid tangled in Tori's bedsheets, skin on skin, after having just made love. But it still felt different. "Jade.." Tori was hesitant, she didn't want to anger the girl. "Huh?" It was obvious now to Tori that Jade really was preoccupied with something. "Is something up? You seem kinda.. off?" The girl got off the bad, wrapping a sheet around her. She looked worried, or at least upset. Tori hoped she hadn't upset her. "You don't have to talk about it.."
"I really have to be honest, because I can't stand lying anymore." Her stomach turned. Tori sat up, her eyes wide and hoping for the worst. She didn't want to show it on her face, but Jade was so good and seeing through her. "Go on.." her voice was hoarse, and her anxiety was rising. "I can't do it anymore, Tori." Tori's weakness shown through, her eyes welted and a few tears spilled over. "What do you mean?" She knew what it meant. Tori wasn't a dumb girl, this was classic breakup talk. "It means that this thing- between us- isn't working." Jades face was like a poker face. You couldn't see what she was feeling, if she was even feeling anything. Her voice was the same – neutral, bleak and sharp.
She cleared her throat, in the impatient manner, so I closed my locker door and turned to face the girl I was madly in love with. "Vega." Ouch. Jade hadn't called her that since prior to our relationship. "Jade.. uh, do you need something?" Just by looking at Jade my insides went to jelly. Her voice had the same effect that her tongue did to my downstairs. It could be soft, sweet – yet demanding and persuasive. Jade didn't reply to me, but she pursed her lips and grabbed my hand, leading to the janitors closet we knew too well.
I didn't protest because to be honest, I longed for her touch. I craved it. Anything from the girl drove me insane – eye contact, accidental 'brushing' of each other in the halls. They all fed my obsession. Jade closed the door behind me, turned towards me and studied me for a while. I could feel her eyes burning into my skin. It made me nervous. I just wanted her to say something. Anything. "I need to know if you're okay." Her voice was soft and it took me off guard.
Tori waited, prayed that Jade was only kidding. Was Ashton Kutcher going to jump out of her closet and say "just kidding, your girlfriend is madly in love with you!" But Jades face was stern. Tori swallowed hard, and looked Jade in the eyes. "Can you please leave." Jade nodded, picking up her clothing from the floor and making her way to the Vega family bathroom. Tori got up off the bed, tied the bed sheet around her and took a moment to take it all in. Silently she paced, trying to process it all. When it dawned on her, she fell down by her bed, pulling her knees up to her chest whilst she let out loud sobs. Her chest ached, like her heart had been pulled right out of her chest. Her breathing was rapid, shallow and painful.
After a while, Jade couldn't hear the noises anymore. She sat on the edge of the bathtub for the past hour, waiting for the noises to calm down. When they finally did, Jade fixed her makeup and returned to Tori's room. The girl was on her bed, a pillow tight to her chest. Jade could tell that her eyes were puffy from crying. Jade placed the sheet over Tori, her hand lingering on the girls shoulder. She had to get out of here. Without grabbing her bag, Jade ran out of the younger Vega's room, down the stairs and out the front door.
Jade's eyes were wide, waiting for a response. I shrugged my shoulders before answering. "I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" I didn't know what type of response Jade wanted. Did she want satisfaction from knowing I was suffering or was she genuinely caring? "I just.. That's great, um, it's close to class now so I suppose I'll see you around or something.." I stood there, dumbfounded, watching her turn around to leave. Absent mindedly I reached out and grabbed Jade's hand. –
We are complete opposites but I crave her. I am weak to the knees around her. Everything about our relationship is different. Polar opposites who find comfort in one another. Laying next to her, I feel like a fraud. Who am I, a peasant, to love someone like her – a queen.
Jade's POV:
Her touch was just as I had remembered – soft and sweet. I reluctantly turned back to face her. "I'm really not okay." The girl said, her brown eyes burning holes into my soul. To see her like this, her mask down, killed me. Why did she have to tell me this? Why couldn't she just lie, say everything was rainbows and butterflies. That would've made it so much easier. Much easier than looking at her face which reminded me what an ass I am. "Listen, Veg-" "Do not call me that! Do not demean me to a simple word. I am not 'Vega', I am someone you let in, someone who you slept with, someone who loved you." Tears spilled over her eyes and it immediately reminded me of when I let her go. The same pain was in her face.
Jade's hand lingered on Tori's exposed tanned shoulder. Her instincts were to lie down next to her, cuddle her and love her. The pain Jade was feeling right now was indescribable. She hadn't felt this way since she ended things with Beck, which was a long time ago. It was the pain of knowing you'd hurt someone you cared about. The type of pain that felt like a knife twisting in your stomach, or someone kicking you in the chest. She had to leave, this whole situation suffocated her. Jade didn't care if she left anything at the Vega house, she had to escape. As quickly as she could, Jade ran down the stairs and out the front door.
"Please don't cry.." I took a step towards her, only to have Tori step back. "What did I do?" Tori broke out in shallow sobs now, and I did the one thing I knew how to do. I kissed her. My hands snaked around her waist, pulling her in. I could taste the salt from her tears, which only made me deepen the kiss. Tori kissed back, hungrily and full of passion. I didn't know any other method of communication than physical love. Communicating was hard for me. I was scared – scared of saying the wrong thing, scared of being too harsh – scared of pushing people away. That's how I've been my whole life.
She ran – ran as fast as she could, down the main street, tears pouring down her face. Jade was so use to wearing a mask. Exposing her emotions was one of her biggest fears. Her relationship with Beck didn't work out because it was all physical. No communicating, just sex. Jade was scared, her feelings for Tori were strong. It took time for the feelings to develop but slowly and surely they did. She didn't know how to communicate in her new relationship, which is why she decided to ditch it. To Jade, Tori was something precious and pure. Something she didn't feel worthy of. When she got into the relationship, it was something Jade just wanted to trial. She wanted to see if the feelings were true, and they were. They were strong and growing day by day. But Jade knew it wouldn't last. No like this. Tori needed someone worthy of her, and that person, in Jades opinion, wasn't her.
Jade felt like she was lying to herself every time she was with Tori. That the girl she loved would find out the truth sooner or later. That she'd realise that it wasn't going to work. Better Jade break it off now than later, at least that's what Jade thought.
Tori pulled away from me and I panicked. "What is this, Jade.. Are we playing hot and cold?" I knew that if I wanted to be honest, get Tori out of this pain, I had to tell the truth. "I was scared. Scared of being inadequate. I can't love you, not like you deserve. And I'm sorry." I stood back, my hands over my face trying to compose myself – put on the mask everyone was use to seeing. "I'm not someone who shares feelings, someone who does the romance thing. I've only known physical love. No one has ever communicated love with me so I've never learned. I can't give you the love you deserve." Tori was silent so I continued. "You deserve someone that will know what to say when you're upset, someone who knows how to just hold you when you need it.. someone who can express love in different ways other than just physical." I shrugged, not having anything to add before the girl finally replied. "Your love.. is what I need. I don't need any of that. You don't need to be able to write sonnets, or poems and you don't need to set romantic dates. That's not you, which is why I feel in love with you." "This-" Tori gestured to my whole body. "Is what I want. I don't expect anything from you, Jade. I'm not Beck. I'm Tori, the girl with no expectations."
Tori's POV:
Jade was scared. It all fell into place – why she left, why she stayed away. Our relationship was new territory, and she thought she wouldn't be enough. Sadistically, that filled my heart with butterflies. Knowing that Jade West felt inadequate made me happy, but it made me sad also. I had no idea how to communicate my love for her in words, so I did it in Jade language. I placed a soft kiss on her lips, I pulled back for her reaction. "Why me.." The girls voice was soft, tender. I smiled lightly. "It's always been you."