AN: This is my first story that I've published. Sorry if it's not great. Also please mind the spelling and/or punctuation mistakes

WARNING: Contains triggering themes such as; self harm, bullying, child abuse and possible rape and suicide.

CHAPTER ONE

"Wimp." I looked up to see who had said it. The person was of course Jake.

"Leave me alone, Jake." I said quietly.

"What was that freak." He said as he shoved me. I caught my balance before I fell. I started running in the direction of my house. He sprinted after me and soon caught up to me. He stuck his foot out and I fell face first into the pavement.

"You really thought you could outrun me you fat bitch. A snail could outrun you." With that he curled his fist and punched me hard in the face. *What did I do to deserve this?* I tried not to cry but a few tears managed to escape. Jake of course noticed this.

"Oh look Charlotte needs her mummy, or she's just being a cry baby, crying over nothing." Once again he punched me but this time it was in the stomach. *Maybe I deserve this.* I cried harder. One of Jakes friends walked over.

"Come on mate. We are going to mine to play Call Of Duty, remember."

"Hang on Benny, I'll be a few minutes."

"Nah, lets go, this worthless piece of shit isn't worth the time." Jake agreed and got up.

"Don't think this is over, fatass." Jake said as he started to leave. As soon as he left I got up. My stomach really hurt. *At least he is gone now.* I started walking home. I didn't want any of my family to talk to me so I snuck in the back door. As soon as I got to my room I dumped my bag and curled up into a ball on my bed and cried really hard. I heard someone coming up the stairs.

"Shit!" I said as I quickly got up to lock the door. I heard the door handle rattle as some one tried to open it.

"Charlotte, open the fucking door." I recognised the voice as my dads. I didn't move. The door handle rattled again more violently as he tried to open it again.
"Charlotte what are you doing? I said open the fucking door. You better open it or I will kick it down and then you will be sorry." I slowly got up and opened the door. I didn't really want to but I had to. I didn't need to find out what would happen if I didn't. I opened the door a little and went to peer out. As I did Dad pushed it open. The corner hit me in the eye. I grabbed my eye in pain.

"You deserved that. You shouldn't have been there." As he said that he shoved me. I landed on my bed. He advanced towards me.

"Why the fuck did you go though the back door? Avoiding me are you?" I tried to think of something to say.

"No... I was-" He raised his hand and slapped my on the cheek, the same place Jake had.

"Liar. How dare you lie to me you little bitch." He moved his hand and I unintentionally flinched.

"Are you scared of me?" He said with a slight smile.

"No. No I'm-" He slapped me again.

"Stop lying! I saw you flinch." He shoved me down again. as he did we heard Mums car pull up in the driveway. Dad looked at me.

"Your lucky." He turned and left as soon as he did I got up and locked the door. *saved by Mum for once.* I went back to my bed and sat down. My mind started to wander. I felt like I couldn't breath. I unconsciously dug my nails into my palm until it bled. The pain surprisingly helped. I don't know how but it did and I felt like I could breath again.

"Charlotte, get your fatass down here now!" I heard my mum call. I went down stairs.

"Why haven't you done the dishes yet you lazy retard?" I sighed

"Why do I have to do it? Why can't Artie-" She got up in a flash and slapped me, at least it was in the other cheek this time.

"Don't you dare say something like that again you ugly self centred freak." I turned around and went into the kitchen. *maybe they are right.* I was trying not to cry. I cleared the sink of dishes and started to run the water. I put my hand in the water to test it. As soon as the open sore on my hand from my nails got wet I pulled my hand away. It stung really bad. I slowly put my hand in the water again. This time I only winced as I knew what to expect. The pain wasn't even that bad, it was almost comforting.

I held my hand under the water until the water was ready to turn off. I pulled my hand out and realized it was still bleeding. The water made it seem like there was more blood then there actually was. It was also a lighter colour as it had mixed with the water. I thought about getting a Band-Aid but I decided against it as asking for one would probably end up in me being hurt.

I did the dishes and then went straight up to my room. I was half way through getting dressed when the door flew open. *shit I didn't lock the door.* It was my brother Artie.

"Why did you ask Mum if I could do the dishes? Its your job. Your just to lazy to do it. Aren't you? Well if you volunteer me to do anything for you again I will pound you." He turned and left. I quickly shut and locked the door. I heard someone coming up the stairs. I started to find it hard to breath. Once again I dug my nails into my palm, only this time I was aware of what I was doing. It helped a little bit.

Someone tried to open the door. I quickly opened it as I didn't want a repeat of before.

"Your mother and I will be going out. You are not to leave this room, I will know if you do as Artie will be left at home."

"What if I need to use the bathroom?"

"Are you trying to be a smartass."

"No I just want to know."

"Well use the upstairs one. Straight there, straight back... Or else!" I nodded. He punched me in the shoulder. I flinched but he still managed to get me. I rubbed my shoulder.

"That was for back chatting your mother. Next time it will be worse." I nodded. He left and as soon as their car left the driveway, Artie came into my room.

"Thanks a lot. Your so fucked up I have to stay here and make sure you don't leave your room unless you need to." He walked over and pushed me to the ground.

"I could have gone with them, but no." He then kicked me hard in the stomach. I gasped for air as it had winded me.

"You are such a fuck up. I wish you weren't in this family. Your wreaking it." He stomped on my leg I grabbed it without thinking, making my stomach hurt from being moved.

"You're not needed here. I hope you die. Or something" With that he left. I slowly and painfully got up. I started to worry, I had trouble breathing again. I slowly made my way to the bathroom.. When I got in there I locked the door. I slowly slid down and leaned against the door. I was digging my nails into my palm again. It was helping but not much as before. *If pain helped before but not as much now maybe I just need more.* I sat up and went to the cabinet. I opened it and look inside. The razor caught my eye. *Maybe...* I took one and sat back down against the door. I pulled the handle off and threw it in the bin. I looked at what was left of the razor. It looked like the four little circle bits held the blades in. I got my nail clippers cut them off. I then put my nail in between the top piece of plastic and the bottom piece. I then pulled the top piece off. I could see both blades. I got them out and put one in my pocket. I held the other one. *Is this really a good idea?* I pushed that thought aside and took a deep breath.

I pulled up my sleeve of my jumper. I placed the corner of the blade on the skin just below my wrist and dragged it across. I felt relief as I felt the pain. I looked at the cut. Blood came to the surface like beads. They joined and made a drop which slowly fell over. I did it again only this time it was deeper. It didn't bead, it went straight into a drop. It dripped to the floor. After it dripped a few more times I got up and got a few pieces of toilet paper and sat it on floor where the blood had dripped. I sat back down. *Oh no... what if someone finds out.* I started to freak out again, so I once again placed the razor to my skin and dragged it across. It was similar depth as the second cut. I heard footsteps approach the bathroom. I quickly got up and wiped the blood on the floor up with toilet paper. I wiped the blade and put it in my pocket. I placed the bloodied toilet paper in the toilet and flushed it I then turned on the tap to make it seem as I had actually gone to the toilet and I was just washing my hands. I had a quick look round to make sure it looked normal, as I did I spotted the plastic from the razor. I quickly shoved it in my pocket and walked out the bathroom normally. As I walked past my brother to get to my room, he shoved me. I stumbled but managed to keep my balance. He shoved me again, this time I fell. I hit my head on the wall as I fell. The wall cracked a little. *I'm probably going to get the blame for that.* I got up. as I did I felt dizzy. I started to fall so I grabbed the closest thing I could - my brother. He shoved my hand off. I crashed in to the ground.

I got quickly got up and ran past Artie to my room. I quickly locked the door got dressed into my long sleeved pyjamas which were white with black spots. I put one blade in my bra as it was the first spot I thought of. I put the other under some stuff in my draw, I then got into my bed and curled up in a ball. I started to cry. I cried for about an hour until I fell asleep. I woke the next morning and noticed that my sleeve was blood stained. I just looked at the stain on my sleeve remembering how it felt last night, how the pain helped and what I was left with. I started to wonder how I would manage to hide the cuts on my arm for the next few weeks or so while they healed. I slowly got up and quietly went to the bathroom. As I began to undressed for a shower I banged my arm on the sink. I hissed in pain. My arm began to feel wet I looked at my sleeve and noticed there was some wet fresh blood coming through the old brownish dried blood. My arm stung as I pulled off the long sleeved pyjama top I had on. The fabric must have caught on the dried blood on my non bleeding deepest cut. It began to bleed again. I was about to hop in the shower when there was a bang on the door. I started to worry.

"Charlotte," It was Dad. "You got an hour till I fuckin drop Artie off for school. You better have you fat arse out of 'ere by then. You don't wanna know what will happen if your not."

'Y-yes Dad. I'll be out." I replied just loud enough for him to hear.

"Smartass." He mumble under his breath as he must have turned and left.

I waited until his footsteps retreated. I hopped in the shower and turned on the water. I held my hand out to test the water temperature. The cuts on my arms stung really bad as the warm water hit them. Once the water was right I got under it. I watched as the blood ran into the bottom of the shower, staining the water a rusty orangish, red colour. I was in the shower for about another ten or fifteen minutes until Artie banged on the door signalling that I had to get out.

I quickly got out and got dressed as quick as possible, I made sure I had the blade from the razor and walked out the bathroom. I walked to my room making sure Artie wasn't in his room. When I got to my room, I grabbed my bag and quickly left the house making sure I wasn't seen. I ran to school, even though I knew I would be early.

When I got to school and when to my usual spot, a tree on the back boundary of the sport fields. I decided to climb it so I wouldn't be seen by Jake. I climbed half way up and sat there. People gradually came and when to their usual spots and talked to there friends. *I wish I had a clique... actually maybe I'm better on my own - no drama*

The bell rang and everyone moved in. I waited until there wasn't many people in the grounds and went inside myself. I moved through the crowded halls as quickly as I could. I was almost at my locker when I got shoved into the fire extinguisher. I just assumed it was just a person walking past me that bumped me, no such luck. It was Jake and his mate Ben.

"You should watch where you are going, you stupid slut." That of course was Jake.

"Your walking around like you own the school. your a stupid fat whore, not a fucking princess." Ben decided to add.

I decided it would be best to keep walking, it probably wasn't the best idea. Jake stuck his foot out and tripped me. I feel to the floor heavily.

"You shouldn't have tried to run, you fucked up freak." Jake said with a smart ass tone. He then kicked me hard in the stomach. I felt like I was gonna puke. Ben grabbed me and decided to hold me up and let Jake punch me. He punched me in the stomach. Then he punched me in the ribs I heard a crack and felt my head snap back, Ben dropped me back on the ground. As my head hit the ground everything started to go blurry, everything sounded far away. Then it all went black