"Dean, just tell me. What do you remember from Hell?"

The question instantly sent Dean back to the moment that stood out the most, it was still so vivid in his mind, horrifyingly so. He wished he didn't remember anything so he could give Sam an honest answer. You don't want to know Sammy, you don't want to know. He must have been staring too long because he barely registered Sam's brow furrowing in concern as he began to relive the awful scenario wondering, for a moment, just how sick to his stomach did he look?

It was a few months before Castiel came to pull him out, that was one reason it was so fresh in his memory, the timing in his life really surprised him at times; if it were any other time, say a couple years before, then he could have had a while to forget about it. The other reason was because it was so completely unexpected and shocking, the demons knew exactly how to get to him and mess with his head.

Dean had just finished up a torture session when Alastair told him they'd be doing something new that evening, and by 'they' he meant Dean. The demon lead him from the torture chamber to a pitch black room and sat him down in a wooden chair tying his hands behind his back and to the chair itself, if anyone else had tried to do that to him in any other situation he wouldn't have allowed it but they were in Hell so there was no use in resisting. Once he was secure in the seat Dean could tell Alastair was smirking at him, thanks to the illuminating effect the demon's white eyes had, as he wished him to 'enjoy the show' before walking to the wall on Dean's left and leaning against it apparently wanting to watch the show himself.

Without warning a blinding spotlight formed itself in front of Dean causing him to shut his eyes and try to look away. Slowly opening his eyes he didn't know what to expect once his sight adjusted, he certainly didn't expect to see Sam standing there in the bright light like he was some divine being. "Sam?" he called out to him in disbelief still squinting, "What's going on?"

Sam looked at him with a blank expression, standing stiffly in the white glow, and spoke his name, "Dean." That one word echoed throughout the room, it was a simple reply but it held so much power and emotion.

Upon hearing his name uttered with such endowment Dean's chest seized and a lump caught in his throat, his heart was beating at an insane speed, it was then that he realized just how much he had missed his brother. "Sam," Dean whispered; he didn't think he could talk any louder without his voice cracking.

Sam's eyes locked with Dean's and his expression grew into one of fierce, amorous intensity as he stepped a little closer to his older sibling, "You left me."

Dean couldn't keep a tear from falling, "I'm sorry Sammy, I should have fought harder; I'd give anything to be with you again."

Sam's hands moved up to the collar of his shirt and he slowly began to unbutton it, "I need you."

Dean's forehead wrinkled in confusion to the action but he replied to the statement, "I know, I promised myself I'd always protect you; I'm sorry I failed."

"That's not what I mean," Sam breathed as he unfastened the last button and let his shirt slide down his arms and fall to the floor revealing his well-toned torso.

Dean was even more confused now, "Then what do you mean?" he asked trying so hard to keep his voice steady as he took in the sight of Sam's bare chest.

Sam took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he then brought a hand to the front of his jeans and began to touch himself through the fabric; the breath he took came out as a shuddering sigh. "That's how I need you." He slowly opened his eyes, "It's all I ever think about."

Dean couldn't breathe, he did not see this coming at all; of all the stunts Alastair could have pulled it just had to be this, a sexual image of his brother lusting after him. The feeling that overwhelmed him as he watched Sam brush his hand along his clothed member was gut-wrenching; no one should have to see a family member act like this. What alarmed him the most though was that seeing Sam stimulate himself sent a thrill through him and instigated his own arousal, he knew it couldn't possibly have really been Sam so he almost felt worse for pretty much secretly getting turned on by his brother; he didn't want to think he was actually attracted to Sam so he figured it must have been the high emotional state he was in mixed with the intimate gesture he was witnessing that caused him to feel that way.

By now Dean could see that Sam had a pretty sufficient bulge and his eyes widened as his brother went to unzip his jeans; oh god no, just god no. Dean tried to look away only to realize he couldn't, his head was being held in place by some kind of force; so when he saw Sam pull his fully erect cock free and begin to moan while gliding his fingers along the underside of it he opted for closing his eyes instead, this could not be happening he thought. The moans seemed even louder in the darkness and the sound reverberated throughout his being along with the frantic beating of his heart, then he heard Alastair's voice booming in his ears, "You will watch every second of it!" His eyes shot open against his will and he could not shut them again, he couldn't even blink, they were held open by that same force and it was causing them to water even more, adding tears to the already fallen ones.

Sam's eyes bore into Dean as he worked his shaft by gently skimming his fingertips along it, teasing himself, until it became completely engorged to the point where it was pulsating with need and cum began to bead around the tip. He moved a finger over the slit of the head and a whimper escaped his parted lips as his body involuntarily jerked, he then spread the leaking droplets along his thick length with his thumb and first two fingers until it was slick making it easier for his hand to glide along it with each desperate pump he gave himself. For every pump of his hand he met it with a thrust of his hips, his movements getting more and more rapid by the minute and after a while his knees became visibly weak due to the jolts of pleasure being sent through his body. Soon he lost all control over his mind and what he was doing, letting the sensations take over instead. He couldn't stop touching himself everywhere possible, he ran his free hand across his hip to his ass and squeezed it firmly before running it back across his hip and slowly up his abdomen until it reached his chest, he ran it across his chest while moaning making sure to circle his nipples every now and then; by then he was writhing and groaning relentlessly in his not so private moment of elation.

Dean didn't have any choice but to see everything that was happening in front of him, he saw how badly Sam wanted him, how much he lusted for him; he saw what Sam wanted him to do to him. Just the sheer fact that it was Sam, his own brother, the person he grew up with and protected his whole life, who felt like that towards him disturbed him beyond comprehension yet also provoked something in him that urged him to give Sam what he wanted. No matter how much he tried to deny it the tension of such a taboo act actually excited him, just thinking of Sam really needing him in that way for years or even just months before his death brought forth a reaction from his own member. So as he watched the image of Sam thrusting into his own hand incessantly he pictured Sam pounding into him instead, letting Sam use his body to act out his desires, he pictured his own hands running over his younger siblings' body feeling every rippling muscle beneath his fingertips, he pictured his tongue circling Sam's nipples instead of him using his own fingers; he wanted to literally be what was causing Sam to groan and convulse in satisfaction because he knew that's what Sam was thinking as he fucked himself and he wanted to fulfill the fantasy. But it didn't set well with him at all, it felt wrong, so utterly and completely wrong and he'd never felt more sick in his whole sad, fucked up existence.

Sam brought Dean's attention even deeper into the severity of the situation by crying out as he neared his orgasm, his moans were now practically yells of extreme elation and Dean had never seen a more intensely bliss-filled look on his brothers' face; and as his body began to grow ridged, every muscle in his body tightening, and his movements became sporadic Dean's name formed amongst the catastrophic cries as the pleasure became unbearable and he came with shuddering relief.

Just from witnessing the scene before him Dean felt acute heat, want, and tension build up in him to the point where he thought he was about to erupt with explosive need. To Dean's surprise, without even touching himself or being touched, he too came with catastrophic reprieve; and as he did so the room shook with tremendous force as though an earthquake had derived from the sheer energy they were exerting.

When the room stopped its movements the light emanating from Sam vanished and the room was filled with complete darkness. Feeling utterly alone after the intimacy he had just experienced Dean screamed Sam's name at the top of his lungs until he felt faint; he wanted to puke, cry, and tear his flesh from his body he was overcome with so many emotions. But as soon as he saw the white circles shining through the black surrounding him he remembered that he was not alone, Alastair was still with him.

"It seems you enjoyed yourself," the demon declared cruelly, cackling, "This is the point of death, to see things you couldn't see before, to feed your mind the unknown. You had no idea your own brother wanted you in such a vulgar, blasphemous way…but now you do. The question now is do you regret never realizing it when you were still alive to take action or are you so disgusted that you have to live through eternity knowing how Sam really felt, either way it's torture."

It was torture. For the remaining months he was in hell all Dean could think about was how he wished he had known, was he really so blind? He thought back on all of the highlighting moments he had with his brother, were there any signs? Would have he wanted Sam then as much as he wanted him now? But, also, what if it wasn't true and Alastair was just messing with him? The only way he could know for sure was if he asked Sam but there would be no good way to go about doing that and it was too late anyway. These thoughts had consumed his mind.

Dean was snapped back to the present when Sam grabbed hold of his shoulder, "Hey Dean, are you alright? You look like you're about to drop."

Slouching Dean looked up at Sam disoriented, "Yeah…I'm fine…it's just that when I think about what happened…" he shook his head not knowing what to say, "It's just unbearable."

Sam didn't like the tired, confused, and sad look on Dean's face and wanted desperately to ease the strain within him, "Here, why don't you sit on the bed?" He asked leading his brother to the bed and sitting down with him. "Please, I want to know what's going on in your head, I can't help if I don't know…just…tell me."

"Sammy…"

Sam saw discomfort and hesitation all over Dean's body, "Whatever it is I can handle it, it can't really be much worse than anything we've already seen."

"Oh, you have no idea," Dean laughed bitterly. Again Sam touched him, this time on his bicep, causing him to flinch. When Dean looked into Sam's eyes what he saw was pure love, but what kind of love? He looked deeply into those eyes needing to know. He was trying hard to assess what was going on, was the touch more than just a touch?

"You know you can tell me anything, all we really have is each other, if you don't tell me then who are you going to tell?"

"No one, I never planned on sharing it."

Sam squeezed Dean's arm tightly at a loss for ways to convince Dean to open up. "…Please."

Dean's heart was about to burst, he didn't want to tell him but keeping it to himself was killing him all over again. He could barely breathe and his heart began to pound, he felt too close to Sam but at the same time not close enough, he wanted so bad to give in. He moved an unsteady hand over to Sam's leg, "I can't hold it in any longer…I know it's wrong but…what I saw…"

Sam didn't expect the hand on his leg and the look in Dean's eyes but it surprising mirrored how he felt in that moment, needy, wanting, scared, erratic. Subconsciously Sam pulling Dean closer, "What?" he breathed, "What did you see?"

"I saw what you wanted…" Dean exhaled, his head was foggy and he couldn't help his hand from wandering up Sam's leg to the highest point possible.

Sam inhaled sharply, "Oh my god…Dean…"

And that was their cue, it was all their brains needed to tell their bodies to close the distance and share a heated kiss. When they pulled apart both men were panting and elated.

"So it's true?" Dean whispered breathless.

"Yes."