Title: Tangled Webs

Rating: K (may change later)

Author: tika12001

Summary: "Well, you really messed up this time Janie." Jane takes a deep, shuddering breath. She doesn't say anything in response. "What are you going to do to fix it?" She shakes her head. "I don't know, Frankie. I... I just don't know."

Disclaimer: not mine, make no money, boo hoo :-(

AUTHOR'S NOTE: okay, so many of my regular readers will know that I like to experiment with different styles of writing, and this is yet another experimentation. I've written this backwards. You'll see what I mean. Anyways, I THINK it makes sense but I'm the author, not the reader, so please let me know what you think. But just so you know and you're not reading this going wtf? haha! Oh and the italics are just... there. To create ambience or whatever. Anyways, enjoy :-)

EXTRA NOTE ADDED: What I meant in the above note is that each CHAPTER will be written backwards! Jane freaking out and leaving is not the end of the story, I promise. :-)

(and apologies for the delay in everything... life has been super mega busy lately!)

R&IR&IR&I

It's like... dropping something. A bowl, a plate, hell, even a porcelain ornament. You glue the bowl or plate back together, but you can still see the crack. You glue the head back on the ornament, and even if the join is so tiny that it's barely visible, you know it's there. That it's weakened. That, maybe, if you dropped the plate, or bowl, or ornament again... the next time there would be repairing it. The bowl would be shattered, the plate in too many pieces, the ornament unrecognisable, and you would mourn.

You would curse yourself for dropping it the first time; promise yourself you'd be more careful.

But you'd drop it again, perhaps because having clumsy hands is your lot in life now, perhaps just because you were never meant to own anything as precious as that bowl or plate or ornament in the first place. And it would be ruined, because that's what happens.

Because if you take advantage of the things in your life... of the people in your life... you eventually lose them.

R&IR&IR&I

"Well, you really messed up this time, Janie."

Jane sighs. She continues to trace random patterns into the crappy Formica covered table, and steadfastly refuses to look into Frankie's eyes. There's nothing he can say that will make her feel worse anyway.

Nothing he can say will make her feel better either.

She takes a deep shuddering breath, holds it for a few seconds as she bites her lip while her tongue dances behind her teeth. Her tongue has a million excuses, a million explanations, but her lips and her brain will not let her tongue speak the lies. She knows better than to lie to Frankie.

No, correction. She now knows better than to lie at all. To anyone. She won't lie. Not anymore.

Lies just get you into trouble.

What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive...

She says nothing.

"What are you going to do to fix it?"

Despite herself, she feels a certain leaping sensation in her chest... if Frankie believes it, maybe... but she pushes it aside.

"I don't know, Frankie. I... I just don't know."

R&IR&IR&I

It's like... the moment you first get handed a special gift. It's so special, so precious, that you're scared. You're scared to own something so magnificent, wonder if it can possibly be really meant for you. You wonder if someone's made a mistake.

You're so careful with it that your hands become extra clumsy, simply because you tell yourself that you mustn't.

Mustn't drop it, mustn't lose it, mustn't touch it too much, mustn't let it get dirty, or soiled, or ruined, because it's so special, so wonderful and can it really be meant for you?

Could someone really trust you with such a precious gift as this?

It's like that moment where you wonder if you're dreaming, wonder if it can really be real, because it's a gift almost beyond your dreams. It's a gift you've only just barely allowed yourself to think of, because you never thought it could come true.

It's like that moment when you shut yourself off to the possibility even when it's shoved in your face, close it down because the thought of it not being real, not being yours hurts so damn much that you have to.

It's like that moment where you hurt someone inadvertently, just to stop yourself from hurting.

R&IR&IR&I

"Tell me what happened."

Jane breathes out slowly, wipes ineffectively at her dry eyes, pushes back at her wet hair. She wants to cry, she wants to cry badly, because maybe that will help to loosen the invisible noose that's been gradually tightening around her neck these past few hours.

She can't cry though. It's like she has been denied the ability, denied it simply to make her feel worse.

Jane wonders if it's possible to feel worse than what she's feeling now.

"I fucked up." The words are hollow, harsh, unforgiving.

"How?" Frankie's voice is quiet, soft, unassuming and non judgmental.

It makes her feel worse. He should be loud, he should be assuming, he should be judging. Doesn't he know this?

"I ran."

"You ran from what?"

Jane sighs, sits down at the table, begins to trace random patterns on its surface.

"She kissed me. And I ran."

"Why?"

Jane drops her gaze from his. "Because... it felt too good to be true."

R&IR&IR&I

It's like... being stuck inside a horror film. You know that every move you make will be the wrong one. You know that you are not the heroine, you are not meant to survive.

Now it is simply a question of how long you can stay alive.

You want to freeze in terror but it simply means you will die sooner. So you run. You don't look behind you... looking back will slow you down. You just keep running.

But this isn't something you can run from. You are not meant to survive this tale of horror.

You run anyway.

R&IR&IR&I

"Where are you?" Jane yells into the phone, holding it up to her ear as she wrapped her arms around her body. Frankie's reply is almost drowned out by the rain pouring down outside the telephone booth Jane has ensconced herself in, but she can still hear the bewilderment in his voice.

"At home, why?"

"Come to the Dirty Robber. Now."

She doesn't bother waiting for a response, knows he will do as he's asked, simply because it's she who asked and she moves out of the phone booth and stands outside the bar. She barely notices the rain that pours down endlessly from the sky. It is a never-ending waterfall that drenches her to the bone, and she feels she deserves nothing better.

She knows she has fucked up, but she can't go back yet. She was not the brave one after all.

Maura was far braver than her.

"Jane, what are you doing? Let's get inside!" Frankie's voice jolts Jane from the other world she has lost herself in only seconds later or so it seems, and she allows him to usher her inside quickly, move her to a table where she stands silent and dripping as he sits down.

"What happened, Jane?" he asks, and she looks down at him, gasps for air softly. Frantically pulls at her jacket, because she feels like she can't breathe. He helps her out of it and then asks again, "What happened?"

She looks at him, opens her mouth, but nothing comes out.

She doesn't know where to begin.

R&IR&IR&I

It's like... Christmas. And Easter. And birthdays, and holidays, and snow days and it's all rolled up into one and it feels so goddamn amazing that you know, you know, it can't be good for you because anything that's as addictive as this can never be good for you.

You know it's not good for you, and yet you can't stop, you can't stop, you're addicted to the taste, the smell, the sheer sensation of it all and you know that you will never, ever top this high.

You're flying without ever leaving the ground, and it's like Heaven on earth, and marshmallows in hot chocolate, and Christmas in July, and peanut butter and fluff... it's like all of those and any other of those millions of things that shouldn't go together but do and are so freaking good that you just can't... you just can't.

It's like the most incredible thing on earth, and you just know that something as sweet and as good as that... could never have been intended for you.

R&IR&IR&I

"Jane?" Maura's voice is soft, questioning as Jane's eyes widen almost comically. She leans back. "Is everything okay?"

It's not; Maura must know that it's most definitely not okay. Jane pulls away completely, breaking the hold that Maura had of her hips, completely destroying the delicate touches and hold she had of Maura's neck.

"You... you just..."

"I just...?" Maura continues but she doesn't look upset. On the contrary, she almost seems amused. "I just... what?"

Jane gapes at her and retreats to a safe corner of the kitchen, well out of arm's reach. "You just..." she stops, flounders for the words, "kissed me!"

"Technically," Maura purrs, approaching Jane predatorily, "we kissed each other." Maura suddenly stops dead in her tracks and looks at Jane in growing concern. Jane wonders if the sheer terror she is feeling is displayed on her face for the whole world to see.

The whole world, of course, being Dr Maura Isles.

"Is everything okay?" Maura asks again, but there is no amusement in her voice this time. She sounds scared. "Did you... did you not like that?"

Jane stares at her with wide eyes. What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

"No. No, I didn't!"

Jane grabs her shoes and runs. Sometimes it is easier to run than to face the truth.

R&IR&IR&I

It's like... finding an amazing outfit. Or shirt, or pants, or hell, even shoes. It's like finding that one item that is so brilliant... so versatile, so comfortable, so perfect for every occasion... that you don't actually wear it.

It just stays in your closet, gathering dust, because what if you wear it this time, and another, even more special event, comes up? You can't wear it twice in a row surely... even you know that. And you don't want to ruin it.

It's too special for that.

But then you see someone else wearing it, someone else rocking the look, and you feel a wave of jealousy sweeping over you. Everyone is complimentary to that person, the person wearing your outfit, and no one ever realizes that you could have been the one to wear it first.

Had you been brave enough.

Had you been confident enough to step outside your own front door, wearing it proudly like a badge of honour.

You could have had the outfit first, you could have had the outfit always, but you waited too long, and now the opportunity is gone.

R&IR&IR&I

The two glasses clink together in Jane's hand as she awkwardly holds the bottle in the other and knocks on the door with her elbow. When Maura opens the door, Jane grins at her.

"Thought we'd celebrate."

Maura frowns in confusion as Jane pushes past her and kicks her shoes off, immediately heading over to the couch. "Celebrate?"

"Hmm, kinda looks like rain, don't you think?"

Maura shakes her head, refuses to be distracted. "What are we celebrating, Jane?"

Jane pops the cork on the ridiculously expensive wine bottle in her hand and begins to pour some for herself and Maura. She is careful to only pour to the height Maura had previously informed her was acceptable. Once done, she hands a glass to Maura, careful to use her left hand to hand it over.

Maura's face shuts down when she sees the ring. "Congratulations," she says flatly and Jane laughs, shakes her head.

"Look closer."

Maura has turned away and it takes a bit of prodding on Jane's part for her to turn back again. When she does, Jane can see a suspicious sheen of wetness covering her eyes. She doesn't say anything though, simply holds out her hand once more. Maura sighs finally, looks down, and Jane smiles giddily when she hears the gasp.

"I said no, Maura! I said no!" Maura's holding her hand now, holding it in between both of her own, greedily taking in the sight of Jane wearing the ring that she herself had bought her six months ago for a birthday present. Jane is staring at her, waiting for a response. She knows it was a bit cruel to trick Maura this way, but her reaction was just as Jane pictured it and she can't bring herself to feel too bad, especially when Maura looks up at her with eyes shining with happiness. She waits for Maura to say something, a million words dancing on her own tongue to explain her decision, explain her choices, but Maura says nothing. Simply steps forward, hands reaching out and grabbing Jane by the hips. Automatically, Jane's arms swing up to loop gently around Maura's neck, and she barely has a second to wonder what's going on before their lips meet and they are kissing.

And it's the best damn thing Jane has ever experienced.

END Part One/?

Hi, me again! I think this will be a two parter but I haven't written the second part yet... if this gets a good reception, I will try to have it up in a day or so. If not, it might take me longer... (hint hint, reviews make me write quicker! lol) Let me know what you think of this though please! Hopefully it makes sense! :-P

Much love to you all! -tika