Hope and Lies
She twirls, oblivious to the eyes watching her blatantly, her laugh tinkling above the heavy bass and turning more heads towards her energy. Her balance amazes you in her impossibly high red boots, bouncing to the beat so enthousiastically her dress - which makes you think of naughty sailor girls - dances upwards revealing pale skin above the white lace of her stockings. Intrigued, your body leans towards her as a weed strains towards the sun, and marvel at her scandalous innocence.
When you look closer you can see her flaws: her crooked teeth, parched lips which crack as she smiles (beams) again and she's a size ten with wobble on her thighs. But despite this – or maybe because of this – you can see her almost vibrate with life, her sheer joy in being, drawing you in and pulling out reluctant smiles and hope.
I wish I were her.
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[His arms tighten around her as he sleeps and she smiles, not quite wanting to face the world yet without him. He jerks himself awake – legs kicking and arms splayed as if he stumbled in his dream – and she muffles her giggle in her pillow. She feels him turn to bury his face in her hair, to breathe in her scent and whisper (with stinky morning breath) 'I love you' in her ear]
Reality crashes in when her alarm abruptly yanks her from her dreams. She glances across whilst curling her arms tighter around herself, wryly realising he stole all the doona again. (He can't even give me that ) He grunts at the noise - a primitive sign of acknowledgement she is well familiar with- but does not leave his slumber as she reaches over him to slap at the alarm. She slides slowly from their bed, hoping against hope she'll feel strong fingers wrap around her wrist and hear the words she longs to hear. She shuts her eyes and her dream man whispers again those three words in her mind but never never out aloud anymore. Her chest tightens, and she breathes through the pain and all she can hear is… nothing.
She stares at the blade – sharp, but not too sharp and still clean. Running her fingers across the fading ridges on her skin invokes images and feelings tied to each scar. She finds a clear area, yet untouched, and presses slowly with the blade. Saliva floods her mouth as bile rises and she clamps her jaw shut, refusing to be weak. She hisses as first blood is drawn; instinctively flinching away from the pain but determination keeps the blade steady. Noises roar in her head as the bile rises again and she welcomes the reprieve from the constant silence in her head as she scars herself once again to mark the passage of time and failure.
Music blares from the two innocent buds in her ears and he glares half-heartedly at them, mumbling something about potential hearing loss, but she shuts her eyes and won't listen to all the words he wishes to say. Shut out again, he grimaces as he glances around their room - bright yellow clashing vibrantly with the rich purple bedspread where they were once happy - and he silently screams. She looks so incongruous in this light-hearted room – like a wickedly sharp black thorn on a budding fresh rose. He can't understand what he did, didn't do, said or didn't say but he knows he'll pay for it later anyway when she throws herself at him, tugging at his belt with only bleakness in her eyes.
He's the only thing keeping her from going under.
And when she thrashes in her sleep, he just holds her tighter and whispers he'll protect her forever if only she'd let him in a bit because she's his life, soul, breath and everything amen.
When she wakes to the bleeping of her alarm, disorientated and naked, he pretends to be asleep. He wants to dream a little while longer of the girl who danced with life and happiness, the girl his wife used to be.
until death do us part
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Author's note:
This is much shorter on the screen than it is in my head! It's rather disjointed as they were originally separate stories that I scribbled in my notebook but developed into just snippets in the end. Although I'm not a big Twilight fan (I've seen the movies on obligatory girly days, and read the first book) but I'm enthralled by the fanfiction work on the characters. So I hope it sits right that the girl is Alice on her not-so-happy days, and a cynical-not-fitting-character Jasper. (if only because I like their pairing - sorry Jasper for mutilating your character!)
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