Memoirs of Maria Mackenzie







1st Jan - A new start

4:00 pm - Decided to write in the diary Auntie Maggie got me for Christmas.
So, in diaries, you write about your day. Okay. Well, today I went to Church, then met up with my mates.
Well, that's just boring, innit? I know you're a book but even you must be bored by that. Who wants to hear about what Maria Mackenzie does on her days? I'm hardly an international superstar with legions of fans. And what's the point of writing in a book if I'm the only one who will read it? Unless it gets published one day, like Anne Frank's diary dod. But she had a very interesting life. The high point of my life is getting to sleep in.
I'll get to sleep in tomorrow. Rejoice.

6:00 pm - New Year's Resolution:
1) Get a boyfriend; but get one by being nice, pretty and generally fab, not by being a slut.
2) Get good results in every exam; don't get them by cheating.
3) Be nice to super-bitch Alison Marvell; however, am allowed to laugh at her when she's not looking.
4) Talk more to Jesus; have been ignoring him lately.
5) Study more of the Bible and stop skipping to the bits everyone expects you to know about, like the Sermon on the Mount.

2nd Jan -Got new book.

2:00 am - Met up with mates at the local cafe, Greenrods. Noticed Jezebel was wearing very short skirt that looked more like a belt than anything else. Loads of boys were whistling at her. Pervs. Why do teenage boys only ever think about sex? There's more to life. Like shopping. True, I've never had sex so it could be fantastic but if it were so amazing, everyone would have sex all the time and never do anything else, so maybe it's overrated?
Or am I just being an ignoramus? Who cares?
Jezebel said, "Maria, what are you wearing on your lips?"
Red lipstick. I was going for the vampy look.
"You look like Alison Marvell, only without the blonde hair," Nora said. I wiped my lipstick off quickly.
Jezebel gave me her copy of Revelations as mine was torn since I'd been reading it very un-carefully.
"Don't you need it?" I asked.
She just looked at me. "I'm an Atheist."
"Why have you got a copy of Revvie if you're an Atheist?" asked Nora pointedly.
Jezebel used her napkin to hit Nora. "Because I read the Bible before I became Atheist so I knew for sure it was the right decision, dummie."

2:30 am - Reading Revvie, and it's awful depressing. Think I'll stop reading it now and read something else instead.

2:31 am - No, perseverance..Must read Revvie. I must read to the end and it will be a reward in itself.

2:34 am - Reading Elle magazine. Ooh! Pink heels!

3rd Jan - Argument with Lucifer.

1:00 am - Am being kept awake by Satan telling me to go downstairs and get a cookie. Bloody moron. He knows I'm on a diet.. he knows I have a weakness for Maryland cookies. But I shall resist him. I'll sing Away in a Manger. Even better, I'll sing You Drive Me Crazy. Nobody likes that song.

1:20 am - Then again, Satan did write that song.

1:21 am - Lucy's waving images of cookies in front of me. I wish he'd stop. So hungry.

1:34 am - Praying to God to give me rest. Climbed back into bed, pulled duvet over my head, shut my eyes tight and tried to forget about the cookies. I will forget, I will forget, I will forget, I will forget, I will, I will, will, will, will.

1:48 am - Mm, yum. I'd forgotten how nice Maryland cookies are. Mucho yummy.
If I were Homer Simpson, I'd be screaming 'd'oh' at this minute.



To be continued....?