Kingdom Hearts: Stranded
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom hearts. But I do own a plate of old fashioned sea-side crackers with digestible ketchup centers.
A Basinga Productions
Wolflink93: Hello everybody! And welcome to my first Kingdom Hearts parody. This is end game spoilers. Where Sora and Riku (After the Xemnas fight) are stuck on that island. Well… what if they were stuck on that island for more than 5 minutes… This is the humorous way it would have happened.
After the Xemnas fight…
We can see our two heroes sitting on the beach of a deserted island. Staring out at the sea, wondering if they were going to ever get home.
"Are we the darkness yet?" Sora asked turning towards Riku.
"I don't think so…" Riku said, looking over at Sora. He then looked back at the ground and picked something off it.
"Hey look—"Riku began to say, with Sora looking over towards him, catching his attention.
"A rock…" Riku finished.
Day 2
We can see our two heroes still sitting there, on the beach. But you can see Sora writing something in the dirt.
"Hey Riku—" Sora said. Riku turned his head in interest of what Sora was writing on the ground. He saw the word Xemnas on the ground.
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearrange the letters in the name Xemnas…" Sora said, now writing down something else. "You get Mansex." Riku then looked over the letters and found Sora to be right.
"Wow… I never noticed that…" Riku said, awed.
"I think he was gay… He kept saying my name over and over when it was you, me, Donald, and Goofy fighting him. Xaldin did the same thing." Sora said.
"Maybe they weren't just an Organization of Nobodies. But an Organization of Gays." Riku insisted.
"I don't think they were all gay… Xigbar didn't seem like it. Saix might've, it seemed like he was kissing Xemnas' ass. Axel seemed like he was gay for Roxas at least it seemed that way to the fangirls." Sora said, shivering at the word fangirls.
"Wait doesn't the Organization have a girl member." Riku remembered.
"Oh yeah… let me see what her name was." Sora said, taking out Jimminy's 1 inch journal. "Her name is Larxene… here's a picture of her." Sora said showing Riku the picture of her.
"She's kinda hot…" Riku commented. Sora then looks at the picture.
"Yeah I'd smack that." Sora agreed. Sora's stomach then grumbled. "I'm getting kinda hungry."
Day 3
Our two heroes were still on the on the ground with a hand on their stomachs.
"I'm hungry Damn it!" Sora said, smashing his fist against the ground.
"Hey look—"Riku began to say, only to be interrupted by Sora.
"Yeah I know! A freakin' rock!" Sora angrily yelled.
"No look…" Riku said, with Sora lifting his head up only for his eyes to widen in surprise. Right behind Riku was a table made out of rocks. With a turkey dinner lavishing the table. Riku seemed to be wearing a chef's outfit, also made out of rocks. Sora hurriedly got up and immediately dove into the food taking a big bite out of the turkey.
"No don't that's—"Riku yelled out.
"Even the turkey's made out of rock!" Sora angrily yelled, spitting it out in distaste.
"That's not the food! That's a replica! The real food is over there!" Riku said, pointing to an exact replica of the turkey dinner across a large gap, which seemed to go to the bottom for miles.
"Well, how the hell are we going to get that!" Sora yelled angrily. "And why weren't you trying to get it!"
"I was satisfying my artistic hunger first. Then I was going to figure out a way to get the food." Riku said, defending himself. Sora squinting his eyes at Riku; got behind the table, and shoved it across the gap, with superhuman strength, making a bridge out of it. Sora then walked across it and proceeded to eat the dinner.
"My art of rock!" Riku cried, suddenly holding a guitar, and wearing a white afro. Sora, not caring, was still eating the dinner.
Day 4…
"Hey, Riku." Sora said, with Riku looking over at him.
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever wonder why were here?" Sora asked Riku.
"It's one of life's mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a god watching everything? You know with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man. But it keeps me up at night." Riku answered. There was an awkward silence, with Sora breaking it.
"What!? I mean why are we out here, sitting on this beach!" Sora yelled surprised.
"Oh, uhhh, yeah." Riku said embarrassed.
"What was all that stuff about god?" Sora asked curiously.
"Uhhh, nothing."
"You wanna talk about it?" Sora asked concerned.
"No!"
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Seriously why are we out here?" Sora asked his question again. "As far as I can tell we are just on a beach in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."
"Yup." Riku said, agreeing.
"So why are we just sitting here doing nothing?"
"… We have no way in or out?" Riku said. Sora then saw something out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey who are those blue guys?" Sora said, pointing to blue clothed versions of him and Riku, holding a sniper rifle, with the Blue Riku looking out of it. They then noticed they had just been spotted and scurried away, never to be seen again.
"That was weird…" Riku said.
"Must have been some cosmic coincidence." Sora said, smirking, with Riku scowling.
Day 5…
The two heroes were still sitting their… Doing nothing…
"Heh heh… Pooh…" Riku chuckled. "What kinda name is Pooh?"
"Hey don't make of Pooh!" Sora scolded.
"Why just because your friends with him?" Riku said.
"He's pretty cool… Except I can still remember what Pooh first said to me." Sora said.
"Why?" Riku asked.
"Cause it reminded me of a line to a commercial.
Flashback… What was going through his mind when he met Pooh for the first time…
"So what are you thinking about?" Sora asked.
"I'm thinking of a way to say goodbye to Pooh." Pooh said. Only for everything to freeze in time, with the sound of a record skipping. A narrator then started talking
"Are you also looking for a way to say goodbye to poo?" The narrator asked. "Have you felt you just couldn't go? Well, worry no longer. Buy Goodbye to poo laxatives. And if it doesn't work Pooh guarantees your honey back, guaranteed." The narrator finished.
Flashback end…
"Heh heh… Pooh…" Sora chuckled.
Day 6…
We can see our two villains I mean heroes, yet again, sitting, bored.
"Hey look—"Riku began to say, getting Sora's attention.
"A faggot…" Riku finished, pointing to a bundle of sticks right next to him.
Day 7…
"Hey Riku… I just wanted to let you know something." Sora said, getting Riku's attention.
"Yeah, what is it?" Riku asked.
"I'm…" Sora paused taking a deep breath. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." Sora stopped singing, with a confused look on his face. "What was I just doing?" Sora asked Riku, scratching his head.
"You were Rick Rolling me." Riku answered.
"I was?" Sora asked wide eyed. Riku nodded. Sora then fell on his knees. "My god… I'm boooooooooooreeeeeeedddddd!!!" Sora yelled, his hands raised towards the sky.
Day 8…
"How long have we been out here?" Sora asked.
"Eight days." Riku answered, making another mark on the ground.
"I don't want to be the darkness anymore!" Sora screamed, he then suddenly grabbed Riku by the collar. "The darkness is boring! I need entertainment! Did you hear me RIKU!" Sora yelled, shaking him, with Riku nodding franticly. Sora then dropped him on the ground, with Sora twitching and foaming at the mouth.
"16 bottles of beer on the wall, take one down. And kill your friend with it!" Sora sang crazily. "There goes batman!" Sora yelled out, falling on the ground, making a sand angel and laughing maniacally. Riku then got off the ground and smacked Sora across the face.
"Get a hold of yourself man!" Riku yelled. Sora then looked normal again.
"Thanks Riku…." Sora said, walking away.
"No problem…" Riku said. Several hours later. We can now see Sora sneaking up behind Riku with a bottle of empty beer in his hand, wearing a batman costume.
Day 9…
We see Sora sitting on the beach. With a broken beer bottle on the ground, with a shredded batman costume right next to it. Riku had been gone for several hours, and Sora was starting to wonder where he was. Sora stood up, stretched, and walked off to find Riku. After an hour of looking, Sora saw a giant rock in front of him, which had colorful letters all over it that said things like. "Riku's rock. Keep out!" Sora looked behind the rock to see Riku hunched over making jerking motions, along with a grunting noise.
"Ew Riku!" Sora yelled out. With Riku looking over at him, alarmed, showing that he was holding two stones, with a faggot right in front of him.
"What!? I was making a fire!" Riku said.
"Oh… sorry…" Sora said, waking away going back to the beach.
"Now time to get back to business." Riku muttered, then the screen faded to darkness, but you can hear the faint sound of a zipper coming undone.
Day 10…
Now both of our heroes were now back, sitting on the beach.
"Are we ever going to get to go back home?" Sora asked.
"Who knows?" Riku said, sighing.
60 years later…
Riku and Sora were now in their 70's and were both sitting in wheelchairs made out of bundles of faggots and stones. They were still by the beach, talking.
"There goes batman again." Sora said slowly, like an old man.
"What!?" Riku said.
"I said there goes batman again!" Sora repeated.
"Shut up dick!" Riku yelled.
"My names not Rick!" Sora yelled back.
"I said dick!" Riku corrected.
"Yeah I remember him! His name was Mansex… or something like that!" Sora yelled.
"What!?" Riku yelled out. There was a silent pause.
"Did you say something!?" Sora yelled.
"What!?" Riku yelled back.
"Huh!?"
"What's that!?" Riku yelled, lifting up a boney figure to a bottle that was floating up shore.
"No, were not going fishing!" Sora yelled. He then noticed the bottle.
"Is that a bottle!" Sora said, picking up the bottle and taking out a letter from it. He then squinted to read the first line.
"Dear Sora." Sora read aloud, handing the paper to Riku. "I think it's for you!"
"You're Sora dumb ass!" Riku yelled.
"Tell them I'm not here!" Sora commanded.
"It's a letter! Not a phone call!" Riku informed.
"Well, then tell them I'm in the shower!" Sora yelled.
"What!?" Riku yelled.
"What were talking about again!?" Sora yelled aloud.
"We were talking!?" Riku said. Riku then looked down at the letter in his hands. "Hey look! A letter! I wonder who it's for!" Riku said, he then read the first line. "It's for you!"
"Tell them I'm not here!"
"It's a letter!"
"Fine! I'll talk to them!" Sora said, grabbing the letter and reading it to himself. A door to the light then opened up in front of them.
"Is it time to go!?" Riku yelled.
"I think so!" Sora said, putting on some goggles, and wrapping a scarf around his neck, with Riku doing the same. They then wheeled themselves toward the gateway, and were off the island. They were now falling straight into the ocean with a blue light surrounding them, as their scarf's blew in the wind. Kairi then pointed up to the sky with Donald, Goofy, and Mickey looking up, they all appeared unaged.
"They seem kinda' different." Goofy commented.
"They seem older." Mickey said. "They must have been there a while."
"A looooong while." Donald said. Riku and Sora were now wheeling themselves up to the beach. Kairi then bent down and said to Sora.
"Your home!" Sora then looked up at her, smiled, and said.
"What!?"
Wolflink93: And that's the conclusion to Kingdom Hearts: Stranded I hope you all enjoyed it and got a few laughs from it. And as you can see I made a reference to a certain show. Now please Review and tell me what you thought of it.