After All
He was buried in that damn shirt.
Supposedly, it was his favorite, no matter how identical it looked to his fifty billion other long sleeved, pitch black sweaters. Kyo would whine that he bought the younger man plenty of expensive clothing, and they weren't as torn and tattered as that stupid thing, but Haru would simply smile, his eyes would glaze over in some foreign memory, and that would be the end of it.
There was no reasoning with the stubborn ox, and no matter the occasion -fancy or casual- if it was cold enough, he could be seen wearing it. At least, Kyo decided with a huff, he allowed the ancient thing to be washed, and any knicks to be repaired.
He understood that the sweater meant a lot to him, he really did, but other than that, he realized that he would never grasp why anyone would hold onto old things that reminded them of old memories. He'd never had the luxury of a perfect moment, and he sure as hell didn't need a keepsake to hold the memories of his childhood.
That's what it was, right? Haru's mother had passed a few months after they got hitched, and the cat just figured she'd given it to him as an early wedding present. Why else would he cling to it as a child clings to a teddy bear?
"Haru really loved you, you know."
Yuki muttered after the reception.
"You meant the world to him."
His large, amethyst eyes were red and puffy, dark circles shadowing the shallow caves of their sockets. Kyo nodded and tried to smile, but it appeared as more of a grimace. He felt like saying something, but any response was killed by the acid, boiling in his stomach and rising into his throat. This wasn't the end, it couldn't be. Haru couldn't be dead, he was only thirty years old.
"But he is."
His mind would tell him eventually, and soon after, he would finally let himself break down, Yuki standing by his side, holding his shoulders as he sobbed, and shook, and retched. Like a brother, like he had promised as Haru's best man, he held the orange headed man close as he broke, and forced down his own tears, because, really, Kyo deserved more than anyone to cry.
Later, as they sat in a secluded room, deathly silent as Kyo and Haru's lawyer paced the room, the cat's rouge eyes lingering on the box of possessions lying on a desk in the center of the room, it seemed as if things were never going to get better.
"Mr. Yuki Sohma?"
The rat nodded slowly, barely sparing the man a glance.
"Mr. Hatsuharu Sohma wished to leave you the following items, writing that even though you won't appreciate them at first, they make great space-fillers."
He paused, and Kyo could swear he saw the silver haired boy chuckle.
"The items include: one Playstation 3, The Godfather: The Don's Edition, God of War II, and Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, along with controllers for Playstation 3 and Guitar Hero III, on the condition that you will still let Mr. Kyo Sohma play whenever he wishes."
As Yuki scoffed, the orange headed boy actually laughed, remembering all the years of playing video games with Haru, and somehow, always dragging a grumbling Yuki in when the other got tired.
Minutes passed as the lawyer named off everyone on the list. Shigure recieved all of his smut back. Tohru, a small sum of money to put into her twins' college fund, and others got anything the ox thought held some sort of sentiment to them. Kyo waited patiently, though he already knew what he was getting. He and Haru weren't officially married, obviously due to the laws that prohibited it, but Haru promised to leave him their estate, their pet cat, the majority of their savings, the cars (at least, the one that wasn't totaled in the crash), and a few other choice items.
When the time finally came, he signed all the papers, and was handed a smaller box that lay inside the one on the desk. He opened the door with his elbow, stepping out into the cold December air, and pulling the lid off carefully. Inside was a picture of the ox and himself (the former wearing that goddamn sweater), the watch he'd gotten the other man for Christmas, a pair of handcuffs that made him blush furiously, and a note that smelled like Haru.
He spotted a concrete bench just outside the parking lot, and sat leisurely, setting the box down to his left, and not quite caring enough to place the lid back on. The paper crinkled as he unfolded the corners. The wind picked up, and gentle snowflakes brushed his face, as Haru's sloppy handwriting appeared under the folds of the paper. Tears tickled his eyes as Haru's scent become stronger, and he scanned the page hurriedly.
'Kyo, baby,'
It read in thin, black fountain pen letters.
'You know I love you, I know you do, and I'm sorry I left you like this. Some type of accident, right? You're always telling me to be more careful; I should have listened. God, you always know the best for me-'
The orange headed man cupped a hand over his quivering lips, shoulders shaking as tears poured down his face.
'but you know me, always reckless and stupid. I never understood how you could be reckless, but still smart enough to watch out for yourself. It drove me crazy, but you know, that's why I love you. Everything about you is crazy, and it drives me crazy. It's an amazing feeling.
Anyway, I know I left you an assload of stuff back at the house, but I decided to put all the important things here, in the box with this note. I know you remember the watch, and how it stopped working about an hour after I opened it, but I still wore it anyway. I just enjoyed knowing that I'm not the only one who fucks up, you know? The handcuffs are from that time I tried to talk you into the whole bondage thing, and you left me stuck to the bed for a few hours after we were finished. You're such a cruel bastard, you know that? I guess I deserved it though, and the sex was amazing.-'
Kyo could feel his cheeks flush through his fingers, and his lips tried to smile.
'Did you notice my outfit in the picture? I'd bet money that you did. That was at Ayame and Miine's wedding, and I remember how you scolded me for dressing so casually. You always asked me why I liked that shirt so much, but I knew the answer was way to corny to say while I was alive. Do you remember the first time we made love? I couldn't find my shirt the next morning, so I "borrowed" one from your closet. I'd never seen you wear it before, and you sure didn't seem to miss it when it was gone. So, I guess I just never gave it back, and as the years went by, I promised myself that I'd make as many memories with it as possible. So.. if I ever lost you.. well, you know. I just wanted to remember you any way I could, because Kitten, you mean the world to me.'
The paper floated to the ground, and Kyo curled into himself. This time, there was no Yuki to hold him, and no Haru to tell him it was all going to be okay, but as the words of the note floated inside his head, he realized, someday it would be.
The thought still didn't stop the tears.
fin.
--
I just finished watching 'In the Land of Women', and it leaves you with an inspired feeling, because nothing gets resolved in the end, but it gives the sense that someday, everything will be okay.
I dunno. Surprisingly, there are people in my life who have seen more movies than me.